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Old 06-27-2013, 01:22 AM   #1
obscured01
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Default Should I send a fb msg to my unknown half brother?

Long story short - my mom and father dated for around 5 yrs when she got pregnant and he decided he wanted no part of either of us as he was apparently seeing someone else on the side and abruptly wound up marrying this other gal. He had a son from another marriage who was 9 yrs when I was born. My mom has told me all she can remember (she was diag. with alz. a few months ago) and has given me the ok to contact them if I wish.

Honestly I've gone back and forth but I'm only a few weeks away from my 30th and it seems insane that I'm about to be 30 and never met my father or half brother. I have found my half brother on fb, and am really tempted to send him a message.

I have made no other attempts to contact that side of my family in the past. My mother sent my father an easter pic of me when I was around 3 or 4 but got it back torn in pieces... she assumes it was his new wife that did it, but I don't know. The envelope (which I have and the torn pic) was typed not written so there's no way of knowing.

So. What do you think? My father is nearing 70... so I know I should make this move contacting that side of my family before be passes away. I know I'll really regret it then if I don't. I see contacting my half brother as the easiest way to do it. For all I know he might not even know about me. I have no idea.

 
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Old 06-27-2013, 01:31 AM   #2
vixnix
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So your half brother's mother is from a wife prior to his relationship with your mother? And he and his second wife have no children?

 
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Old 06-27-2013, 01:34 AM   #3
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You are so calm about it. I really respect that. My initial response is that your father is a butthole and you should cut your losses. But that's presumptuous and immature.

 
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Old 06-27-2013, 01:46 AM   #4
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Is FB the only option? When I found an unknown relative online, I ended up looking for a registered phone number.

Anyway - WHY NOT?

 
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Old 06-27-2013, 01:47 AM   #5
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make him post here

 
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Old 06-27-2013, 01:48 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vixnix View Post
You are so calm about it. I really respect that. My initial response is that your father is a butthole and you should cut your losses. But that's presumptuous and immature.
Is that a troll post? Some people managed to grow up a little, ya know.

 
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Old 06-27-2013, 01:51 AM   #7
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I can't stand most of the relatives I know about... I wouldn't want to know the one's I don't!!

 
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Old 06-27-2013, 01:58 AM   #8
Order 66
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as an only child i'd kill to meet a sibling if i found out one was floating around somewhere. i'd have a 'what do i have to lose' attitude about contacting them. if they take it in a bad way, whatever

 
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Old 06-27-2013, 02:00 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pavementtune View Post
Is that a troll post? Some people managed to grow up a little, ya know.
No I'm serious. I do think she should contact her brother and hopefully her father has changed his mind. But he definitely doesn't deserve her interest if she doesn't have any.

 
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Old 06-27-2013, 02:16 AM   #10
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Doesn't deserve her interest, huh? It's not about what he "deserves". Could you try to get out of your i-adore-my-daddy-so-much little corner and try to put yourself into the shoes of someone who never met her father?

Whatever, this is another one of those discussions where I"m likely to call you self-centered (amongst other things) down the line, vixey, so I'll drop out here.

Plus what her father "deserves" (why is it that people with a Christian background love this word so much...) in your or my opinion has very little to do with contacting her brother.

 
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Old 06-27-2013, 02:34 AM   #11
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I say go for it as long as you are willing to let the past go. Who cares about the torn pic and anything else. If your intentions are to meet your dad and brother, and get to know them, anything else doesn't matter.

 
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Old 06-27-2013, 02:35 AM   #12
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I shouldn't have included the " ' " in "ones". Grammar nazis take my soul!

 
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Old 06-27-2013, 03:11 AM   #13
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If I were in this situation, I would contact the brother and see where it goes from there. It's a scary thing to put yourself out there this way, but the only way to know is to give it a shot.

 
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Old 06-27-2013, 04:06 AM   #14
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Go for it, the worst that could happen is that you'll have exactly as many brothers and fathers as you do now. Maybe the brother isn't even aware of your existence and would actually like to get to know you?

 
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Old 06-27-2013, 04:14 AM   #15
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I didn't mean to discourage you from getting in touch with your brother. I asked all the questions about him because I wasn't sure if he was raised by your father or not. If he wasn't, that's far less complicated. If he was, I guess I just wanted you to protect yourself first and foremost, because I have watched my sister in law hope and hope and hope for a relationship with her father, that her father never wanted. And it has broken her heart over and over again. So just be careful was what I wanted to say. If your half brother has had a lot of contact with your father, the apple might not have fallen far from the tree.

 
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Old 06-27-2013, 05:08 AM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pavementtune View Post
Doesn't deserve her interest, huh? It's not about what he "deserves". Could you try to get out of your i-adore-my-daddy-so-much little corner and try to put yourself into the shoes of someone who never met her father?

Whatever, this is another one of those discussions where I"m likely to call you self-centered (amongst other things) down the line, vixey, so I'll drop out here.

