What would you do in this situation (drugs/mental illness thread)

[redbreegull]

I have a friend who I have known for a few years. Met him at school, he's older than me, 25. Truly good-hearted, unique individual who is unfortunately all sorts of fucked up. He has numerous mental issues including pretty extreme attention deficit, ongoing depression and anxiety, drug addiction, past episodes of a hallucinatory/psychotic manner, and extended insomnia. He also gets paranoid a lot and feels everyone is out to get him.

When I met him, he was taking a lot (A LOT) of adderall and klonopin and shit, and he smoked a lot of weed, but he was a pretty happy individual overall. It took him a year and half longer to finish school than it should have because sometimes he would just decide a class was stupid, and refuse to do the assignments the way the prof wanted. Anyway, we graduated and he moved back home and suddenly his mental health dropped through the floor. His parents are super-religious, completely irrational, angry people. I sort of figured out that they had been pumping him with all these drugs for years and years and paying out the nose for some high-end psychotherapist. His household is pretty fucked... he has a younger brother who has been in extensive trouble with the law, and an older brother who committed suicide five years ago. But you know, white, upper-middle-class type people.

So his mood has continued to deteriorate in the year and a half that he has been home. He has a terrible, terrible relationship with his mother in particular, who I think probably has as many mental problems as he does. It was obviously a terrible environment for him. His parents frequently harangue him for smoking weed while allowing him to ingest half a pharmacy daily. He also has no ability to get a job because even though he is a smart guy who could easily perform simple tasks, he just comes off weird when you talk to him because of his various issues. I don't think he could successfully perform in any interview for this reason. He also would probably get fired even if he did have a job, because he when he gets upset or depressed, he just won't do anything.

So anyway two months ago his parents randomly pull him off all the drugs cold turkey and send him to this crazy Christian rehab thing in Florida. They turned off his phone and gave him no money. Their goal is to isolate him so he cannot possibly leave, because it's hard to get from FL to MD with zero dollars. He somehow made some money and got a phone and called me for the first time last week. He ranted at me for about 2 hours about how awful it is and how he just wants to kill himself. He says that the program is ultra-right-wing and fire and brimstone type bullshit, and he's at the point where he is so unhappy he just wants to die and could I please help him out by getting him a plane or bus ticket. I said I would have to think about it but I would try to help if I could. A few days go by, and he starts calling/texting me dozens of times a day straight up harassing me and guilting me for not having rescued him yet. He keeps telling me he is very disappointed, that I gave him false hope, he feels like he is dying, he is ready to leave and just be homeless, etc., etc. I have absolutely no idea what to do. Whereas I don't trust his parents to make the correct decision for him at all in any capacity whatsoever, I'm also not 100% sure that his description of this facility as a medieval-type bedlam is accurate. I do believe that he honestly is so unhappy he wants to die, but I don't know if taking him out so he can bounce from couch to couch at his friends' houses is any better.

What would you do? Has anyone ever been in any situation like this? Reprise usually has good input for heavy shit in this vein. I just really do not know what the right thing to do is

[duovamp]

Yeah he has a lot of problems, but he can't expect you to take care of him tbh.

[yo soy el mejor]

have him contact ACLU

[Elvis The Fat Years]

none of my friends are on drugs. im not on drugs.

im starting to feel left out around here.

[redbreegull]

Originally Posted by duovamp

Yeah he has a lot of problems, but he can't expect you to take care of him tbh.

so I should let him leave rehab by himself and become homeless in ft. lauderdale or try to hurt himself?

[duovamp]

Where's it end though? Give him money to come home? Parents kick him out now he wants to live with you? Can't get a job so you pay for his food? Think about it.

[Trotskilicious]

if i was that guy i'd put a plastic bag over your head and suffocate you

[hnibos]

Do you know the name of the facility?

[Eulogy]

i do think duo has a point but i also think you can navigate it well enough so that doesn't happen.

i think you should do something. don't know what though. do you have any kind of relationship with his parents? i'm sure they wouldn't appreciate you meddling but it might be worth a shot to try to have a rational conversation with him.

[reprise85]

@ hnibos "Do you know the name of the facility?"

It sounds to me like the ideal scenario would be to get him out of this place and get him into an actual rehab/psych hospital to really assess what to do with him.

How that happens, is another matter. Is he willing to go to a hospital like for example Ft Lauderdale hospital (which will take him, it's near Las Olas) and tell them he is homeless and needs long term help and follow through with what they try to set up for him? Tell them he is suicidal?

