worst phrases

[ilikeplanets]

Where as infatuation seems more taxing than pleasurable

[vixnix]

I think of infatuation and new love as being the same thing...the excitement and urgency, it feels the same whether it's reciprocated or not, for me. I just like to be in love. I think it's true to some extent that I'm falling in love with myself. The thrill is in thinking they would love me as I am and that's pretty vain. But half the appeal for me is that they wouldn't love me. I guess because that reminds me of daddy. Well. Time to go distract myself from my feelings again!!

[Tchocky]

You're sitting in it now.

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by ilikeplanets

Yes, I meant that as well. Feels like love to me, loving the novelty, experience, and possibilities. And some aspect of the person too, clearly.

i dont see how i can ever have that feeling again and have some reciprocate without thinking it's a trick

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by vixnix

I think of infatuation and new love as being the same thing...the excitement and urgency, it feels the same whether it's reciprocated or not, for me. I just like to be in love. I think it's true to some extent that I'm falling in love with myself. The thrill is in thinking they would love me as I am and that's pretty vain. But half the appeal for me is that they wouldn't love me. I guess because that reminds me of daddy. Well. Time to go distract myself from my feelings again!!

that shit gets complicated

like if they do love you then "daddy" (or whoever) was really the person with something wrong with him, not you

and if they don't love you it's because you're not loveable so "daddy" was right

im not sure what's more painful, them being wrong or them being right

thinking there's something wrong with me somehow appeals to me more than thinking there's something wrong with my parents and that i didnt deserve x, y and z. because there's a release in emotion of actually thinking i'm a decent person who deserved better. it's pretty scary, i've come sort of close to that wall before and it's like it will go on forever. how could it not have been me, anyway? i really do believe it was me even after all this time and therapy. i can sort of rationally talk myself about how ofc it isn't/wasn't sometimes, occasionally. but emotionally? no way.

[yo soy el mejor]

whereas

[reprise85]

well it's one thing when you have a somewhat normal upbringing than if you have one with moderate or severe abuse

regardless it is not a sentence that you are doomed and have no opportunity to change if you do have real parent/daddy/mommy issues

i do believe children want to please their parents and whatever response the get does affect them a lot for the rest of their lives. this isnt necessarily a bad thing.

[pavementtune]

All true. But if I still have daddyissues that effect my lovelife - how wouldn't I be somewhat doomed? I can't change the impressions I got or what I felt as a child. I can challenge my own views, maybe alter my behaviour, tell myself that it's not my partner's "fault" - or my own. All possible. But if I break it all down to daddy - I feel kind of doomed, cause I can't change that.

[lucca]

Originally Posted by Tchocky

You're sitting in it now.

thank you gary larson

[ilikeplanets]

Originally Posted by reprise85

i dont see how i can ever have that feeling again and have some reciprocate without thinking it's a trick

That's just because you haven't met him yet. You're a special girl, it's gonna have to be a special guy to evoke such powerful feelings out of you! And special people are hard to come by. Patience

[vixnix]

I know it's all about daddy but I'm getting better at leaving it behind me and being more present in my own life now where that doesn't have to define me anymore. But when I am tired or stressed or upset or vulnerable I slip right back into it. It takes practice and even discipline to be mindful but I'm getting better at it. It's exciting.

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by pavementtune

All true. But if I still have daddyissues that effect my lovelife - how wouldn't I be somewhat doomed? I can't change the impressions I got or what I felt as a child. I can challenge my own views, maybe alter my behaviour, tell myself that it's not my partner's "fault" - or my own. All possible. But if I break it all down to daddy - I feel kind of doomed, cause I can't change that.

you can resolve your issues at least somewhat with therapy, or with a good friend/partner - even recognizing you have them - and being able to separate the present from the past. it's like, knowing you're having transference doesn't make it go away, but knowing you're reacting to something from the past helps you put things in perspective. it's not really "daddy issues"; that's a terrible term. it's attachment issues. what i've learned from my own life is i repeat the same relationships over and over. so when i realized that, that didn't make it stop, i still did the same things. but over time, i'm able to catch myself before i do those things, talk about it, and not bring my hangups into new relationships. i've only done this on a very limited basis but i have huge attachment and trust issues

it's like i used to say im sorry about everything. i was one of those people. im sorry im sorry im sorry. i realized i didnt have to do that anymore but still did it. when i made myself stop, i was so uncomfortable. i wanted to say it. i felt like i was going to be hit for not saying it... but the more i realized that was the past talking and the more i let myself sit in being uncomfortable the less it affected me. because i didn't get hit - it proved to my brain that the past was not still happening.

and now if i start falling into that mode i can think - why am i doing this? do i feel threatened? if so - is the situation really threatening? if not, that's again time to talk about it and why it's happening. if it is a threatening situation - and here's where "it's not necessarily a bad thing" comes into play - it is a good warning sign. so now instead of saying im sorry constantly, i mostly dont and if i start there is something going on and it's time to examine the situation.

i think its different for everyone but i hope that kinda explains how working through those issues and realizing what you're really responding to can help you feel better and help make your relationships better

[pavementtune]

I get what you're saying. Compared to 10, 15 years ago, I've come a long way. It's not like all that therapy and "watching myself" was for nothing.
The thing is, regarding relationships, I've come to the point where I feel one can only learn and change to a certain degree. Childhood and how you relate to your parents shapes everyone. And the "daddyissues" (in my case it's actually an accurate term) I still have, are a part of who I am.
Most of the time I don't feel doomed, though, it's just always a challenge.
Guess I'm cranky today. I'm starting to wonder if I'm feeling the legendary babyclock ticking, and quite frankly, that's pissing me off.

[reprise85]

ugh yeah ive felt the babyclock a little recently out of nowhere and it really sucks. kids are the things that trigger my PTSD the most so i cant deal with being around kids in general let alone even think about having any of my own and thats not even taking into account all of the other reasons it's not feasible. and when did having a kid stop sounding like a completely terrible idea? there was no gradual change it was like "no way, no way, no way, no way, no way, no way, no way, no way, KIDSS!!!!!!!!!!!"

[Shallowed]

I hate when people use the word "compliment" when they should use "complement"

[pavementtune]

Like affect and effect? show a little mercy with us foreigners

[slunken]

NO SHOW NO MERCY

[slunken]

http://i207.photobucket.com/albums/b...agesMexico.jpg

[vixnix]

I love that part of him

[ilikeplanets]

"credit card declined"

[ilikeplanets]

for some reason it bugs me when people say "just sayin"

[Shallowed]

"no offence" is infinitely worse

[ilikeplanets]

I'm guilty of that one. I say "just kidding" too. Only cuz my closest friend truly sucks at detecting sarcasm

[hnibos]

Not racist, though.

[cocksure]

"worst phrases"