The Official Fri/Sat/Sun/Mon/Tue drunk/drugs/sad sex thread

[Disco King]

Even though I'm not into clubbing, I decided to go to the campus club thing tonight just to practice my game. I told myself that my goal would be practicing the process, not getting any particular result. That way, I wouldn't be disappointed when I inevitably would end up not picking anybody up. I just focused on talking to people and having fun.

Went alone, which is always a bit awkward, but if you have the right energy, you can go to a club alone and not be that "creepy guy." While there have been times when I went in already defeated, this time, I tried hard to be positive, pumping myself up with pozzy thoughts before I went in, but also with low expectations.

I ended up running into acquaintances there anyway, so I wasn't that guy who came alone.

I chatted and danced with some cute girls. I was able to get their interest at first, but wasn't able to sustain it. Like, a couple were really receptive to me when I first started talking to them, but then as time went on, they wouldn't stick around. Didn't want to follow them around the club and be clingy (if she really likes you, she'll use any excuse to stay near you), so I would maybe try a couple more times, and if she still wasn't "hooked," I'd just let her be. I did get one's number, but it felt like a "politeness" number. Doubt she'll text back.

I'm feeling like the reason they lose interest is that I don't move fast enough. I'm too cautious because I don't want to be "grabby" or "creepy" or "aggressive," but if you don't move things along within a certain window, you're no longer looked at as an option, experience is telling me. Next time, I will be less risk-averse.

But since I went in only to practice the process and not to achieve a certain outcome, the fact that I'm coming away with more knowledge isn't so bad. I do wish I were able to go home with somebody, but at least I didn't have a terrible night causing me to feel like shit. Having low expectations helps.

Other than one friend I had a bit of a distancing from making things weird at one point and starting high-school-girl-esque drama (which I refused to indulge in and just kept my cool during), the night was all right.

[Disco King]

I found the sweet spot of alcohol amount that allows me to engage in normie shit like clubbing without feeling self-conscious or as though it's beneath me, while also not making me sick or weird.

I'm going to that gothic dance thing that's more my scene again this weekend, and I think I'll try to go on some disinhibiting drugs. Either my shrooms or MDMA.

[buzzard]

Originally Posted by Disco King

I'm feeling like the reason they lose interest is that I don't move fast enough. I'm too cautious because I don't want to be "grabby" or "creepy" or "aggressive," but if you don't move things along within a certain window, you're no longer looked at as an option, experience is telling me. Next time, I will be less risk-averse.

Honestly, I don't think there's anything very unusual about ultimately forming intimate relationships without having physically touched in entirely distinct initial encounters. I am not sure that there is a shot clock for contact.

It may go stale as months go by, I suppose.

[buzzard]

What sort of thing might you talk about during these exchanges / are there any conversational tendencies you might exhibit?

[yo soy el mejor]

Originally Posted by Disco King

I was sitting in a pub alone and I saw a couple start kissing passionately and it made me sad, so I had to move seats.

"Two lovers entwined passed me by
And heaven knows I'm miserable now"

aw what a sad boi

people passionately kissing in public just grosses me out

[yo soy el mejor]

netphoria now is basically just discoking and elph whining in every thread looking to be coddled.

[smashingjj]

netphoria is now basically yo soy el mejor being patronizing and acting like a baby when called out on it

[yo soy el mejor]

haha whatever you say, white boi.

[yo soy el mejor]

you're not real. i'm real.

[smashingjj]

keep saying that to yourself

[Disco King]

Originally Posted by yo soy el mejor

netphoria now is basically just discoking and elph whining in every thread looking to be coddled.

Well, what are you waiting for? This fragile temperament ain't gonna coddle itself. Get to it, partner.

[yo soy el mejor]

Originally Posted by smashingjj

keep saying that to yourself

keep saying that to yourself

[yo soy el mejor]

gotta keep up my html skillz!

[Disco King]

Originally Posted by buzzard

Honestly, I don't think there's anything very unusual about ultimately forming intimate relationships without having physically touched in entirely distinct initial encounters. I am not sure that there is a shot clock for contact.

It may go stale as months go by, I suppose.

I dunno, I think it depends. Like, if it's a date, it's probably fine if you don't kiss on the very first date. But a few dates of nothing happening, and she won't feel that "spark," and she'll reason that it's because you guys just aren't compatible.

Club scene like this, I tried to play it aloof, but it seems attention spans are short. It really does seem like you've gotta take things to the next level at the earliest convenience. I went from dancing with some space between us to close dancing, and then I'd tell myself "better pull back so I don't seem too aggressive or weird," and I'd step back and return to dancing with space for Jesus between us. It seems doing this is what made them lose interest and look elsewhere. I think next time, I've got to just sustain the closeness, see if I can turn it into a kiss, and see how that goes over.

Originally Posted by buzzard

What sort of thing might you talk about during these exchanges / are there any conversational tendencies you might exhibit?

Well, I'm finding that when meeting people in the club scene, again, attention spans are short. Sticking too long on those "getting to know you" questions, asking them about their majors, jobs, hobbies, etc. bores them really quickly.

