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10-15-2018, 10:40 PM | #3031 |
Braindead
Location: Ignore List
Posts: 17,229
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Yeah, you're a rare breed in that regard, DK. Maybe that's why some of the women you've attempted to keep as friends have ghosted on you. In my experience, it's hard to assume a man that you've clearly stated that you want to have a strictly platonic relationship with will respect that in the long term...and you wind up with unwanted pictures sent to you when they're drunk, etc. I firmly believe (straight) men and women can be friends, but it can be hard to avoid the plentiful liars.
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10-16-2018, 04:53 AM | #3032 | |
Braindead
Location: TX
Posts: 16,288
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10-16-2018, 04:54 AM | #3033 |
Braindead
Location: TX
Posts: 16,288
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10-16-2018, 10:11 AM | #3034 |
Apocalyptic Poster
Posts: 3,409
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10-16-2018, 10:13 AM | #3035 | ||
Minion of Satan
Location: Banned
Posts: 8,839
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So now, my project is to be more assertive and pursue the kinds of things I want, like dating, while still being respectful of other's boundaries and dignity. The main challenge outside of my own over-thinking is that everybody has different boundaries, and they don't write them on their t-shirts. |
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10-16-2018, 10:20 AM | #3036 | |
Minion of Satan
Location: Banned
Posts: 8,839
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Are you basing that assessment off of real evidence, or are your pessimism and lack of self-esteem just kicking in to convince you that anybody you're interested in could not possibly be interested in you, purely as a defense mechanism so that you don't even have to try? Have you tried? Have you asked them? Asking somebody if they are interested isn't always done in a point-blank way. You don't walk down the street and ask somebody, "are you interested in dating me?" But talking to them, getting into a conversation, seeing how they respond, and then asking to spend time with them later— this is an implicit way of asking "are you interested in me?" So maybe try asking. Ethical issues aside (we'll ignore those right now, because you were a teenager), the fact that you were capable of this meant that you had more game as a teenager than most of us have right now, kid. Go out and do something similar, except without the unethical infidelity part. |
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10-16-2018, 10:23 AM | #3037 |
Minion of Satan
Location: Banned
Posts: 8,839
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Texas has a good music scene, doesn't it?
I'm going to give you the one good piece of advice Fuzzyroes (yes, Fuzzy-fucking-roes) has ever given me. Go to a show, just talk to random other concert-goers, drink some beers with them, whatever. After chatting, ask them if they'd like to hang out sometime, get their numbers, and keep in touch with them. This actually fucking works. Works better for making friends, though. I have no idea why, but thus far, shows haven't been as good an environment for getting dates as other environments have been for me (I actually get more just on public transit or other places during the day than at this nighttime social gathering, it's weird), but folks seem to really be down to link up socially and make friends in the local music scene. |
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10-16-2018, 11:06 AM | #3038 |
Braindead
Location: TX
Posts: 16,288
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San Antonio's music scene is shit
the minute a good band is formed they go straight to Austin anyway |
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10-16-2018, 11:14 AM | #3039 |
Braindead
Location: TX
Posts: 16,288
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I made friends at work but I really don't care now
I'm making tape loop music |
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10-16-2018, 11:23 AM | #3040 |
Braindead
Location: TX
Posts: 16,288
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tape loop music, leaving myself wide open for a Reznor.jpg
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10-16-2018, 11:50 AM | #3041 |
Minion of Satan
Location: Banned
Posts: 8,839
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Your brain is going to convince you that you need "time to yourself" to get over this.
It's a trap. You'll just spend that time by yourself ruminating and overthinking and focusing on your pain and ultimately feeling worse. You should use those work friends as support. And make some at school, too. |
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10-16-2018, 12:38 PM | #3042 |
Just Hook it to My Veins!
Location: Donald Trump of Netphoria
Posts: 37,215
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or you could just buy a pound of dank indica buds and smoke yourself into a profound catatonic state and learn to appreciate doom metal
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10-16-2018, 01:10 PM | #3043 | |
Braindead
Location: Ignore List
Posts: 17,229
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10-16-2018, 02:19 PM | #3044 | ||
Minion of Satan
Location: Banned
Posts: 8,839
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By the way, Elphenor, whatever happened with the thing with the Navy Man's wife? I don't think that I've ever heard the conclusion to that story.
