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Old 01-12-2016, 09:37 PM   #1
vixnix
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Default I booked my open mic stand up comedy slot

Which parts of my vixnix persona do you think are the funniest?

 
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Old 01-12-2016, 09:38 PM   #2
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Feel free to use quotes.

 
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Old 01-12-2016, 11:20 PM   #3
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euthanasia for pedophiles. stress how it's not the death penalty because we'd keep them comfortable before we kill them.

also that you have a fund for your sons' future therapy

 
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Old 01-12-2016, 11:56 PM   #4
teh b0lly!!1
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i was a big fan of 'oh go cry into a taco you lonely old man'

 
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Old 01-13-2016, 12:28 AM   #5
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75 trimester abortions! if you're legally responsible for them until they're 18, you should be able to do what you want with em!

math:
(18 x 4) + 3 = 75

 
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Old 01-13-2016, 01:07 AM   #6
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Reprise stole my favorite episode, and I'm not allowed to even rep her for it without spreading it around first, which makes it doubly unfair.

Talk about the thing about your husband "mixing his 'gasms." It actually genuinely made me sad because it sounds really shitty to live with a person who does gross things without paying mind to his partner's comfort, but I'm sure the average person will laugh at somebody masturbating while eating a sandwich.

Also, use the term hoi polloi at least once.

 
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Old 01-13-2016, 02:55 AM   #7
Cool As Ice Cream
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talk about what you cook your kids for breakfast and what you pack them for lunch.
sooo funny.

 
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Old 01-13-2016, 03:05 AM   #8
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I truthfully had not considered any of this material. Which isn't to say you guys are barking up the wrong tree by suggesting it, by the way. But I don't think I have the skill yet, to get laughs out of that stuff.

I was thinking of bringing up gluing puzzles to 'preserve your work', though.

 
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Old 01-13-2016, 01:57 PM   #9
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pegging. most definitely pegging.

 
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Old 01-13-2016, 08:27 PM   #10
teh b0lly!!1
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vix does your internet persona translate into quick, cutting wit irl?

honest question

 
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Old 01-13-2016, 08:48 PM   #11
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people always seem to think it's funny when comics go on long diatribes about basically mundane every-day occurrences that have some kind of strange twist or are over-analyzed until the basically normal scenario starts to seem weird. you already engage in this sort of thing to a certain extent. but instead of being defensive, be self-deprecating and biting towards others, like oh my god can you believe this is my life let me tell you about sandwich masturbation and how every time it rains the gutter floods our house. but you know, funnier.

 
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Old 01-13-2016, 08:57 PM   #12
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I also lolled that time you told trotskilicious to go home because his mother baked a fish

 
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Old 01-13-2016, 09:10 PM   #13
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I was so bummed when I saw this wasn't a Fuzzy thread

 
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Old 01-13-2016, 09:33 PM   #14
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So this is something she booked in advance? Is this a mother-son family picnic sort of thing?

 
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Old 01-13-2016, 09:43 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vixnix View Post
Got up at 7:00am to cook eggs & toast for L, and porridge for M. I was so often hungry at school because I ate cornflakes or toast for breakfast, I'm a stickler for cooking them something more substantial so they're not daydreaming about food all morning.


Is this one of your jokes?

 
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Old 01-13-2016, 10:50 PM   #16
teh b0lly!!1
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redbreegull View Post
I also lolled that time you told trotskilicious to go home because his mother baked a fish
it's bram's line though

 
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Old 01-13-2016, 10:51 PM   #17
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you sorry bunch of kankerlijers

 
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Old 01-14-2016, 12:12 AM   #18
vixnix
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redbreegull View Post
people always seem to think it's funny when comics go on long diatribes about basically mundane every-day occurrences that have some kind of strange twist or are over-analyzed until the basically normal scenario starts to seem weird. you already engage in this sort of thing to a certain extent. but instead of being defensive, be self-deprecating and biting towards others, like oh my god can you believe this is my life let me tell you about sandwich masturbation and how every time it rains the gutter floods our house. but you know, funnier.
Yeah this is the route I'm taking. I think the biggest challenge is not knowing what the audience will respond to, so I'm keeping it pretty generic.

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Originally Posted by crabshack View Post
So this is something she booked in advance? Is this a mother-son family picnic sort of thing?
Yes, open mic booked in advance.

Quote:
Originally Posted by crabshack View Post
Is this one of your jokes?
Yes

Quote:
Originally Posted by teh b0lly!!1 View Post
it's bram's line though
Yeah I can't take any credit for that. Speaking of Trots though, he did on several occasions vouch for my wit and forgive me my many other foibles because of it. So ythat gives me some encouragement even if the rest of you dry toast type white folks can't see my humour through my trolling.

