wanna hear a joke

doctor: "you're going to die in 3 weeks"

woman:"I'd like a second opinion!"

doctor: "ok, well........you're ugly, too"

[Rockin' Cherub]

Did you ever hear the one about Frank Buck? Frank Buck was the greatest animal trapper that ever lived. He trapped animals for zoos, for circuses, for side shows, for almost anything. During his long career he made quite a name for himself as the greatest animal trapper that ever lived.

One day, like many men, Frank Buck reached the age of sixty-five and decided to retire. So, our hero bought himself a little farm in Louisville, Kentucky and settled down to live out his remaining years in the peaceful surroundings of rural Louisville. Not quite. He had just settled down and was sitting out on his back porch when the phone rang. It was the San Diego Zoo. The zoo keepers said to Frank Buck, "Mr. Buck? This is the San Diego Zoo. We realize you've led a long and busy life, and you deserve a peaceful retirement as much as any man on earth, but there's this one unusual animal we need, and you're the only man we know that can get it for us. It's a hornless rhinoceros. Well, Frank Buck (being in retirement and all that) naturally argued a little, but finally consented to get this hornless rhinoceros for the San Diego Zoo.

So, the next day he went down to his boat on the shore (this was before the days of airplanes), sailed across choppy seas, and landed in Africa, where he went a hackin' and a choppin', and a choppin' and a hackin' through the jungles of Africa 'till he met Tarzan. Now Tarzan was painting stripes. However, you couldn't tell whether they were white stripes on a black zebra, black stripes on a white zebra, or black and white stripes on a clear zebra. So Frank Buck went up to Tarzan and said, "Tarzan, I hate to bother you while you're so busy, but there's this one unusual animal I need. Would you happen to know the whereabouts of a hornless rhinoceros?" Now Tarzan, being so busy and all that, naturally was a little upset. But he put down his brush, pointed to a bush, and said, "Ugh!" And 'lo and behold, out walked this hornless rhinoceros!

So, Frank Buck captured the hornless rhinoceros, thanked Tarzan (who had, by this time, gone back to painting the zebra), and went a hackin' and a choppin', and a choppin' and a hackin' back through the jungles of Africa, back down to his boat on the shore (this was before the days of airplanes), sailed back across choppy seas, and landed in America. The next day, he delivered the hornless rhinoceros to the San Diego Zoo, and went back into retirement on his little farm in Louisville, Kentucky.

Well, three days later Frank Buck was sitting out on his back porch when the phone rang. This time it was the Chicago Zoo. The zoo keepers at the Chicago Zoo said, "Mr. Buck? This is the Chicago Zoo. We hate to bother you, seeing as you're in retirement and all that, but there's this one unusual animal we need and only you can get it for us. It's a short-necked giraffe." Well, Frank Buck (being in retirement and all that) naturally argued a little, but finally consented to get this short-necked giraffe for the Chicago Zoo.

So the next day, he went down to his boat on the shore (this was before the days of airplanes), sailed across choppy seas, and landed in Africa, where he went a hackin' and a choppin' and a choppin' and a hackin' through the jungles of Africa 'till he met Tarzan. Now, Tarzan was painting stripes. However, you couldn't tell whether they were black stripes on a white zebra, white stripes on a black zebra, or black and white stripes on a clear zebra. So, Frank Buck went up to Tarzan and said, "Tarzan, I hate to bother you while you're so busy, but there's this one unusual animal I need. Would you happen to know the whereabouts of a short-necked giraffe?" Now Tarzan (being so busy and all that) naturally was a bit peeved, but he put down his brush, pointed to a bush, and said, "Ugh!" And 'lo and behold, out walked this short necked giraffe!

So Frank Buck captured the short-necked giraffe, thanked Tarzan (who had, by this time, gone back to painting stripes), and went a hackin' and a choppin', and a choppin' and a hackin' back through the jungles of Africa, down to his boat on the shore (this was before the days of airplanes), sailed across choppy seas, and landed in America. The next day, he delivered the short-necked giraffe to the Chicago Zoo and went back to retirement on his little farm in Louisville, Kentucky.

