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Old 06-02-2018, 04:49 PM   #1861
ilikeplanets
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i never had the stomach for alcoholism but i had to kick basically every single thing else and i still have my ups and downs internally. being productive is a nice change, however, if i wasn't a mother i don't know if i would have had the motivation to quit. being forced to be unselfish was really what saved me. ime, it's not any easier to kick a habit once it's out of control. it's all the more daunting and seems pointless as you're so buried under justifications and have likely destroyed most of your relationships and squandered your opportunities to recover. very, very hard.

 
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Old 06-03-2018, 12:12 AM   #1862
teh b0lly!!1
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it's disappointing to hear all the vaguely condescending terminology of "cleaning up the mess" and "being unselfish is what 'saved' me" coming from you, after years and years of preaching, rationalizing and asserting the validity & value of alt lifestyles and an open mind

 
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Old 06-03-2018, 12:47 AM   #1863
teh b0lly!!1
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FlamingGlobes View Post
Is there something about it you no longer enjoy or are you just weary of having any sort of addiction?

I ask because I go through this with drinking sometimes. I rarely ever go beyond 3 beers per evening/two evenings a week, but there's still something about it nagging at me, telling me even this very small routine needs to be curbed. But then, life is pain and it's fun to get a buzz going so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Maybe going all in and doing these things to the point that they damage your work and family life is the way to go.
the latter. i enjoy it too much, and do not like feeling like i am a slave to it, or anything really.

it enables me to turn off feelings of anxiety and depression, and it's effective at that, but it's not without a price and the residue always builds up and snowballs. it anaesthetizes and makes me become unhinged.

i recognize signs of addiction in myself, breaking promises i make to myself, tolerance increasing, it interfering with other areas of life; developing dependency. smoking that bowl a little too eagerly when under stress. that's one of those things Sopranos pinned down really well: how Chris spirals into heroin addiction, first as a weekend release, then a hobby, then a way of dealing, then a crutch.

i'm still open to the idea of using it recreationally, sometimes, but i cannot allow to medicate myself with it like i have been, as that always gradually becomes unhealthy at one point or another. i don't want it to control me, i don't want to be numb. i want to have a clear mind and to be able to just enjoy it from a time to time without exploiting it. use it only because i want to, not because i need to. and to be perfectly honest, based on past experience, i don't know if that is something i can do. they say 10% of the population is at risk to develop addiction to pot; i think i'm squarely in those 10%.

you'd see why i'm reluctant to make any big promises right now, but i'd like to think that i will not pick it up again before i make a clear decision of what frequency of use i'd be willing to put up with and find acceptable and reasonable. then i will be able to know immediately and in certain terms that if i step outside those boundaries, i'm in the red again.

 
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Old 06-03-2018, 11:32 AM   #1864
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Quote:
Originally Posted by teh b0lly!!1 View Post
it's disappointing to hear all the vaguely condescending terminology of "cleaning up the mess" and "being unselfish is what 'saved' me" coming from you, after years and years of preaching, rationalizing and asserting the validity & value of alt lifestyles and an open mind
for an adult that isn't in charge of someone else, i still feel like people can do whatever they want. but a child doesn't need to be privy to anything even remotely unsafe. and i was doing extremely unsafe things. i would not have been able to properly care for anyone else the way i was living. i feel no guilt in taking pride in my journey, it's not something a lot of people succeed at. also, i'm not judging anyone else for their life. this is simply what was required of me in my own life. and like i said, if i was only responsible for myself then i would probably still be doing whatever the fuck i pleased. i'm open minded enough to value change and any path that promotes happiness for the individual, even a clean one. i don't really care if you're disappointed, though. you're not the one i need to teach.

 
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Old 06-03-2018, 12:02 PM   #1865
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i don't understand the disappointment or where the condescension lies...

 
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Old 06-03-2018, 12:24 PM   #1866
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fwiw i'm not trying to knock anybody or change anybody and never have. i'm just expressing what has happened to me. and it's been a god damn lot.

 
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Old 06-03-2018, 06:32 PM   #1867
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Originally Posted by ilikeplanets View Post
fwiw i'm not trying to knock anybody or change anybody and never have. i'm just expressing what has happened to me. and it's been a god damn lot.
I never took it any other way. I think you should take great pride in all of the hurdles you've overcome.

 
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Old 06-04-2018, 01:16 AM   #1868
teh b0lly!!1
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yeah i don't really know what that was about ilp, i'm kinda generally irritated and under a bit of stress these days. fuggedaboudit. sorry

 
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Old 06-04-2018, 05:32 AM   #1869
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STOP STRESSING! QUICK!!!

 
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Old 06-04-2018, 08:26 AM   #1870
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AAAAAAAAAAAARGHL

 
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Old 06-04-2018, 11:22 AM   #1871
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Originally Posted by teh b0lly!!1 View Post
yeah i don't really know what that was about ilp, i'm kinda generally irritated and under a bit of stress these days. fuggedaboudit. sorry
we cool

hope life calms down a bit for ya soon. feeling stressed ruins everything.

