the dangers of being sort of friends or friend with a female

[dean_r_koontz]

i have a girl in my lab that i've been sort of friends with. we've exchanged notes from some we've missed and i've talked a bit with her. Then something happens, i mistakenly take with me a notebook of hers from the lab because i thought it was mine. a few days afterwards she sees the notebook in my bag when she's in my working area(i was unaware that i had her notebook at all). she takes it out of the bag without telling me. then the next day she comes up to me in the cafeteria and says
-why was my notebook in your bag?

-why do you think your notebook was in my bag?

-i don't know you tell me.

-i must have taken it by mistake, it's not like i need the things that are in your notebook and i'm not trying to sabotage your work

-i know, so the only explenation i can come up with is that you're a cleptomaniac. she is obviously completely serious and i say

-but if i stole your notebook why would i take it back to work and leave it in my bag so you could see it?

-maybe you felt guilty and didn't want to leave it back to me yourself.

so now i'm pretty freaked out because i thought we were friends and i couldn't understand how she could think such a thing about me and that i would do that to her. (i guess if i'm a cleptomaniac then it's not necessarily personal so it works that way ).

during this time two other guys that i sort of know in the workplace sits down at the table and i say to them

-she thinks i'm a cleptomaniac because i mistakenly took her notebook. what do you think of that?

neither of them says anything they just stare into the void.

i continue to read my papers but then i feel a surge of adrenaline and i say to one of those guys

- what do you think i am a cleptomaniac?
(of note here is that there is a large group of people sitting at the other end of the table overhearing this conversation. they are all dead silent or sort of laughing, at me not with me)

- hey why are you angry at me for i don't know what has happened between you two in the past

i go
-i'm really disssapointed in you. we have worked together and you can't say that i'm probably not a cleptomaniac here

-ok then it doesn't seem very likely but as i said earlier i don't know what's between you two that i don't know about.

now i go back to the lab area. i know that i've made a fool of myself so i go and apologize to the guy and he says that it's ok and sort of laughs.

then i go to the girl to apologize as well because it's obvious that she's got some sort of mental problem and i'm sympathetic to that even though i'm not going to have anything to do with her anymore. that shit is dangerous. i go to her lab bench and i say "listen could we talk". she's like "no. i'm busy with this right now".
i'm a bit surprised at this because she's clearly went out of line and now she's treating me like i'm nothing. I stand there stunned for a couple of seconds and her female lab partner goes "Anders go away from here we don't want you here" in this "alarm there is a rapist here" voice. i leave and feel like a rapist and i'm afraid that the women at the lab thinks i'm the kind of guy who could rape people. then afterwards she apologiz begrudgingly for saying that i was a cleptomaniac after i have apologized for mistakenly taken her notebook and i say that no apology is necessary and she says "well i did apologize" like it's some fucking box you tick for the record. I CAN'T SAY THAT SHE DIDN'T APOLOGIZE!!!.

the point here is. i didn't think we were partnets in crime a bit earlier i wouldn't have been so shocked. the other problem here is that a girl can always use the rapist card if there is a fight. i can never approach conflicts like this in an aggressive manner with a female because it is very likely that they will play it like i'm sort of attacking them or that i'm scaring them or something. character assasination. no more half-female friends for me ever. that shit is wack

[dean_r_koontz]

that other bich is also an amazing piece of work herself but i've been smart enough to stay away from her before so that didn't hurt my pride so much

[yo soy el mejor]

that wasnt very nice of her.

[slunken]

sounds like this lab makes chix go bonkers. you should be mad at her for taking something out of your bag. how did she know it was her book? why was she peering into your bag?

[dean_r_koontz]

no it was left wide open and the notebook was probably completely visible. it was a big notebook.

[slunken]

you probably should have sucker-punched one of the two void-dudes in the side of the head as a display of power

[Cool As Ice Cream]

you should rape them to teach them a lesson.

[Cool As Ice Cream]

afterwards you should apologize and say "well, i did apologize".

[TheMilstead]

Originally Posted by dean_r_koontz

-why was my notebook in your bag?

-why do you think your notebook was in my bag?

Mistake #1.

[Cool As Ice Cream]

Originally Posted by dean_r_koontz

it's obvious that she's got some sort of mental problem and i'm sympathetic to that

mistake #2.

