I can't tell the difference between love and infatuation

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by Eulogy

Oh?

i was thinking of her particular situation. you know, being an active drug addict married to a drug addict and most likely her new partner is also a drug addict

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by Eulogy

And the idea that it never working for people in your experience is irrelevant and misleading. Every couple you've ever known that isn't married or still together had the relationship end. Presumably you don't blame that on their monogamy.

isnt it sad that the moment you get into a relationship with someone you are most likely dooming yourself from future friendships if the romantic relationship ends

[Eulogy]

Originally Posted by reprise85

isnt it sad that the moment you get into a relationship with someone you are most likely dooming yourself from future friendships if the romantic relationship ends

I don't know that that is as close to a universal truth as it is often assumed. But yeah it is weird to think about how you can have such a close connection and then it just dies. Culturally we should be better about break ups (um, I am not an authority on this having never experienced one, so my two cents is worth nothing here).

As for ilp, her problems are many. But I don't think being in a poly relationship has to be considered one of them. Hell, maybe the new guy isn't a drug addict.


He's probably a drug addict.

[The exploding boy]

Yeah i have never known anyone advertising their relationship as polyamorous. Apart from like....on forums and such and while i may say i am sheltered, i'm not really that much (i was in my early adulthood0, i mean i've always moved through very liberal circles. If i've known people in polyamorous relationships, they didn't say (honestly if i was with a couple and they'd tell me this, i'd probably take it as a come on "so...we're polyamorous")

I think it's fine, i really don't judge it, i just don't see it working for me. I'm not a possessive or jealous person at all by any standards but....well i draw the line at sleeping with other people. i suppose that's conservative and probably means truly i'm insecure or some shit but....that's how it is.

I also have to say that to me, the moment i start SERIOUSLY thinking about sleeping with other people, i'm afraid it's probably because i'm not into the relationship that much anymore. By seriously thinking i mean like basically knowing that if the opportunity arose i wouldn't turn it down (which actually never happened but there was one relationship where by the end i was wiling to do it with someone else and likely would have if they'd been willing, but other than in thoughts, i've never actually cheated on anyone). I don't mean just like finding someone else sexually attractive, because of course that happens all the time.

[Eulogy]

If you're not possessive or jealous why do you draw the line there? I'm not criticizing you for desiring monogamy I just think people need to think about these things a little deeper.

And jealousy doesn't disappear with open relationships. People just admit it and process it and recognize it doesn't need to destroy the relationship.

[Eulogy]

And monogamy isn't "conservative" or anything. People want what they want and knowing yourself is important.

[The exploding boy]

Originally Posted by reprise85

isnt it sad that the moment you get into a relationship with someone you are most likely dooming yourself from future friendships if the romantic relationship ends

I kept friendly with all exes until i ended up with someone who wasn't ok with this. Which yes, is my partner. Not that it's really a big deal. We didn't really hang out or anything, but i was still in contact. Then realised it wasn't worth the trouble if my partner was gonna worry herself about it (kinda ironic since when in philly her roommate is her ex who she was with for like 15 years... but she has jealous tendencies, I dont, i actually like the guy and consider him a good friend and to her he's like family..pretty much the only one she has left). Also, there's two exes that truly didn't deserve me keeping in contact with them because really they were pretty shitty people and she made me realise it. That being said, i am still friend with one and even hang out with her, even just us two together, and gf is ok with that. I think its because i specifically mentioned before that while we lived together for 2 years, i was never in love with her.

[The exploding boy]

Originally Posted by Eulogy

If you're not possessive or jealous why do you draw the line there?

Well yes i have just THAT much jealousy in me. This is when it'll come out i guess.

You know, i was in a relationship with a girl i didn't love (as mentioned above) and she cheated on me twice (while she actually WAS in love with me but i think that makes it forgivable because that kinda really fucked her up, the fact we still lived together and yet i couldnt say i love you...i hate myself for having done this and thankfully us still being friend, i was able to tell her this) and yet it hurt me a lot. And i wondered why, and i realised this, what hurt me was the lying, the plotting, the doing in my back thing, thinking i was just that much a dummy i wouldn't know (i did have to find out by myself) more than the fact she'd slept with someone else. On the other hand, if she'd came up to me and said so i want to sleep with this guy, is this ok with you? I don't know if i'd have said yes even if i wasn't in love with her... feelings are complicated.

[Rairun]

I only have one ex, and that was 11 years ago. We aren't super close anymore, but not because of the breakup - we just kind of grew apart. But I still think of her really fondly.