 
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Old 06-04-2018, 12:15 PM   #1872
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BALKAN BLAZIN

 
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Old 06-10-2018, 04:31 PM   #1873
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I had a beer last night. Just one. Nothing all week, nothing Friday night, nothing today. One beer, one week.

 
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Old 06-10-2018, 04:35 PM   #1874
ilikeplanets
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live it up, gaming flobes!

 
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Old 06-10-2018, 04:47 PM   #1875
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ilikeplanets View Post
i never had the stomach for alcoholism
THAT'S OK IDRINKPLANETS, I HAVE THE STOMACH FOR TWO ALCOHOLISMS

I HAVE TWO STOMACHES

HAHA

ALCOHOL IS FUN

IF YOU'RE NOT 36

MY BODY IS LAUGHING AT ME

 
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Old 06-10-2018, 05:29 PM   #1876
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i only drink clear planets

 
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Old 06-10-2018, 06:20 PM   #1877
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Healthy pee is supposed to be clear not yellow.

 
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Old 06-10-2018, 06:23 PM   #1878
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The only way to develop the stomach for alcoholism is through regular exposure and dedicated practice. With time, you too will be able to drink amounts of liquor detrimental to your mental health and relationships without experiencing nausea or vomiting.

 
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Old 06-10-2018, 06:45 PM   #1879
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Originally Posted by ilikeplanets View Post
live it up, gaming flobes!
I'm low-key trying to see if I can just cut alcohol out entirely. As chronicled earlier, I've evolved into a pretty light drinker, but I'd like to eliminate the spare tire and make better use of my free time/weekends. Seems a good place to start.

 
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Old 06-10-2018, 09:18 PM   #1880
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When I was too young to buy alcohol I tried this thing called Kava, which is meant to be some sort of mystical island anxiolytic, but it actually does nothing and tastes like eating mud

It was so fucking gross for so little effect that alcohol seemed amazing in comparison: better taste, more euphoria

 
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Old 06-11-2018, 01:55 AM   #1881
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I guess I tried coke for the first time the other night. It's okay.

 
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Old 06-11-2018, 05:15 AM   #1882
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i'm all out of bud
i'm so lost without bud
i'm know i was right
smoking dat bong

 
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Old 06-11-2018, 05:16 AM   #1883
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Old 06-11-2018, 11:30 AM   #1884
ilikeplanets
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FlamingGlobes View Post
I'm low-key trying to see if I can just cut alcohol out entirely. As chronicled earlier, I've evolved into a pretty light drinker, but I'd like to eliminate the spare tire and make better use of my free time/weekends. Seems a good place to start.
well it all starts with a good mentality so i have confidence you got this!

 
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Old 06-11-2018, 11:32 AM   #1885
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Originally Posted by Disco King View Post
I guess I tried coke for the first time the other night. It's okay.
depends on the coke

 
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Old 06-11-2018, 01:49 PM   #1886
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Disco King View Post
I guess I tried coke for the first time the other night. It's okay.
if you only do a little it's ok. diminishing returns after a few hours/more than a couple grams. and crack is the shittiest drug ever

 
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Old 06-11-2018, 01:51 PM   #1887
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Fanta is better

 
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Old 06-11-2018, 03:36 PM   #1888
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this weekend I went to alum weekend at my college. I avoided everyone, took acid, and lost my mind for two days. I ran through the woods, snuck into my old dorm and the academic buildings, swam in the river, sat outside in the pouring rain, watched stars and fireflies, and possibly traversed up to 5 or 6 dimensions of space-time. I have slept about 4 hours in the last 2 days, my feet have never been more sore and I am covered in mysterious bruises and abrasions. I also got a few ticks, a serious sunburn, and still haven't felt like eating. yolo?

 
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Old 06-11-2018, 04:54 PM   #1889
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Originally Posted by redbreegull View Post
this weekend I went to alum weekend at my college. I avoided everyone, took acid, and lost my mind for two days. I ran through the woods, snuck into my old dorm and the academic buildings, swam in the river, sat outside in the pouring rain, watched stars and fireflies, and possibly traversed up to 5 or 6 dimensions of space-time. I have slept about 4 hours in the last 2 days, my feet have never been more sore and I am covered in mysterious bruises and abrasions. I also got a few ticks, a serious sunburn, and still haven't felt like eating. yolo?
Couldn't you have just done this at home?

 
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Old 06-11-2018, 04:56 PM   #1890
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Originally Posted by ilikeplanets View Post
well it all starts with a good mentality so i have confidence you got this!
Thanks. My thing is, it was just becoming a part of "the routine" and I wasn't getting anything from it. I'd like to have a drink here and there in the future on special occasions, but the whole "it's Saturday evening/Sunday afternoon, have a few beers just because" was feeling tired.

Alcohol hasn't (thankfully) caused me any problems, but it's not really helping me move forward in life, either.

 
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