Friday/Saturday drunk or otherwise thread

[Cool As Ice Cream]

wanna fight?

[fuzzyroes]

Originally Posted by redbreegull

yeah if a woman asked me out and insisted on paying I would probably be the most flattered I have ever been in my life

That would just mean that deep down in her heart that she thinks you're a loser

[The exploding boy]

Originally Posted by Cool As Ice Cream

wanna fight?

Spoken like a true imbecile.


(jk)

[fuzzyroes]

Originally Posted by reprise85

Well, when I go to therapy sometimes, we talk about how I react when I first get into the office. Because I have a problem with eye contact and generally do very generic hello, and don't seem to have emotions towards our meeting. Even though I am very glad I am there, and feel as connected to her than I anyone else, more than anyone else even.

So we talked about it the other day, and I was like... "Do people really great each other and feel really great about it make eye contact and have warm interactions, isn't that exhausting to do all the time?" And she informed me that people who like each other generally do do these things when they meet and spend time together.

Also we were talking about similar things and I brought up (which was very hard) that I've been coming for 5 years and we've never actually touched in any way, you know like handshake or hug or anything. We talked about it a little. Upon reflection, I believe if I actually let her hold my hand or something I would just burst out in tears, like my intimacy is so fucking screwed up that I couldn't handle feeling the grief around how I never let anyone do things like that and actually feel that they care for me. Like I can actually imagine we might do this in therapy, as an exercise in trust (b/c I do trust her) and actually letting myself feel that this person actually cares about me and isn't going to fuck with me if I let my guard down. I'm not sure if this makes sense if you don't have attachment issues like I do.

TL;DR chronic PTSD fucks up your ability to feel intimacy. i had the child abuse plus intimate partner abuse so i think i have it pretty severely, especially for someone who actually does like most people

You just need to find a companion who you genuinely enjoy spending time with and who you trust and then take baby steps. It's easy once you get stuck in a rut to think that it's irreversible, and it might be hard as hell, but theres always someone kicking around who'd be more than happy to enjoy in your quest for a positive journey.

Mental illness/thoughts gain so much control over you when you bow down and grant it all your power, charm, charisma and energy- when you stand up and kick it in the nuts- you start getting more used to that and start understanding in your soul that you're in command of your own destiny- or at the very least can positively claw and fight for a better outcome in said destiny.

You're a good person Reprise, time to kick the past in the ass and kiss the future hello

[Elphenor]

I like this board lets talk about our feelings

[Disco King]

Originally Posted by reprise85

I think once you've been exposed to feel pessimistic about life and yourself you can't go back to not knowing it. I'm not saying you'll be depressed forever, but you've contemplated things that are upsetting about the world and human nature that you just can't forget. This adds depth to your personality but I think we pay a price for that.

That is all IMO past the first few lines

Originally Posted by redbreegull

I'm not sure if I am being serious or flippant when I ask this: are these people stupid though? It's oft repeated that psychology has shown correlation between high intelligence and mental illness, risky behaviors, etc. I guess maybe stupid isn't the right word, but are people like this going through life in a generally less analytical, contemplative way?

While it could be true that those with emotional issues might have some sorts of insights most don't, I think it's important to avoid the whole kind of Holden Caulfield attitude. I dunno, I remember being a little shit like that as a teenager, kind of convincing myself I was more contemplative than my peers, but the older I get, the more I know that I don't know shit and that people have valuable information that I could learn from if I pay attention.

Originally Posted by reprise85

Guys I also think antidepressants and therapy can help this a lot. In a big way our brains are just not normal, it's not some kind of moral weakness - our brains are different and at least temporarily need some help. I tend to personify my brain as another person in this regard almost. Like, my poor brain just can't be content by itself.

I don't know if I actually have anything clinical, because I've never gone to a doctor about it. Maybe I should. I dunno, when I try to convince myself I should, I end up realizing that I'm not that bad off. And if my mood changes, it's hard to really recall what my thoughts were like under a different mood, so I don't know how reliable my reports would be.

Also, I feel like there could be a large range of possible things off with me, and I feel like if I do have something clinical, the way I present my symptoms could affect what the diagnosis is, and I'm kind of worried about getting misdiagnosed because I emphasized this set instead of that set of thoughts I have. Especially because I've done some internet research on diagnoses that I think are possible contenders, and it seems like it'd be really easy to convince oneself that one has an illness just by reading about it (because maybe I'd read the indicators and might re-interpret my own behaviour to better "fit" the criteria if they really only fit a little bit, and then present the skewed interpretation of my behaviors to the therapist), so I feel like it makes me less objective.

Also, I'm afraid of getting screwed by meds if I were to get prescribed them. From the stories I read, it seems like meds are kind of this winding road of trial and error with lots of trade-offs rather than being this instant ticket to feeling normal, and I'm afraid of fucking up my academic career because I get put on something that makes me lethargic and lowers my motivation or something. Then again, that's already starting to happen a bit without meds because I've been having troubles with procrastination and motivation as of the past few semesters, and I used to never hand stuff in late at all. I dunno if that's part of other issues or if I'm just rationalizing being a lazy student.

