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Old 09-06-2013, 11:10 PM   #91
yo soy el mejor
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so i'm sittin' on the couch, right? and i've my back resting against the arm and the laptop on my lap - where it belongs- and i just received a text. i'm curious as to who would text me at this hour but i don't want to get up and check.

thug life.

 
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Old 09-06-2013, 11:50 PM   #92
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Haha

 
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Old 09-06-2013, 11:57 PM   #93
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why i oughtta...!

 
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Old 09-07-2013, 12:09 AM   #94
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Bright House Networks
Live Chat Support
John
eCare Specialist


Chat History
Welcome to Bright House Networks. My name is John, how may I help you?
John ******: I am not currently at home but am wondering if my reconnect service call was successfully completed today.
John: Hello friend! Thank you for contacting Bright House Networks’ Live Chat service. My name is John.
John: We appreciate you contacting us regarding your account. I'll be happy to check into that for you! Can I have your complete address please?
John ******: r
John: Thank you.
John: After I help with this, have any exciting plans for the weekend?
John ******: Nope.
John: It looks like this reconnect was not done as it required us to contact you to reconnect.
John ******: um.
John ******: Why?
John ******: It was not necessary for them to contact me to disonnect.
John ******: And my wife was at home during the appointment time.
John: The work order detailed that you would be home. They were unable to contact you by phone prior to the order.
John ******: Man.
John ******: That's a little bit irritating since I told the agent who booked the reconnect that the only phone I have requires an internet connection.
John ******: And at the time that he bookedit, he said that very fact was stated explicitly on the work order.
John: It is stated on the work order.
John: Here is the note by the technician:
John: NO ONE HOME CALLE BOTH NUMBER IN ACCT ARRE NOT WORKING NO OTHER WAY TO VERIFY NOT HOME YELLOW BLDG BLACK TRIM BLACK DOOR
John ******: so the technician did not even attempt to reconnect the services from outside the building?
John: We will not do so if there is a requirement to be home. We must contact the customer before we start work.
John: I can reschedule this for you. Our next available date for this is Tuesday.
John ******: But there's no such requirement for disconnecting services.
John ******: HAHAHAHA
John ******: that is hilarious.
John ******: tuesday
John ******: you're kidding right?
John: I apologize. That is the next available appointment to reschedule.
John ******: That is not acceptable.
John ******: Pretty sure I can have centurylink out here sooner than tuesday.
John: One moment please...
John ******: also my door is green, not black.
John: I'm sorry you feel that way. This is a reconnection of services. We are required to contact our customers on these reconnections. If we are unable to, we must reschedule at the next available time we have.
John ******: I'm not sorry for feeling this way. I'm sorry for your company's fuck up.
John: I apologize. Can I help with anything else today then?
John: I apologize, but if you are still there, please let me know. I’ll need to close this chat unless I receive a reply within the next 2 minutes.
John ******: I'm still here.
John ******: You have nothing sooner than Tuesday.
John ******: I find that difficult to believe.
John: That's correct.
John ******: The tech who was assigned to the work order couldn' t even correctly identify the color of my front door.
John ******: My wife was home and was waiting.
John ******: I already had to wait two days for this reconnect, and now I have to wait 3 more because the tech decided to shirk his responsibilities, and poorly at that.
John: I can reschedule for Tuesday. I'm sorry you feel that our technician had performed poorly. I will send in a report of this.
John ******: or her. tech coulda been a woman, right?
John ******: It really does not concern me whether a report is filed.
John ******: What does concern me is that I will not have internet access in my home for nearly a week.
John ******: So what are you going to do to get a technician out to my house tomorrow?
John: I apologize. I will be unable to fulfill that request.
John ******: Who will be able to fulfill that request?
John: To be able to get an appointment we would have to force it in. In this situation, we do not force in appointments.
John: There would not be a department here that can help you with getting an appointment tomorrow.
John ******: There's evidence to show that the technician did not even show up, so because the wrong tech was assigned to this work order, I'm supposed to wait another three days?
John ******: Is this how friends treat one another? We are friends after all. You said so yourself, John.
John: I'm sorry. I can only do what I can do here. These are the options we have available.
John ******: "I can only do what I can do". That is a categorically true statement.
John: Would you like to reschedule for Tuesday, or was there anything else I can help with today?
John ******: I thought we were friends John.
John ******: When you called me "friend", I was filled with a warm fuzzy feeling on the inside.
John ******: RIght down in the cockles of my heart.
John ******: Does that mean nothing to you.
John: I wish there was more that I could do, but the schedule is strict and I have to follow regulation here.