Plus what her father "deserves" (why is it that people with a Christian background love this word so much...) in your or my opinion has very little to do with contacting her brother.
I don't have a Christian background, btw. My parents are Atheists and never took me to church, and they both disapprove of me going with my kids. I'm the only church going person in my family. And deserve is a problematic word, I know that. I think this is a case of things being lost in translation. I don't mean everything I say to be a knock down argument. My opinion is just that, it's mine, and she can take it or leave it. My first response is that it is a situation when she might get hurt and I like her so I just want her to be careful.

 
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Old 06-27-2013, 05:10 AM   #17
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Heck yeah, I'd do it. My half brother and sister are pretty rad, and we can relate to how shitty our dad is. But in the end people are just people sort of floating in and out of existence. Who knows, it might be healthy to resolve the missing dad problem whether or not lost time can be made up. My friend Jamal just met his dad for the first time and he's 33, with his own family and I gotta say that he's a hell of a lot less angry now, tho he was particularly anxious about meeting him. He kept telling me he wanted to punch him in the face, going so far as to bring his half brother with him to keep him back, but none of that happened and like I was saying, he seems a bit more peaceful now.

 
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Old 06-27-2013, 06:05 AM   #18
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And with a nod to kreator check out that run on sentence! My word!

 
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Old 06-27-2013, 08:16 AM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vixnix View Post
You are so calm about it. I really respect that. My initial response is that your father is a butthole and you should cut your losses. But that's presumptuous and immature.
This was my gut response as well, but that says more about my family situation than this situation.

I don't know how it will turn out, but you will definitely regret not trying.

Good luck if you decide to do it!

 
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Old 06-27-2013, 12:58 PM   #20
slunken
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I have an estranged half brother he sucks beyond belief. Ignore.

 
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Old 06-27-2013, 01:15 PM   #21
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i wish i had a sister.

 
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Old 06-27-2013, 01:26 PM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by slunken View Post
I have an estranged half brother he sucks beyond belief. Ignore.


Is that him on the left?

 
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Old 06-27-2013, 01:53 PM   #23
cocksure
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looks more like slunken to me

 
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Old 06-27-2013, 02:00 PM   #24
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maybe he's mad because his brother won't give him any money

 
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Old 06-27-2013, 02:40 PM   #25
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i also have never met/seen/talked to my biological father, and am fairly certain i have half-siblings out there somewhere. as an only child to my mother, the thought of having a sibling or two does make me curious to contact them, and far more so than contacting an absent father- the kids may not even know i exist and very likely have nothing to do with why my father chooses to ignore my existence. it is for that reason i have searched for my father online, but as is the case with a lot of older people, i imagine, there isn't a lot of concrete information to be had, especially as it relates to any children he may have and what their names are.

but if there would come a day where i could contact a sibling, i think i would do it. i think you are lucky to be able to contact the sibling directly, and based on your post i think you're just looking for a nudge. so just do it. at worst the sibling will ignore you, and nothing will change. at best you'll get to know family you've never seen.

sending back the easter picture in pieces is awful, though. i am sorry that happened.

 
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Old 06-27-2013, 07:41 PM   #26
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all of your fathers remind me of my father.

 
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Old 06-27-2013, 08:57 PM   #27
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yeah go for it

 
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Old 06-27-2013, 08:58 PM   #28
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What a/ said

 
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Old 06-28-2013, 12:38 AM   #29
obscured01
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How does this sound?

Hi _,
I've been wavering back and forth about sending this, but I feel like if I don't send this now, I may never and will regret it. I hope to goodness you are the _ I'm looking for, and if not, I apologize in advance.

My full name is Sarah _, and I believe you may be my half brother.
_ is my mother and _ is my father. I was told that you were nine when I was born in _.

Let me start out by telling you a bit about myself.
I was born in _ in _. My mom never married, so I was an only child. I graduated from _ in 2001 - and graduated from Tech in 2007. I married my high school boyfriend also in 2007 and we moved to Fort Worth, where we live now. I'm a _ grade teacher and our baby girl will be one year old in July. We've got a pug and three cats.
I'm kind of geeky.. I enjoy reading and watching scifi, action, horror movies. We are big on going to concerts and I enjoy rock and alternative music. Being a teacher, I've got summers off work, so I'm getting to spend lots of time with our baby girl and that's probably my favorite thing in the world.

I'm sure you're wondering, why I'm contacting you, why now? I've made no move to contact you or my father for lots of reasons… Maybe having this free time off has given me the time to dedicate to really consider making this move. My 30th is coming up next month… and I feel like I need to at least say I tried to make contact.

I'm not sure if you know about me or not. Honestly I don't know anything more about you other than I was told you were nine when I was born, you had blonde hair, and blue green eyes (my mother said my eyes were like yours). That's really it…

If you find this msg an error, I apologize again.
If you wish not to pursue this and reply, that is fine and entirely your right. I don't want to impose or cause any issues in any way.
My little family is very happy and if you and _ decide your lives don't need whatever pursuing this would cause, I would hold no ill feelings towards y'all.

Thanks for reading this, and I hope this msg finds you well.
Sarah


Should I edit anything?

 
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Old 06-28-2013, 01:07 AM   #30
slunken
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honestly that reads like spam

 
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