[fuzzyroes]

Originally Posted by redbreegull

also strangely people who are farther from my own age (in either direction) are much easier for me to "get" in a social situation and understand the social cues and how to mimic their vernacular and behavior and such

Man, that's so weird you mentioned that... Me too. Especially older people... I'm great with kids too... But I don't really like interacting with teenagers I don't know- I know how awful they are to the core- I was one once.

[Disco King]

Originally Posted by Cool As Ice Cream

i'm quite content most of the time. the whole anxiety/depression thing is foreign to me. i'm not sure i really understand.

NORMIES GET OUT OF MY THREAD
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[fuzzyroes]

Originally Posted by reprise85

I've always thought that I did this very well despite my issues but I'm starting to think I've been blind to the abnormality of my behavior. Like I think I deal with ppl OK generally, besides people pay much more attention to themselves than if another person is a little awkward or dissociated. But... I'm not really sure anymore. I do treat friends differently but my only close friend lives in massachusettes 3/4 of the year (and we only talk like 6x a year anyway, except on facebook a little). so maybe he's not what some people would consider close, but i think we consider each other close. he has some issues anyway himself, i think he's so smart that he actually has to try to dumb down to talk to people or he goes over everyone's heads. i mean he's generally smart but he knows a lot about history and religions and shit and will reference things and i have no idea what he's talking about.

he's been with me through some shit like when i had to deal with the FBI and when our friend died last year, we worked together at one point, etc.

I think I treat my doctors different in general, psych or otherwise. Connect to them more. I don't know.

At least you have a handful of friends in all of us

[fuzzyroes]

Originally Posted by Disco King

Yeah, I kind of feel like greeting people is just a ritual. For a long time, I was too nervous to greet people when I came into work or something, and would just slip in and start working due to anxiety. But then I realized that this only makes me seem odd, which only increases my anxiety, so I forced myself to start greeting people, but it's just this very mechanical thing I do (same phrases, same inflections, etc). I still feel anxious when I do it, I just know that it's a lot better than being the "weird guy". I feel like I kind of just recite some script. I say the exact same thing every time. I've even started to notice that whenever I say, "how are you," I'm walking away before the person even has time to answer, because I'm not really listening to the person, I'm just going through my lines. When somebody responds with something other than the standard line, I kind of freeze because I don't have a canned response for it.

With most people, I find it's very hard to move past pretty standard, formal conversation. I even noticed that people seem to talk to me differently from how they talk to other people, probably because I'm so boring and colorless. Like, they'll just make really safe, pleasant small-talk with me and won't really say anything that reveals much personality, but then somebody else will enter the room and I'll see them light up and crack blue jokes and tease and rib each other, like normal people seem to do. I can't really make conversation naturally, I have to consciously tell myself things like "oh, I better ask for an update on that thing this person mentioned was going on in their life in order to display polite interest and get them talking about her-/himself," and then I won't even really be listening to what they say after I prompt them because my head is somewhere else.

I've also started to notice that, even during ostensibly cordial interactions with another person, I kind of feel this hostile tension beneath it all, like there's this subtext that I'm trying to shut them out or keep them at arm's length, can't really explain it. I dunno, probably just a defense thing to pre-empt rejection. Probably why I don't have close friends.



I think I can kind of understand what you mean (though I don't experience it myself). Kind of like, people you had close relationships with before and who were in a position of trust traumatized you, so now it's hard to let anybody get that close again, or to think about all the sort of regular emotions you've denied yourself by not allowing yourself to be somewhat vulnerable to people (if I interpreted that correctly).



I can kind of relate to being able to fake social interactions without really being "there," which is a lot better than when social interactions just kind of immobilized me, though it probably doesn't get at the root problem. Still, I can live like this, I suppose.

As for empathy, in terms of concern for other people's emotions, I would say mine isn't diminished at all. In terms of being able to interpret them, I suck at that, I think.

Disco, I think you have a clear-cut case of Social Anxiety Disorder. Therapy works wonders in this field and is totally reversible. It might feel awkward for you at first, but once you gain some trust with your physician- you'll probably wonder why you never seeked help sooner

[fuzzyroes]

Originally Posted by toase

I know that
alcohol usually helps, but I don't recommend that

I do. It really does knock the shit out of anxieties... And then when you're sober you're too hungover to give a shit about that nonsense

[fuzzyroes]

Originally Posted by teh b0lly!!1

that i can never just enjoy anything at all without being absolutely consumed by crippling anxieties of endless kinds, both during and afterward, and how always falling back to black holes of profound existentialist depression is just inevitable. i'm just so tired from it, from everything having to be a mental struggle

You got laid man, another notch in the belt, pat yourself on the back. When engaging in sexual intimacy it's best not to try and dwell and obsess over your performance or what just went down... Sometimes you'll feel good about it, sometimes you'll overthink it... But hell man, you had some fun! smile, enjoy it for what it was... No need to beat yourself up over it. It's called self-sabotage and it's a cancerous thing because once you give energy into that it starts bubbling out in other ways

[fuzzyroes]

Originally Posted by redbreegull

http://i.imgur.com/68ex4yB.jpg?1

Not cool.