The thing is that I can't really tell the difference between close friendship and romance. It's all the same to me. Whether it is sexual or not is beside the point. I think one of the reasons why I turned out this way was that the first person I fell in love with was my best friend. After a lot of soul searching, I got used to the idea of loving people without being the single most important thing in their lives. Then you grow an appreciation for the things that make them happy, even if they don't i-n-c-l-u-d-e you.

[reprise85]

Yeah I have the same issue I think. Like my current sort of infatuation (that I talk about in the thread about people you like being terrible) I feel attracted and she is really sexy for lack of a better word but I 1) don't think she'd be into me and 2) I'm not really even thinking of her sexually, it's more just me noticing it. But then I get confused... because I don't normally think that way about people.

[darby]

all this polyamory talk makes me want to watch jules and jim

[The exploding boy]

I think on the same topic by the same director (and author) that les deux anglaises et le continent is better.

[darby]

oof

[darby]

del

[Mals Marola]

Originally Posted by Eulogy

It seems like this is one of the last things otherwise accepting people feel like they need to be judgmental about.

Different things work for different people. It is just not that complicated.

I would never be in a poly relationship because I don't think it would work for me. See how that works, trots

Originally Posted by Eulogy

And the idea that it never working for people in your experience is irrelevant and misleading. Every couple you've ever known that isn't married or still together had the relationship end. Presumably you don't blame that on their monogamy.

ha, yer right about the first thing - surely that says something about the act itself? i mean, yeah i take the position of "it's not fine for me but i could care less that other people do it" but there is an involuntary reaction i've got to the thought of it... not really "disgust" or anything just an instant thought of having to share that kind of love. maybe i'm just selfish

the second thing though, i'm wondering if i do or have actually known people in this kind of situation & they were either very cunningly hiding it or being so "jokey" to the point where you didn't actually suspect they were in 2+ person situation

[Trotskilicious]

Originally Posted by Eulogy

Different things work for different people. It is just not that complicated.

I would never be in a poly relationship because I don't think it would work for me. See how that works, trots

yeah and i don't like IPA and think notre dame sucks

[Dogfighter28]

I woke up one day and hoppy beers tasted awful to me. It's like I lost my tolerance to them like someone would to lactose. My tastebuds aggressively reject IPAs. Anyone else have this?

[Trotskilicious]

i started hating ipa right when i thought the fad was over about 3-4 years ago and what's funny is now i'm already getting a taste for hoppy again but i prefer it not to be overwhelming, more like a good pilsner

it really annoys me how IPAs just flood the craft brewery market, maybe it's the places i go to but i always feel like ALL the craft brews have a IPA but any other kind of ale that doesn't have fruit in it you're fucked

its funny because i feel like belgian beers are trending and i was into that for a while but now it's so over

portlandia_spike.jpg

[yo soy el mejor]

hoppy

[Mals Marola]

hoppy, hoppy beers

[Sonic Johnny]

Originally Posted by Trotskilicious

i started hating ipa right when i thought the fad was over about 3-4 years ago and what's funny is now i'm already getting a taste for hoppy again but i prefer it not to be overwhelming, more like a good pilsner

it really annoys me how IPAs just flood the craft brewery market, maybe it's the places i go to but i always feel like ALL the craft brews have a IPA but any other kind of ale that doesn't have fruit in it you're fucked

its funny because i feel like belgian beers are trending and i was into that for a while but now it's so over

portlandia_spike.jpg

Hey trots would you be interested in doing a craft beer swap? Like I'll mail you a mixed sixer of my favourite Aussie microbrews and vice versa?

[Starla]

would like to get two husbands and have them call each other brother husbands...

[Trotskilicious]

can i do that legally?

[Trotskilicious]

cuz i would, austin texas is doin well at making craft brews tbh

[Order 66]

i drank nothing but iPAs until i brought some to a party and everybody started spitting it out and telling me whyd i bring it. then i took a sip and i was like yeah this is kind of horrible. and it really was and i never bought any again

i was brainwashed

[Trotskilicious]

i feel like at some point when our generation discovered alcohol a bunch of dudes decided that stuff that tasted horrible was the manly way to do it and now we here

arrogant bastard makes undrinkable garbage

[Trotskilicious]

dogfish head overcharges you for 4 bottles so that you can completely ruin your tastebuds for a month

[Mals Marola]

i never liked ipas or understood why people would drink them/encourage them

dark & FRUIT lager, please!

[Trotskilicious]

fuck yer grapefruit ass bullshit

[Mals Marola]

i was talkin more this



i'll send you a case for some premium shiner