I can't tell the difference between love and infatuation

[Jerry's Ray]

Originally Posted by vixnix

That is limerance though I reckon, invasive thoughts causing upset is a surefire sig of limerance

http://www.match.com.au/magazine/art...-Or-Limerence/

I guess I stand corrected. Im basing my opinion on one specific guy I used to know and my supposed "limerance" with this specific gentleman came quite a while after I got to know him. and I don't really see how its only love if its requited. This love I felt for him was very different to the usual crushes or limerance that Ive had with other guys. And I didn't obsess or have fantasies about him... I just loved him a lot.

[vixnix]

I would say that limerance is having pervasive thoughts and strong feelings ranging from euphoria to despair, and love is when year after year despite how old and ugly they get and despite their mistakes and failures, you still want to hear about their day and run their feet....but I'm not an expert! Except that there hasn't been a lot of divorce in my extended family and my own parents are still married...I think of love as been that less glamorous, more 'adult' force, that allows you to forgive and prompts you to be loyal after 10 years of fidelity, etc.

[slunken]

What's up netphoria I'm looking to get my dick wet 2nite

[duovamp]

Originally Posted by scottytheoneand

why do guys think that by doing something nice for a woman or acting respectful or simply being a friend that it means the woman will want to get with them?

Because it's obvious the only reason we're nice to them is for sex. They're worthless as friends and basically every other function of a human.

[The exploding boy]

Originally Posted by slunken

What's up netphoria I'm looking to get my dick wet 2nite

Take a shower.

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by vixnix

Naw, it was just a joke really... The two of us tend to pay forward a lot of our therapy advice, but you know more because you're studying psychology and you've had more of an interest, so I was just displaying my genuine deference to your superior knowledge and I thought it was a humorous way to phrase it.

Hmm, okay. I don't think I know more than you do though.

[vixnix]

Nah you definitely do... You have YouTube talks on the differences between disorders! I watched one once and was really impressed. You're really well informed.

[reprise85]

I have a crush on someone from work, kinda. I've been having dreams about her. She is smart, pretty, and awesome. But she is taken and also probably not interested in women. So I'm just her friend, and that's cool. She's very charismatic... I mean, she tends to attract people to her, you can tell just by how people I work with act around her. But she does seem to want to be friends so that's cool.

I had another sorta crush on someone else from work and now we are friends.

I wonder if it just happened that there were two people in a row like this, or if I'm somehow changing to have crushes more often.

Before this I only had one real friend so maybe it's just the way I react when someone is friendly to me and I don't know the difference? It's really confusing.

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by vixnix

Nah you definitely do... You have YouTube talks on the differences between disorders! I watched one once and was really impressed. You're really well informed.

lol yeah, i took those down. i do know a lot about dissociation but i think those videos better showed my own dissociation than anything :P

[vixnix]

Were your parents affectionate and did they show friendly interest in you?

I think it's hard for those of us whose main experience of closeness and being found interesting, involve sexual contact. I struggle to walk the line between friendship and sexual contact a lot. I think if we're not used to having good friends then being sexually interested is our default, it's really hard.

Could you join a social baseball team or something? It might go away once you're back in classes again.

[Starla]

I want to be friends, but I don't really want to be friends.

[vixnix]

Originally Posted by reprise85

lol yeah, i took those down. i do know a lot about dissociation but i think those videos better showed my own dissociation than anything :P

Well I thought the one I watched was very informative and easy to understand., it was really helpful.

Looks like we posted at the same time...definitely say something to your therapist I reckon. Might be the next social thing to work on, long term...I have just come out of assertion training and now people are telling me to shut up about the crap I think, so obviously I have more work to do there haha

[sppunk]

If it's love she'll let you put it in her butt.

[Elphenor]

LOVE IS FOR THE WEAK

[vixnix]

That is not even close to being true. And if it's love you will be ok with missing out on things that she is not comfortable doing with you.

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by vixnix

Were your parents affectionate and did they show friendly interest in you?

I think it's hard for those of us whose main experience of closeness and being found interesting, involve sexual contact. I struggle to walk the line between friendship and sexual contact a lot. I think if we're not used to having good friends then being sexually interested is our default, it's really hard.

Could you join a social baseball team or something? It might go away once you're back in classes again.

Affectionate, no. Friendly interest? Sort of. I mean I had recreational activities and they asked me how school was, sometimes. We went through cycles of never talking much and my mom trying to get us to eat dinner together and stuff.

You have a good point with the sexual contact/closeness thing. Even my good friend I have now, when we became friends again after I moved back here (10 years ago), I at first had a crush on him. But now everything is fine and has been for a long time.

