Marrying someone in prison

Starla · 12-26-2011, 08:05 AM

So, my old college friend called on Christmas day and she informed me that she was getting married in a month. After I congratulated her and asked her where it would take place... she said in a prison somewhere near Santa Barbara. (not sure which one)

Apparently, she's been pen paling with black incarcerated men for a few years, and has finally met the right one. (She only dates black men).

Anyway... I was like..... OK so when does the guy get out of prison? And she said that he wouldn't.... that he is a lifer, without parole.

I nearly shit a brick right there.....

I don't understand this... why would a woman marry into this situation. She told me she won't get conjugal visits.

So basically her life with this man is going to be... every other weekend drives to the prison to visit her husband, and phone calls. That's it.

No sex, no dinners together...living together, traveling, etc.

Starla · 12-26-2011, 08:06 AM

Oh and she wouldn't tell me why he is a lifer... except that he was incarcerated at the age of 17, so now I have to wonder exactly what he did in order to get this sentence. I can only imagine.

Trotskilicious · 12-26-2011, 08:58 AM

murder, more than likely

Trotskilicious · 12-26-2011, 08:59 AM

probably a multiple homicide and gang/drug distribution/cartel connections

Travis Meeks · 12-26-2011, 09:23 AM

some girls get all the luck. I wonder if I'll EVER find a nice black incarcerated homicidal man

. Please ask your friend if he has a brother also in jail.

MyOneAndOnly · 12-26-2011, 09:37 AM

that's not healthy. how old is your friend? she's going to give up ever having a real relationship with a "normal" person. that's fucked up.

teh b0lly!!1 · 12-26-2011, 10:47 AM

Quote:

(She only dates black men).

once you go black... ?

MyOneAndOnly · 12-26-2011, 10:54 AM

subzero · 12-26-2011, 10:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Starla

No sex,

they have trailers for that for married folk

ghost-mutt · 12-26-2011, 10:59 AM

believe it or not

ghost-mutt · 12-26-2011, 11:03 AM

i'm sorry to be so blunt, but this is pretty fucking weird on multiple levels

MyOneAndOnly · 12-26-2011, 11:41 AM

it is weird. People who pursue relationships with lifers must be trying to shut themselves off emotionally/physically from life. there's no way it's healthy.

think about it. they establish an exclusive, monogamous relationship (pledging for the the rest of their lives if they marry) with someone who can never hit them, abuse them, hurt them by cheating on them with another woman, etc. etc. but that person also can't share anything with them. maybe an occasional conjugal, phone call or letter, but that's about it. That's not a real relationship.

Toast · 12-26-2011, 11:51 AM

Her parents must be proud

Dogfighter28 · 12-26-2011, 11:57 AM

Conjugal trailer!

reprise85 · 12-26-2011, 11:58 AM

girl needs some help.

i can understand the wanting a "safe" guy - in this case an unsafe guy behind bars

i dated a guy recently who i realized was a nice guy and a felt good with him but i was dating him because he was nice and not because i really liked him.

i think trauma survivors fall into this a lot. like scotty said, he can't abuse her (physically that is, I bet the emotional relationship will be abusive), and that probably is consciously or unconsciously motivating her to do this

i mean especially cause she's written to several men

it's her life and all but i hope you can have a convo with her about your concerns.

Nimrod's Son · 12-26-2011, 12:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by reprise85

girl needs some help.

i can understand the wanting a "safe" guy - in this case an unsafe guy behind bars

i dated a guy recently who i realized was a nice guy and a felt good with him but i was dating him because he was nice and not because i really liked him.

see everyone, even a chick like reprise85 will dump the nice guy who treats her with kindness

reprise85 · 12-26-2011, 12:26 PM

well, we went out on like three dates and there wasn't attraction and there was plenty of "uh" things like him being a christian and thinking drugs are bad no matter what because they are illegal and plenty of other shit. we had nothing to talk about basically.

and fuck you for "even a chick like reprise85"

(edit: i might have taken that a way you didn't mean it so if i did disregard the fuck you)

JokeyLoki · 12-26-2011, 12:27 PM

Agreed with scotty, maybe she's just trying to make an excuse to stop dating and cut herself off from others.

MyOneAndOnly · 12-26-2011, 01:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nimrod's Son

see everyone, even a chick like reprise85 will dump the nice guy who treats her with kindness

show me a "nice guy" who continuously gets dumped/ignored by women and I'll show you a guy who's kidding himself about some other serious shit that's wrong with him.

MyOneAndOnly · 12-26-2011, 01:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by reprise85

(edit: i might have taken that a way you didn't mean it so if i did disregard the fuck you)

why would you think that he meant it any other way?

I'm sure Nimrod thinks of himself as a scorned "nice guy"

SuckSuckStyle · 12-26-2011, 01:17 PM

maybe he's a catch.

TuralyonW3 · 12-26-2011, 01:19 PM

Escape plan obviously

MyOneAndOnly · 12-26-2011, 01:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SuckSuckStyle

maybe he's a catch.

who wouldn't want to 69 a ron paul supporter?

SuckSuckStyle · 12-26-2011, 01:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scottytheoneand

who wouldn't want to 69 a ron paul supporter?

right? i dont get what all this fuss is about. he's a keeper.

Nimrod's Son · 12-26-2011, 02:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scottytheoneand

show me a "nice guy" who continuously gets dumped/ignored by women and I'll show you a guy who's kidding himself about some other serious shit that's wrong with him.

this is a common complaint faced by a lot of "nice guys" on this very messageboard

Nimrod's Son · 12-26-2011, 02:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scottytheoneand

why would you think that he meant it any other way?

