Fuck my life right now

[Eulogy]

Originally Posted by Kanan Road

well hey before i run off to basketball to hack the fuck out of people maliciously, what do you think i should do with her eulogy?

nothing for a little while. sort of let it sit and see where you are in a few days. then talk to her, tell her exactly what you think and how you feel. then judge her sincerity and go from there.

[hnibos]

yea, idk, i dont mean to be a downer but, if she really wanted to be with you, i dont think she would have told you that, especially if it was a one-time fuck up (no pun intended). Did she ask for forgiveness, did she say something like, i cant hide this anymore?

[AnnMarie727]

poor baby

well at least she fessed up. you should come to closure with this one way or another. but PEACEFULLY.

i rememeber when i found out about a cheating bf and i was in a lot of pain too. i was so in love with him. i couldn't believe it. because i'm not a cheater. i'm honest and open about the way i feel and what i do. it's the only way to be. but i should have known better because he was a liar on numerous occasions and right from the start.and saddly he lives his life being one of these. but i was young and he was my first bf. the poor guy. he'll never experience true intimacy or love if he continues on that path

dont let the rage get the best of you. dont do anything you'll regret. take sometime to be alone and reflect on what she told you. maybe you want to talk to her more about how your relationship stands today and where the trust is at. then you can decide if you want to continue to be with her or go your own way.

but someone who isnt honest with you on a sexual level is very dangerous if you are having sex with them. becuase you could get a disease! so the conversation should be had.

feel better soon. growing pains aren't fun

[KrazeeStacee]

I'm sorry for you, man, that sucks big time.

But that's why I think it's a bad idea to have high hopes on a long term relationship with someone who hasn't had very much sexual experience. Eventually, they're probably going to cheat. It's the pure curiousity of what would it be like to have sex with someone else...or even just the idea of thinking you'll eventually regret not having fun while you had the chance or something.

[wHATcOLOR]

that sucks man, i had something super similar happen to me like.. more than 4 years ago i guess. looking back, i wish i had handled it differently than i did. i did learn a lot though. really sucks though, it's not an easy thing to deal with

[Elvis The Fat Years]

Originally Posted by asdf

fag

didn't see that one comin'.

[hnibos]

Originally Posted by wHATcOLOR

that sucks man, i had something super similar happen to me like.. more than 4 years ago i guess. looking back, i wish i had handled it differently than i did. i did learn a lot though. really sucks though, it's not an easy thing to deal with

maybe you could share, to help kanan out, if it isnt too private

[wHATcOLOR]

maybe it was 5 years ago i don't remember exactly

im happy to talk to kanan road about it in private if he likes

[Quiet CD]

that's really gotta put your masculinity in check if she'd rather have a gay man over you.

[Nimrod's Son]

Originally Posted by Kanan Road

it really makes me wonder though...would she have ever told me? was she just gonna let me go along thinking im the only sexual interaction shes had? i need a lobotomy right now.

As immaturely as you're acting, maybe she shouldn't have

Originally Posted by Kanan Road

it was gonna be one of those relationship advancing convos. you know?

It was you jerk. She came clean to you, figuring that your relationship was strong enough to be able to handle it.

You're talking like she's not a person, like she's some idealized virgin bride that you own and that is your property. If you'd have been her second sexual partner, would that have made a difference about how you feel about her?

Look, cheating sucks and most of us have been cheated on. But what's worse than the act of cheating is the lying and the running around behind your back. It happened one time, she obviously realizes it was a mistake, and it was a year ago. She's not lying to you anymore. You should actually be able to trust her more because if she can tell you this, she can tell you anything.

Oh, except you're handling it like a child whose 1600's virgin fantasies were dashed because your precious little girl isn't your sexual property.

If you had such a great relationship like you said, then grow up and deal with this and get beyond it. You're acting like a total baby here.

How old are you?

[Quiet CD]

good stuff

[wHATcOLOR]

yeah that's some of the stuff i was gonna say, but not exactly. i guess i'll just say it here, what's the harm. like nimrod said, one of the big issues on your end of it is putting someone on a pedestal like that. that's almost always denying yourself some truth, and it's never really very reasonable. no one's a perfect angel, even if they try to be, so at least carry that mentality around, otherwise reality can really be more problematic for you than it might be otherwise.

with that said, also like people are saying, there's no way around the fact that cheating just plain old sucks. the one thing i wish i had known at the time was to determine for myself relatively soon after i learned of it whether or not it was something i could get over/live with, within the relationship. for me, it definitely was not, and having someone idealized to that extent was probably one of the biggest reasons i coudln't deal with it. so if you're able to be realistic and say 'this is always going to be an issue for me if i'm with this person', it's smartest to just accept what happened and move on. especially considering the ages involved.

my mistake was to think 'i bet i can get ok wtih this if i just keep trying', but ultimately that was a wasted effort. again, i still was idealizing the situation and letting beliefs based on things other than reality run the show, which isn't a sustainable thing.

fast forward to now, i really don't mind it anymore. i understand people are young and do impulsive things. i understand we were really young, and it was not reasonable to expect everything to be perfect, always. face it, most young relationships end, except for stubborn obscured01 type things (no offense). so i don't hold any resentment about it now and i don't hold this person idealized anymore, and i'm glad i moved on from it.

