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Old 04-18-2014, 12:52 AM   #61
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gimme some credit
credit given m8

 
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Old 04-18-2014, 07:30 AM   #62
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Originally Posted by vixnix View Post
It isn't that easy with kids. I don't have the same choices that i did before...my happiness is inextricably linked to their happiness - so even if I can't stand housework and errands, because it makes them happy for me to be at home to do all that stuff and chat to them and everything, I'd still rather do that than send them away and work more away from home. I've heard that if you make time to talk about the little things now, they're more likely to come an talk to you about the big things later. And kids spell love t-i-m-e...stuff like that. Relationships are built by spending lots of time together - you'll know that from travelling, how joyful companions are when you do everything with them. I believe I have been given my kids to shepherd and teach and love and care for...it isn't something I can just step away from because the finer details bore me sometimes. It's my life's highest calling.
i know all the reasons why you do it.

so shouldn't this be what motivates you?

what i'm asking is....are you really being honest with yourself? if this is your 'highest calling' then why do you make it seem like such a drag?

 
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Old 04-18-2014, 08:23 AM   #63
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It is hard work raising kids and there are parts of life that are not that exciting whatever your life choices are - I rank doing the dishes and going to government departments among those sorts of tasks.

But it is exhausting so I do come on here to vent sometimes.

If you are a parent, then parenting is your highest calling no matter what you think about it. If I make it seem like a drag sometimes it's because it is, just like anything else...life isn't 100% a positive, fulfilling experience and it isn't supposed to be. It''s ok to believe you are doing the best you can do with your life, but still not feel happy and joyful 100% of the time...

 
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Old 04-18-2014, 08:27 AM   #64
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Originally Posted by SuckSuckStyle View Post
what i'm asking is....are you really being honest with yourself? if this is your 'highest calling' then why do you make it seem like such a drag?
being adult means accepting that life consists of lurching from one dilemma to the next and generally making the best of constantly uncertain and often difficult situations. the universe doesn't care, that's why it's interesting

but okay IF THIS IS YOUR HIGHEST CALLING THEN WHY IS IT NOT 100% PERFECT

 
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Old 04-18-2014, 08:36 AM   #65
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Originally Posted by Lucky Day Spa View Post
being adult means accepting that life consists of lurching from one dilemma to the next and generally making the best of constantly uncertain and often difficult situations. the universe doesn't care, that's why it's interesting

but okay IF THIS IS YOUR HIGHEST CALLING THEN WHY IS IT NOT 100% PERFECT
Yeah I wanted to say something like this too.

Also I imagine all parents want a safe space to complain about their kids.

 
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Old 04-18-2014, 08:47 AM   #66
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why do you hate children eulogy

 
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Old 04-18-2014, 02:41 PM   #67
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Originally Posted by vixnix View Post

If you are a parent, then parenting is your highest calling no matter what you think about it.
What are you going to do when your kids grow up?

 
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Old 04-18-2014, 02:43 PM   #68
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Originally Posted by Charmbag View Post
i'm motivated by avoiding negative scenarios more than aspiring to positive ones
so basically if i'm gonna be embarrassed or let someone down as a result of not doing something, i will do it
Pretty much this.

 
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Old 04-18-2014, 06:05 PM   #69
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why do you hate children eulogy
i don't hate them. i just don't do well with them and don't have the patience for them. and they can be incredibly annoying.

 
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Old 04-18-2014, 08:03 PM   #70
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Originally Posted by hnibos View Post
What are you going to do when your kids grow up?
Don't you still call your parents and need them? My children will always be the most important thing in my life. I'll have more time for other things - but I'll always arrange my life so I am available to my kids if they need me. You never know what life will bring. I know families where children have become mentally disabled through accidents, and overnight the mum has become a full time carer, for life. Some mothers I know now, have become sick themselves, or else have kids who are chronically ill, and need a lot of help from their mothers. It's an irreversible decision, to have kids. It never ends. It shouldn't end. I made the decision to bring them here, it's my responsibility to help them if they need it and they should feel comfortable in coming to us first. I know a lot of parents who send their kids packing at 18 and expect them to become fully independent but my family doesn't work that way and I won't work that way with my children.

It also won't be long before my parents will need assistance and being the only daughter it'll be my job to care for them. So my life won't be empty when my kids are ready to leave home.

I think it's a myth that full time mothers lose their sense of purpose when their kids leave home - it's such a gradual thing and most of us are so glad for the slow increase in free time, to rediscover old interests or even just have a bit of rest time.

 
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Old 04-18-2014, 08:42 PM   #71
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Originally Posted by SuckSuckStyle View Post
vix....i feel like you're always championing the at-home-mom gig and how important it is to you and it's what you want.

but you don't seem to enjoy it?

if you wana surf the web and drink tea all day. get a desk job and send your kids to camp.
this is sort of a really ugly and judgmental thought to have
i mean not that i'm above those kinds of thoughts
i'm probably reading it wrong but i'm trying to be more sensitive about taking shots about stay at home moms but whatever knowing vixnix she's probably said equally PROBLEMATIC shit about women who don't want kids

 
Old 04-18-2014, 10:42 PM   #72
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i respect vixnix's commitment to her kids. sacrificing and struggling for others is what adulthood looks like imo. mothers are sometimes the only ones around doing this though so that's unfair

 
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