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Old 12-12-2018, 08:16 PM   #3511
FoolofaTook
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Compliment her on one of the things you mentioned, or make a comment about her dog. Maybe ask what breed it is?
I know I should have said how cool her hair is. She must have got the blue braids in the last month or so. Damn why didnt i talk to her?

Now I have to walk over there every day lol.

 
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Old 12-12-2018, 08:17 PM   #3512
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then yes i will pet the dog.

thank you disco king. i will name out first masculine child after you!

 
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Old 12-12-2018, 08:29 PM   #3513
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Compliment her on one of the things you mentioned, or make a comment about her dog. Maybe ask what breed it is?
calm down, middle-school.

 
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Old 12-12-2018, 08:41 PM   #3514
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Overall, pretty good, but I'm still a bit worried that she's going to decide that the age gap makes her feel weird after all. Especially because, though I don't text to chat often and only text to set up dates, I felt I should send a text last night just to let her know I'm still interested (just asked her how work was), and she hasn't responded yet.
BWAHAHA



I'm a side character in some sitcom, and my running joke is not being able to get a second date and having a different rejection each episode.

Airs on CBS Fridays.

 
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Old 12-12-2018, 08:45 PM   #3515
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I can't blame her, though. I'm an undergraduate who lives with mom and doesn't drive. I can imagine being a grown-ass woman feeling like I'm dating a kid. Having to drive him around and help him with homework and shit. I mean, even when I was 22 or 23, I had a date with an 18-year-old that felt weird because I also felt like we were I'm different stages in life, and that age gap was much smaller, and I also chose not to pursue the relationship based on that. Karol's feelings are reasonable.

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Old 12-12-2018, 08:53 PM   #3516
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come on joe
don't make that sad song
any sadder than it already is

 
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Old 12-12-2018, 08:57 PM   #3517
yo soy el mejor
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u kids share ur texts like nothin'

it's like oh, that's what HE sees on his phone

 
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Old 12-12-2018, 08:57 PM   #3518
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u should click that face

 
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Old 12-12-2018, 09:00 PM   #3519
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Thumbs up

79% battery. niiice.

 
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Old 12-12-2018, 09:13 PM   #3520
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calm down, middle-school.
I'm totally happy to defer to your advice on how to approach and start conversations with women you're interested in. What should Took do?

 
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Old 12-12-2018, 09:14 PM   #3521
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u should click that face
Android suggested it for a reason. It has analyzed millions of rejection texts, and uses an algorithm to determine thes optimal response.

 
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Old 12-12-2018, 09:21 PM   #3522
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Originally Posted by FoolofaTook View Post
then yes i will pet the dog.

thank you disco king. i will name out first masculine child after you!
Even though it's not a proper Serbian name? I'm honoured!

 
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Old 12-12-2018, 09:32 PM   #3523
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Learning to drive and getting a car are possibilities...learn to drive, first.

I didnít learn until I was 30, and by that stage I had two kids. Driving and having a car are terrible choices for the earth, but if it helps you have more overlap with Ďnormalí culture then that might help your dating chances, itís a relatively easy fix. Even I managed to get a license to drive a car. Granted, I failed the driving test three times. But I got there in the end! You can too...probably with less to be ashamed of, than me.

If Canada is anything like Autralia, you could set an appointment for your learnerís permit test online, like right now.

 
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Old 12-12-2018, 11:21 PM   #3524
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dating update:

disaster relief woman hasn't texted me since october. She was out of town so I said let me know when you are back around, and I never heard from her... so I guess shit is over? I kind of feel like if I reached out again she probably would go out with me again, but she is equally as happy to just not. When we spend time together it's always fun and we seem to have good chemistry, but she seems to look at me as just something to do. I guess even as just a hook up or friends with benefits, I would like to feel desired by a partner, and not just when we are literally together.

I still can't quite figure her out, like she's so hot and cold. When we see each other, she is really affectionate, and she's not shy about PDA in public, so we always wind up doing shit like stopping three times on our walk to the restaurant to slip around a corner and do some kissing. That sounds like she's into it, right? Well apparently not that much.
Hmm. It's probably too late for this, but back when you were still seeing each other regularly, if you felt she wasn't invested in you as much as you were invested in her, maybe it would have been a good idea to show her through your actions that you're not afraid to lose her and you have other options if she doesn't satisfy you, and the fear of losing you becoming salient would make her reassess how much she actually values you.