oh.. forgot to mention, after we broke up again, which was annoying because if i had just been realistic from the start, i woudln't have had to go through it again, i made a mistake of overcompensating. you close yourself off and you run the danger of taking this bitter attitude like 'oh everyone's gonna cheat, so just accept that and don't get too fired up about any relationship, cause it'll end eventually' and that might be a good short-term strategy, because it'll help protect you, but often people don't take the next step of dropping that attitude and adopting something healthier, once they're able. you'll end up getting out what you put in, and limiting yourself doesn't seem to be a wise strategy.

i guess im glad to have learned all that, but i wish i had known more of it up front because things would have been easier and better

[Debaser]

Originally Posted by Nimrod's Son

As immaturely as you're acting, maybe she shouldn't have
It was you jerk. She came clean to you, figuring that your relationship was strong enough to be able to handle it.

You're talking like she's not a person, like she's some idealized virgin bride that you own and that is your property. If you'd have been her second sexual partner, would that have made a difference about how you feel about her?

Look, cheating sucks and most of us have been cheated on. But what's worse than the act of cheating is the lying and the running around behind your back. It happened one time, she obviously realizes it was a mistake, and it was a year ago. She's not lying to you anymore. You should actually be able to trust her more because if she can tell you this, she can tell you anything.

Oh, except you're handling it like a child whose 1600's virgin fantasies were dashed because your precious little girl isn't your sexual property.

If you had such a great relationship like you said, then grow up and deal with this and get beyond it. You're acting like a total baby here.

How old are you?

hell hath frozen over. i would +rep this post if i could.




your politics are still shite, tho. so are kanan's.

[dean_r_koontz]

i dumped both my girlfriends when i heard that they had thought of other men on some occasions before they met me.

[wHATcOLOR]

that'll learn 'em!!


:the helicopter:

[???]

kanan, how many partners did you have prior to meeting your girlfriend

if its more than or equal to her number of partners doesn't that effectively make you as "experienced" as she is and therefore similarly dignified

[???]

i mean, i can't think of anything more disgustingly hypocritical than a guy demanding his latest partner to be a virgin, when he's not of a similar moral caliber himself

[Mariner]

kanan road: listen to nimrod and especially listen to whatcolor

[Kanan Road]

Originally Posted by Nimrod's Son

If you'd have been her second sexual partner, would that have made a difference about how you feel about her?

nim thats the whole point - i dont think i would have thought the same about her. i wouldnt have gotten in so deep. the whole reason i was into her was because she was still fresh, very well raised, and i was the only one inside of it. im coming up on 22 years old. finding a decent girl this age is tough. you know it. women are whores and are beat by now. thats why i thought so highly of her. shes not on the pedastal in the relationship. i just had a lot of respect for her.

i can go fuck anything. there is no fun in that. i was really liking the change of pace. now i dont even have a desire to beat off.

[Kanan Road]

Originally Posted by ???

i mean, i can't think of anything more disgustingly hypocritical than a guy demanding his latest partner to be a virgin, when he's not of a similar moral caliber himself

i told her of my sexual history. its not bad. she was completely fine because i didnt have anything to be disgusted about. i wasnt demanding her to be a virgin since i already took that from her. if shes gonna put me through the broiler about other women being off limits she coulda held up her end of the bargain.

[Trotskilicious]

awww gosh that's terrible

[Kanan Road]

hi trots. never have sex. ever. just pay for it theres no emotion involved.

[Trotskilicious]

oh i already know that

[Debaser]

Originally Posted by Kanan Road

the whole reason i was into her was because she was still fresh, very well raised, and i was the only one inside of it. im coming up on 22 years old. finding a decent girl this age is tough. you know it. women are whores and are beat by now.

I don't know why, but that sounds slightly creepy. Are you religious?

How long before your solution is to only look for underage girls to get with?

[Kanan Road]

debaser. please just shut up man. im not religious. i just used those words because they were the truth and thats how i felt when i posted that.

and dude i dont know about you but underage girls became obsolete when one turns 18

[Trotskilicious]

i hate you kanan road

[Kanan Road]

its cool ive always admired your posting

[Nimrod's Son]

Originally Posted by Kanan Road

nim thats the whole point - i dont think i would have thought the same about her. i wouldnt have gotten in so deep. the whole reason i was into her was because she was still fresh

Well n ice to see you broke down my entire post to just what you quoted...

But if that's what you liked about her and what you "got into" then that's nothing more than a virgin fetish. You were never really into "her" you were into the fact that she had a hymen.

I suggest you spare this poor girl any more illusions and move on.

[Kanan Road]

no no i read everything and thanks to you guys for chiming in. i dont have a goddamn virgin fetish. i was into her for who she was, what she did and wanted to do, and what she made me. i agree with what you've said, but its really a 50/50 situation for me so i keep going back and forth.

[Starla]

Originally Posted by KrazeeStacee

But that's why I think it's a bad idea to have high hopes on a long term relationship with someone who hasn't had very much sexual experience. Eventually, they're probably going to cheat. It's the pure curiousity of what would it be like to have sex with someone else...or even just the idea of thinking you'll eventually regret not having fun while you had the chance or something.

This is not true for all women.