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Old 07-13-2021, 11:49 AM   #121
Joey Goldberg
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Imagine not liking a forum full of fucking arrested developmental idiots that post shit like this:

http://forums.netphoria.org/showthread.php?t=188587
ok, discojon, i'm trying

really trying to imagine that

 
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Old 07-13-2021, 11:49 AM   #122
Joey Goldberg
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god damnit disco jon i'm sorry to disappoint you but i simply can't fathom this scenario

sorry!!!!!!!!!

 
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Old 07-13-2021, 07:11 PM   #123
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Maybe when people said they didnít like his music

 
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Old 07-13-2021, 07:37 PM   #124
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Or Billy as a person

 
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Old 07-14-2021, 09:38 PM   #125
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2021 Is here... it has not started off great... but we are Sad Machines! and it is on us to carry the bad and create and cultivate the good. There is plenty of time to do what we need to for our group to remain a level above the rest. it's in our power. it's on us! There is so much in store for us and lots of good news is in store for the collective of the people in Sad Machines... Trust and understand in the process as the process trusts and understands you. We are here for you! Sad Machines lives on!!!

 
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Old 07-15-2021, 07:14 AM   #126
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2021 Is here... it has not started off great... but we are Sad Machines!....Trust and understand in the process as the process trusts and understands you....
Ummm, is that real? If yes, that's horrifying

 
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Old 07-15-2021, 09:47 AM   #127
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I don't think he was being completely honest with D'arcy there. Or was being honest in a rich guy down to his last 20 million way.
At the end of the day, he could have just sold his fucking mansion.

and I feel like it's more likely that he spent more money in TNA than when be bought the NWA. iirc, he put 1.8 million in TNA.*

*Corgan mentioned on Twitter recently that he has yet to be repaid by TNA for the money he gave them ($1.8 million) that was due to him on November 1st. There is also a 50 percent transaction fee, so now TNA owes Corgan $2.7 million.

 
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Old 07-15-2021, 10:01 AM   #128
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At the end of the day, he could have just sold his fucking mansion.

and I feel like it's more likely that he spent more money in TNA than when be bought the NWA. iirc, he put 1.8 million in TNA.*

*Corgan mentioned on Twitter recently that he has yet to be repaid by TNA for the money he gave them ($1.8 million) that was due to him on November 1st. There is also a 50 percent transaction fee, so now TNA owes Corgan $2.7 million.
lmfao how could he spend that amount of money on such a long shot? I don't know in USA but in Europe, Limited Liability Companies are likely never to repay their debts if they don't have £££. That's the Limited Liablity thing. WTF

 
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Old 07-16-2021, 04:05 AM   #129
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Imagine not liking a forum full of fucking arrested developmental idiots that post shit like this:

http://forums.netphoria.org/showthread.php?t=188587
I think you're confused Jon, that's not a forum, it's instagram, and that is a post by the Official Zwan instagram page. Chloe Mendel is Billy's wife and her musical discography includes banana bread.

 
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Old 07-16-2021, 05:13 AM   #130
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Originally Posted by DiscoJon View Post
Imagine not liking a forum full of fucking arrested developmental idiots that post shit like this:

http://forums.netphoria.org/showthread.php?t=188587
Well, he likes Sad Machines.

 
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Old 07-16-2021, 07:10 AM   #131
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Well, he likes Sad Machines.
Who does it? BlowJon or Dollar Bill Crogan?

 
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Old 07-16-2021, 08:27 AM   #132
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Probably both

 
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Old 07-16-2021, 01:01 PM   #133
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DiscoJon likes DISCO, like Donna Summer...:


 
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Old 07-16-2021, 01:30 PM   #134
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what about bad disco, like CYR?

 
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Old 07-17-2021, 08:06 AM   #135
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Originally Posted by VoxUpDoc View Post
I think you're confused Jon, that's not a forum, it's instagram, and that is a post by the Official Zwan instagram page. Chloe Mendel is Billy's wife and her musical discography includes banana bread.
The thread, you daft idiot.

 
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Old 07-17-2021, 08:08 AM   #136
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Originally Posted by Corgan's Bluff View Post
DiscoJon likes DISCO, like Donna Summer...:

https://twitter.com/daveweigel/statu...452900359?s=20

I'm sorry your white gen-x sensibilities are offended by music made by people darker than you.

 
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Old 07-17-2021, 08:10 AM   #137
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Who does it? BlowJon or Dollar Bill Crogan?
How am I supposed to make a witty retort after someone that calls themselves "The Alter?"

Oh man. "TheAlter"


"TheAlter"


LOL

 
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Old 07-17-2021, 08:13 AM   #138
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god damnit disco jon i'm sorry to disappoint you but i simply can't fathom this scenario

sorry!!!!!!!!!
No worries. You seem like the type of person that constantly disappoints everyone.

 
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Old 07-17-2021, 09:40 AM   #139
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y u beefin' bro?