Is he actually in Ft Lauderdale? That is an excellent area for a homeless person with mental health issues to get help, considering everything. But I wouldn't send him any money, money is not the problem as far as a few hundred dollars fixing it. He needs something continuous where he can live and not be a homeless ghost in Ft Lauderdale. There are a fair few programs to help him make some kind of transition. Also, do you think he might be eligible for social security disability or social security insurance (the first if he's worked for any reasonable length of time, the second if not)? He most likely could get expedited food stamps right away and help filing for disability with the state and/or federally. There are lots of food pantries that serve one or two meals a day.

Don't give him money, and don't bring him back near his parents, is my general advice. Duo does have a point, not only is it not your responsibility but you literally cannot help him with a mental health problem like this long distance, and immediate money is not really the problem although it is what's presented. He needs to figure out a long term plan. If he's in this area I can try to give you/him some resources, but if he is actually in or around Ft Lauderdale I'd try to get him to Ft Lauderdale hospital or Memorial General or a general hospital but that will only work if he tells the truth that he is suicidal.

It's a tough situation, and we don't know his actual medical history so it is hard to say where he could get help from. I'm sorry this is happening, I would like to help if there's anything I can do as far as information goes.

[reprise85]

i guess bottom line is that if the "rehab" isn't in a medical facility they don't have any dibs to anybody who is a suicide risk so you could even call the cops on him and tell them he is there and depending on what they find they could even pull him from there themselves. now if it is a medical facility of some sort that would be much harder

[vixnix]

What reprise said. I would write a letter to his parents, worded as kindly as possible, telling them what is going on, wrt him calling you and being so unhappy. They obviously care enough to go to such drastic measures even if they're so messed up themselves they can't work out how to help him. Maybe it will help if they realize he's now trying to lean on non-family members. Having your kid commit suicide would screw most parents up so much. What a mess.

[reprise85]

i guess talking to his parents can't hurt but i wouldn't expect it to help. unfortunate for him

[vixnix]

Yeah I'd only do it because writing and sending a letter is pretty easy and doesn't invlove actually talking to them. It might help. It probably won't but there is that tiny chance. I wouldn't have any expectations though.

[redbreegull]

yeah most of the people I have talked to say talk to his parents, but that is really just not something I want to do. They are extremely, extremely unpleasant people and I think that if I suggested he move somewhere else, they might act to further ensure he cannot leave, perhaps trying to have him committed by a court. The problem is that this place IS an actual medical rehab facility, the program he is in is just a crazy Christian program. There are other programs run out of the same facility that are not like that, but they told him they cannot allow him to transfer. He has to go to meetings regularly that he described as "extremist AA" type gatherings where preachers and other speakers condemn gays and drug addicts to hell constantly. I asked him he was receiving anything in the way of being helped into the workforce or anything like that and he said no. He is living with meth and heroin addicts so this just doesn't seem like the right place for him, since the only reason he was on the drugs in the first place was his parents. He hasn't been on any prescriptions in over two months now and says the withdrawal is over, it is just being in this place that is making him feel hopeless. I do know the name of the facility and I checked it out online. They present themselves very legitimately, and maybe the other programs are different, but the testimonials for the Christian program are all like this program helped me shun my godless ways and embrace jesus so he could save me blah blah. Creepy shit.

Reprise, your advice about not sending him money and not bringing him back near his parents seems good, but I don't think he will be satisfied until he finds a way back to Maryland. He has basically been sent to a city he has never been to and where he knows no one all by himself.

[wHATcOLOR]

give him everything you own

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by redbreegull

yeah most of the people I have talked to say talk to his parents, but that is really just not something I want to do. They are extremely, extremely unpleasant people and I think that if I suggested he move somewhere else, they might act to further ensure he cannot leave, perhaps trying to have him committed by a court. The problem is that this place IS an actual medical rehab facility, the program he is in is just a crazy Christian program. There are other programs run out of the same facility that are not like that, but they told him they cannot allow him to transfer. He has to go to meetings regularly that he described as "extremist AA" type gatherings where preachers and other speakers condemn gays and drug addicts to hell constantly. I asked him he was receiving anything in the way of being helped into the workforce or anything like that and he said no. He is living with meth and heroin addicts so this just doesn't seem like the right place for him, since the only reason he was on the drugs in the first place was his parents. He hasn't been on any prescriptions in over two months now and says the withdrawal is over, it is just being in this place that is making him feel hopeless. I do know the name of the facility and I checked it out online. They present themselves very legitimately, and maybe the other programs are different, but the testimonials for the Christian program are all like this program helped me shun my godless ways and embrace jesus so he could save me blah blah. Creepy shit.

Reprise, your advice about not sending him money and not bringing him back near his parents seems good, but I don't think he will be satisfied until he finds a way back to Maryland. He has basically been sent to a city he has never been to and where he knows no one all by himself.

