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09-06-2012, 02:44 AM | #1 |
Posts: n/a
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graveblog
Psych Wards most dehumanizing institutions in the word. do whatever you can to void them. unless you're into people vomiting on the floor and screaming nigger at black workers. pissing is also common. not int he mens/ladies room. also you have a roomate that is always crazier. people who have completely lost tough with reality but they can't even sing like The King of Pop. I always keep thinking. I have been in 3 times, not counting my alternativer school that had required bi-weekly therapy and meds. the other two times where because i tried to myself. The first im was half-assed, but serious. My parents were gone so i therw every pill int a pot of whatevr and dissolved teh pills in boiling water. i let it cool so i could drink it and i chugged the shit out of it. i threw up in the toilet hut that was it. i guess all the water i chugged maybe barf. second time was in 2007. i was heartbokren for two reasons and decided to end it. i was in an off period with the first girl to ever date me and i realized i was just too fucked to find another or do anything to improve myself. i mean i can lose weight but i don't give a fuck since i hated myself thin even because i have awful sweaty hair and a buttnose. also the aspie thing makes talking to people extra hard. so anyway besides her breaking up i had an incident with someone i brushed and just. i bought a bag of cocaine that could have killed anyone, and i didnt have much tolerance. I snorted the entire thing. I also had a bottle of Jagermeister and goldschlager. After the booze I called sickbadthing and spring to chat incoherently but I didn't realize they were at dinner so I felt bad for interrupting. Anyway, after that much coke and booze, my memory is fuzzy. I piked some alcohol in the sink, but i replaced some of it with my mother's wine. I then ate all of my xanax. I survived for two reasons. I remember after the wine (by some I mean all, so two bottles). Well I don't remember because i was blacked out. But after that, and nobody knows the timeline, here are the thing I did I can't remember. I stumbled into my living room and laid down to die on the floor. i figured i might Jimi Hendrix vomit and choke if the rest didn't kill me. Then for some ungodly reason I called by best friend and asked how she was doing. it might have been incoherent but I guess I told her I loved her and would miss her. After I hunk up i shattered the the Goldschlager and stabbed myself hard in my bare stomach (i regret that i took my shirt off first to the ambulance team could see me like that so somehow in a black out i called my friend and i guess that saved my life until I was stabbing myself with box cutters and ****** ruined i5 |
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09-06-2012, 03:19 AM | #2 |
**************
Location: I'm a quitter. I come from a long line of quitters. It's amazing I'm here at all.
Posts: 8,661
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I don't know you at all, so I honestly have no idea, how to react to your post.
That you named it "graveblog" is what makes me actually worried. Can someone please tell me there is no reason to be alarmed?! |
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09-06-2012, 03:21 AM | #3 |
Banned
Location: I believe in the transcendental qualities of friendship.
Posts: 39,439
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graveblog is a portmanteau of his screen name so i think you might be over reacting
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09-06-2012, 03:38 AM | #4 |
Apocalyptic Poster
Location: dedicated to the feeling of good
Posts: 4,363
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i liked working at the psych ward. i sympathised more with the patients than with the staff. some of those people i will never forget
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09-06-2012, 03:41 AM | #5 |
**************
Location: I'm a quitter. I come from a long line of quitters. It's amazing I'm here at all.
Posts: 8,661
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Ah, thx. I just had to attend a 2 day seminar thingy, on how to notice signs, that someone is going to take a shortcut. Now I'm only more confused.
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09-06-2012, 03:43 AM | #6 |
Banned
Location: I believe in the transcendental qualities of friendship.
Posts: 39,439
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i love you sean
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09-06-2012, 03:44 AM | #7 |
Banned
Location: I believe in the transcendental qualities of friendship.
Posts: 39,439
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09-06-2012, 03:58 AM | #8 |
Apocalyptic Poster
Location: on the internet
Posts: 1,969
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Sean, I will send the Monte doll to you if it can help in some way.
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09-06-2012, 10:05 AM | #9 |
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
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Sean, you know I've been in psych wards so many times I've lost count. I also went to an alternative school once that was disguised therapy, family therapy and behavioral therapy and didn't realize it was an institution until recently. But the last time I was in I got this sort of epiphany that many of the people in there were older than me and had psychotic illnesses that they really could never get absolute help with - that therapy was useless because they couldn't even understand how to tie their shoes - and that wasn't the case with me. I can get better, I have gotten better to the point where I don't worry about having to go to psych wards anymore, and so can you. You really can.
