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Old 11-25-2017, 12:33 AM   #31
FoolofaTook
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Is there anyone who can help you look after them? Does your doctor know how how severe the withdrawal is?

I get migraines once in a blue moon and they aren't nothing but flashy lights in my vision. Your's sound hardcore.

 
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Old 11-25-2017, 12:51 AM   #32
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There isn't really anyone - my husband. One of my kids is really easy to look after and he could go to anyone, but then he doesn't cause me any trouble either. The younger one is like an eccentric professor and if you leave him alone for more than 30 minutes there will be smoke and explosions. So it's hard to find a babysitter for him. I could tell my new psychiatrist but I know there's nothing he can do for me except give me more medication. So it's an option, but a last resort.

My migraines are horseshit. I think there's something wrong with me because of all the drugs I took in my early teens. I had an event when I was 26 where I collapsed to the floor feeling like I was being pulled down on one side, and couldn't get up to use the bathroom without puking so ended up peeing on myself and vomiting anyway. For the next few days I couldn't keep anything down and if I even turned my head on the pillow the world would spin and I'd vomit. My oldest was still breastfed, and my husband was looking after him but he'd cry and wouldn't take a bottle, so my husband would have to bring him to me so I could feed him during those few days and I'd just try not to vomit on him. It was dire.

Afterwards I had double vision, dizziness and nausea for months. I told my doctor at the time that I was worried that it was a stroke, and she wrote me off, saying oh you're 26, 26 year olds don't have strokes, you're fine. That was in New Zealand though. If the same thing had happened in Australia or Singapore I probably would have been referred for an EEG or MRI to see what came up, but where I was in New Zealand it was like a small down with a Mom and Pop doctor's office (literally. it was owned by a husband and wife who were both doctors) and they had that sort of doctor's conceit going on where they knew best and I was just an idiot young mother with a philosophy degree who just needed to get a job and do an honest day's work.

 
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Old 11-25-2017, 04:32 AM   #33
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Thanks guys. It actually means a lot to have a place like this ~radical vulnerability~ thread to get this stuff off my chest.

I'm not discontinuing all my meds - just duloxetine. I was switched from lamotrigine and escitalopram by a previous psychiatrist, because I gained weight on escitalopram and he was not familiar with lamotrigine as a mood stabiliser, and from my history and his assessment my main issue was that I was in a bad situation, so we were medicating to help me manage in a bad situation, rather than to manage a disorder that I had.

I was in a bad situation. That wore me down a lot. But over the course of a year, taking just the duloxetine, I gained even more weight and became more and more depressed until I quit my job and could barely get out of bed to take the kids to school. I would manage to do that, and then come home and sleep, and there were a few times when I slept through my alarm in the afternoon and was late to pick them up . It was awful.

So I went to a new family doctor, and she had a suggestion for a new psychiatrist, who was alarmed by the previous psychiatrist's diagnosis given my history put me straight back on lamotrigine and scaled down my duloxetine first from 120mg to 60mg, and then to 30mg, with the aim to get me off it completely.

It was HELL stepping down the duloxetine. But I was already in such a bad place that it was just adding migraines and insomnia and brain zaps to what my life was reduced to already. It's much worse this time because I've been stable on lamotrigine and duloxetine. But my psychiatrist here in Singapore and my new psychiatrist in Sydney recommend that I come off duloxetine to see if I can be stable just on lamotrigine, because the less medication you can take, the better. I've just been putting it off because reducing it was so bad, I didn't want to go back there.

So I say it's evil because because I can't stop taking it. I don't know if I'll push through this or not. I'm going to give it another week. But I'm not capable of anything at the moment Like, we're not schooling because the littlest things set me off - it could be brain zaps and a sudden onset of a migraine, where I end up either vomiting or lying down wherever I am (living room, study, bedroom) and falling asleep in a few seconds and then waking up an hour later feeling distressed and in pain. Or else I seethe with rage and feel like screaming. It just fucking sucks. I mean how much longer do I neglect my children and let them watch tv all day while I'm sleeping and vomiting and crying, before I just give up and go back on it.