John ******: That's kind of messed up, man.
John ******: Would you agree that this is messed up?
John: I would agree with that. However this will not change when I can schedule another appointment.
John ******: You already took my money, though.
John ******: This was the measure taken to avoid the COD.
John ******: I was hoping that in doing that, I would have communicated my trust in Bright House Networks.
John ******: Because that's what friends do.
John ******: They trust each other.
John: We appreciate your taking care for the previous balance on your account. We are required to collect this before we can reconnect services.
John ******: I also paid one month in advance.
John ******: So I've already paid for the upcoming month of service which was to have started this evening.
John: When a disconnection at the pole has occurred. We are required to collect the first month in advance and a reconnection fee as well.
John ******: So in other words, you already have my money.
John: When we reconnect.
John: We can reconnect on Tuesday.
John: Any time in between is not charged to your account as it is not active.
John ******: Yep,and I was told that the first month could be collected at the time of reconnect or over the phone at the time of scheduling.
John ******: I really don't care. I gave you my money with the expectation that the tech wouldn't flake.
John ******: And then they did.
John ******: And now you're telling me to wait three additional days before I can get internet in my own home.
John ******: Some "friend" you are.
John: One moment please...
John ******: Yep.
John: I'm sorry. I cannot help to get an appointment for you tomorrow.
John ******: Put it in for Tuesday, then.
John: The first available we have is 8-10am. We also have later. What is the best for you?
John ******: But I'm letting you know right now, John, that this has put tremendous strain on our friendship.
John ******: 8-10 is fine.
John: We will need a good number to reach, to verify you will be home. This does not need to be yourself. We can call a relative that can verify you are home. What is the best number for our pre-call?
John ******: my entire family is effectively dead to me.
John ******: so there is no good number.
John ******: im not sure what is so hard to understand about this extremely basic concept.
John: On this I will put No Customer contact on the work order then.
John ******: My only phone relies on an internet connection to be functional.
John ******: What will you do to guarantee that this tech isn't going to lie about the color of my door?
John: He will not need to. There is no requirement to contact you or anyone at this residence. Therefore they will simply reconnect and check in the work order.
John ******: And that is something I really need to wait until tuesday for?
John: That's correct. We have all of our technicians booked until that day
John: I have that all scheduled. Can I help with anything else today?
John ******: So customer contact was necessary today, as dictated by policy, but not necessary for Tuesday?
John: It was how it was scheduled.
John ******: Is this a special exception that's made for certain days of the week where the tech isn't rushing to spend their paycheck at the bar?
John: That appointment required contact.
John ******: I'm thinking this particular tech got a head start given their inability to identify the color of my door.
John: One moment please...
John ******: Ok.
John: Alright. Can I help you with anything else today?
John ******: That's a kind of presumptive question considering you haven't yet done much to help me.
John ******: Is there a supervisor I can talk to.
John: I have only done what is available for me to do. I am not going to presume what a technicians motive was in possibly not going to your residence. I do not have that information to be able to do so. I have done what is in my ability to do today, and I am asking if I can help you with anything else, because you are still here.
John ******: Or "chat with". Whatever.
John: Our Chat supervisor has gone home and is currently not available. A supervisor will be available by phone.
John: Please call us at 1-877-892-3279.
John ******: Incredible.
John: If you are calling now. I need to end this chat.
John ******: With what phone shall I call, dear friend.
John: If you do not have a phone. You can contact us back tomorrow morning and a supervisor will be available then.
John ******: I might have to consider that.
John: One moment please...
John: Is there anything else today?
John ******: One moment please...
John: I apologize, we do not have anything else to accomplish in this chat. Can I help you with anything else today?
John ******: Yeah, actually.
John: Ok, how can I help?
John ******: (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
John: I'm sorry?
John ******: (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻
Chat Entry

 
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Old 09-07-2013, 12:15 AM   #95
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john would you take it easy on the motherfucker he's just trying to survive at the bottom rung of ScumCorp, okay

 
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Old 09-07-2013, 12:17 AM   #96
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and what he was trying to convey to you as clearly as possible was "dude seriously i can't do anything, it's beyond my control,"

 
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Old 09-07-2013, 12:20 AM   #97
Bread Regal
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i used to work for this company and can say affirmatively that it isn't true.

persistence, sadly, works.

