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04-08-2018, 09:21 PM | #1501 | |
Just Hook it to My Veins!
Location: N3t4Euh Haus
Posts: 32,754
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Quote:
But yeah I think tons and tons, possibly even the majority of people on tinder, just do it out of boredom, curiosity, self-validation, or any other number of reasons that doesn't actually ******* messaging or meeting people. Best way I have discovered to look at it (for me anyway) is that persistence is key... if you are interested in hooking up, serious dating, or finding your future spouse, you just have to match with a lot of people, message a lot of people, and go on a lot of dates and eventually you will meet someone with the same reason as being on there as you. It doesn't really work so different than real life, it's just everything happens faster and is way more blunt because the number of people you are exposed to is vast (assuming you are in a metropolitan area). |
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04-08-2018, 10:54 PM | #1502 | |
Minion of Satan
Location: Banned
Posts: 8,876
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04-08-2018, 11:00 PM | #1503 |
Braindead
Location: TX
Posts: 16,289
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If I ever took "out with the guys" photos I'd have matched more women
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04-08-2018, 11:24 PM | #1504 | |
Minion of Satan
Location: Banned
Posts: 8,876
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Quote:
I think the hard thing about dating while millennial is that, according to what I've read, traditional dating is being replaced by "hook-up culture," which makes things hard for me to navigate, because I still date the old-fashioned way of meeting somebody, getting their number, and going an actual activity with them and talking over food and drinks. It's the only way I'm comfortable with, because I can't imagine how one would go about propositioning a relative stranger with a casual encounters without it being harassmenty. It looks like what people do more often these days is hookup and maybe become FWB, and perhaps that blossoms into becoming an actual relationship, or maybe it doesn't and just goes nowhere. Seems like a good way to get hurt if you're getting down with somebody in the hopes that they will take you on as something more, but they have different intentions. It's especially weird, because despite this, young people are actually engaging in intimate activities less frequently than previous generations did at this age. The kids are having less sex. But when they are having it, it's more often casual rather than in the context of dating. And as a guy who tries to be cognizant and respectful of women's boundaries, it just seems hard to understand why I can date somebody for months and not even attempt to take her hand because I don't want to make her uncomfortable and want her to direct the pace of things, and then she ends up "not feeling it," but then the girl whose tongue I find in my mouth before I even know her name is the one that continues to text me. Or how I refrain from physical contact because I don't want to be "that guy," but somebody I just met is more likely to invite me back to her place when I just let her put the limits on physical contact and touch her in any possible way that doesn't cause her to back away a little or move my hand. Or how the girl that texts me more frequently and with more interest is the one that I made a suggestive joke to without even knowing that I would intuitively think is inappropriate. It's frustrating, because it seems like the behaviour that people respond well to isn't the behaviour that fits my values of eschewing gendered scripts of machismo and males just making overt moves without waiting for clear, explicit, verbal enthusiastic consent. It's like people want me to take on all the responsibility of initiating intimacy so that they don't have to, when the entire cultural idea of "women want X but don't want to say it, and are waiting for the man to just do it" is one of the core premises of rape culture and gendered violence. |
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04-08-2018, 11:36 PM | #1505 |
Just Hook it to My Veins!
Location: N3t4Euh Haus
Posts: 32,754
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this is just my experience, but I think "hook-up culture" is overstated. there are lots of people who are looking to date or seeking a serious s/o.
pretty sure people in past generations actually had more sex with more partners than millennials |
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04-09-2018, 12:06 AM | #1506 |
Minion of Satan
Location: Banned
Posts: 8,876
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Yeah, people are having less sex than they did in previous generations, with fewer partners and with activity starting later in life. But from what I've read, it's still becoming more prevalent for that to happen casually through hookups rather than in the context of dating.
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04-09-2018, 09:50 AM | #1507 |
Braindead
Location: PROWLING THE BADLANDS
Posts: 17,399
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so i was riding my bike tonight, waiting for a long red light, with at least a dozen or two dozen other people on scooters and bikes.
when the green light came on, i did that 'lift your ass off the seat and pedal hard' thing, when suddenly the fucking chain came off the derailleur without warning, as i was already in full blow. i flew up in the air and hit the road pretty hard as i saw my bike sliding away on the road. i was fairly fortunate; didn't get run over or hit by any of the other riders around me. i banged up my shoulder pretty good though. ribs too. my knee is bleeding and my ankle got nicely chafed. i thought i may have cracked a rib or two right after, but now it doesn't seem so. so again, i was lucky, no significant injuries or damage. on the downside, boy am i going to be sore for a few days starting tomorrow. |
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04-09-2018, 09:58 AM | #1508 |
Braindead
Location: PROWLING THE BADLANDS
Posts: 17,399
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also, interestingly, during this whole incident, nobody, and i mean nobody - other riders, pedestrians, passerby, drivers - went out of their way even for a second to address me or see if i'm alright.
nobody slowed down, stopped, or said anything at all. the best i got was a long, cold stare by a group of middle aged ladies. i've heard about this happening, and to my understanding, it occurs mostly because people are afraid of being unfairly sued by dishonest people, which has happened in china. but man, not even one person offering the most basic bit of courtesy. the coarseness of people here can be so harsh sometimes. |
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04-09-2018, 11:14 AM | #1509 |
Braindead
Location: TX
Posts: 16,289
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people will stop their cars and hop out here in Texas
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04-09-2018, 12:06 PM | #1510 |
Minion of Satan
Location: Banned
Posts: 8,876
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I've also read about China lacking Good Samaritan laws, making anyone who comes to another's aid liable in the event that something goes wrong. It deters people from helping strangers.
