The Official Fri/Sat/Sun/Mon/Tue drunk/drugs/sad sex thread

[redbreegull]

the only thing is that the walls in her house are really thin so we have to be basically silent or she will shush me.

[run2pee]

Glad everyone’s having sex

If you ever have problems with vaginal dryness i can share 3 quick cures from David Avocodo Wolf

[run2pee]

Quick Tip #1

You look at his hair

[run2pee]

Easy Tip #2

Chocolate is an octave of sun energy

[run2pee]

Quick/Squishy #3

Yep u guessed it

[ilikeplanets]

Leaves just enough to the imagination. Tasteful.

[Disco King]

Re sex stories:

I almost never talk about sex, because even though my progressive intellectual side says that it's something we should be able to talk about openly without shame, my visceral feelings, which are much stronger, finds that stuff uncomfortable to talk about.

Also, I always feel like it seems inherently crude or objectifying or immature for men to talk about sex or enjoying sex or wanting sex, even completely consensual and non-manipulative sex that treats the sex partner with respect. It's probably this double-standard I have and can't shake even though I recognize it, because if a woman talks about sex, I just reason that "she's comfortable and empowered and frank and isn't ashamed of her sexuality" or whatever.

Pretty much the only time sex comes up in my real-life conversations with friends is when my female friends bring it up. I don't think men talk to each other about sex as often as movies make it seem. Why? Because straight men don't want to think about their straight male friends boning. We don't need that imagery.

When it comes up in conversations with female friends, it's always them who steer the conversation that way. I mean, it'd be really creepy if I just decided to start talking about sex with my female friends. But a lot of them seem to like talking about it and their hookups and preferences. I usually don't really know what to add to the conversation.

[Disco King]

Originally Posted by redbreegull

…and she likes biting

There was this girl I went on a date with who liked biting when we kissed. She ghosted me, and I hadn't heard from her for months. I ran into her at an event. I didn't see her, but she came up behind me to talk to me to apologize for ghosting me, telling me she was going through some things, and that she'd like to reconnect. I said "sure."

So, I texted her maybe a couple of days later, and she never responded. Uh, why make the effort to come up to me then? It's not like we awkwardly made eye contact and she felt compelled to just say those things out of politeness. I didn't even know she was there until she got my attention.

I don't get how other people's brains and logic work. Trying to decipher behaviour that inconsistent is just a headache.

Originally Posted by ilikeplanets

Same goes for chronic serious relationships. I actually don't understand how real dates happen, lol. It's either "SEX" or "I NEED YOU EVERYDAY AND SEX" so I also need to work on some social skills.

For me, dates happen by me asking for a date or suggesting to meet somebody at this time and this place to do this activity. I'm guessing people who hookup just go to each other's places instead of doing shit like going to an art gallery or getting drinks? Like, if you want to date, my advice would be to just approach people who catch your eye, get into some small talk, make some jokes, ask them about their lives, and then ask for their numbers. Set up a date, and then you're on one. Hope this helps you in your efforts to try dating.

Originally Posted by ilikeplanets

If I know I am going to meet up with someone beforehand for this purpose, all the ambiguity is cleared up before I ever walk out the door.

What does the conversation beforehand that leads to this agreement look like? Under what circumstances have you usually met, and how does it get from point A of two people meeting, to point B of two people agreeing to hook up? Will it usually be a friend, or somebody you met the previous weekend? If it's a friend, is there a risk of accidentally ending a friendship by asking if they are down for casual sex, and that question making them uncomfortable?

Originally Posted by ilikeplanets

If I happen to meet someone while already out, usually the chemistry makes it pretty clear how the night will end, and the (lack of) truly personal conversation makes it obvious that I will never hear from them again, and I'm okay with this before engaging in any activities. Sometimes being only interested in a fling or two is okay, but I wouldn't make it a weekly effort.

What will you usually talk about, if not personal stuff? Like, if I meet somebody, my go-to "breaking the ice" questions are about their lives, what they do, what their interests are, etc. What is the conversation like when you're both just looking for a one-night stand?

Is it just a matter of walking up to somebody and talking about sex or something?

[ilikeplanets]

I don't mind the slap. I'm very direct, and it's served me well, both in obtaining what I want and avoiding what I don't. I don't care how it appears to anyone who isn't involved, as long as nothing harms anybody. But I think that's an atypical approach.

[Disco King]

As for just being clear about hookups, a friend of mine with an FWB says himself that even though he and his FWB only meet for sex, and she's down to come over every time he ask, in order to not be offensive, he still has to be tactful about it and have the invitation be under the pretense of "seeing his dogs" or something. Even though they are hooking up, and both know they are hooking up, I guess she doesn't like that to be explicitly stated? I think some women who enjoy casual sex can't admit that's what they are after due to slut-shaming, so there has to be some other pretense during which sex "just happens." I hear a lot about Tinder hookups being with women whose profiles specifically state "not here for hookups," so maybe that declaration is less of a statement of their intent, and more of a way to avoid being labelled things like "slut," which patriarchal society applies to women who enjoy sex on their own terms? But then if we acknowledge that sometimes people's stated intents are different from what they really want, we creep into dangerous territory of "women don't say what they mean, so you have to ignore their words sometimes," which is in itself very rape-culturey.

I dunno, I just don't know how to go about it all this song and dance. Be explicit, get slapped. Don't be explicit, and you're deceptive. Everything is supposed to be clear and enthusiastic, but also I'm supposed to just understand what the other person wants through the nature of the chemistry and read minds.