 
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Old 01-14-2016, 11:07 AM   #19
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Please record it so we can see this.

 
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Old 01-15-2016, 02:11 AM   #20
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I would love for it to be recorded but the venue doesn't allow it without their permission and then only through their preferred recording company, which is more $$$ than I can bear to spend.

 
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Old 01-15-2016, 02:19 AM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Elphenor View Post
I was so bummed when I saw this wasn't a Fuzzy thread
You know what's crazy? Old food products are hot on the collector's market. The other day I lucked out when I was digging on my property and Crystal Pepsi started spurting out.

Ever realize how much air is in chip bags? Like, I mean, why? It's just a rip off. Like, I can already breathe air whenever I want. It's chips I want.

Thank you, you've been great.

 
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Old 01-15-2016, 02:40 AM   #22
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please join a comedy troupe. standup is very uncomfortable. there is safety in numbers.

 
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Old 01-15-2016, 09:45 AM   #23
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Originally Posted by vixnix View Post
I would love for it to be recorded but the venue doesn't allow it without their permission and then only through their preferred recording company, which is more $$$ than I can bear to spend.
Just have your phone or MP3 player on and recording in your pocket.

 
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Old 01-15-2016, 09:48 AM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Disco King View Post
You know what's crazy? Old food products are hot on the collector's market. The other day I lucked out when I was digging on my property and Crystal Pepsi started spurting out.

Ever realize how much air is in chip bags? Like, I mean, why? It's just a rip off. Like, I can already breathe air whenever I want. It's chips I want.

Thank you, you've been great.
I love comedy, and when I'm with a bunch of friends or people I'm always just making people crack up but I have this anxiety about doing it up on stage. Comedys just something thats spontaneous and to go up on stage and just *click* making it work seems daunting.

I've worked on material on and off, and kind of let the idea slide a bit, but I might jump into it in the new year... Who knows, people might actually have a few laughs and it would be dumb to waste the mental energy I've put into the thought behind it.

 
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Old 01-15-2016, 09:49 AM   #25
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Originally Posted by vixnix View Post
I truthfully had not considered any of this material. Which isn't to say you guys are barking up the wrong tree by suggesting it, by the way. But I don't think I have the skill yet, to get laughs out of that stuff.

I was thinking of bringing up gluing puzzles to 'preserve your work', though.
I always crack up at your Rockjaw Bigdick like names for guys. You definitely gotta use that shit in your bit!

 
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Old 01-15-2016, 10:00 AM   #26
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Originally Posted by fuzzyroes View Post
it would be dumb to waste the mental energy I've put into the thought behind it.
oh yes, definitely. that would be like totally dumb.

 
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Old 01-15-2016, 11:57 AM   #27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fuzzyroes View Post
I love comedy, and when I'm with a bunch of friends or people I'm always just making people crack up but I have this anxiety about doing it up on stage. Comedys just something thats spontaneous and to go up on stage and just *click* making it work seems daunting.

I've worked on material on and off, and kind of let the idea slide a bit, but I might jump into it in the new year... Who knows, people might actually have a few laughs and it would be dumb to waste the mental energy I've put into the thought behind it.
I was looking back at some material I had written in high school. Only some of it was okay.

Most of it was those kind of Emo Phillips-esque garden path jokes or bait-and-switches that I feel like would get predictable after the audience starts to clue in on what you're doing and tries to guess the punchline.

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oh yes, definitely. that would be like totally dumb.
Listen to this man. Plus, if you did waste it that energy, it would be bad for the environment.

 
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Old 01-15-2016, 11:58 AM   #28
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Originally Posted by fuzzyroes View Post
Just have your phone or MP3 player on and recording in your pocket.
She's lying

 
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Old 01-15-2016, 12:48 PM   #29
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Disco King View Post
I was looking back at some material I had written in high school. Only some of it was okay.

Most of it was those kind of Emo Phillips-esque garden path jokes or bait-and-switches that I feel like would get predictable after the audience starts to clue in on what you're doing and tries to guess the punchline.



Listen to this man. Plus, if you did waste it that energy, it would be bad for the environment.
But I'm a funny guy... If I take from anyone a lot it's Tom Green with his manic repetitiveness.

I'm a consummate entertainer really, any method that I put my mind too usually provides entertainment

 
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Old 01-15-2016, 02:09 PM   #30
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whatever, ol' boring ass.

 
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