[dean_r_koontz]

the first "mistake" was made because i didn't know that she actually thought i had stolen it at that point. i was half joking then. if i didn't think we were friends i would have just said why she had found it in my backpack.

mistake two: it's not clear if you think that she doesn't have a mental problem or that i shouldn't be sympathetic to a mental problem.

[Cool As Ice Cream]

you shouldn't be sympathetic to chicks with a mental problem. they will eat your soul.

[dean_r_koontz]

i think you can be sympathetic without ever interacting with them. that's the plan from now on. i guess i've never been this close to a mental problems female before.

[wounded]

bitches be crazy

[slunken]

Originally Posted by Cool As Ice Cream

you shouldn't be sympathetic to chicks with a mental problem. they will eat your soul.

not to mention find ways to blame everything that's wrong with them on you

[Cool As Ice Cream]

Originally Posted by dean_r_koontz

i think you can be sympathetic without ever interacting with them. that's the plan from now on. i guess i've never been this close to a mental problems female before.

it should have been the plan from the beginning. except maybe at the first conversation, you could have been a bit meaner there. you know, press some buttons, see how she reacts.

also, it's not really certain she has a mental problem per se. a lot of women are like this. it's probably considered normal in the medical world.

[Dogfighter28]

my dick is turning into a tree

[topleybird]

Probably all kinds of important secret girl stuff in that notebook

Codes and handshakes and stuff

Practicing what her signature would look like with your last name and all

[dean_r_koontz]

i wanted it to be like in the fairytales where your rare sympathy makes them like you and an unusual yet strong friendship is formed. of course they just go bananas on you sooner or later.

[hnibos]

its hard for her to believe that you didnt notice her notebook in your backpack

[dean_r_koontz]

apparently and that implies that i stole it or that i took it by mistake and then didn't bother to give it back. both of those might be reasonable explenations if there is something i have done in the past that implies that i'm a thief or something about my behaviour that make me seem thieflike and immoral or that i'm planning to destroy her. that's partly why i got shocked because if she sees me that way i have no idea what i've done.

[dean_r_koontz]

this is another reason not to be friends with females if they are capable of misconstruing behaviours like if you look a bit concentrated that they maybe they think you're angry or that you're looking at them with some evil purpose in mind.

[dean_r_koontz]

or it's just an evolutionary ingrained mistrust for all men. whatever it is i don't want to be subjected to it again.

[dean_r_koontz]

it reminds me of when i was rfeeling really bad a number of years ago and started screaming at my sister for something. she sort of fled after awhile and my mother explained to me that she had gotten afraid. fuck that shit. it's demeaning to think that they don't think you have enough self control not to punch them in the face or that this was ever your intention.

[sickbadthing]

you need your own reality tv show dean

[dean_r_koontz]

i just need to get my shit together a bit more then this sort of unesseracy drama will be kept to a minimum.

[wHATcOLOR]

i'm curious -- how do you think it would have gone if you had dealt with it with some humor right away? take it less seriously, and it's less likely to escalate the way it did. people are often disarmed by humor unless they're seriously having a very big issue, in which case, they are often shown as unreasonble for still flipping out when there's a more lighhearted avenue presented but declined.

sometimes i forget to approach things lightheartedly if i'm feeling a little unsure of myself.

[slunken]

what a well-mannered and pleasant post

[Debaser]

Originally Posted by dean_r_koontz

-why was my notebook in your bag?

-why do you think your notebook was in my bag?

-i don't know you tell me.

As milstead already pointed out, this attempt at dry humor backfired and put you behind the eightball for the rest of the event. You claim that you were unaware that her notebook was in your bag, but your first response can imply that you actually were aware of it, which leads to further negative inferences that you feel are unfair.

[dean_r_koontz]

i don't know what it means to be behind the eightball but i doubt that it would have gone better because of a different initial response. she had already come to the conclusion beforehand that i was a cleptomaniac. remember that she took the notebook out of my bag without telling me and then waited until the next day to tell me anything about it. it was as if she was so terrified by my stealing of her property that she had to gather courage to go forward. also she mentioned that she had thought it through beforehand. i doubt that a different response had made any difference. the humor part from whatcolor is also not correct in my mind. she was dead serious. a bit of the conversation that i left out was that i said:
-yeah you're right i am a cleptomaniac but also i want to get you personally for all the pain you've caused me.

she says (sounding shocked)
- you're kidding!?

and i say
-yeah