13 July 2009

[run2pee]

13 July 2009 Monday

Ate breakfast with Dad yesterday morning. I started trying to talk to and see him more often. It’s tough because I guess we don’t think about a lot of the same things these days and don’t have a lot of common interests or common ground. For example, he’s really into Nascar these days and I’m into reading all the famous novels I can get my hands on. And if he wants to talk about God, it’s pretty tough. For example he brought up the idea of what if you could see past, present, future. This was one of the big deals for Myron and for Dad. I sort of said I didn’t think about it too much because I couldn’t really see the use in that because it would create so many other problems with, for example, free will, and moral responsibility to intervene in catastrophes, etc. He said that he thought about it a lot and wanted to experience that.

Thing is, I know that’s just sort of how Dad is expressing getting close to God and I shouldn’t get hung up on the particulars of how he expresses it, or on the problems of philosophy involved. The thing is probably to be grateful I’ve got a dad that even thinks about such things and is unafraid to ask such questions and go exploring out there in those regions. That’s a pretty rare and special thing. I really look up to Dad too in terms of his work ethic and in terms of how he takes responsibility for his family and is probably the most selfless person I’ve ever met. I don’t think of all that stuff near enough.

We talked a little bit about Myron and what he might be up to. They were doing this really tacky sort of Hawaiian themed promotion at the Ihop. Dad told me again some of the stories about their famous trip over to Hawaii and how everyone thought Dad was Senator Abercrombie and about when they went swimming in the dark and heard that big splashing. Dad says Myron’s eyes tripled in size and were that big around and Myron said, “They’ll eat you first because you’re white.” Man, I really do miss good old Myron. I was thinking it would be really neat to try and write a biography of him. That would be a pretty famous book someday if It All Comes True. I wonder where all those people who came to his funeral were during his life. I never saw even half of them in all the time I knew him. Or maybe I never realized how rich a life he led outside of his already substantial activities with the Chiropractic Clinic and the Jun Fan Gung Fu and White Oak Restoration Branch. I know that he inspired a lot of hope in his day and for that he deserves one of the better mansions they’ve got over there, if they’ve got them, or his own beach house like he had in Hawaii, and I hope he gets to have luau every week with a lot of loved ones. He really was a beautiful guy.

Just think of this guy for a minute. Here’s a guy who had a career. He had a home in the islands where he loved it. He had friends and family. But because he loved the Lord so much, and because he was so curious, he started seeing things and one night he saw the Prophet Elijah in his home. And this guy was brave enough to come all the way over to [ redacted ], into the midst of a fundamentalist, conservative, and often-enough racist little group known as the Restorationists, a group dominated by white folks, and this guy was brave enough to stand up in front of these congregations with his dark skin, brave enough to tell these hardcore doctrine-humpers that the ancient Prophet Elijah had appeared to him, in his own home, and had sent him to [ redacted] with the aim of restoring God’s holy priesthood in these the latter days.

I mean, can you even imagine the courage it took to do all that? And then to be such an expansive and friendly and wonderful guy on top of all of that? And I was just a dumb and bashful kid pretty much the entire time I knew him, but still he tolerated my muteness and my awe and predicted great and wonderful successes for me, and I was lucky enough to get to hang out in this guy’s house, to go on float trips with him, to grow up with him like he was my Uncle. What a special guy. I only wish I could talk with him now. Really hash out some doctrine. I wonder what he’d say when he saw me coming. I wonder what he would say if I told him the kind of “walk” I’ve got going now. I wonder if I could bear to be around him or if it would make me go nuts again. I bet I could handle it and I could hold my own with him.

After all “it’s irrelevant” is a kind of faith in itself, right? Isn’t it kind of the strongest faith there is? In other words, I’m willing to accept that the whole total Bible’s just malarkey and that the Book of Mormon is a hoax and it still won’t shake my faith that God or Love Herself or Whoever is the force heating up and powering the subatomic particles that make up everything we sense and everything we experience. That’s a powerful faith in its own way, right? I think so.

Man, I do hope sometimes that Dad and Myron were dead right and that all of this stuff happens. I really would like to see the look on the face of the world. Wait, you mean this guy? This construction worker in [ redacted ]? This Hawaiian Chiropractor and martial artists? These guys? Why not. I can’t think of a better way for it to happen or for it to start.

