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Old 09-07-2012, 10:38 PM   #61
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i definitely posted about the embarrassing boiling meds thing a lot though

 
Old 09-07-2012, 10:43 PM   #62
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ok here's the deal

when i was 14 i had a really bad home life and was really depressed and some shit was going on at school and i refused to go and wouldn't tell anyone why. so i got diagnosed with oppositional defiant disorder which is basically like a pre-personality disorder diagnosis for children, and then i got forced to go to this "school" that was a disguised institution basically where you were there mon-fri and then came home on the weekends

so i went and i was absolutely never a behavior problem and everyone loved me and blah blah story of my life

so i came home and was as fucked as ever and got it in my head to kill myself

i took a shit ton of aleve (like 50+) and drink some whiskey and then went online and ended up talking to this dude i knew from this online game called the realm for a few years. i was 14 he must have been 19 at the time

well he convinced me to tell my parents and they didnt take it seriously and i got a bad rash on my face and threw up for two days but survived with no medical intervention

so then i started talking to this dude and long story short he convinced my parents it would be ok for me to be his girlfriend and move to louisiana with him. i moved the month after i turned 15. started going to an online high school, actually i started doing that a few months before i moved

so i was 15 he was 20 and he's a child predator and i was old for him but he wanted someone he could completely take over and turn into his accomplice in kidnapping and fucking children

and he basically trapped me there and i had stockholm syndrome and i was there for more than four years and i had to pretend to be helping him and instead kept sabatoging his efforts to trap children and he caught on and eventually in the end he was locking me in this room all the time in our trailer and it wasnt even like an idea in my head that i could try to escape, thats how brainwashed i was and i was getting raped and beaten all the time and it was insanity

and one day he was working up to try and get me to have sex with animals and i had this epiphany that he was going to kill me or i was going to kill him and i escaped and called my mom and hid out from him for the night and went back home to my parents. this was at 19 years old

and then i didnt talk about it for like four years to anyone and everyone just thought it was like a relationship that went bad but god knows what really happened there

 
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Old 09-07-2012, 10:46 PM   #63
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pretty sure ill regret that post

 
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Old 09-07-2012, 10:47 PM   #64
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you may have missed the title of this thread

 
Old 09-07-2012, 10:48 PM   #65
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i thought you didnt have other stories to post

 
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Old 09-07-2012, 10:51 PM   #66
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i just wanna be mean to everyone to reinforce how big of an asshole i am and keep pepole from being friendly to me

 
Old 09-07-2012, 10:52 PM   #67
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you cant hide your goodness very well

 
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Old 09-07-2012, 10:57 PM   #68
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Originally Posted by reprise85 View Post
ok here's the deal

when i was 14 i had a really bad home life and was really depressed and some shit was going on at school and i refused to go and wouldn't tell anyone why. so i got diagnosed with oppositional defiant disorder which is basically like a pre-personality disorder diagnosis for children, and then i got forced to go to this "school" that was a disguised institution basically where you were there mon-fri and then came home on the weekends

so i went and i was absolutely never a behavior problem and everyone loved me and blah blah story of my life

so i came home and was as fucked as ever and got it in my head to kill myself

i took a shit ton of aleve (like 50+) and drink some whiskey and then went online and ended up talking to this dude i knew from this online game called the realm for a few years. i was 14 he must have been 19 at the time

well he convinced me to tell my parents and they didnt take it seriously and i got a bad rash on my face and threw up for two days but survived with no medical intervention

so then i started talking to this dude and long story short he convinced my parents it would be ok for me to be his girlfriend and move to louisiana with him. i moved the month after i turned 15. started going to an online high school, actually i started doing that a few months before i moved

so i was 15 he was 20 and he's a child predator and i was old for him but he wanted someone he could completely take over and turn into his accomplice in kidnapping and fucking children

and he basically trapped me there and i had stockholm syndrome and i was there for more than four years and i had to pretend to be helping him and instead kept sabatoging his efforts to trap children and he caught on and eventually in the end he was locking me in this room all the time in our trailer and it wasnt even like an idea in my head that i could try to escape, thats how brainwashed i was and i was getting raped and beaten all the time and it was insanity

and one day he was working up to try and get me to have sex with animals and i had this epiphany that he was going to kill me or i was going to kill him and i escaped and called my mom and hid out from him for the night and went back home to my parents. this was at 19 years old

and then i didnt talk about it for like four years to anyone and everyone just thought it was like a relationship that went bad but god knows what really happened there

that's some terrible shit to go through at that age...glad you escaped.

if you had the kind of parents that didn't take your suicide attempt seriously I can see why you were suicidal

ever talk to the predator fuck again?

 
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Old 09-07-2012, 11:02 PM   #69
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yeah briefly a couple times. a couple weeks after i left i called him and told him off. it finally clicked that it was super fucked up and it was him and not me. i got all gaslighted like crazy and really thought i was the fucked up one. i told him he was a piece of shit and he told me i was imagining things and that he hoped i got help for my "delusions"

then i barely thought about it for a couple years but slowly i started having dreams about it and getting panic attacks and eventually i knew i had to tell someone so i told my psychiatrist i needed to speak to a therapist (psychiatrist had no idea what happened, just depression/anxiety) and i told this lady and she couldn't handle it. i mean she recommended i go to someone else which was probably the right thing to do but at the time it was like uuuhhhh i just told someone and they dont want to hear it or know what do to do with it

the day i made the appointment with the therapist who couldn't help me i broke my wrist on purpose, i barely remember it but it was some kind of punishment for considering telling anyone about what happened. it still clicks. and i still have programming like that going on all these years later. i left aug 4 2004

then i spoke to a trauma therapist and within a couple months i called his local police who had me call the fbi and i spoke to them about five times in a year period

i also called someone in his family and told her and she totally believed me and said the classic "i knew something was wrong with him just not what..."