Too late for that, so either call her up again for casual stuff if you're okay with that, or if you feel you require more of an emotional investment to make it worthwhile, just forget about her and pursue other women.

 
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Old 12-13-2018, 01:03 AM   #3525
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maybe get some satisfaction in that you are still so far ahead of me in this stuff, joe. i mean you're not the worst. that's something, right?

seriously though i'm sorry your friend was a shithead and that it isn't going to work out with Karol but at least you had a fun time and had a momentary connection... i know easy for me to say

 
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Old 12-13-2018, 01:56 AM   #3526
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del

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Old 12-13-2018, 02:00 AM   #3527
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i

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Old 12-13-2018, 02:01 AM   #3528
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need to hush

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Old 12-13-2018, 07:22 AM   #3529
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Originally Posted by vixnix View Post
Learning to drive and getting a car are possibilities...learn to drive, first.

I didnít learn until I was 30, and by that stage I had two kids. Driving and having a car are terrible choices for the earth, but if it helps you have more overlap with Ďnormalí culture then that might help your dating chances, itís a relatively easy fix. Even I managed to get a license to drive a car. Granted, I failed the driving test three times. But I got there in the end! You can too...probably with less to be ashamed of, than me.

If Canada is anything like Autralia, you could set an appointment for your learnerís permit test online, like right now.
Thanks for this. I have got my license now, but I always did have insecurities about how late in life I got it (I got it just over the summer), so it's nice to be reassured that not having your license as soon as you turn 16 isn't as uncommon or worthy of shame as I thought and kicked myself over. Though I still have insecurities, because despite having my license, I still feel like I suck at driving and don't really deserve to be licensed. I even took driving school before getting my license, but if I'm driving anything other than a route I'm very familiar with and have memorized, I feel as though I can't process and react to the onslaught of stimuli quickly enough, and miss signs, signals, turns, and at times, pedestrians.

I still haven't got a vehicle, though. I dunno, I feel like I haven't got enough money and am too far in debt to even really seriously consider one at this point. They are quite an expense. And a constant one, at that, because of insurance, fuel, and maitenance.

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maybe get some satisfaction in that you are still so far ahead of me in this stuff, joe. i mean you're not the worst. that's something, right?

seriously though i'm sorry your friend was a shithead and that it isn't going to work out with Karol but at least you had a fun time and had a momentary connection... i know easy for me to say
Yeah, as much as I whine about my dating life, there are people who have had less luck than I have who whine far less than I do.

You have discussed it only very occasionally, but I want you to know that you can feel free to open up about it more if you want to and are comfortable doing so. I probably can't offer much advice, not being in your position, but I can offer a listening ear (or reading eye).

Even though we've got some similarities in our issues, there are also stark differences. I imagine that trauma is much harder to deal with than anxiety, because while both are probably overeager and overzealous misfirings of a fight-or-flight (-or-freeze) response, trauma is based on an actual historical threat to life and safety, and has a lot more "rational" evidence justifying it in the memory of the person who has it. It's maladaptive, but in a sense, it's "rational" because terrible things have actually happened to you when you've trusted people in the past.

I can't really just give that normie Nike "just do it!" advice because of how unhelpful that is, but what I can say is that the progress I have made has been the result of a concerted and contrived effort, and didn't happen naturally. Because I never "naturally" fell into dating and forming interpersonal relationships the way most other people seemed to do in their developmental years, I've had to make this a project of mine in order to make the progress that I have. Something prevented us from "organically" doing these things that virtually all other people seem to be capable of doing, so we have got to put more effort in than the average person does if we want results. I really hope that you will soon be in a position where you'll be empowered to make that effort, but perhaps you will need more healing before you get there.

 
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Old 12-13-2018, 08:49 AM   #3530
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At the end of the date, I thanked her for coming out, and she thanked me for not freaking out about her age (I mean, it's not like I couldn't tell that I'm younger than her when I was hitting on her, so it was no surprise, anyway; she is an incredibly attractive thirty-four).
For what it's worth, I am also an incredibly attractive thirty-four and Lady Globes is an even more incredibly attractive fourty-four. We've made it work for three and a half happy years so far. So, no advice to placate, but more just letting you know it can be done.