I had more success getting people to stick around longer by just making them laugh, teasing them, keeping the energy high, etc. Like, I seemed to get good responses when I'd compliment an outfit, and then say "I was going to wear the exact same top tonight; it's a good thing I didn't, that would have been so awkward!" Or if I did ask a getting-to-know-you question, I'd try to find a way to riff on it. Like, I ask one person what she's studying, and she says she's doing an education degree to become a teacher. I tell her that makes sense, because she totally seems like the teacher who would scold me back in grade school. Again, postive feedback. With this one group, a couple of the girls were dancing, while the rest of the group was just sitting, watching them. I went to the people sitting, and told them they looked like a panel of judges, and I was expecting them to hold up some numbers any second now. Then I went to the dancing people and told them the rest of their group told me I should ask them to teach me how to dance.

When I just kinda have a regular polite conversation, they'll answer the questions, but you can tell they aren't interested or having fun. They'll find some excuse to leave fairly quickly.

The crowd just happened to be more open than the last time I was at this place, though. The last time, I approached a group of people, and before I could do so much as introduce myself, one girl says "go talk to that group over there, they said they liked you" while pointing at an empty corner of the room. Ouch. Other girls would just walk away while I was trying to talk to them. Or maybe after a few words, I'd get the "well, we're going to go back over there," which is code for "we don't really want your company." Of course I just let them go and don't follow them back to the other side of the room like a stray cat.

It was a lot quieter this time and not a lot of people, so maybe that's why people were more open? I kinda just went around trying to talk to whomever and trying to be social in general.

[myosis]

Originally Posted by buzzard

Honestly, I don't think there's anything very unusual about ultimately forming intimate relationships without having physically touched in entirely distinct initial encounters. I am not sure that there is a shot clock for contact.

It may go stale as months go by, I suppose.

this is what i tried to mention the last time...

[redbreegull]

I am impatient and if physical contact doesn't happen within the first two dates or so I will wonder what is happening... Personally I prefer to feel affirmed in the other person's attraction early on, and if the situation doesn't feel prime for at least a little touch after a few hours together, I will start to wonder if the proper chemistry is there.

However everyone is different, and there is no set time frame where physical contact has to happen for a relationship to get off the ground.

[redbreegull]

one thing I do think is broadly true is that when you are dating someone, there should be the feeling that something is progressing from date to date. If your interpersonal progress seems to stagnate at where you were on the first date, and that last into a 2nd, 3rd, or 4th date, someone is going to begin wondering if things are going anywhere. but that progress doesn't have to be physical, it can be emotional or intellectual, or something else. I suspect what kind of progress someone desires is largely based on their love languages or whatever, i.e. how they prefer affection to be bestowed.

[yo soy el mejor]

it don't matter if y'all are on the same page. not everything has to be super wow exciting and what the hell does progressing look like anyway? it just is...or something.

[teh b0lly!!1]

[Disco King]

Originally Posted by myosis

this is what i tried to mention the last time...

You have mentioned it several times, and I think my response each time has been that I've already been doing that thing where I just talk to them and "get to know t**** and don't try to escalate physical intimacy. It's not as though it's something I've never tried, it's actually my default response. It's the exception that I am able to overcome my fear of doing so and try for physical intimacy, rather than the norm.

Originally Posted by redbreegull

one thing I do think is broadly true is that when you are dating someone, there should be the feeling that something is progressing from date to date. If your interpersonal progress seems to stagnate at where you were on the first date, and that last into a 2nd, 3rd, or 4th date, someone is going to begin wondering if things are going anywhere. but that progress doesn't have to be physical, it can be emotional or intellectual, or something else. I suspect what kind of progress someone desires is largely based on their love languages or whatever, i.e. how they prefer affection to be bestowed.

My experience is telling me that it works this way, too.

[MyOneAndOnly]

Originally Posted by redbreegull

one thing I do think is broadly true is that when you are dating someone, there should be the feeling that something is progressing from date to date. If your interpersonal progress seems to stagnate at where you were on the first date, and that last into a 2nd, 3rd, or 4th date, someone is going to begin wondering if things are going anywhere. but that progress doesn't have to be physical, it can be emotional or intellectual, or something else. I suspect what kind of progress someone desires is largely based on their love languages or whatever, i.e. how they prefer affection to be bestowed.

that sounds like a bunch of mono normative blah blah

relationships aren't necessarily linear

[MyOneAndOnly]

just talk to people!

[MyOneAndOnly]

i just tell people, "I'd like to kiss you" or "Would you like to cuddle?"

[redbreegull]

Originally Posted by MyOneAndOnly

that sounds like a bunch of mono normative blah blah

relationships aren't necessarily linear

I think what DK is looking for is basically that kind of progression though, unless I am misreading what he wants out of a relationship. But ultimately in any situation, how much chemistry can there be between two people who feel like they are as much of strangers on the 4th date as the 1st one unless the relationship is only physical?

[ilikeplanets]

i either like being around someone or i don't, i'm very in touch with myself that way. it's not usually terribly hard to know if the other person feels the same, and there's really no convincing anyone otherwise. it's there or it isn't.

[ilikeplanets]

it can also be there and disappear, but it's harder to make something out of nothing.

[ovary]

all i've consumed today is beer and cake

[FoolofaTook]

is it you're birthday?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

[ovary]

tomorrow i will be 30.

[smashingjj]

who are you