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Old 11-21-2018, 11:50 PM   #3301
vixnix
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I guess having sex with someone other than my husband is so far in my past now, sometimes I talk about it just to remind myself that it happened

it feels like it must have all been a dream, in a way

i've been in a monogamous heterosexual relationship with the father of my kids for that last 14 years, so even if I don't feel conservative, I mean....my behaviour means that I am conservative, sexually.

 
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Old 11-21-2018, 11:51 PM   #3302
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del. i don't think this is the arena to explain my feelings. go on with your sexxxxing selves, folks. i'll be watching O.O

 
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Old 11-22-2018, 12:04 AM   #3303
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I mean you had your time making those sorts of posts...and if it weren't for becoming a parent I think there's a strong possibility you'd be happy to chime in with a few more.

you've grown up because you had to. but you know, other people are in a different space.

i think it's fair for you to watch other people posting about sex though, because I'm sure many of the same people have watched you...!

 
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Old 11-22-2018, 12:12 AM   #3304
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Old 11-22-2018, 12:17 AM   #3305
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Old 11-22-2018, 12:25 AM   #3306
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I used to be really into sharing sex stories and I may have even coined "sad sex thread," though I could be mistaken. I guess I got bored/embarassed by it. But who knows maybe I'm just not having enough sad sex

 
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Old 11-22-2018, 12:28 AM   #3307
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Originally Posted by vixnix View Post

you've grown up because you had to. but you know, other people are in a different space.
this is something i repeat like a mantra to ensure i maintain my open minded ideals. i still believe in people pursuing their own happiness, and i can't get annoyed when that pursuit comes off as infantile to me. we're all just here in our own little bubbles in the breeze, and none is better, worse, or permanent.

 
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Old 11-22-2018, 12:51 AM   #3308
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i've never been able to do this dating thing.
arm around her waist, kiss her 2 or 3 times, but then she doesn't hear from you for 5 days? i don't commit to such gestures without serious interest, even as a young man, unless in a drunken stupor. and i'm sure many young women are not really looking for something so casual...

 
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Old 11-22-2018, 12:57 AM   #3309
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I think I might have started "sad sex" when I made the observation that posts about drugs, relationships, and navel-gazing existential dread always seemed to go into these threads, regardless of whether or not the events being referenced actually occurred on a weekend, while chat about other aspects of our daily lives seems to go into the chat thread. I think I said something like "this is the drugs and sad sex thread, right? Can I post about this date?" or whatever.

I dunno, though. RBG and I can be co-authors.

 
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Old 11-22-2018, 01:12 AM   #3310
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i've never been able to do this dating thing.
arm around her waist, kiss her 2 or 3 times, but then she doesn't hear from you for 5 days? i don't commit to such gestures without serious interest, even as a young man, unless in a drunken stupor. and i'm sure many young women are not really looking for something so casual...
Uh, it was two days. And we also messaged each other after our date ended, the same night. So, she still heard from me after the date.

Also, if she probably would have just messaged me in those two days if she really wanted to.

 
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Old 11-22-2018, 01:13 AM   #3311
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i've never been able to do this dating thing.
arm around her waist, kiss her 2 or 3 times, but then she doesn't hear from you for 5 days? i don't commit to such gestures without serious interest, even as a young man, unless in a drunken stupor. and i'm sure many young women are not really looking for something so casual...
yeah the long periods between talking is kinda strange to me

but I feel most comfortable when I can communicate through text

and after a rapport has been built through that medium the next date is not nearly as awkward, you can have an idea of the expectations already

 
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Old 11-22-2018, 01:14 AM   #3312
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I'm not good at dating either because historically I either have one night stands or quickly jump into serious relationships. Moderation is not my thing.

 
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Old 11-22-2018, 01:14 AM   #3313
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Uh, it was two days. And we also messaged each other after our date ended, the same night. So, she still heard from me after the date.