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I think for a long time, I had this either/or, black-and-white way of feeling about male attraction. Either a guy is this non-threatening asexual being, or he's a prurient and disrespectful creep. |
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10-16-2018, 03:33 PM | #3045 | |
Just Hook it to My Veins!
Location: N3t4Euh Haus
Posts: 32,749
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It's kind of a similar thing to what men perceive as the "friend zone" I guess. Women seem much more willing and able to accept when a possible romantic connection is cut off for some reason, whether either it's your friend's ex, your boss, an old friend from high school or whatever else. To the cis hetero male mind, I think there is ALWAYS this undercurrent of thought that perceives a relationship with someone deemed attractive as transformable into sex. That's just my take, but I think in a general sense it holds some truth, and that is why women are going to be really skeptical of any guy who says he is fine just being friends or whatever else after expressing sexual attraction. Last edited by redbreegull : 10-16-2018 at 05:15 PM. |
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10-16-2018, 03:35 PM | #3046 |
Just Hook it to My Veins!
Location: N3t4Euh Haus
Posts: 32,749
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I also think this attitude is furthered by the movie/TV trope of hopeless loser dude winning over girl who is out of his league and initially expresses disdain or lack of interest, but in real life when someone says no the first time you should leave them alone.
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10-16-2018, 04:22 PM | #3047 |
Minion of Satan
Location: i am volatile, a free spirit, a rogue agent
Posts: 6,254
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Y'all like threads about being inebriated and sad?
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10-16-2018, 04:23 PM | #3048 |
Minion of Satan
Posts: 6,781
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10-16-2018, 04:31 PM | #3049 |
Minion of Satan
Location: Banned
Posts: 8,839
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10-16-2018, 05:45 PM | #3050 | |||
Demi-God
Location: Some area where the Canadian dollar is far more valuable than my own.
Posts: 286
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I feel like that "I want it all" attitude is generally more prevalent in males and it tends to come hand in hand with the assumption that they straight up deserve attention from the potential partner/sex-person they might be pursuing. Quote:
I obviously cannot speak for the entire female population of the world, and I'm sure some would disagree, but I feel like maybe women are a little more in touch with that sort of clue and can deal with the "Tough shit. That didn't go as planned. Let's move on." situation more easily and therefore enjoy other aspects of human interaction that don't relate to sex. The "friend zone" should not be automatically viewed as negative. Smashing Pumpkins message board. |
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10-16-2018, 05:58 PM | #3051 |
Minion of Satan
Location: i am volatile, a free spirit, a rogue agent
Posts: 6,254
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10-16-2018, 06:23 PM | #3052 |
Braindead
Location: TX
Posts: 16,288
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10-16-2018, 06:27 PM | #3053 |
Braindead
Location: TX
Posts: 16,288
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that gif is amazing
damn I miss that version of Spidey |
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10-16-2018, 07:01 PM | #3054 |
Braindead
Location: TX
Posts: 16,288
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10-16-2018, 07:29 PM | #3055 | |
Just Hook it to My Veins!
Location: N3t4Euh Haus
Posts: 32,749
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Quote:
I also see men complain a lot when a women "leads them on" or whatever, meaning she acted interested and then changed tack... but these same men of course have done the same thing to women, and they just feel they have the right to explore a connection, adjust the calculation, and change their mind. I think it's a natural part of meeting people, exploring your options, and dating, but men get upset when women do it to them. |
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10-16-2018, 07:57 PM | #3056 |
Minion of Satan
Location: Banned
Posts: 8,839
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Studies do show than when making judgements about other people's signals representing interest or not, men are more likely to make false-positive errors, and women false-negatives.
Except at least one study I've looked at showed the reverse relationship when it comes to men and women in long-term relationships. Men often don't pick up on sexual hints from their female partners, and women might misinterpret behaviour from their male partners as sexual. Kinda funny how it works the opposite way when you're already a couple. |
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10-16-2018, 07:58 PM | #3057 | |
Minion of Satan
Location: Banned
Posts: 8,839
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Yeah, I haven't seen the new Spidey stuff, but the Raimi movies had charm. |
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10-16-2018, 11:48 PM | #3058 |
Braindead
Location: TX
Posts: 16,288
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I befriended a white guy with dreads and obtained a metaphorical candy shop of substances for someone who isn't me
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10-16-2018, 11:51 PM | #3059 |
Braindead
Location: TX
Posts: 16,288
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college, man
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10-17-2018, 12:08 AM | #3060 |
Minion of Satan
Posts: 6,781
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