I'm sure Nimrod thinks of himself as a scorned "nice guy"

no, i am not a "nice guy"

reprise85 · 12-26-2011, 02:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nimrod's Son

this is a common complaint faced by a lot of "nice guys" on this very messageboard

yeah but i didn't stop seeing him because he is a "nice guy"

reprise85 · 12-26-2011, 02:24 PM

"nice guy"

MyOneAndOnly · 12-26-2011, 02:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by reprise85

yeah but i didn't stop seeing him because he is a "nice guy"

he gets it. he's just intentionally refusing to respond to you honestly because of his issues.

Future Boy · 12-26-2011, 02:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scottytheoneand

I'm sure Nimrod thinks of himself as a scorned "nice guy"

12-26-2011, 08:05 AM	#1
Starla ***** Posts: 15,778	Marrying someone in prison So, my old college friend called on Christmas day and she informed me that she was getting married in a month. After I congratulated her and asked her where it would take place... she said in a prison somewhere near Santa Barbara. (not sure which one) Apparently, she's been pen paling with black incarcerated men for a few years, and has finally met the right one. (She only dates black men). Anyway... I was like..... OK so when does the guy get out of prison? And she said that he wouldn't.... that he is a lifer, without parole. I nearly shit a brick right there..... I don't understand this... why would a woman marry into this situation. She told me she won't get conjugal visits. So basically her life with this man is going to be... every other weekend drives to the prison to visit her husband, and phone calls. That's it. No sex, no dinners together...living together, traveling, etc.

12-26-2011, 10:54 AM	#8
MyOneAndOnly Shut the fuck up! Location: "Okay, white power feminist" - yo soy el mejor Posts: 21,938	del

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12-26-2011, 08:06 AM	#2
Starla ***** Posts: 15,778	Oh and she wouldn't tell me why he is a lifer... except that he was incarcerated at the age of 17, so now I have to wonder exactly what he did in order to get this sentence. I can only imagine.

12-26-2011, 08:58 AM	#3
Trotskilicious Banned Location: I believe in the transcendental qualities of friendship. Posts: 39,602	murder, more than likely

12-26-2011, 08:59 AM	#4
Trotskilicious Banned Location: I believe in the transcendental qualities of friendship. Posts: 39,602	probably a multiple homicide and gang/drug distribution/cartel connections

12-26-2011, 09:23 AM	#5
Travis Meeks Rambling on Posts: 20,548	some girls get all the luck. I wonder if I'll EVER find a nice black incarcerated homicidal man . Please ask your friend if he has a brother also in jail.

12-26-2011, 09:37 AM	#6
MyOneAndOnly Shut the fuck up! Location: "Okay, white power feminist" - yo soy el mejor Posts: 21,938	that's not healthy. how old is your friend? she's going to give up ever having a real relationship with a "normal" person. that's fucked up.

12-26-2011, 10:59 AM	#10
ghost-mutt Demi-God Posts: 361	believe it or not

12-26-2011, 11:03 AM	#11
ghost-mutt Demi-God Posts: 361	i'm sorry to be so blunt, but this is pretty fucking weird on multiple levels

12-26-2011, 11:41 AM	#12
MyOneAndOnly Shut the fuck up! Location: "Okay, white power feminist" - yo soy el mejor Posts: 21,938	it is weird. People who pursue relationships with lifers must be trying to shut themselves off emotionally/physically from life. there's no way it's healthy. think about it. they establish an exclusive, monogamous relationship (pledging for the the rest of their lives if they marry) with someone who can never hit them, abuse them, hurt them by cheating on them with another woman, etc. etc. but that person also can't share anything with them. maybe an occasional conjugal, phone call or letter, but that's about it. That's not a real relationship.

12-26-2011, 11:51 AM	#13
Toast Apocalyptic Poster Location: Woodinville, Wa. Posts: 3,193	Her parents must be proud

12-26-2011, 11:57 AM	#14
Dogfighter28 ILL KILL UR DOG Location: Atlanta, GA Posts: 11,358	Conjugal trailer!

12-26-2011, 11:58 AM	#15
reprise85 BOTTLEG ILLEGAL Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face Posts: 31,883	girl needs some help. i can understand the wanting a "safe" guy - in this case an unsafe guy behind bars i dated a guy recently who i realized was a nice guy and a felt good with him but i was dating him because he was nice and not because i really liked him. i think trauma survivors fall into this a lot. like scotty said, he can't abuse her (physically that is, I bet the emotional relationship will be abusive), and that probably is consciously or unconsciously motivating her to do this i mean especially cause she's written to several men it's her life and all but i hope you can have a convo with her about your concerns.

12-26-2011, 12:26 PM	#17
reprise85 BOTTLEG ILLEGAL Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face Posts: 31,883	well, we went out on like three dates and there wasn't attraction and there was plenty of "uh" things like him being a christian and thinking drugs are bad no matter what because they are illegal and plenty of other shit. we had nothing to talk about basically. and fuck you for "even a chick like reprise85" (edit: i might have taken that a way you didn't mean it so if i did disregard the fuck you)

12-26-2011, 12:27 PM	#18
JokeyLoki has great self of steam. Location: SECRET OBAMA FUCKDEN RENDEZVOUS Posts: 24,312	Agreed with scotty, maybe she's just trying to make an excuse to stop dating and cut herself off from others.

12-26-2011, 01:17 PM	#21
SuckSuckStyle Socialphobic Location: you look like you like to hang out. you look like you like to hang out and drink soda Posts: 12,677	maybe he's a catch.

12-26-2011, 01:19 PM	#22
TuralyonW3 Immortal Posts: 25,567	Escape plan obviously

12-26-2011, 02:24 PM	#28
reprise85 BOTTLEG ILLEGAL Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face Posts: 31,883	"nice guy"