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Old 04-17-2018, 07:52 AM   #1501
pavementtune
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can we in.clude passing out paralyzed-by-food to the drunk/drugs category?

because I am really slaying it in that department.
this morning I found the remains of the muffin I had apparently not finished eating under my pillow, and a look in the bathroom mirror revealed the traces of chocolate chips in my eyebrows.

10 years ago I wondered if I'd eventually sign out by choking on vomit in my sleep, now I know I will sign out by choking on food.

 
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Old 04-17-2018, 08:33 AM   #1502
FlamingGlobes
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Gagging on a muffin ain't nuffin; call me when you eat a bagel and sneeze cream cheese.

 
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Old 04-17-2018, 11:19 AM   #1503
ilikeplanets
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my family and i are having a little "cultural" get together in honor of my daughter, and my dad bought this craptastic looking bottle of wine. my mom said it's probably horrible and we shouldn't serve that to people. so, i nobly decided to screen it and wound up pouring the glass and the whole bottle down the sink. so bad. i'll buy something better today.

 
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Old 04-17-2018, 02:33 PM   #1504
redbreegull
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ilikeplanets View Post
my family and i are having a little "cultural" get together in honor of my daughter, and my dad bought this craptastic looking bottle of wine. my mom said it's probably horrible and we shouldn't serve that to people. so, i nobly decided to screen it and wound up pouring the glass and the whole bottle down the sink. so bad. i'll buy something better today.
was it like a four dollar bottle of wine? was it a box of franzia?

 
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Old 04-17-2018, 04:38 PM   #1505
FlamingGlobes
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Shit, now what's the little one gonna drink?!

 
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Old 04-17-2018, 05:09 PM   #1506
ilikeplanets
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was it like a four dollar bottle of wine? was it a box of franzia?
it wasn't franzia, but he very pointedly didn't show me the receipt so i'm guessing it was probably no more than $4, yeah

i don't even remember the brand (it had the word "wine" in it), but i couldn't find any reviews of it online, which means not a lot of people are buying it.

 
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Old 04-17-2018, 05:10 PM   #1507
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Shit, now what's the little one gonna drink?!
her god damn apple juice if she knows what's good for her!! it doesn't belong on the floor!!!

 
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Old 04-17-2018, 06:06 PM   #1508
yo soy el mejor
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i was eating lunch with a girl at work and she was all like 'you have food on your forehead'. i felt a heatwave of embarrassment, but it went away when i said 'how did it get there? that's not even anywhere near my mouth.'

i have one beer in the fridge

 
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Old 04-17-2018, 08:40 PM   #1509
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Aldi has like $3 wine that's pretty good

 
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Old 04-17-2018, 08:42 PM   #1510
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yo soy el mejor View Post
i was eating lunch with a girl at work and she was all like 'you have food on your forehead'. i felt a heatwave of embarrassment, but it went away when i said 'how did it get there? that's not even anywhere near my mouth.'

i have one beer in the fridge
I just would have obstinately denied that there was any food on my forehead and continued with the conversation.

Never lose your frame of the situation. Never show weakness.

 
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Old 04-17-2018, 08:50 PM   #1511
Ram27
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ahh my bandmates are so fucking obnoxious

both guitarists act like they're on coke all the time and give me 9 minute john mayer live tracks to learn for a gig. "no no start the cymbal swell on this particular wanky riff 7:34 into it, not the one 8:00 into it"

just because i've played along to the 35 minute MCIS silverfuck a few times doesn't mean I'd force another person to learn it...goddammit the 'she was a fucking whore' buildup starts after the first grungy tom riff!

i wanna quit but they're great guitarists. hopefully we'll actually write stuff

 
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Old 04-17-2018, 08:51 PM   #1512
Ram27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yo soy el mejor View Post
i was eating lunch with a girl at work and she was all like 'you have food on your forehead'. i felt a heatwave of embarrassment, but it went away when i said 'how did it get there? that's not even anywhere near my mouth.'

i have one beer in the fridge
h...how did it get there

this would only make sense with spaghetti

 
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Old 04-17-2018, 09:15 PM   #1513
buzzard
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It's not that weird in certain gravitational environments. I mean, the lap is surely farther from the mouth than the forehead.

 
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Old Yesterday, 01:03 AM   #1514
Cool As Ice Cream
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yo soy el mejor View Post
i have one beer in the fridge
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ram27 View Post
h...how did it get there

this would only make sense with spaghetti
Quote:
Originally Posted by yo soy el mejor View Post
i have one spaghetti in the fridge
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Originally Posted by Ram27 View Post
makes sense
.

 
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Old Yesterday, 07:52 AM   #1515
myosis
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Old Yesterday, 03:41 PM   #1516
ilikeplanets
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food does not abide by the laws of physics. i speak from experience.

 
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