[ilikeplanets]

Now that I state it so blatantly, I realize a lot of my attitude was probably shaped by hanging out with people who were at least a decade older than me and using hard drugs since I was in early high school. This has had its pros and cons in my general worldview, especially now having seen the other side of it.

[Disco King]

Oops, sorry, edited things before you responded. But I think most of the post you responded to is in the second part.

Originally Posted by ilikeplanets

I don't mind the slap. I'm very direct, and it's served me well, both in obtaining what I want and avoiding what I don't. I don't care how it appears to anyone who isn't involved, as long as nothing harms anybody. But I think that's an atypical approach.

So, you've been slapped for suggesting hookups before, but that just comes with the territory of being direct?

I dunno, I've kinda struggled with the idea that maybe pursuing things I want will just make people momentarily uncomfortable sometimes, but I should just do it anyway. But then I wonder if I'd be contributing to the problem of harassment of objectification if I put my own feelings and intents above other people's feelings like that, not caring if I offend people by asking them if they'd like to hook up.

[ilikeplanets]

Originally Posted by Disco King

What does the conversation beforehand that leads to this agreement look like? Under what circumstances have you usually met, and how does it get from point A of two people meeting, to point B of two people agreeing to hook up? Will it usually be a friend, or somebody you met the previous weekend? If it's a friend, is there a risk of accidentally ending a friendship by asking if they are down for casual sex, and that question making them uncomfortable?



What will you usually talk about, if not personal stuff? Like, if I meet somebody, my go-to "breaking the ice" questions are about their lives, what they do, what their interests are, etc. What is the conversation like when you're both just looking for a one-night stand?

Is it just a matter of walking up to somebody and talking about sex or something?

If I have met somebody out and about, those typical "icebreakers" are essentially the makeup of the conversation, but things like substantial physical contact/body language and mentioning availability later in the evening are usually unmistakable cues. Also I make sure to make it apparent that I am single and tend to use tried and true euphemisms that I'm looking for an exciting night, etc. I think this is easier to accomplish as a women, honestly, because it's hard to deny that a night out ending in sex isn't somewhere in every guy's mind.

If it's just a straight up booty call, I have usually met them online or they are an established FWB and specified the lack of desire for anything emotional beforehand, and have made sure that the feeling is mutual. It's not how I really operate nowadays, but the crowd I ran with in the past was quite spontaneous and uninhibited, so it wasn't much of a struggle. I had sex with many of my friends, too, which is probably not an advisable situation but luckily it didn't cause any problems in my circle.

[ilikeplanets]

And no, no one has ever "shamed" me for being comfortable enough to suggest having sex when I want to. But that's probably because I surround myself with like-minded people. I may have been "shamed" insofar as your typical straight-laced perfection seeker wants nothing to do with me, but that's really not shameful! Ha!

[FoolofaTook]

[Elphenor]

is there such thing as good dating advice really

your results will vary

[Elphenor]

the way people have one night things is they drink... a lot

and it's overrated, at least it was for me

[vixnix]

Originally Posted by FlamingGlobes

We don't live together but spend about three or four nights together during the week.

I can't say I think consciously about the music; it's just nice to have something in the background while we go to town on each other. Not to share too much info, but usually the sessions go for at least two hours (lots of foreplay) so I guess the music helps keep the energy going? Or maybe I/we just like having music on in the background rather than nothing at all.

dude two hours wtf

I don't think I've ever had sex that lasted more than an hour, start to finish.

Are you guys setting up some equipment or something???

No seriously, in that case I can imagine music is pretty nice.

[FoolofaTook]

hmm two hours of sex... that means 1 hour 57 minutes of foreplay?

[Shallowed]

drinking vodka cranberries and smoking weed while listening to my bloody valentine and swiping on tinder on a sunny friday evening

feels weird man

[redbreegull]

I don't think it's weird for sex to take two hours with someone you have crazy chemistry with? Especially at the beginning of a relationship?

[Shallowed]

.

[Shallowed]

.

[redbreegull]

haha

[vixnix]

Originally Posted by redbreegull

I don't think it's weird for sex to take two hours with someone you have crazy chemistry with? Especially at the beginning of a relationship?

Yeah you're right... honestly I think I have forgotten. It's not weird, I didn't mean to imply that. I was just expressing my genuine surprise.

I don't even know where I could schedule two hours in a bedroom with a guarantee of not being interrupted, maybe that's colouring my perspective.

[FlamingGlobes]

Originally Posted by vixnix

dude two hours wtf

I don't think I've ever had sex that lasted more than an hour, start to finish.

Are you guys setting up some equipment or something???

No seriously, in that case I can imagine music is pretty nice.

Nope, no equipment! I can only speak for myself, but I feel an intense attraction to her. Always have since before we got together. Still can't keep my hands off of her after all this time. I can't say I've ever had this level of attraction with anyone in the past. She's also one of those people who takes her sweet time with just about everything, so it makes sense that our sessions are so drawn out.

[FlamingGlobes]

Originally Posted by vixnix

Yeah you're right... honestly I think I have forgotten. It's not weird, I didn't mean to imply that. I was just expressing my genuine surprise.

I don't even know where I could schedule two hours in a bedroom with a guarantee of not being interrupted, maybe that's colouring my perspective.

Also I am childless.

[FlamingGlobes]

Originally Posted by FoolofaTook

hmm two hours of sex... that means 1 hour 57 minutes of foreplay?

This guy gets it.

[redbreegull]

is sex even worth it without an hour of foreplay?

[ilikeplanets]

Not even a little