The worst thing is knowing that a lot of people come off it and never experience anything nearly this bad. It makes me feel even more desperate, like maybe everything is just in my head, maybe I'm just a pathetic failure, maybe I'm just thinking the wrong thoughts or thinking wrong and that's why I feel dizzy, because I'm 'thinking' wrong. I get stressed out thinking about that, and then feel dizzy and get brain zaps and have to lie down or vomit. Last night I went into the maid's room and just looked out the window at the city and thought of just jumping into it and having everything just go away. Honestly if I didn't have children I think I would just give up at this point. But I do have them, so I've got to find a way to stop feeling like this. That's why I've put off discontinuing,because I don't want to feel this way around my children.
I'm sorry you're going through this. Yeah, less medication is better. And you don't want to *have* to take something. But man, the alternative sounds very hard. And how much of it is withdrawal vs. maybe you actually need to be on an antidepressant? I have no idea, of course. Are you seeing a doc a lot while withdrawing?

 
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Old 11-25-2017, 09:05 AM   #34
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No, not seeing him at all. Not because I don't like him - he's fine. But I know what his options will be, for me. So if I need them, I'll go see him.

Otherwise, it's just more stress than it's worth, I pretty much have to take a cab there and back, which is $20, plus the consult fee which is $200, I mean for that money I could go get a remedial TCM massage and some super premium pu er tea and to be honest I'd probably do that first.

It's a good question about whether I need an antidepressant. If I get through the duloxetine withdrawal and I'm still crying a lot and feeling an urge to cut myself, and losing my temper with the kids, and basically unable to cope with everyday life, I'll go and ask for fluoxetine or something and see what he says. Maybe he'll up my lamotrigine instead. I'm in that shitty 'see what happens' stage.

 
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Old 11-25-2017, 09:56 AM   #35
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But I just want to get off this shit and never take it again. Seriously the most evil drug I've ever taken.
i bet fuzzy can give you valuable advice.

 
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Old 11-25-2017, 10:16 AM   #36
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I sometimes look in the mirror and think 'Jesus Christ I'm awesome'.

Which is a sad thing because I'm usually blinded by my own gorgeousness.

 
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Old 11-25-2017, 10:17 AM   #37
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just trying to open up to you people.

 
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Old 11-25-2017, 10:17 AM   #38
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[insert goatse here]

 
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Old 11-25-2017, 12:52 PM   #39
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Old 11-25-2017, 12:54 PM   #40
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I am finding duloxetine withdrawls so hard

Yesterday I thought a lot about suicide . It's been a long time since I've thought about that. It's so horrible to be back in a state of mind where I basically can't handle life, and I hate life and myself so much all I can think about is cutting my flesh or jumping to my death.

I thought about the smell of my dead body in the Singapore heat and humidity and how my kids might remember that forever, and just cried a lot instead.

I have a permanent migraine and my skin is crawling and I can't get comfortable enough to sleep, but the brain zaps are becoming less frequent.

I nearly gave up last night. But I just want to get off this shit and never take it again. Seriously the most evil drug I've ever taken.
this literally sound like hell

I know there's nothing anyone can do, but plz hang in there.

 
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Old 11-25-2017, 01:22 PM   #41
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Yeah vixnix stay strong. could you up the dose a little? Would that help? How long will the withdrawals last? Is it getting any better? Sry if you already answer this.

And I had the same thing with constant vertigo. all i could do was lie on my bed for maybe four days. if i stood up everything would start whirring and i would vomit. couldn't eat and barely drank water. this was during a heavy extended dxm binge. so scary.

 
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Old 11-25-2017, 01:23 PM   #42
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I sometimes look in the mirror and think 'Jesus Christ I'm awesome'.

Which is a sad thing because I'm usually blinded by my own gorgeousness.
Story of my life like every day.

Only it's usually supermarket cashiers (male and female) who are blinded by my beauty.

 
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Old 11-25-2017, 08:38 PM   #43
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Originally Posted by redbreegull View Post
this literally sound like hell

I know there's nothing anyone can do, but plz hang in there.
Quote:
Originally Posted by FoolofaTook View Post
Yeah vixnix stay strong. could you up the dose a little? Would that help? How long will the withdrawals last? Is it getting any better? Sry if you already answer this.

And I had the same thing with constant vertigo. all i could do was lie on my bed for maybe four days. if i stood up everything would start whirring and i would vomit. couldn't eat and barely drank water. this was during a heavy extended dxm binge. so scary.
thanks guys.

 
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Old 11-27-2017, 05:37 AM   #44
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Old 11-27-2017, 07:07 AM   #45
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THE KING

 
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