Complicating this is also the feeling that no one would be sexually interested in me ever, except perhaps someone who is a sexual predator. Part of that is low self esteem related to my weight and part of it is related to my past sexual predator experience.

These are good problems, at least... better than wondering how I'm going to get drugs today or if I'm going to kill myself or not. So I'm not complaining

I'm going to be super busy when school starts again, no days off except some holidays. But I am planning on trying to find a time every week to volunteer somewhere. Plus my classes are small, so maybe the more personal classes will help me make some friends.

[vixnix]

Ok so I was going to quip 'besides, only a slut will take it in the butt' before thinking the better if it, and then I googled that exact phrase because I figured somebody might have made a funny internet meme out of it, and then came across this:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/defin...nnel+butt+slut

So...is that a real thing? Because that sounds terrible, if it is.

Apparently many women who have given birth end up suffering from anal incontinence. So I will probably end up that way myself. These fragile bodies of ours, eh. And the things we do for love.

[slunken]

Originally Posted by Starla

I want to be friends, but I don't really want to be friends.

unf

[sppunk]

Originally Posted by vixnix

Ok so I was going to quip 'besides, only a slut will take it in the butt' before thinking the better if it, and then I googled that exact phrase because I figured somebody might have made a funny internet meme out of it, and then came across this:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/defin...nnel+butt+slut

So...is that a real thing? Because that sounds terrible, if it is.

Apparently many women who have given birth end up suffering from anal incontinence. So I will probably end up that way myself. These fragile bodies of ours, eh. And the things we do for love.

It was a joke ... like the thread itself.

[vixnix]

Originally Posted by reprise85

Affectionate, no. Friendly interest? Sort of. I mean I had recreational activities and they asked me how school was, sometimes. We went through cycles of never talking much and my mom trying to get us to eat dinner together and stuff.

You have a good point with the sexual contact/closeness thing. Even my good friend I have now, when we became friends again after I moved back here (10 years ago), I at first had a crush on him. But now everything is fine and has been for a long time.

Complicating this is also the feeling that no one would be sexually interested in me ever, except perhaps someone who is a sexual predator. Part of that is low self esteem related to my weight and part of it is related to my past sexual predator experience.

These are good problems, at least... better than wondering how I'm going to get drugs today or if I'm going to kill myself or not. So I'm not complaining

I'm going to be super busy when school starts again, no days off except some holidays. But I am planning on trying to find a time every week to volunteer somewhere. Plus my classes are small, so maybe the more personal classes will help me make some friends.

Yeah I was the same way, I didn't understand how if someone wanted to hang out with me, I didn't have to start priming myself to please them sexually, to keep their attention. It gets easier though I reckon.

[vixnix]

Originally Posted by sppunk

It was a joke ... like the thread itself.

I'm not sure, but my feeling is that being a tunnel butt slut is nothing to joke about

[Mals Marola]

Originally Posted by vixnix

I'm not sure, but my feeling is that being a tunnel butt slut is nothing to joke about

sure it is, just listen to the way it sounds when you say it out loud

[vixnix]

Chugga Chugga Chugga Chugga chooo choooooo

[Mals Marola]

now that

is truly gross

[vixnix]

I dunno, it's just my first association with the word 'tunnel'

[darby]

Originally Posted by vixnix

Infatuation and being in love are the same thing

yikes

[vixnix]

It's true. Whether or not a relationship that starts out that way (and many do) can continue long term, depends on the maturity of the people involved, their values, their backgrounds, and random life circumstances. But neither infatuation nor being in love, last...they're the same thing I reckon. A lot of people divorce because they fall out of love. If everyone who fell out of love divorced, nobody would stay married...love and marriage are about way more than being in love.

[darby]

they are not the same thing and proclaiming they are is a very unwise and immature thing to say. love isn't meant to last anyway. and marriage is inhibiting and achieves the opposite of what love is meant to be

[darby]

Originally Posted by Catherine Wheel

I got really close to a woman at work recently and I honestly am not sure if I'm really infatuated with her or an in love with her. Either way it ended badly. She just wants to be friends.

There were several times over the last couple of months where we were sitting in her car and she was crying about how overwhelmed and stressed out she is and I was just consoling her. I told her I would always be there for her but I honestly don't want to just be friends with her. Kind of wish I hadn't said that.

i think goethe said it best:

"und wenn ich dich lieb habe, was geht's dich an?"

you'll know you're in love when you find yourself in that mindset

[vixnix]

Originally Posted by darby

they are not the same thing and proclaiming they are is a very unwise and immature thing to say. love isn't meant to last anyway. and marriage is inhibiting and achieves the opposite of what love is meant to be

Do you have references for this? I don't know anyone in real life, who is able to sustain long term relationships of any kind, who feels this way about love and marriage.