unwritten rules of cooking

[barden]

Originally Posted by Trotskilicious

I made French Dip Sandwiches the other night. That was outstanding. I made alfredo sauce for the first time. Also outstanding.

I have a challenge in the freezer: a whole chicken.

Tin Foil!

I use tin foil a lot when I cook.

It keeps things tender and succulent. If it needs a bit of crisp, I open it up and cook it for a little longer without.

But most of the time I wrap in tin foil, and put it in the oven at a slightly lower temp for a little longer.



Put an onion in the chcikens ass.

[Kahlo]

oh the irony, they are unwritten rules but you have all written them on a messageboard.

Damn you german sense of humour.

[Ever]

Does German humor permit for loling at things or does it always require a statement explaining the humor in place of laughter?

Edit: My grammar is dumb

[Kahlo]

an indepth explanation.

Q: How many German lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: “Such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "The Lawyer," and the party of the second part, also known as "The Light Bulb," do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entry way, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spill-over illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties. The aforementioned removal transaction shall *******, but not be limited to, the following steps:
The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, step stool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, said direction being non-negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part (Lawyer) with every possible caution by the party of the first part (Lawyer) to maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part (Light Bulb), notwithstanding the aforementioned failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) to perform the aforementioned customary and agreed upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform and in such case the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as this agreement is concerned so long as the non-negotiable directional codicil (counter-clockwise) is observed by the party of the first part (Lawyer) throughout.
Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.
Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non-negotiable.
NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by said party of the first part (Lawyer), by his heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him to do so, the objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (north) door consistent with maximization of ingress and revenue for the party of the fifth part.”

[Ever]

I've read that joke before in a children's joke book and the fact that you seem to have copied and pasted it from somewhere further undermines its humor qualities.

Since you haven't worked for the humor you have failed and insulted your german benefactors.

[Kahlo]

How do you make a german laugh?

a: put a gun to their head and say laugh

anyway back to cooking

[drmoon]

Originally Posted by Kahlo

How do you make a german laugh?

a: put a gun to their head and say laugh

anyway back to cooking

LOL

[Nimrod's Son]

i must have eaten about 100 artichokes last night

[redbull]

dont jizz in the eggs

[Ever]

That's solid advice guys

[Trotskilicious]

However, farting on merangue is a good idea.

[spring]

i wish that every time you bump an old thread you'd start a new page.

so that my post now wouldn't look so ridiculous after the merengue farts and stuff above.

[waltermcphilp]

yea.

[Fathoms (unadored)]

It's okay to wedge cans of food open with a knife if the can opener has only left you worse off than when you started.

[spring]

my contribution: don't cook if you think that would relax you. only cook if you actually plan on eating the food.

[Lucy Sky Diamonds]

Originally Posted by Fathoms (unadored)

It's okay to wedge cans of food open with a knife if the can opener has only left you worse off than when you started.

NO. This is a BAD idea. I have a lovely scar on my index finger from trying this a few years ago and ended up needing stitches and a tetanus shot. NO. BAD BAD BAD IDEA.

[severin]

the right way to cook noodles:

1) heat the water until it boils
2) salt the water (if you salt it before, it will take longer until it boils)
3) put in noodles
4) check if they are done. do so by cutting one up and look, if ist still white in the center. if it is, it will take a little longer
5) put cold water into the pot, when they are done. this will stop the cooking process instantly and
6) strain them, do NOT put oil on them, that doesn't do anything but make them greasy
7) put them into the pot again


btw: certain pasta goes with certain sauces. you can mix as you want of course, but traditionally they are combined in certain ways

[Lucy Sky Diamonds]

Rice (real rice, not Uncle Ben's 5 minute crap) should be rinsed before using.

[severin]

Originally Posted by Lucy Sky Diamonds

Rice (real rice, not Uncle Ben's 5 minute crap) should be rinsed before using.

depends. if you plan on cooking risotto that's a rather bad idea, since that one depends on the starch of the rice, which you would have washed away

[Trotskilicious]

man what's wrong with greasy pasta? mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm grease.

[Lucy Sky Diamonds]

Risotto is closer to pasta in cooking method anyhow.

[Trotskilicious]

i don't understand why you would cut a noodle to check for done-ness when you can just EAT it to test for done-ness.

[severin]

Originally Posted by Trotskilicious

i don't understand why you would cut a noodle to check for done-ness when you can just EAT it to test for done-ness.

of course you could always eat it, but in case you don't want to put your teeth around a non-perfect noodle that would be the way to go

[severin]

Originally Posted by Lucy Sky Diamonds

Risotto is closer to pasta in cooking method anyhow.

nope, not really. at least i don't put scoops of water on my pasta and wait until it's cooked away before i add the next one...and that's how you do risotto

[Trotskilicious]

Here's an unwritten rule of cooking: Fat People Cook Best

[GlasgowKiss]

Thats bullshit you garlic mangling retard.

[Mariner]

Originally Posted by severin

but in case you don't want to put your teeth around a non-perfect noodle

beggars can't be choosers

[spring]

note to self: make sure you marry a guy who can cook

[mercurial]

with steaks I'm all about sealing in the pan or whatever and then finishing in the oven to my liking

so just a quick sear on both sides in a hot, smoking pan

remove and let rest for a minute or so

then into a hot oven (200 celsius) for 5-10 minutes depending on the thickness of the cut and how you like it done

remove, let it rest and cool, and serve

[DeviousJ]

Originally Posted by severin

6) strain them, do NOT put oil on them, that doesn't do anything but make them greasy

I disagree! Unless you're putting it straight in the sauce - if you leave pasta too long it'll dry and stick together, but a little dash of oil will keep them separate. I guess it depends on what you're going to do with it, and maybe pasta of different qualities sticks less, but generally with things like tagliatelle the oil's a must.

And if you're using actual noodles (like in Chinese etc cooking) then damn those things like to stick