How Do I Wrote Résumé (I Hate Work)

[Disco King]

I had to vlook up that "vlook it up" reference. But yes, I will it.

I guess I'll apply, furiously consume Excel tutorials in time between applying and getting (if I'm lucky) an interview, and then bullshit my way through said interview and pretend to know what I'm doing.

Thing is, I'm pretty sure there's a lot of shit one can do on Excel, so I don't even know how to go about learning it.

[yo soy el mejor]

i've googled my way through learning many programs. holler at me when you level up to learning pivot tables on excel, though. i had a great time last year figuring that shit out. it was fun for boring shit. basically, a pivot table provides a custom summary of more extensive data and you can view sums, averages, and other statistics across a wide range of sheets. it generates simpler charts with just the information you specify and then you can make visual graphs for those. so fun!

i was doing data analysis across three school sites (same school-3 diff. sites) and we had piles of information on the parents (immigration status, education, job, job sector, survey results, etc.) and school (demographics, family advocate name, etc). after cleaning up and reconciling the data, we could ask ourselves any question to create a pivot chart. like, what is the highest level education for parents across each school? what sectors are these groups in? it was for a workforce development pilot program and they were trying to figure out what the individual needs were for each site. anyway, it was pretty fun to fuck around with after a while.

[smashingjj]

this is such a good story

[smashingjj]

and of course I don't hope you die at all

[smashingjj]

awww

[buzzard]

Is everything okay with you, Joeri?

[yo soy el mejor]

probs doesn't know pivot tables

[smashingjj]

Originally Posted by buzzard

Is everything okay with you, Joeri?

I don't know pivot tables

[vixnix]

I found this tutorial helpful last year
https://youtu.be/K74_FNnlIF8

I hope Mynda will take care of you the same way she took care of me.

[yo soy el mejor]

Originally Posted by buzzard

Is everything okay with you, Joeri?

[Disco King]

Originally Posted by vixnix

I found this tutorial helpful last year
https://youtu.be/K74_FNnlIF8

I hope Mynda will take care of you the same way she took care of me.

I'll watch these, thanks!

I watched a beginner's video last night that just shows how to navigate the programme, and I'll be watching an introduction to formulas later. Then, I'll watch these ones and try to learn by doing specific projects.

[Disco King]

Oh boy, I'm a dum-dum.

The résumé I sent off used typefaces that weren't system defaults, and I forgot to embed them in the file.

It's going to look like shit on their end, but hopefully their systems mitigates this by at least not choosing some script font to replace mine.

Or maybe I should send a follow-up email requesting that to they download the free Google font families "Poppins" and "Montserrat." Yeah, I usually advise against mixing two different typefaces of the same style, but somehow, this combination worked out.

[Disco King]

Hmm. I just opened the file on my phone, on which I haven't installed any fonts, and everything still looks correct. Maybe the fonts automatically embed? Hopefully.

[cork_soaker]

Originally Posted by Disco King

but hopefully their systems mitigates this by at least not choosing some script font to replace mine.

their systems might also mitigate this issue by auto-assigning your resume directly upon receipt to the cold, infinite cybervoid

though i sincerely hope this will not be the case!

[yo soy el mejor]

[Disco King]

I would sooner have my résumé auto-assigned to the void than manually assigned to it by a human hiring manager unimpressed by my unintentional use of AdobeSansMM with nonsensical spacing, overlapping text, and an extra page for the last six words of my résumé.

[reprise85]

i think i'm going to actually make a career out of this shit i'm doing

data annotation, user experience/usability testing, internet research

these are all things i do that are actual like fields and shit

who knew

[reprise85]

something i did most of the data work on just got presented at a highly prestigious NLP/machine learning conference and was funded by the army and shit

sure my name isn't on it

but i have a letter of recommendation and the blessing of the researcher to put it on a CV

so like that's a start

[reprise85]

joey you need to get out of retail for real though keep applying

[Disco King]

Originally Posted by reprise85

something i did most of the data work on just got presented at a highly prestigious NLP/machine learning conference and was funded by the army and shit

sure my name isn't on it

but i have a letter of recommendation and the blessing of the researcher to put it on a CV

so like that's a start

Congrats! Hopefully it leads to projects you can get more credit and recognition for.

[Disco King]

"At [company], we understand the power and value of diversity and equal opportunity and take it seriously. We are committed to building a team that represents a variety of backgrounds, perspectives, and skills. The more inclusive we are, the better our work will be. To this end, we especially encourage those from under-represented populations in tech and industry to apply. We believe that providing opportunities for underrepresented groups and cultivating a supportive culture will help shape us into a better organization and build a better community as a whole."

Okay, so what's a subtle way of indicating that I'm a minority on my résumé and they should hire me?

[reprise85]

Make up an 'ethnic' sounding name that matches your middle initial and just keep going with it for the rest of your life

Like Joseph Jamal Lastname

insert stereotypical matching name of your choice

[Cool As Ice Cream]

No need to be too subtle.
"I, as an underrepresented group in tech and industry, love to be cultivated in a supportive culture!"

[buzzard]

Embed a photograph somewhere near the biological summary as if it were the LinkedIn profile it kind of is. I'm not sure that modern humans will even find it weird at this point.

[yo soy el mejor]

Originally Posted by Disco King

"At [company], we understand the power and value of diversity and equal opportunity and take it seriously. We are committed to building a team that represents a variety of backgrounds, perspectives, and skills. The more inclusive we are, the better our work will be. To this end, we especially encourage those from under-represented populations in tech and industry to apply. We believe that providing opportunities for underrepresented groups and cultivating a supportive culture will help shape us into a better organization and build a better community as a whole."

Okay, so what's a subtle way of indicating that I'm a minority on my résumé and they should hire me?

weird. i often think about whether my Mexican last name has prevented me from gettng callbacks in the past. i've thought 'damn, i should put a fake last name,' but i never have 'cause i think i would ultimately be ashamed of myself if i did. can't give in or acquiesce to the man like that, ya know.

https://www.politifact.com/factcheck...ely-get-respo/

https://cos.gatech.edu/facultyres/Di...kishaJamal.pdf

https://hbswk.hbs.edu/item/minoritie...ore-interviews

[yo soy el mejor]

companies have to put that junk about inclusion, but they don't typically live by it and are only proactive about hiring "diverse" candidates if there is a monetary incentive. example: i worked in a majority white newsroom and instead of hiring people of color as journalists as a matter of course, they started writing proposals for grants that would pay the salary for a person of color to participate in a fellowship. sounds nice, but it's shitty.

[yo soy el mejor]

“This is a major point of our research—that you are at an even greater risk for discrimination when applying with a pro-diversity employer because you’re being more transparent,” DeCelles says. “Those companies have the same rate of discrimination, which makes you more vulnerable when you expose yourself to those companies.”

[ovary]

******* a headshot with your application and note in your cover letter your enthusiasm for working with the pubic

that's how you get an interview

[Disco King]

Should I apply

[Disco King]

This is that character, apparently.



Could help me gain the relevant experience to land my dream job as a Femboy Hooters server.