At the same time, I’m pretty sure I’ve reached a point where I can say, you know what, if it was all just sort of a cultish delusion, that’s absolutely fine too. Because what harm does it do? The only harm it could do is if I choose to be harmed, if I choose to be ashamed or think of my background as a handicap. The only considerations that would make me ashamed to come from where I come from are ones that don’t matter. Are false considerations. I really don’t know how I feel about starting to have the dreams and stuff. I suppose it’s in my blood or whatever, but I don’t know if that’s how I want to contribute. Man, I don’t want to see people doing secret things in their rooms in their lives. I don’t want in on this cosmic tattle-session. Because I still think of it that way sometimes. It’s like I want to say, come on up there, Buddy, you never heard of the Fourth Amendment? I mean, of course God, if they’re up there, or down there, or in and through all things, it don’t give no shits about the Fourth or any of the other amendments for that matter. That’s sort of nothing compared to the majesty of Her or It or Whatever Thou Art, right?

Right. I just don’t think I’m ready to have the dreams and have that sort of thing going on in my head. Probably would be happy just to get some steady work, improve some fiction craft, and sort of enjoy life. I hope that’s not sinful or like shirking some responsibility or destiny. I hope it isn’t.

Anyway, you can see where my mind goes to after just a breakfast with Dad. It’s healthy though and I’m ready to at least start being my dad’s son again. I’ve been a real bastard long enough, right? Making him worry about me and crashing cars and going on crazy streaks with antidepressants and coming back home all in ruins and everything. He still loves me even after that. Man, I just think it must be hell having kids. Well, maybe I can stop making it hell on my dad. I hope so. That’s a good start, right?

[yo soy el mejor]

did you type this all out from your journal? i recently re-read my journal entry from 9/11/2001. i had a orthodontist appointment that day and got in big trouble for leaving on my a/c unit (my bedroom was the basement and had a window unit separate from the house).

your dad sounds nuts, no offense!

[teh b0lly!!1]

there's something about growing up to bad parenting that's like discovering that your compass has been taking you in the oppositely wrong direction for as long as you have existed, having to start making the trip back, and feeling guilty for it.

[yo soy el mejor]

iz called RE-PARENTING

[yo soy el mejor]

[yo soy el mejor]

How Reparenting Can Help Heal Old Wounds



In its simplest form, reparenting is the act of learning how to give yourself the support you may not have received as a child. Keep reading to learn why it can be a useful tool.
What Is it?

Originally, reparenting referred to a form of psychotherapy in which a therapist assumes the role of a surrogate parental figure in order to treat psychological disturbances caused by abusive or defective parenting. In this case, however, we’re using the term in reference to techniques you can use to reparent the younger part of yourself. A therapist can teach you how to effectively do this; however, the ultimate responsibility will lie with you.
Why it's Helpful

Reparenting stems from the belief that a large majority of psychological issues develop due to children growing up without having their needs met. When children don't feel secure or unconditionally loved, they often develop into adults who have difficulty navigating relationships and coping with life's many challenges.

Childhood is a critical time when we learn key fundamentals. If we don't learn them during key stages of our development, we will either never learn them or develop stunted fundamentals that make it difficult to manage relationships later in life.
According to experts, we tend to develop certain emotional and psychological aspects at specific ages:

Infant (ages 0-3): Trust
Toddlers (ages 3-5): Initiative
Early childhood (ages 5-11): Self-Esteem
Adolescents (ages 12-18): Identity

When we experience trauma as children, it can stunt our emotional development. Reparenting can help us learn to take care of the vulnerable, hidden parts of ourselves. In essence, we are able to give ourselves the encouragement, support and love we’ve always longed for.

With the support of a qualified therapist, reparenting can create a safe experience for you to:

Be vulnerable
Feel supported
Learn to trust
Be confrontational without fear of abandonment
Learn about your hidden underlying needs and how to get them met
Finally experience a secure, healthy attachment
How it Works

While it may sound like a daunting task, reparenting is actually fairly straightforward. The main principle centers on offering yourself unconditional love. When you love and support a child, you don't condemn, judge or hurt them; instead, you give them attention, understanding, time, comfort and encouragement. You listen to them and treat them kindly. You don't have to give in to their every request, but you will hear them out and work to create a healthy solution that will meet their needs.

As you treat yourself with greater compassion and consider your thoughts and feelings, you will start to feel more whole and self-sufficient. Because reparenting can sometimes bring up old memories, it helps to do it under the guidance of a trusted therapist. That said, in essence, reparenting is merely the act of nurturing yourself like a concerned, supportive parent.

Every minute of the day provides an opportunity to be unconditionally loving, kind and nurturing to yourself. That is what your inner child wants and needs. You can actually be that caring parent you wish you could have had so many years ago. By taking great care of yourself today, you can honor the healing of your inner child and finally achieve that wholeness you've been seeking.

[yo soy el mejor]

ETC.