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04-09-2018, 01:06 PM | #1511 |
Braindead
Location: Ignore List
Posts: 17,229
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holy shit, i'm glad you're okay
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04-09-2018, 01:07 PM | #1512 |
Braindead
Location: Ignore List
Posts: 17,229
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also, i'm so grateful that i haven't had a need for tinder. although i have met people online. myspace could be oh so sleazy!
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04-09-2018, 02:19 PM | #1513 | |||
Just Hook it to My Veins!
Location: N3t4Euh Haus
Posts: 32,754
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Quote:
Quote:
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04-09-2018, 03:36 PM | #1514 |
Just Hook it to My Veins!
Location: Donald Trump of Netphoria
Posts: 37,218
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04-09-2018, 03:38 PM | #1515 | |
Minion of Satan
Location: Banned
Posts: 8,876
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Quote:
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04-09-2018, 06:10 PM | #1516 |
Braindead
Location: Ignore List
Posts: 17,229
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dating =/= in a relationship
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04-09-2018, 06:27 PM | #1517 |
Just Hook it to My Veins!
Location: N3t4Euh Haus
Posts: 32,754
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what defines a hookup? If you only have sex with the person once? a common thing seems to be you go on 2-3 dates, sleep together a few times, and then stop seeing each other because one or both of you have failed each other's test of compatibility in some way. Is that hooking up?
obviously there is no answer here, I'm just kind of thinking out loud. One does hear a lot about hookup culture, I just think what that actually means is really fluid. If people our age are having less sex and less partners, and dating less, and just happen to be having more completely random one night stand type encounters in between long stretches of not having sex, I'm not sure I see the phrase "hookup culture" as properly descriptive. It makes it sound like millennials are acculturated to specifically go after fleeting sexual experiences as opposed to dating, and that is kind of the stereotype, but I'm not sure that is accurate if it's just much harder for us to date and we are having significantly less sexual and romantic interactions of any form at all |
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04-09-2018, 06:29 PM | #1518 |
Just Hook it to My Veins!
Location: N3t4Euh Haus
Posts: 32,754
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also do we really believe say college kids in 2018 are having more sex with randos than college kids in like 1972 or something? I don't have data, but that doesn't seem correct
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04-09-2018, 06:43 PM | #1519 |
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
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ouch teh_b0lly, hope you aren't too sore
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04-09-2018, 06:44 PM | #1520 |
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
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i got reddit gold today. one of my comments got like 600 upvotes and someone gilded it. cool beans.
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04-09-2018, 07:19 PM | #1521 |
Brazilian Blouselord
Location: heavy metal pool party
Posts: 35,781
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I hope it was a cleverly timed "That's what she said."
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04-09-2018, 07:22 PM | #1522 |
Saturday Night Goth
Location: POLLOS
Posts: 9,207
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not only that, but it's cheaper to deal with the relatively minor legal fee involved with killing the person than paying their medical bills or something. They like back up over people they ran over to make sure they're dead
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04-09-2018, 08:04 PM | #1523 |
Braindead
Location: PROWLING THE BADLANDS
Posts: 17,399
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this is true, and way fucked up.
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04-09-2018, 08:37 PM | #1524 |
Minion of Satan
Location: Banned
Posts: 8,876
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I try to be skeptical of what I hear about "Chinese culture," seeing as
Western media is prone to Orientalism when portraying foreign cultures, especially when their governments aren't allied with us or the state is communist or something. But it really does sound like the repression enforced by the Chinese government is fucking their society up. |
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04-09-2018, 10:12 PM | #1525 |
Braindead
Location: PROWLING THE BADLANDS
Posts: 17,399
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yeah, i agree;
i was more upset by the whole incident and pain last night, but i don't really "judge" them for acting the way they do. there are vast cultural differences in many different areas, and i mostly try to react to it as something interesting and new, rather than find that coarseness grating and challenging (which it sometimes is). i also remind myself that i'm the one living in their country, and not vice versa, so bitching about their mentality or customs seems counterproductive. and yet, despite all things, when you really get down to bare bones and bottom lines - it's a society with no respect for animal life or welfare, disregard for other people in trivial or even life threatening situations, and often, very poor manners. that stuff is very hard to respect, and is considered a barometer for assessing any culture. |
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04-10-2018, 08:02 AM | #1526 |
Just Hook it to My Veins!
Location: Donald Trump of Netphoria
Posts: 37,218
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04-10-2018, 08:04 AM | #1527 | |
Just Hook it to My Veins!
Location: Donald Trump of Netphoria
Posts: 37,218
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04-10-2018, 01:08 PM | #1528 |
Braindead
Location: Ignore List
Posts: 17,229
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yeah idk why the south has a reputation of sweethearts and good hospitality. lots of judgmental, snarky assholes ime and i've been to every southern state except south carolina and lived in the region for about 17 years. good riddance!
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04-10-2018, 01:11 PM | #1529 |
Just Hook it to My Veins!
Location: Donald Trump of Netphoria
Posts: 37,218
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i think a lot of it is fake, face saving "niceness"
but i just got here so what do i know |
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04-10-2018, 01:18 PM | #1530 |
Braindead
Location: Ignore List
Posts: 17,229
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there's plenty of that phony bullshit, but some of the most directly aggressive shitheads i've ever met are from the middle of nowhere, deep south. then again it could have been the fact they were paranoid drug makers or total addicts. either way, good fucking riddance! hope you aren't there for long
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