Well, three days later, he was sitting out on the back porch when the phone rang. This time it was the Smithsonian Zoo. The zoo keepers said, "Mr. Buck, we realize you're in retirement and all that, but there's this one unusual animal we need, and only you can get it for us. It's a trunkless elephant." Well, Frank Buck (being in retirement and all that) naturally argued a little, but finally he consented to get this trunkless elephant for the Smithsonian Zoo.

So the next day, he went down to his boat on the shore (This was before the days of airplanes), sailed across choppy seas, and went a hackin' and a choppin', and a choppin' and a hackin' through the jungles of Africa 'till he met Tarzan. Now Tarzan was painting stripes. However, you couldn't tell if they were black stripes on a white zebra, or white stripes on a black zebra, or black and white stripes on a clear zebra. So Frank Buck went up to Tarzan and said, "Tarzan, I hate to bother you while you're so busy, but there's this one unusual animal I need. Would you happen to know the whereabouts of a trunkless elephant?" Now Tarzan, totally peeved, broke his brush over his knee, threw the brush into the bushes, pointed to a bush and hollered, "Ugh!" And, 'lo and behold, out walked this trunkless elephant!

So Frank Buck captured the trunkless elephant, thanked Tarzan (who had by this time picked up a chipmunk and was painting with its tail), went a hackin' and a choppin', and a choppin' and a hackin' back through the jungles of Africa down to his boat on the shore (this was before the days of airplanes), sailed across choppy seas, and landed in America. The next day, he delivered the trunkless elephant to the Smithsonian Zoo, and went back into retirement on his little farm in Louisville, Kentucky.

Three days later, he was sitting on his back porch when the phone rang. However, this time it was a wrong number. So the next day, Frank Buck had his phone disconnected and lived happily ever after. Moral: ... Tarzan stripes forever.

worst joke ever

[Rockin' Cherub]

you actually read that? fuck.

[Izzle]

my grandfather's legendary joke, which he has been telling people for most of his life:


q: what's a door when its not a door?

a: a jar.

[benjamin619]

hey, Nimrod. As long as we're on Mexican jokes: Why were there only 10,000 Mexicans at the Alamo?






Because they only had 2 pick-up trucks. thank you.

[bardy]

so a termite walked into a bar and said


is the bar tender here?

[benjamin619]

what do you get when you cut a baby with a straight-razor?


an erection.

doctor: "i've got good news and bad news"

patient: "what's the bad news?"

doctor: "you have cancer"

patient: "what's the good news?"

doctor: "did you see my secretary out there? I finally fucked her!"

[Rockin' Cherub]

haha i tricked nimrod into actually reading the whole godawful shaggy dog story

[Toby]

where is kristin jones at. she tells the best nigger jokes.

[Elvis The Fat Years]

what do you call a dumb bitch with big tits?








































bardy.


























GET SOME!

[wally]

My wife's grandfather's proclomation before Thanksgiving dinner EVERY year

"Thank God the pilgrims didn't shoot a cat because we would all be eating pussy right now."

[Elvis The Fat Years]

http://img89.imageshack.us/img89/9166/teehee.jpg

[Toby]

lol @ wally's in-laws

[wally]

it's the only funny thing he says all year. the rest of the time he's unbearable.

[Pretzel Logic]

I chuckled

[yo soy el mejor]

alex said this to me over the phone when i was at work.

why did so many black people die in the war?

































because when they were told to get down they would jump up and start dancing.

[Nimrod's Son]

Originally Posted by Rockin' Cherub

haha i tricked nimrod into actually reading the whole godawful shaggy dog story

no, i skimmed it, but whatever makes you happy

[yo soy el mejor]

yeah man whatever

[douglas78]

knock knock..

[Nimrod's Son]

go away

[douglas78]

you go away

what would you call the Flinstones if they were black?

[bob_cock]

um

[brendo_91]

homeless

[bob_cock]

NIGGERS

[Nimrod's Son]

Originally Posted by slanky

what would you call the Flinstones if they were black?

you totally fucked up the setup here

[bob_cock]

Originally Posted by brendo_91

homeless

the flinstones weren't homeless, dickhole

Originally Posted by Nimrod's Son

you totally fucked up the setup here

except that's the way the joke goes