i've said before without going into detail on here that one of the things that really hurt me the most was leaving the cats i had there. they are not the same thing as children but he used them against me in the way a psychopath would use children against his wife/girlfriend/etc and it was so hard to leave them

we actually had three cats and he killed one of them at one point

i have a bad habit of looking up pictures of the kitties online but i really cant do it it makes my heart hurt

 
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Old 09-07-2012, 11:03 PM   #70
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what means it to get "gaslighted"

 
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Old 09-07-2012, 11:07 PM   #71
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it means shut up

 
Old 09-07-2012, 11:09 PM   #72
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from wiki:

Gaslight as expression

From the film's title, "gaslighting" has come to describe a pattern of psychological abuse in which the victim is gradually manipulated into doubting his or her own reality. This can involve physical tactics (such as moving or hiding objects) or emotional ones (such as denying one's own abusive behavior to a victim.) The effect is to maintain the abuser's self-image as a sympathetic person, while simultaneously priming the disoriented victim to believe that he or she is to blame for (potentially escalating) mistreatment.

 
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Old 09-07-2012, 11:10 PM   #73
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basically its making you think you are going crazy and you cant trust your eyes/ears/senses/reality/anything

 
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Old 09-07-2012, 11:10 PM   #74
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oh:

Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse in which false information is presented with the intent of making a victim (or anyone in the victim's favor) doubt his or her own memory, perception, and even sanity. It may simply be the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred, the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim, or making false accusations against the victim (such as accusing them of lying or even blaming the abuse on them).

The term "gaslighting" comes from the play Gas Light and its film adaptations. In those works a man uses a variety of tricks to convince his wife that she is crazy, so that she won't be believed when she reports strange things that are genuinely occurring, including the dimming of the gas lights in the house (which happens when her husband turns on the normally unused gas lamps in the attic to conduct clandestine activities there). The term is now also used in clinical and research literature.[1][2]

 
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Old 09-07-2012, 11:11 PM   #75
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there was this article online that i found that is scarily accurate. lets see if i can find it

 
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Old 09-07-2012, 11:12 PM   #76
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https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/...-sadist.13811/

warning: graphic

thats basically exactly what happened, with attempted induction into violence. once i got too old he wanted me to be his partner in crime. i didnt realize what was happening of course.

 
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Old 09-07-2012, 11:12 PM   #77
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oh ok that makes sense. i looked on wiki too

from your post i thought it mean GET REAL FUCKED UP or something

 
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Old 09-07-2012, 11:17 PM   #78
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he was super moral, dont you know. no drugs, no alcohol (this changed near the end), he didn't use curse words (and neither did i the entire time i lived there - this also changed by the end, though i barely remember the end times). church going man, dontcha know

 
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Old 09-07-2012, 11:19 PM   #79
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Louisiana is like 96% fucked

 
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Old 09-07-2012, 11:20 PM   #80
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i was so insulated i didnt even know zwan existed or corgan's solo album and i read the same like 20 fantasy novels over and over and still have a huge pop culture gap from 2000-2004

he knew i loved music so he took away my guitar pretty early on and for about a year and a half we had a rural paper route that was like 4 hours a day and i could count on one hand how many times he put the radio on

 
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Old 09-07-2012, 11:22 PM   #81
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Holy shit

I don't even know what to say. Other than I'm glad you got away and I hope you realize that all that shit was not your fault.

 
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Old 09-07-2012, 11:23 PM   #82
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thanks scott. yeah man four years of therapy has done me good. i still have some deep level work to do with that stuff but on a day to day level i understand that it wasnt my fault. i havent like grieved about it or anything, not much anyway, but that will be worked on more after i get stable with this job and with more therapy. see: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/EMDR

there also some fucked up stuff before that too but thats actually much harder for me to think about.

 
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Old 09-07-2012, 11:24 PM   #83
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Quote:
Originally Posted by reprise85 View Post
i was so insulated i didnt even know zwan existed or corgan's solo album and i read the same like 20 fantasy novels over and over and still have a huge pop culture gap from 2000-2004

he knew i loved music so he took away my guitar pretty early on and for about a year and a half we had a rural paper route that was like 4 hours a day and i could count on one hand how many times he put the radio on
damn

what were some of the books? like wheel of time and dragonlance or whatever?

 
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Old 09-07-2012, 11:24 PM   #84
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fucking thread hijackers

 
Old 09-07-2012, 11:25 PM   #85
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The shit that adults do to kids. Jesus Christ.

 
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Old 09-07-2012, 11:25 PM   #86
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i also feel like eventually he'll get caught and ill be a witness against him so it doesnt really feel like its over you know

 
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Old 09-07-2012, 11:26 PM   #87
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damn

what were some of the books? like wheel of time and dragonlance or whatever?
thats exactly what it was

dragonlance, anne rice, other weis/hickman series, wheel of time, dark tower series, melanie rawn, shadowrun series

 
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Old 09-07-2012, 11:27 PM   #88
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and cartoons. all i fucking saw were cartoons and fucked up anime

he's like a very sadistic and narcissistic 10 year old

 
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Old 09-07-2012, 11:28 PM   #89
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it sucks because now you probably associate that awesome juvenile shit with the bad experiences huh

 
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Old 09-07-2012, 11:28 PM   #90
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Quote:
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fucking thread hijackers
im drunk on the taxpayer's dime dude

 
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