Announce something private or candid about yourself.

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by ohnoitsbonnie

I'm fat (~30+) lbs overweight. I'm not comfortable with it but healthy eating (not bingeing) is really tough. I feel like I have nothing else to look forward to but food. Sometimes I'll buy stuff just to kill that feeling.

I'm a really bad environmentalist. It makes it tough to make friends, at least with them. I'm too selfish to give up bad habits I have.

bonnie, it's nice to see you posting.

i binge eat too sometimes, i was doing really bad for a while and i gained a lot of weight. especially since i quit drugs and cigs, i've gained a ton of weight and it is really starting to affect me emotionally and of course physically. i can still do eveything ok but i can see how years and years of being 100lbs overweight will fuck up my body, mechanically speaking.

30lbs is not a big deal, but the pattern of disordered eating is def something to deal with now. you can do it.

[The exploding boy]

Originally Posted by ohnoitsbonnie

. It makes it tough to make friends, at least with them. .

Do they go "oh no its bonnie" when they see you?

[ohnoitsbonnie]

Originally Posted by reprise85

bonnie, it's nice to see you posting.

i binge eat too sometimes, i was doing really bad for a while and i gained a lot of weight. especially since i quit drugs and cigs, i've gained a ton of weight and it is really starting to affect me emotionally and of course physically. i can still do eveything ok but i can see how years and years of being 100lbs overweight will fuck up my body, mechanically speaking.

30lbs is not a big deal, but the pattern of disordered eating is def something to deal with now. you can do it.

I feel way too stressed and empty lately to work on it. I know, annoying and stupid.

[pale blue eyes]

I saw this thread bump up a couple times and have been tempted so what the hell: If I am being completely honest, I cannot imagine myself in a serious romantic relationship of any kind. Not in a depressing way, I'm not even sad about it. Maybe I am just used to it now. I'm not a shut in or anything, I have friends to hang out with, I go to some work functions, and I have dated before. I'm just really, really not good at dating or socializing. I'm a pretty good girlfriend but unless I meet somebody at work or in a kind of neutral place where there is no pressure, I am utterly hopeless. And in my few serious relationships (some lasting several years), I always seem to get to the cusp of somewhere I haven't been but can't quite get there. I can't explain it, I just get this feeling and I back off. The guy picks up on it and it eventually ends because of this ... tension? I've talked about it with a few people, and then they get really sad which then makes me sad, but when I see married couples doing couple-y things I don't feel sad. It's just like seeing a really cute dog. I'm allergic to dogs so I will never have one. I don't dwell, I just accept it. I'm honestly not sure if it is because I'm terrible at socializing and my brain has just flicked that switch off but I am 90% sure at this point that it'll never happen. So, there's that.

[reprise85]

:/

i can relate to that post too. pretty sure it will never happen for me either. but it does make me sad.

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by ohnoitsbonnie

I feel way too stressed and empty lately to work on it. I know, annoying and stupid.

nah, it wouldn't be a problem if it was something you had no problem dealing with, you know?

[Trotskilicious]

I feel like pbe i have never had a relationship i am a broken person

[dreams of glass]

I was thinking today that it had been so long since I was in a relationship with someone, that if I was in one suddenly, I would probably be freaking out the whole time, like "omg what do I do, what do I do???".

Just seeing couples out jogging together or running or whatever, and I'm thinking "how do they co-ordinate that?" I mean do you just acquiesce and go when the other person wants, even though you might be tired, because you need the sex later?

And really, no matter what you do, and how good you are to that person, one day they could just decide to leave you, for no reason even. And here you are, totally emotionally invested into something that is now gone, and you end up feeling crushed and depressed. Like yeah, sign me up!

[vixnix]

I had kids too young and I have often neglected them, abused them emotionally & physically, and failed to care for them properly. I don't try my best because sometimes I just get sick of taking care of other people and I don't feel like doing it anymore.

I'm lazy and I often sit around wasting time and then never admit it when I'm late or doing things at the last minute. I suggest that I am busy but I don't think anyone buys it.

I'm disappointed that I wasn't born fully Caucasian because being white seems easier than being anything else.

[Shallowed]

Originally Posted by ohnoitsbonnie

I am addicted to smart phone/internet use.

What was it like before you got a smart phone? Did you think you'd get just as addicted to using your smart phone?

I'm addicted to the internet too, but I don't have a smart phone. I want to get one, at least because it would be so useful to have a portable map/GPS/Google/browser/camera/phone all in one.

It's now considered strange to not have a smart phone.

[ilikeplanets]

I used to make post-it notes that would map out a week's worth of food intake and hide them in a notebook. These things would be waaaaay too detailed and pathetic.

I do not believe I can only be interested/sexual with one person for the rest of my life, so my husband and I are open. I also can't be interested in anyone that isn't okay with my "habits" which at a bare minimum means pot, cigarettes, and opiates. I am in love with my husband, but sometimes feel like I only got married because he accepted me and it was "safe"...I can be emotionally numb to him sometimes.

I know I masturbate way too much, like 7 times a day too much.