EDIT: sorry, I just saw her text.

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Old 12-13-2018, 08:53 AM   #3531
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so... i finally got the courage to say his to this really cool woman i have seen on the trail near my home. she always smiled in the past but i was too shy to hold eye contact. today i said hi and she said hi too!.

she's so cool. she has long blue braids and wears tie-dye shirts and has this funny looking poofy dog...

ach, gollum!!!

now i need to work on saying a complete sentence.
This reminds me of that King of the Hill where Bill falls in love with the jogger who passes by him every morning. Dale convinces him to dig ditches for her to fall into so that he can tend to her injuries and she will fall in love with him, but Boomhauer steals her from him before that can happen.

 
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Old 12-13-2018, 08:55 AM   #3532
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Dang ol...talkin' 'bout FoolofaTook, man.

 
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Old 12-13-2018, 09:52 AM   #3533
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Damn Disco, from that text message you'd think you & her had a Chloe/Billy level age gap. Past 25 & under 35, who cares?

 
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Old 12-13-2018, 12:09 PM   #3534
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This reminds me of that King of the Hill where Bill falls in love with the jogger who passes by him every morning. Dale convinces him to dig ditches for her to fall into so that he can tend to her injuries and she will fall in love with him, but Boomhauer steals her from him before that can happen.
nobody's falling in love with anyone. i'm just trying to get to the point of having conversation with ppl and making friends.

 
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Old 12-13-2018, 12:10 PM   #3535
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though yeah of all the kOH characters i definitely resemble bill the most.

 
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Old 12-13-2018, 01:34 PM   #3536
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though yeah of all the kOH characters i definitely resemble bill the most.
Nah, fuzzy is Bill. You're more like Joseph.

 
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Old 12-13-2018, 01:36 PM   #3537
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Damn Disco, from that text message you'd think you & her had a Chloe/Billy level age gap. Past 25 & under 35, who cares?
I dunno. At age 34, I might have reservations about dating a 24 year old, and that's without me being insecure about my age like it sounds like Karol is.

Upon further review of my own situation, I can at least say that the 30s/40s are closer in maturity than 20s/30s, which is aboslutely not a knock on DK.

 
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Old 12-13-2018, 04:13 PM   #3538
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I pretty much require someone to be at least in their 30s (I'm almost 29) because most guys in their 20s are just.....not relationship material for me. But they can be really hot and I'm not against a largely impersonal fling.

 
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Old 12-13-2018, 04:17 PM   #3539
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I would very much like that, actually. I don't have the emotional space for a relationship right now, but I definitely have the emotional space for sex.

 
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Old 12-13-2018, 05:16 PM   #3540
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I can see why 25/35 is a difficulty. Maybe it wouldn't have been a generation ago, when young adults reached certain milestones earlier in life. But, like, I'm pretty much still in a dependent relationship with my mother, while Karol has a career, a master's degree, and is independent. It would probably be different if I were a bit more independent, living on my own, driving my own car, all that. But alas, I'm essentially a baby. It's even getting to the point where other people my age are already graduated and working non-retail jobs.

One thing I do appreciate about more mature women is that they seem to be a lot more transparent and clear than women my age. They communicate their thoughts, instead of being inscrutable and wanting you to read their minds. With women my age, I feel like what they say they want and how they behave are two different things, and I feel like even they don't really understand what they want. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells on a balancing beam to navigate "not being creepy" and being forward enough that they feel a spark, but more mature women will tell you exactly what they want, where their boundaries are, and where you stand in relation to them.

I finally texted Karol back. I appreciated that she gave me such a clear and thorough message, so I wanted to take some time to chew on what I wanted to say in response. I told her that I understand completely, but also left the door open for the options of something more casual to explore our physical chemistry, or just platonic friendship. I also let her know that I'd totally understand if she just prefers to part ways here.

The only reason I can fathom for a smart and attractive girl like her to still be single is not having the opportunity to meet many new guys in her current life routine (maybe everybody at the office is boring), so I let her know that should she decide to still be friends, perhaps expanding her social circle will introduce her to other guys more suited for her (a friend I haven't spoken to in a while comes to mind as somebody who might get on with her pretty well, and he also mentioned matching with younger women on Tinder and not really being happy with it, wanting somebody more mature; I'll have to check to see if he's still single).

 
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