 
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Old 09-07-2013, 12:21 AM   #98
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not sure why i didn't use the table flip emoticon sooner, though.

 
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Old 09-07-2013, 12:29 AM   #99
yo soy el mejor
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the whole time i thought john was john!

 
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Old 09-07-2013, 12:33 AM   #100
Bread Regal
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I'm way cooler than that guy.

 
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Old 09-07-2013, 12:53 AM   #101
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AS DICTATED BY POLICY

 
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Old 09-07-2013, 12:54 AM   #102
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one of those things i can't imagine saying in real life

 
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Old 09-07-2013, 01:05 AM   #103
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reminds me of those guys who videotape themselves being pulled over by police and then try to sound officious and don't use contractions

 
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Old 09-07-2013, 01:36 AM   #104
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Adult Head View Post
then try to sound officious and don't use contractions
haha

 
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Old 09-07-2013, 01:37 AM   #105
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no officer i DO NOT consent to a search i WILL NOT comply with this

 
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Old 09-07-2013, 02:27 AM   #106
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bread Regal View Post
i used to work for this company and can say affirmatively that it isn't true.
.
wouldnt just mentioning that have shaved off a decent amount of that whole thing.

 
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Old 09-07-2013, 02:30 AM   #107
Bread Regal
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no.

 
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Old 09-07-2013, 02:33 AM   #108
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i'm sorry you feel that way

 
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Old 09-07-2013, 02:35 AM   #109
Bread Regal
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it did not look like larry was about to crack

well that's your perception

 
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Old 09-07-2013, 02:37 AM   #110
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my brother wound up getting comcast in his new apartment instead of verizon for a similar reason except the delay was gonna be weeks

only good thing about comcast is you can threaten to quit and get a better monthly rate

 
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Old 09-07-2013, 02:38 AM   #111
Bread Regal
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you know walter, you're right, there is an unspoken message here. it's fuck you leave me the fuck alone

 
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Old 09-07-2013, 02:41 AM   #112
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I'm sorry, john. I'm afraid I can't let you do that

 
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Old 09-07-2013, 03:35 AM   #113
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Old 09-07-2013, 05:51 AM   #114
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bread Regal View Post
it did not look like larry was about to crack

well that's your perception
so for about six months i had a huge playlist and this was on it

every so often i'd just have an interlude between the music...is this your homework larry? all the way to DO YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS LARRY

 
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Old 09-07-2013, 06:33 AM   #115
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i just bought that fucking car last week

 
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Old 09-07-2013, 06:50 AM   #116
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We know it's his fucking homework! Where's the fucking money, you little brat?

 
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Old 09-07-2013, 11:38 AM   #117
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I knew that's who Bread Regal was!

 
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Old 09-07-2013, 12:04 PM   #118
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great job gumshoe

 
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Old 09-07-2013, 12:31 PM   #119
Bread Regal
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trotskilicious View Post
so for about six months i had a huge playlist and this was on it

every so often i'd just have an interlude between the music...is this your homework larry? all the way to DO YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS LARRY
I like that.

It reminds me, in a protracted way, of something I read in a comment on metafilter once. The person was an audio editor for NPR, and one of their tasks was to edit out all the uhs and ums and throat clearing, coughing, sneezing sniffling and all the weird noises that would sound really unpleasant especially in the form of most NPR interviews.

So they took all these noises and edited them together in a 20 minute track that they would put at the end of their "party" playlist in order to get people to leave.

The thought of it still makes me laugh.

 
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Old 09-07-2013, 12:33 PM   #120
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A lot of big lebowski quotes seem like they would work really well as segues for a grindcore album

 
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