dont read this post, it's just another rant.

Ihaman · 12-31-2002, 07:01 AM

about how fucking stupid i am.
and how with every group of people i've ever tried to be friends with, i've always felt like an outsider and aborted when true friendships really started to develop.

it's a vicious cycle, and it isnt stopping, i am my own worst enemy.

Geek USA · 12-31-2002, 07:03 AM

ay pobresito..

I can't be alone ever i cling to people. sometimes my friends get obsessive though and wont let me talk to other people it's kinda scary i've had about 4 of those

Ihaman · 12-31-2002, 07:07 AM

my best group of friends from high school called me earlier today, i just listened to my voicemail "matt why are you dissapearing again? fucking stop it we wanna hang out!"
but the truth is, whenever i hang out with them, i see that each of them plays a role in each other's friendship, it's almost like a story that im reading, and then there's me, the outsider that's just sort of viewing from a distance, putting my 2 cents in every once in awhile. even though i probably play just as much a role in everyone's friendship there as they each other.
somehow i view this as me bieng a bad friend, and that all of us are better off without me even bieng there...so i leave, and think it's better off that way, even though rationality is telling me otherwise, people dont think this way, they dont act this way...so why am i?

picking it apart is harder than anything.

twice · 12-31-2002, 07:09 AM

twice · 12-31-2002, 07:16 AM

your ability to acknowlege rational thinking and inability to accept it reminds me of a character in a book i'm reading called White Noise. The guy has this constant fear of death...worries about it all the time....and it causes his actions in his life to avoid it in ever which way possible....

in one part he's discussing death with a fellow lecturer for a university...and the man points out that everyone in life fears their own mortality...but that a majority of them distract themselves of it with their daily lives, with goals, with actions in pursuit of attaining their goals....and all the while it's just a natural ability for them (us) to forget and ignore the fact that the existence we know is not without end, and that ultimately we will die. and the point is, that this main character, was in the minority....because he didn't have the ability to change how he couldn't ignore his fear of death no matter how much he wanted to...

i wish i could help you. all of that was pretty useless, really. but i'm sorry you have to go through that matt...

Junebug · 12-31-2002, 07:27 AM

self awareness just sucks, doesn't it?

wish i could give you some words of encouragement or something but ummmm....yeah. sorry.

Fish · 12-31-2002, 07:45 AM

I think everyone feels like that at some point in their lives.. I know a lot of my friends get insecure about their relationships with other people and I know I do all the time.. I think you've got to realise you're not the only one and that no matter how confident or happy they seem on the surface, they probably feel simmilar to you. I mean, they obviously do want to hang with you if they left you a message and didn't just hang up on you and they value you as a friend.

Elvis The Naked Years · 12-31-2002, 07:52 AM

i'm so glad that i didn't click on this thread.

jenn · 12-31-2002, 08:22 AM

Happy New Years Eve Netphoria.

I'm having a shitty time too if that helps you at all Matt. *hug* And I still haven't slept.

twice · 12-31-2002, 05:59 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Elvis The Naked Years
i'm so glad that i didn't click on this thread.

OH BUT YOU DID!

sickbadthing · 12-31-2002, 06:02 PM

I'm personally disturbed by this eatting/shitting vicious cycle.

THRILLHO · 12-31-2002, 06:37 PM

whoa. that exact same thing happens to me.
i hate how it's way too easy to find new friends and ride off the easy stages of initially making friends too.
i'm getting by i guess, but i don't really know how to get around it other than to try and concentrate on working against it really hard, which sometimes fails and causes fits of self-hatred.

Faggotologist · 12-31-2002, 07:24 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by melancholia
Happy New Years Eve Netphoria.

I'm having a shitty time too if that helps you at all Matt. *hug* And I still haven't slept.

Want me to drive up to NY tonite and solve all of your problems?

Best Looking Boy · 12-31-2002, 07:27 PM

New Year's Eve/Day whining is the worst. Sad thing is, this is just the beginning.

12-31-2002, 09:29 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Ihaman
about how fucking stupid i am.
and how with every group of people i've ever tried to be friends with, i've always felt like an outsider and aborted when true friendships really started to develop.

it's a vicious cycle, and it isnt stopping, i am my own worst enemy.

God. Shut the hell up already.

twice · 12-31-2002, 09:34 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Mr. Rhinoceros

God. Shut the hell up already.

it's not like you were told to read it. jeez.

Elvis The Naked Years · 12-31-2002, 09:41 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by twice
it's not like you were told to read it. jeez.

he should have just copied me and not clicked this thread.

12-31-2002, 09:49 PM

And miss an opprotunity to remind Matt what an unbelievable moron he is and always will be? Not bloody likely.

DeviousJ · 12-31-2002, 10:04 PM

Matt, is sounds like you need to start hanging out with these people on a 1-on-1 basis. That way there isn't this group dynamic, and once you've clicked a little with them individually you'll find them easier to talk to in a group situation

twice · 12-31-2002, 10:07 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Mr. Rhinoceros
And miss an opprotunity to remind Matt what an unbelievable moron he is and always will be? Not bloody likely.

i'm sure your opinion holds a lot of meaning to him.

Best Looking Boy · 12-31-2002, 10:08 PM

He holds a lot of sway with the high school kids.

pastor · 12-31-2002, 10:12 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by DeviousJ
Matt, is sounds like you need to start hanging out with these people on a 1-on-1 basis. That way there isn't this group dynamic, and once you've clicked a little with them individually you'll find them easier to talk to in a group situation

Smart. Sensible. Succinct. DeviousJ.