Also, if she probably would have just messaged me in those two days if she really wanted to.
oh well I guess nevermind

 
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Old 11-22-2018, 01:16 AM   #3314
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Disco King seems the most experienced in actual dating

 
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Old 11-22-2018, 01:21 AM   #3315
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I used to be really into sharing sex stories and I may have even coined "sad sex thread," though I could be mistaken. I guess I got bored/embarassed by it. But who knows maybe I'm just not having enough sad sex
thank gods your sex essays made me in want to stab myselves in the face

 
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Old 11-22-2018, 02:55 AM   #3316
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yeah the long periods between talking is kinda strange to me

but I feel most comfortable when I can communicate through text

and after a rapport has been built through that medium the next date is not nearly as awkward, you can have an idea of the expectations already
I dunno, I feel like the only way I'd be able to discuss anything interesting or meaningful over text would require paragraphs, and then I'd come across as that cringey annoying guy who sends overly long texts. I'd pretty much be sending my Netphoria posts as texts. How do you relate anything meaningul in a few short sentences? It's easier for me to only use text to set up in-person meetings, and then we can just have actual conversations about interesting shit when we see each other.

I get bored pretty easily of small talk stuff that fits into short texts.

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I'm not good at dating either because historically I either have one night stands or quickly jump into serious relationships. Moderation is not my thing.
How do one-night stands even happen? Such things are completely outside of my experience. The only times I had opportunities for them, it was the woman who was initiating or suggesting the idea, but I'd always find a way to blow those chances.

I don't really understand how to attain casual sex, though it's something I might want to try in the meantime while looking for a long-term relationship. It just seems like, as a dude, blatantly pursuing or propositioning somebody for casual sex would be considered creepy, threatening, or objectifying. But also if you're not clear about it, you could end up hurting somebody or being dishonest/manipulative. I just don't understand how to navigate these unwritten social mores.

 
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Old 11-22-2018, 03:04 AM   #3317
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Disco King seems the most experienced in actual dating
Only because other people seem to be able to fall into relationships or casual intimacy pretty organically by virtue of having social skills or being attractive or whatever, yet none of this stuff ever occurred for me, so I have to make an actual contrived effort to date. If I don't, then I just don't experience any of these sorts of interactions and remain romanceless.

For other people, this shit just happens, but for people like me, nothing will happen unless I actually go out of my way to talk to a girl with romantic intent, get her number, and set up a date. The people who will say "just live life, and it'll happen naturally!" didn't try doing this for 22 years with nothing to show for it. They are normal, so this shit happened in their teen years, and they don't understand that their normie advice just doesn't work for some people.

I have to try at this shit the same way people have to try to get a job, going out and sending out résumés and doing interviews. Few people just fall into a job "naturally" and "organically" without trying.

If I knew how to have these normal human experiences without having to put so much damn effort into it, I'd do it that way.

 
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Old 11-22-2018, 08:15 AM   #3318
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do you live with each other? I wonder if it's that. For me I suppose the music helped create connection, because it stopped me from being distracted by my environment (worrying that housemates would overhear us or something)... or if we hadn't seen each other for a few days, sometimes it helped with reconnecting.

But sex always became a lot more spontaneous and opportunistic, once I was living with someone. You go to sleep next to this person every night, and some nights you have sex before you go to sleep and some nights you don't. Some nights you hug goodnight and it turns into something else, and some nights you really are just saying goodnight. At that point the spontaneity and responsiveness becomes sexy to me...putting music on is a sort of contrivance and makes me feel awkward, like we're trying to create something or will something to happen. Sex isn't so much of an event anymore, that it needs a soundtrack. It's about connection with my LIFE PARTNER

terms like life partner make me gag a little. Life partner...and LOVER
We don't live together but spend about three or four nights together during the week.