I'm scared to get a professional job which employs my degree. I'm awkward at speaking and do not have the right clothes. I don't even know if the tracks on my hand will heal EVER and they are on my right "hand-shaking" hand....meh

[The exploding boy]

Originally Posted by vixnix

I had kids too young and I have often neglected them, abused them emotionally & physically, and failed to care for them properly. I don't try my best because sometimes I just get sick of taking care of other people and I don't feel like doing it anymore.

Well that was certainly candid but i guess at the very least you do realise it. This is exactly why though every young person needs to be told that sort of things. Your kids will certainly be fucked up. And i'm sorry to say, but you know that, that the fault will be on you....

My mom basically left my dad when me and my brother were nearly out of our teens because she didn't have a youth cause she had us young (well 19-20) and was ready to have her youth now.... but my dad wasn't cause he'd had his youth before my mom, being 11 years older. And she'd basically just been waiting for years for us to be old enough so she could leave without damaging us too much. ( which was actually the worst because late teens turned out to be when me and my brother would have needed guidance and help the most but my dad spent the requisite three years just hurting and not being able to do much...)

I don't see a good reason for anyone to have kids before 30.

[ohnoitsbonnie]

Originally Posted by Shallowed

What was it like before you got a smart phone? Did you think you'd get just as addicted to using your smart phone?

I'm addicted to the internet too, but I don't have a smart phone. I want to get one, at least because it would be so useful to have a portable map/GPS/Google/browser/camera/phone all in one.

It's now considered strange to not have a smart phone.

I was addicted to the internet before.

[ohnoitsbonnie]

Originally Posted by vixnix

I had kids too young and I have often neglected them, abused them emotionally & physically, and failed to care for them properly. I don't try my best because sometimes I just get sick of taking care of other people and I don't feel like doing it anymore.

I'm lazy and I often sit around wasting time and then never admit it when I'm late or doing things at the last minute. I suggest that I am busy but I don't think anyone buys it.

I'm disappointed that I wasn't born fully Caucasian because being white seems easier than being anything else.

This doesn't seem like you but I believe it. But doesn't everyone have a dark side? I'm wondering what you mean by abuse.

[The exploding boy]

Well i mean children should be slapped about at least once or twice a day, it builds character, but anything beyond that is clearly abuse.

[vixnix]

I've hit them. Maybe 20 times between them. And I've said terrible things to them. It didn't help them at all and I wish I hadn't done it.

Since starting on medication and getting help, things have been a lot better, and they're happy kids. Kids are pretty resilient and forgiving. They want to believe the best about their parents.

I did other stuff...good stuff. I try pretty hard a lot of the time because I do adore them and they give my life meaning.

Part of me being candid involves having compassion for the me that made mistakes in those horrible moments, and hurt her own babies. I'm only able to forgive myself because I know that no parent is perfect, so all parents have confessions about horrible stuff they've done to their children.

The best reason for women to have kids before 30 is because the female human is best at growing, birthing and caring for babies and young children between 18 - 30. It is a very physically demanding task, so in the same way that performance athletes are often in their best form in their 20s, women are, too.

I had two normal, healthy pregnancies, and two drug free vaginal births, and breastfed both my babies on demand for 2 years, as per WHO guidelines - 30+ mums often struggle with the lack of sleep and physical demands of motherhood in the early years, and put their babies on sleeping schedules, which can interrupt the relationship between mother and baby, and shorten the duration of breastfeeding.

Caesarian section births and low breastfeeding rates are now being associated with rising allergy rates.

[ohnoitsbonnie]

I don't know if I'll ever have children (I would have one at most, so a child). I go back and forth on it it but I'm a horrible person at times. I want to believe that I could raise a child that could go off to change (or make better) the world but also had my genes but I don't know. I doubt I'll ever be in a situation where I could (I mean I always could but I control my life so much, you know?) life style wise.

You don't abuse your children, Emma.

[ohnoitsbonnie]

The situation would have to be perfect and I would have to be perfect and I'm too neurotic and mentally ill for that

[hnibos]

I don't think it's a good idea to bring children into this world right now. Shit is going to hit the fan.

[hnibos]

I was a c section baby and not breastfed and now I'm a weakling with a very low pain tolerance.

[Lucky Day Spa]

my epidural is leaking

[ohnoitsbonnie]

I'm a bad person and I do bad things that I feel no regret for

[wHATcOLOR]

this thread is pretty dark

[reprise85]

if this thread was posted 2-3 years ago i probably would have posted way too much information about myself. in fact, im sure it was and i did.

[butthurt]

I had a dream last night that I was in an art class with Charmbag. I was smoking marijuana instead of working on my painting, and she was giving me a hard time about it.

I don't even smoke.

[Trotskilicious]

sounds like charmbag doe

[The exploding boy]

I still havent had any dream about the forum. I hope soon. And i hope it'll be totally inappropriate.

[Elijah Moon]

My father wears sneakers in the pool.

[The exploding boy]

When i used to swim, id always wear a t-shirt and a scuba mask. The mask because i cant swim underwater otherwise. the t shirt because i'm that self conscious about my body. I still would probably but i haven't been in a pool (or lake) in like 14 years probably.

As for my dad, he doesn't swim. He's scared of water. He wouldn't even get in our pool when we had it.

[Elphenor]

I'm legit terrified of making phone calls to strangers. It makes me shake and my voice is all jittery and nervous through the other end for no reason. It's pretty awful.

It's one of many weird crippling social anxieties I have