Yeah that is definitely a problem that it is a medical facility. I don't understand how they can force him to be in that specific program. Check out the Florida Patient Bill of Rights: http://www.dcf.state.fl.us/programs/...laws/ptrts.pdf

They cannot make him go to religious services. I happen to think AA in-and-of-itself is a religious program, but this goes beyond that and is clearly a religious program. He can talk to a mental health rights advocate -

Advocacy Center for Persons with Disabilities
2671 Executive Center Circle West
Webster Building, Suite 100
Tallahassee, FL 32301-5092
Phone: 850-488-9071
Fax: 850-488-8640
Toll-free: 800-342-0823 (Statewide)
TDD: 800-346-4127
E-mail: info@advocacycenter.org
Internet: www.advocacycenter.org

They might kick him out if he tries to leave or transfer or just starts problems, and I guess that's their right. He may be clean but if he wants to get help he might want to fudge that, to be honest. When I was looking into long term care I actually had a psychologist basically suggest I smoke weed once to show up dirty so I could get into programs that are dual diagnosis. I don't know that he'd have to go that far but unfortunately it is easier to get help for a 'major' drug problem and 'minor' psychological issues related to that than the other way around. Either way he gets help and that's what's important. It's a foot in the door.

He is not Baker Acted. He could sign a 24 hour release form and unless they Baker or Marchman Act him, they have to release him. And if they do Baker act him, he can most definitely transfer however they can treat him like shit in an effort to make him stop trying (drug him as being "uncooperative", not give him forms he needs, limit telephone time, etc). Fact is he is not bound to stay there, even if he's ill enough to be sectioned. He has rights, more so if he's there voluntarily (which he probably is), but as you see with the bill of rights he still has most of his rights even if he's forced to be in a mental institution.

[reprise85]

it sounds like a really shitty situation, seriously fuck his parents dont they see what they did to the first kid

[reprise85]

and it doesnt sound like his issues are even diagnosed correctly, i mean i dont know the kid but you put all that together and he sounds bipolar

depression
anxiety
attention issues
extended insomnia
transitory psychotic episodes
paranoia
irrational life changing decisions based on "whims"

...just sayin'

i wish him good care whatever happens

[redbreegull]

Thanks reprise, I will take all that into consideration. I really appreciate your sincere effort to help with this good info. I will let you know what I decide to try.

As for his diagnosis, I don't even know what he is actually diagnosed with, I just know what medications he has been on and his symptoms. When he first went into college (before I knew him), he did a shit ton of hard drugs and had an addiction to robo-tripping. He would do it constantly and he says that is what brought on his psychotic episodes, which I think have waned in recent years. However, bipolar might make sense. He is subject to extreme mood variations and often cannot explain why. Although I don't know exactly what bipolar is like. The first year I knew him he went up and down frequently, but was for the most part pretty positive. Then he went home and was depressed for literally 6 or 8 months straight. He blames this on his doctor putting him on some adderall substitute. Finally he went back on adderall last spring, and he became manic for awhile. This eventually slid back down though, and his doctor put him on welbutrin. Again he felt all manic for awhile, and then his mood crashed again. He made a few attempts to move out over the summer. Lived with a few different friends, but could never get hired despite exhaustively filling out applications to every menial, low pay job imaginable. He got hired at a Dennys in July or August but only worked 2 shifts before a regional manager rolled through and fired him, probably just out of discrimination for his weirdness.

[reprise85]

he definitely needs some real help, especially now if he's off all drugs they can figure out what's going on and not just slap a depressed person with tendency for mania with drugs like fucking adderall and wellbutrin. long term plan is really important and everyone being on the same page and starting all over with the medications now that he's free of other drugs. who really knows what's going on in there

does he "like" being manic? is it possible he got prescribed antidepressants as well and just tossed them and took the stimulants? because the doctor who gave someone who had months long mania stuff like wellbutrin and even more ridiculously, adderall, should probably be reported or something if that's the whole story

shitty situation is shitty

[reprise85]

good luck, you're a good friend rbg

[Trotskilicious]

you are all beautiful souls

[duovamp]

Originally Posted by wHATcOLOR

give him everything you own

Only when you have nothing can you truly begin to... have... not nothing.

[redbreegull]

he keeps sending me texts

"you left me in the darkness"
"you gave me so much false hope"
"I wish you had never offered to help"
"you extended help and then put a price on it"
"why did you deceive me"

[redbreegull]

I am losing my fucking mind

[redbreegull]

reprise if I take this 2 mg clonazepam and drink beer will I die

[Eulogy]

yikes. call him?

[duovamp]

Originally Posted by redbreegull

he keeps sending me texts

"you left me in the darkness"
"you gave me so much false hope"
"I wish you had never offered to help"
"you extended help and then put a price on it"
"why did you deceive me"

He sounds like he's 12...

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by redbreegull

reprise if I take this 2 mg clonazepam and drink beer will I die

no but in the morning you wont feel any better