It's taken me time and I didn't even realize it as it went along but slowly and steadily I got better, from not taking showers for weeks and not having enough energy to give a shit, so many medications I've also lost count and countless hours of therapy and reflection. You are my brother in life, you are "one of us" as distinctly as how I can define that which is not distinctly at all. You're a genuine good hearted person and that makes me smile. The world would miss you and so would I. The depth of your depression and madness will give you perspective when things improve. I may still be technically in a depressive episode and my PTSD symptoms are still strong but FUCK I don't think about drugs all day or killing myself and that's good enough for me. I probably have gotten a decent job, I'll find out today for sure. My parents wrote me off; my psychiatrist literally begged me to give him more time a few years ago; I never thought in a million years I could even begin to like myself - but all of these things have either changed or been proven to me that they can. I love you too, Sean, as a compadre for the good side of human being. It is worth it, to live, to try (which you are so obviously doing), to overcome - because the worst is over. It is OVER. How's that for some freedom? The second to last time I was in the hospital I had set my bed on fire overnight and I don't remember it at all. Just woke up with a smoldered bed. I could have set my whole apartment building on fire. I was not on drugs. This is one of my symptoms - amnesia. It's scary. I still have it. But I don't worry about smoldered beds anymore. I wish for you some stability like I have - it's a good feeling and one you deserve. |
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09-06-2012, 10:44 AM | #10 |
ILL KILL UR DOG
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 11,480
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that sounds awful i'm sorry your life sucks
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09-06-2012, 10:45 AM | #11 |
ILL KILL UR DOG
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 11,480
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09-06-2012, 10:57 AM | #12 |
ILL KILL UR DOG
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 11,480
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That being said, you should not message me if you're looking for a hookup, use opening lines like "Hey, beautiful" or "How's it going, babe?," or if you think it's cute to not have a job. (News flash, this isn't SugarDaddy.com)
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09-06-2012, 10:57 AM | #13 |
ILL KILL UR DOG
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 11,480
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I'm here to fuck shit up. I play adult kickball. I do portrait photography on the weekends; makes some sweet cash. My fantasy football name is Show Me Your TDs. I named my car Tina. I have a Tshirt that says I'm on a boat. I ran the Warrior Dash. I'm pretty much the coolest girl you'll ever meet.
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09-06-2012, 11:03 AM | #14 |
ILL KILL UR DOG
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 11,480
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***If you send a message to me that says something stupid like, "Hey sexy" or "how r u babe" I probably won't respond. and if I do...it's to inform you of how much you fail.***
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09-06-2012, 11:04 AM | #15 |
ILL KILL UR DOG
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 11,480
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I spend a lot of time thinking about
Preparation for the zombie apocalypse, living in a hippie van and traveling the country, and music. Also how to remain happy no matter what. |
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09-06-2012, 11:06 AM | #16 |
ILL KILL UR DOG
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 11,480
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What I’m doing with my life
Right now I'm going to school for Biology, hoping to be an Ecologist. ...or just looking for someone to survive the zombie apocalypse with. |
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09-06-2012, 11:06 AM | #17 |
ILL KILL UR DOG
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 11,480
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Say like causing the zombie apocalypse myself by creating some sort of super-strain of Staph aureus. Getting a legion of tiny robot bees to hold the CDC and the WHO hostage as I unleash my zombie bacteria.
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09-06-2012, 11:06 AM | #18 |
ILL KILL UR DOG
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 11,480
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It goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway, I think about what I would do in case of an apocalypse. (Zombie or not) (Mostly zombie)Sometimes I also think about sharks.
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09-06-2012, 11:07 AM | #19 |
ILL KILL UR DOG
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 11,480
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To be honest I only need someone who can help me survive the apocalypse, zombie or not.
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09-06-2012, 11:07 AM | #20 |
ILL KILL UR DOG
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 11,480
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- living a semi-charmed kinda life- Planning for the coming zombie apocalypse .
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09-06-2012, 11:07 AM | #21 |
ILL KILL UR DOG
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 11,480
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MC Hammerthe zombie apocalypseand how much hipsters scare me
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09-06-2012, 11:08 AM | #22 |
ILL KILL UR DOG
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 11,480
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You know how to have a good time, are totally okay with conversations eventually leading back to sex or the zombie apocalypse.
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09-06-2012, 11:08 AM | #23 |
ILL KILL UR DOG
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 11,480
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Oddly enough, zombies. Yes, zombies. I think that one day the zombie apocalypse will happen. Most of my dreams are zombie related. It is extreamly important to have a zombie plan. You know the more profiles i read the more i see that people like zombies.
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09-06-2012, 11:09 AM | #24 |
ILL KILL UR DOG
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 11,480
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Likes:Slightly obscure booksThe idea of a possible Zombie apocalypseLists of likes and dislikesPeople who are passionate about something.
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09-06-2012, 11:09 AM | #25 |
ILL KILL UR DOG
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 11,480
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Honestly though, i spend A LOT of time plotting out escape routes and survival tactics for the upcoming zombie apocalypse. serious. true story. no lie. i honestly, with every inch of my being, have a freakish irrational fear of zombies.
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09-06-2012, 11:10 AM | #26 |
ILL KILL UR DOG
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 11,480
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I spend a lot of time thinking about my plans for the zombie apocalypse. Another topic that's constantly on my brain is what would happen if I had superpowers. Sometimes these thoughts mingle and I ponder how life would be if I had superpowers during the zombie apocalypse.
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09-06-2012, 11:13 AM | #27 |
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
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srs thread, barnes
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09-06-2012, 11:14 AM | #28 |
ILL KILL UR DOG
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 11,480
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09-06-2012, 11:15 AM | #29 |
ILL KILL UR DOG
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 11,480
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09-06-2012, 11:15 AM | #30 |
ILL KILL UR DOG
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 11,480
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