BOARDER FKA TYLER DEMANDS YOUR ATTENTION ONCE MORE; OR, ALICE'S COMING OUT THREAD

[Alice]

Originally Posted by topleybird

I second the thanks, but I also wanted to pull out this specific thing and say that seems like such a huge breakthrough (not that I know you well enough to say you were rough with yourself, but I know how hard it can be)

It really does feel like such a big deal. I don't usually say this kind of thing but I have to admit that it feels like watching The Midnight Gospel genuinely changed my life. It has been the source or so many ideas that have altered my thinking in profoundly beneficial ways and it was my introduction to the meditation practice that helped me realize who I really was.

For everyone else that I haven't already recommended this to, it's an animated show on Netflix from the creator of Adventure Time and it's really great and you should watch it

Originally Posted by topleybird

Since you're being accepting and generous and you're meditating at all, I feel like maybe you wouldn't say this for yourself, so let me: fuck everyone who has ever hurt you

Heh. I did say that for a long time. Even though I can't imagine coming out to my family any time soon, and chances are it will go badly when I do, I guess I'm starting to develop a new level of empathy for them. I don't excuse their damaging attitudes and behavior but I understand they come from either a place of having been hurt themselves or of being inexperienced and fearful.

I do feel an obligation to come out to them though. My hope is that doing so may offer them a window into a world which they've never allowed themselves to explore and maybe encourage the development of a bit more empathy. I realize this may be wishful thinking.

Part of coming out in the first place was realizing how much I have benefited by those who were brave enough to do so before me. I don't want to be the type of person who takes and gives nothing back. The least I can do, I think, is publicly own who I am instead of remaining silent which feels, at least to a certain degree, like allowing myself to be complicit in the promotion of the idea that sexuality or gender identities which deviate from accepted norms are shameful things that ought to be hidden

[Alice]

And thank you topley. You're been incredibly kind to me, made me laugh often, and I appreciate you a lot

[Alice]

Originally Posted by Squish Squash

Thanks for your bravery, Alice. I'm glad that you are able to be your true self and feel free.

Originally Posted by ilikeplanets

Alice, your soul-searching is inspiring and invigorating. I'm grateful that you've shared with us.

Thank you both. This really does mean a lot to me

[Alice]

Originally Posted by pavementtune

I only beat off about ur dad.


Boom, take that for weak material!



As Alice knows, the name alone means a lot to me. Having had the pleasure of getting to know you better over the past year, I'm incredibly happy to be your friend, and that I can now call you by the most beautiful name I know, makes me smile every time I do it.
I'll re-read your longer post a couple of times. It answered questions I didn't know I had, and made me realise that I never tried to imagine what seeing your hands shaved, or feeling yourself "differently" could be like. Now I do, and that certainly can't hurt. Until now, my perspective has strictly been: here I am, and there is this person who I knew and who then came out as trans. As in: here me, there a changed you. I never tried to change that perspective in any way. I don't know why not, I should have.

I'm so happy that you got something out of it. And so, so happy to be your friend as well. Thank you for everything. You've had an huge impact on my life. I have more to say but I think I'll send it to you privately so as to not overshare about anyone other than myself on the board

[Alice]

Originally Posted by MyOneAndOnly

this is all very familiar. deciding to listen to your internal self instead of transphobic misogynistic conditioning can be both scary and rewarding. All queer people have to go through something like this, whether it's with gender or sexuality or both. And all the journeys are a bit different. For me it wasn't until I planned and nearly executed my suicide that I was able to turn that corner. If it wasn't for a rather random amazing coincidence that day 3 years ago I would be dead now, instead of happily living my life. Hang in there. There will be rough days ahead, but it really does get better

Thanks so much for sharing this. As soon as I posted that my fearful, imposter syndrome-addled lizard brain thought "Sofi's gonna read this and see right through you. She's gonna say that you're not really trans and that you've been lying to yourself and everyone else and you're gonna look like a fool in front of everyone." To be clear this was, of course, completely irrational, had absolutely nothing to do with you, and I never actually believed you'd do something like this.

I know that what really matters is my feelings and experiences and learning to trust them. But these little bits of validation from other people who have already been through what I'm experiencing really do help me learn to do just that. So I really appreciate the reply. To hear you say that my experience sounds familiar felt very good and it will help to remind myself of this in moments of doubt. I'm very glad for that random coincidence and happy to hear you're doing so much better now

[LaBelle]

Originally Posted by mxzombie

how do you tell them what you don't want?

"no, thank you!"

[Alice]

Oh also I'm gonna take this opportunity to repost this quote from the album art for The Body/Thou collab:

"Because you suffered long enough. You’ve spent years alone by this fire, wallowing in your loss, asking your dogs over and over whether they love you. You hoard your pain because the more you suffer, the more the world becomes an outrage. You weep because weeping has become evidence. 'See what you’ve done to me!' you cry. And you hold court night after night, condemning the circumstances that have condemned you by reliving your anguish. You torment yourself in order to hold the world accountable to your torment."

[Alice]

I never realized what a beautifully life-affirming record this is. I used to wonder if my love of this music was just an example of my tendency to wallow in negativity and if I was in fact doing myself a disservice by engaging with it but now I don't feel that at all. It's amazing how much your perspective on something can change depending on the mindset with which you approach it

[Alice]

[LaBelle]

Originally Posted by Alice

Oh also I'm gonna take this opportunity to repost this quote from the album art for The Body/Thou collab:

"Because you suffered long enough. You’ve spent years alone by this fire, wallowing in your loss, asking your dogs over and over whether they love you. You hoard your pain because the more you suffer, the more the world becomes an outrage. You weep because weeping has become evidence. 'See what you’ve done to me!' you cry. And you hold court night after night, condemning the circumstances that have condemned you by reliving your anguish. You torment yourself in order to hold the world accountable to your torment."

Holy crap this caught me completely off guard and hit way too close to home.

Replacing dogs with cats obviously.

[yo soy el mejor]

Originally Posted by topleybird

I have been converted to "pop" from "soda" over the course of a multi-year cold war. I don't even have to mentally translate from the latter to the former any more. I hate this about myself and wish it hadn't happened.

freaky

[Disco King]

I say "soda pop" almost as often as I say "pop." I don't know why, it doesn't seem popular on my region. It's literally just me.

[Disco King]

Originally Posted by Alice

Oh also I'm gonna take this opportunity to repost this quote from the album art for The Body/Thou collab:

"Because you suffered long enough. You’ve spent years alone by this fire, wallowing in your loss, asking your dogs over and over whether they love you. You hoard your pain because the more you suffer, the more the world becomes an outrage. You weep because weeping has become evidence. 'See what you’ve done to me!' you cry. And you hold court night after night, condemning the circumstances that have condemned you by reliving your anguish. You torment yourself in order to hold the world accountable to your torment."

"I'm in love with my sadness."

[FoolofaTook]

[toase]