[fuzzyroes]

Originally Posted by teh b0lly!!1

they do.
one of my best friends is just like that.
he has no anxieties, no depressions, nothing bothers him, no crippling self awareness at all, fairly self content. of course he'll get bad moods like anyone does sometimes, but nothing comes close to hindering him the way i've been fighting tooth and nail with my whole life. i envy that so much.

He was probably one of those 1.2% of the population who had well-balanced parents

[fuzzyroes]

*Dr Sir Fuzzington OUT* (but the advice is actually good guys- I hope it helps)

[crabshack]

What the hell did I just read

[Cool As Ice Cream]

anxiety? just be drunk or hungover all the time. avoid being sober but not hungover. problems solved. "the advice is actually good guys."

[FoolofaTook]

oh fuck that fuzzy wave fucking KILLED

LOLOLOLOLOL

[FoolofaTook]

it brought a quake of mirth to my belly

[run2pee]

A mild alternative to rx antidepressants that has worked wonders for me is St. John's Wort, might be worth a google or two

Or, you know, just kick your depression in the nuts like Fuzz says, c'mon guys it's easy, get over it

[FlamingGlobes]

What does it mean when one is fully aware that the world is mostly shit, life is kinda pointless, everything is random and often horrible, and yet, one can still get out of bed with ease each morning and make shit happen?

Because that's what I got.

[FlamingGlobes]

Originally Posted by Run To Me

A mild alternative to rx antidepressants that has worked wonders for me is St. John's Wort, might be worth a google or two

Or, you know, just kick your depression in the nuts like Fuzz says, c'mon guys it's easy, get over it

http://cdn.meme.am/instances/34583678.jpg

[run2pee]

Originally Posted by FlamingGlobes

What does it mean when one is fully aware that the world is mostly shit, life is kinda pointless, everything is random and often horrible, and yet, one can still get out of bed with ease each morning and make shit happen?

Because that's what I got.

Oh another thing I forgot that helps my depression? Getting people who aren't depressed to gloat at me about how they're not depressed.

Thanks Flaming Globes! How fucking selfless of you to help out in this thread

[FlamingGlobes]

Originally Posted by Run To Me

Oh another thing I forgot that helps my depression? Getting people who aren't depressed to gloat at me about how they're not depressed.

Thanks Flaming Globes! How fucking selfless of you to help out in this thread

Hmmm... I was actually being kind of serious. I can see in retrospect how you might have taken it the way you did. So, sincerest apologies.

[FlamingGlobes]

Really, I think it's just gainful employment and need to provide for myself that keeps me going. If I had family to fall back on or someone to financially support me (or even share the financial burden) I probably would never bother leaving the house. I think it's just routine that keeps me functional. As it is, outside of work, I rarely ever venture out into the real world. Don't know if that's depression or just signs of a shut-in/hermit.

[run2pee]

Originally Posted by FlamingGlobes

Hmmm... I was actually being kind of serious. I can see in retrospect how you might have taken it the way you did. So, sincerest apologies.

Gotcha. I've just heard the "everyone gets sad, all u need is to get outta bed! exercise! eat right! you'll make it!" line so many times I get a little fired up about it.

To me it's like telling a paraplegic, "Everyone can't feel their legs sometimes! What, you think you're special? Come on outta that wheelchair, ya slouch!"

[FoolofaTook]

it's real simple. all you gotta do is stop being such a whiny bitch and MAN UP!!!

[teh b0lly!!1]

the sad thing is, i kind of have a Drill Instructor Hartman inside my head telling me exactly that, all the time.

[toase]

I was drunk and depressed thinking about the coup d'etat so I drank more and now I'm feeling better yay

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by fuzzyroes

You just need to find a companion who you genuinely enjoy spending time with and who you trust and then take baby steps. It's easy once you get stuck in a rut to think that it's irreversible, and it might be hard as hell, but theres always someone kicking around who'd be more than happy to enjoy in your quest for a positive journey.

Mental illness/thoughts gain so much control over you when you bow down and grant it all your power, charm, charisma and energy- when you stand up and kick it in the nuts- you start getting more used to that and start understanding in your soul that you're in command of your own destiny- or at the very least can positively claw and fight for a better outcome in said destiny.

You're a good person Reprise, time to kick the past in the ass and kiss the future hello

I appreciate your words fuzzy, but I think you underestimate how hard it is for me to trust people. The only person I ever loved turned about to be a psychopathic pedophile that tried to make me kidnap children with him. I met him when I was 14. I've never had a normal romantic relationship, or non-abusive sex. I know most people deserve a chance and aren't abusive, but I've turned so completely off to the idea of letting anybody know me intimately, it's like not even an option I have - that's what it feels like. To the point I usually am able to forget that I'm even missing it and that other people have it.

Depression is one thing, I've been very lucky and am much better than I used to be with it even though I still have issues. But that's not why I have intimacy problems.