I can't say I think consciously about the music; it's just nice to have something in the background while we go to town on each other. Not to share too much info, but usually the sessions go for at least two hours (lots of foreplay) so I guess the music helps keep the energy going? Or maybe I/we just like having music on in the background rather than nothing at all.

 
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Old 11-22-2018, 08:19 AM   #3319
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thank gods your sex essays made me in want to stab myselves in the face
lol this guy

 
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Old 11-22-2018, 08:25 AM   #3320
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nothing like a steamy edging session set to 3EB

 
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Old 11-22-2018, 08:34 AM   #3321
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nothing like a steamy edging session set to 3EB
You haven't lived 'til you've had a hand job set to Slow Motion.

 
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Old 11-22-2018, 08:35 AM   #3322
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Usually it's her music. No one wants to fuck to At The Drive-In or something.

 
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Old 11-22-2018, 08:56 AM   #3323
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nonetheless listen to them

 
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Old 11-22-2018, 09:00 AM   #3324
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nonetheless listen to them
You haven't lived 'til you've scissored to One Armed Scissor.

 
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Old 11-22-2018, 09:33 AM   #3325
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I used to be really into sharing sex stories and I may have even coined "sad sex thread," though I could be mistaken. I guess I got bored/embarassed by it. But who knows maybe I'm just not having enough sad sex
Yeah I seem to recall you posting about being polyamourous and having a threesome with your girlfriend and another girl you'd just met at a party.

 
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Old 11-22-2018, 10:03 AM   #3326
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*JESUSNEEDSASHIT sharpens his stabbing implements*

 
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Old 11-22-2018, 11:28 AM   #3327
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How do one-night stands even happen? Such things are completely outside of my experience. The only times I had opportunities for them, it was the woman who was initiating or suggesting the idea, but I'd always find a way to blow those chances.

I don't really understand how to attain casual sex, though it's something I might want to try in the meantime while looking for a long-term relationship. It just seems like, as a dude, blatantly pursuing or propositioning somebody for casual sex would be considered creepy, threatening, or objectifying. But also if you're not clear about it, you could end up hurting somebody or being dishonest/manipulative. I just don't understand how to navigate these unwritten social mores.
If I know I am going to meet up with someone beforehand for this purpose, all the ambiguity is cleared up before I ever walk out the door. If I happen to meet someone while already out, usually the chemistry makes it pretty clear how the night will end, and the (lack of) truly personal conversation makes it obvious that I will never hear from them again, and I'm okay with this before engaging in any activities. Sometimes being only interested in a fling or two is okay, but I wouldn't make it a weekly effort. Same goes for chronic serious relationships. I actually don't understand how real dates happen, lol. It's either "SEX" or "I NEED YOU EVERYDAY AND SEX" so I also need to work on some social skills.

 
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Old 11-22-2018, 11:34 AM   #3328
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Also, I don't find anything inherently creepy in men initiating a one night stand, as long as they're only suggesting and are able to accept rejection. Sometimes that's all anyone wants, and there's no point in either party being deceitful. I didn't mean to come off earlier as against this type of thing, I think I'm just not in a place in my life where I'm enjoying reading the "conquest" stories in this thread that have an air of bragging about them. I think I am more into calmer, secure energy right now.

 
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Old 11-22-2018, 12:45 PM   #3329
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Yeah I seem to recall you posting about being polyamourous and having a threesome with your girlfriend and another girl you'd just met at a party.
yes I was polyamorous for a number of years with a serious girlfriend. the threesome was during this time period but it was with my best friend (who was like my secondary partner/fuck buddy) and another woman at a party. The third person wasn't a rando though, we knew her from college.

 
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Old 11-22-2018, 12:49 PM   #3330
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truth be told I will probably go back to posting about sex stories eventually because I am sex-obsessed and have very little outlet to share my thoughts with other people. right now though I have been just casually dating a single person for a year so there isn't much to tell that hasn't already been told. the sex is very good though, she's a great communicator, and she likes biting

 
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