The Official Fri/Sat/Sun/Mon/Tue drunk/drugs/sad sex thread

[LaBelle]

Haha yes

[LaBelle]

'Anticoncepcional' is a better term than "birth control" for it.

The brazilians got it right for once.

[cork_soaker]

yes, i remember mum and dad whispering about my “Auntie Concepcional” a few nights every year

never met her though, guess she was pretty hard to come by

[cork_soaker]

but i figured if one of my relations was too good to even show up to help celebrate my dad’s birthday, she could go eat a sock for all i cared

[cork_soaker]

anyone here from phoenix?

[cork_soaker]

so the other day my daughter tells me she’s going to quit school

says she’s sick of this capitalist society and the “so-called values” her mother and i have worked so tirelessly to exemplify

yesterday she came home with a tattoo. some fucked up thing i didn’t even recognize. she said it represents her disgust for humanity. i couldn’t fucking believe it.

honey, i said — you’re only 8 months old... when did you even learn how to talk?

[cork_soaker]

then my dog turns to me and he’s like, “i know how she feels”


WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THIS HOUSE?

[Cool As Ice Cream]

exactly!
fookin' bitch

[cork_soaker]

classic incongruity riffing

[FlamingGlobes]

Originally Posted by teh b0lly!!1

did you guys ever really notice how close the word "thickens" is to "chickens"?

now that i have, i can't shake off the rooster sounds every time i use "thickens".

What the cluck are you talking about?

[ilikeplanets]

well, i certainly feel like i'm on drugs after reading all this. thread delivers.

[fuzzyroes]

Originally Posted by yo soy el mejor

love is strange

That's a very deep and succinct observation. Very poetic and really makes one think.

[bright_doom]

Just realised it's been over 10 years since my last girlfriend.
Ok... Back to lurking I go..

[teh b0lly!!1]

out of circumstance or choice?

[Shallowed]

Originally Posted by fuzzyroes

That's a very deep and succinct observation. Very poetic and really makes one think.

I can't tell if this is sarcastic or not. If it's not,

[Cool As Ice Cream]

it literally brings a tear of joy to my eye.

[FlamingGlobes]

Originally Posted by bright_doom

Just realised it's been over 10 years since my last girlfriend.
Ok... Back to lurking I go..

Have you tried window-licking? Women really seem to respond to that, in my experience.

[ilikeplanets]

lurking on the board or women??

[FoolofaTook]

noun: A windowlicker is a derogatory, informal description of someone with severe learning disabilities and/or a physical incapacity which renders them helpless when faced with the prospect of seeing a stranger through a window without smearing their mucus covered tongues all over the glass, possibly as some kind of retard greeting.

Alternatives are 'spaz' or 'mongole'.
Small child: Tee hee, look at those windowlickers!!!!

Mother: You shouldn't be unkind, they are people too

Small child: Eugh! Look at that one windowlicker with the snotty nose!

Mother: Tee hee! They are funny aren't they!

[FlamingGlobes]

Tee hee!

[FoolofaTook]

Pine pee!

[Shallowed]

After about a week of using Tinder, I've found that 99% of the women on there are not my type, and I'm definitely not their type.

[redbreegull]

Originally Posted by Shallowed

After about a week of using Tinder, I've found that 99% of the women on there are not my type, and I'm definitely not their type.

don't get discouraged yet my dude, tinder was super depressing and alienating and weird for me at first as well. But I've met a few cool people on dating apps.

[myosis]

i'd say it's too early to use tinder...

[FoolofaTook]

...start with fetlife!

[Disco King]

I'm in no position to give advice on this, but just from what I hear from other people, some of the people who think themselves unready to pursue dating directly after a breakup end up finding that it is actually therapeutic and helps them get out of the grief stage quicker. Maybe it's meeting that right person, or just realizing that there are so many people out there that even the one who has been a fixture for your life for years isn't really the only person in the world for you.

But, if we're just talking about Tinder and not dating in general, I have no insights into that. But it seems soul-crushing and demoralizing, which is why I will probably never try it.

I'd recommend prioritizing talking to people in real life. I think it automatically gives you an advantage over all the other folks who are just pixels on a screen.

[FoolofaTook]

You know there's always:

[FoolofaTook]

S-E-X is test when I'm pressed
So back up off with less of that zest
Impress this brother with a life of virtue
The innocence that's spent is gonna hurt you
Safe is the way they say to play
Then again safe ain't safe at all today
So just wait for the mate that's straight from God
Don't have sex 'til you tie the knot

(chorus)
I don't want it, I don't want it, want it
I don't want it, want your sex for now
I don't want it, I don't want it, want it
I don't want it, 'til we take the vows

Girl, it's gonna take a little time
For us to see [the truth]
That love is simply more
Than fulfilling the need [for S-E-X]
Respect is what we need to find the cure
For this disease [of lust]
And trust in God above
To shape our lives in harmony
[Do you copy?]
That's why I'm saying

(repeat chorus)

[Ah yeah, Red Leader, I don't think I copy that
Uh, did you say you don't want sex for now?
I'm confused, could you clarify? Over.]

Girl, they say that it takes two
To make a thing go right (for love)
But girl, we gotta remember
There's another in our lives (in God we trust)
We must add up the cost
Before indulging in the heat (for now)
And trust that God will give us
Something better if we wait
That's why we got to say...

(repeat chorus)

1-900-LOVE, S-E-X is on the TV
Too much skin is in your vision
You gotta make the right decision
God has set His standard higher
Purity is His desire, I'm gonna choose to wait

I don't want it, I don't want it
I don't want your sex for now

Yo, s-e-x is a test when I'm pressed
So back off with less of that zest
Impress this brother with a life of virtue
The innocence that's spent is gonna hurt you
Safe is the way they say to play
But then again safe ain't safe at all today
So just wait for the mate that's straight from God
Don't give it up 'til you tie the knot

I don't want it, I don't want it, want it
I don't want it, your sex for now
I don't want it, I don't want it, want it
I don't want it, I don't want your sex

I don't want your sex for now
Until we take the vows
Even if they dog me out
I don't want your sex (4x)

[Red Leader, Red Leader, I don't think I copy]
[Your sex for now!]

[Ram27]

Tinder seems super soul crushing

I just see how many matches I can get so I feel better about myself, never bother to message. which is probably what everyone else does, and why it's so soul crushing

a girl actually messaged me a killer opener, asking about cymbal choices. i'm too shy for this

[Elphenor]

I admit I did have sex with a woman through Tinder once, even though I meant to do the "see how many matches I get" game exclusively

it was not that great, I mean the experience as a whole

I give the app 2.5/5

an average score