DeviousJ · 12-31-2002, 10:19 PM

And more reputable outlets!

Ihaman · 12-31-2002, 11:52 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Mr. Rhinoceros
And miss an opprotunity to remind Matt what an unbelievable moron he is and always will be? Not bloody likely.

you are such a sweet heart.

Travis Meekz · 01-01-2003, 12:12 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by pastor

Smart. Sensible. Succinct. DeviousJ.

his intelligence and dignity is something we should all try strive for

12-31-2002, 07:01 AM	#1
Ihaman Sometimes, though. Location: Hazard, California Posts: 21,274	dont read this post, it's just another rant. about how fucking stupid i am. and how with every group of people i've ever tried to be friends with, i've always felt like an outsider and aborted when true friendships really started to develop. it's a vicious cycle, and it isnt stopping, i am my own worst enemy.

12-31-2002, 07:03 AM	#2
Geek USA car wash cunt Location: cuyler ave Posts: 39,762	ay pobresito.. I can't be alone ever i cling to people. sometimes my friends get obsessive though and wont let me talk to other people it's kinda scary i've had about 4 of those __________________ well.

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12-31-2002, 07:07 AM	#3
Ihaman Sometimes, though. Location: Hazard, California Posts: 21,274	my best group of friends from high school called me earlier today, i just listened to my voicemail "matt why are you dissapearing again? fucking stop it we wanna hang out!" but the truth is, whenever i hang out with them, i see that each of them plays a role in each other's friendship, it's almost like a story that im reading, and then there's me, the outsider that's just sort of viewing from a distance, putting my 2 cents in every once in awhile. even though i probably play just as much a role in everyone's friendship there as they each other. somehow i view this as me bieng a bad friend, and that all of us are better off without me even bieng there...so i leave, and think it's better off that way, even though rationality is telling me otherwise, people dont think this way, they dont act this way...so why am i? picking it apart is harder than anything.

12-31-2002, 07:09 AM	#4
twice Socialphobic Location: kitty in the middle Posts: 10,183

12-31-2002, 07:16 AM	#5
twice Socialphobic Location: kitty in the middle Posts: 10,183	your ability to acknowlege rational thinking and inability to accept it reminds me of a character in a book i'm reading called White Noise. The guy has this constant fear of death...worries about it all the time....and it causes his actions in his life to avoid it in ever which way possible.... in one part he's discussing death with a fellow lecturer for a university...and the man points out that everyone in life fears their own mortality...but that a majority of them distract themselves of it with their daily lives, with goals, with actions in pursuit of attaining their goals....and all the while it's just a natural ability for them (us) to forget and ignore the fact that the existence we know is not without end, and that ultimately we will die. and the point is, that this main character, was in the minority....because he didn't have the ability to change how he couldn't ignore his fear of death no matter how much he wanted to... i wish i could help you. all of that was pretty useless, really. but i'm sorry you have to go through that matt...

12-31-2002, 07:27 AM	#6
Junebug Minion of Satan Posts: 7,072	self awareness just sucks, doesn't it? wish i could give you some words of encouragement or something but ummmm....yeah. sorry.

12-31-2002, 07:45 AM	#7
Fish Demi-God Location: London (Cardiff Uni in term time) UK Posts: 392	I think everyone feels like that at some point in their lives.. I know a lot of my friends get insecure about their relationships with other people and I know I do all the time.. I think you've got to realise you're not the only one and that no matter how confident or happy they seem on the surface, they probably feel simmilar to you. I mean, they obviously do want to hang with you if they left you a message and didn't just hang up on you and they value you as a friend.

12-31-2002, 07:52 AM	#8
Elvis The Naked Years Pledge Location: within you Posts: 188	i'm so glad that i didn't click on this thread.

12-31-2002, 08:22 AM	#9
jenn Minion of Satan Location: new york Posts: 6,325	Happy New Years Eve Netphoria. I'm having a shitty time too if that helps you at all Matt. hug And I still haven't slept.

12-31-2002, 06:02 PM	#11
sickbadthing Out fart the hottie! Location: I have super gonorrhoea Posts: 24,316	I'm personally disturbed by this eatting/shitting vicious cycle.

12-31-2002, 06:37 PM	#12
THRILLHO Apocalyptic Poster Location: vancouver Posts: 2,092	whoa. that exact same thing happens to me. i hate how it's way too easy to find new friends and ride off the easy stages of initially making friends too. i'm getting by i guess, but i don't really know how to get around it other than to try and concentrate on working against it really hard, which sometimes fails and causes fits of self-hatred.

12-31-2002, 07:27 PM	#14
Best Looking Boy Apocalyptic Poster Location: Austin, TX Posts: 3,414	New Year's Eve/Day whining is the worst. Sad thing is, this is just the beginning.

12-31-2002, 09:49 PM	#18
Mr. Rhinoceros Posts: n/a	And miss an opprotunity to remind Matt what an unbelievable moron he is and always will be? Not bloody likely.

12-31-2002, 10:04 PM	#19
DeviousJ CORNFROST Location: GUREITO DESU YO Posts: 24,891	Matt, is sounds like you need to start hanging out with these people on a 1-on-1 basis. That way there isn't this group dynamic, and once you've clicked a little with them individually you'll find them easier to talk to in a group situation

12-31-2002, 10:08 PM	#21
Best Looking Boy Apocalyptic Poster Location: Austin, TX Posts: 3,414	He holds a lot of sway with the high school kids.

12-31-2002, 10:19 PM	#23
DeviousJ CORNFROST Location: GUREITO DESU YO Posts: 24,891	And more reputable outlets!