 
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Old 07-17-2021, 09:43 AM   #140
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it gives me a rush of excitement when i see that DiscoJon is the most recent poster in the thread about Billy's disdain for Netphoria

 
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Old 07-17-2021, 10:51 AM   #141
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I'm only a few pages into this thread, and don't know if this got mentioned, but in the late 90s Andrew Pakula was lightly involved in the CD-R trading community and it was discovered he was turning around and selling them on eBay (or Yahoo! Auctions ?). I would have to imagine the few traders that had Corgan's ear briefly around the end of the century would have maybe mentioned this. But who knows! Also this page had a big reputation for ripping off information and content from other better Smashing Pumpkins sites, and that opinion was held by basically everyone who wasn't a teenager at the time. Like this was the page you were into if you were a survivor of your parents huffing paint and we are all basically here right now solely because the rest of them had the good sense to close up shop. By the Zwan years this was literally the only place you could go if you were an SP addict and wanted to maintain the delusion you had some self respect, in comparison to the O-Board or whatever else was going.

Last edited by Kumar Littlejeans : 07-17-2021 at 11:14 AM.

 
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Old 07-17-2021, 11:20 AM   #142
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it gives me a rush of excitement when i see that DiscoJon is the most recent poster in the thread about Billy's disdain for Netphoria
Dude, really? Your statement is kinda sad.

 
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Old 07-17-2021, 11:51 AM   #143
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I know, right?

He totes ignored the FACT that I posted after you.


 
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Old 07-17-2021, 01:10 PM   #144
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Originally Posted by DiscoJon View Post
How am I supposed to make a witty retort after someone that calls themselves "The Alter?"

Oh man. "TheAlter"


"TheAlter"


LOL
Yes, TheAlter.

Not Beetlejuice, no need to repeat it three times, BlowJon.

 
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Old 07-17-2021, 01:16 PM   #145
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Red face

Quote:
Originally Posted by DiscoJon View Post
https://twitter.com/daveweigel/statu...452900359?s=20

I'm sorry your white gen-x sensibilities are offended by music made by people darker than you.
The man behind her music had at least dark hair...



I actually like much of his old stuff:

https://soundcloud.com/search?q=giorgio%20moroder

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Old 07-17-2021, 02:41 PM   #146
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Originally Posted by Corgan's Bluff View Post
The man behind her music had at least dark hair...



I actually like much of his old stuff:

https://soundcloud.com/search?q=giorgio%20moroder
He's italian, i bet for some people it was just different shades of black.


 
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Old 07-17-2021, 03:43 PM   #147
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didn't he say he shelved the chicago songs because he read online that fans didn't want an acoustic album? he had to have read that here right? what other SP forums were active during that time?

 
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Old 07-17-2021, 09:18 PM   #148
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didn't he say he shelved the chicago songs because he read online that fans didn't want an acoustic album? he had to have read that here right? what other SP forums were active during that time?
@rider

It was riderís fault iirc

 
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Old 07-19-2021, 04:03 PM   #149
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didn't he say he shelved the chicago songs because he read online that fans didn't want an acoustic album? he had to have read that here right? what other SP forums were active during that time?
Corgan wasn't pleased with the studio recordings and tried to improve the songs at a little live audience. That didn't work out successfull too. He abandoned the project for the already started "The Future Embrace" sessions:

https://web.archive.org/web/20040410...illy_blog.aspx


Billy Corgan BLOG Post 4/8/04

I want to start by thanking ken for this unique opportunity to share with you some of the process that I go thru to try to bring a particular body of work together...the kind of flotsam that ken has asked me to bring here is the type of information that is often overlooked, and I appreciate having this forum to explore these intimate details publicly...so, with that said, I will ramble on...i am going to assume that if you are reading this, you know a little bit about me, so I will skip my background bio and instead focus on the context of this group of songs which I loosely refer to as "Chicago" songs...i am not sure yet whether that will be the title at the end of the day because it sounds sort of bland to me, but it still accurately describes the songs because they all were written with Chicago, my hometown, in mind...the associations are loose, however, as I see the connections as being more spiritually related to the core essence of my city, then say a Broadway show where faces and places are name checked...there is some of that, but for the most part those things only entered the lyrics if they seemed to truly capture the spirit that I was seeking...the origin of coming to write these songs is somewhat haphazard, as I didn't begin this by saying to myself, "right, time to write a bunch of tunes about Chicago!"...actually, it began one innocent evening in 2000 while I was waiting for my girlfriend to get ready to go out to dinner...i had 15 minutes to kill, and I had this book of old folk songs laying around...i flipped it open, and because I can't read music, I started making up my own version of a song from the 1800's...this lead me to eventually create 28 of these types of "imagined" songs over a period of months, and I had a lot of fun writing them...songs about Jesse James and hearses rolling by with broken hearted lovers and the like... out of these 28 there was one song that struck a deep nerve with me personally called "el-a-noy", a folk song from the 1860's about settlers coming into Chicago...because of the personal nature of the lyrics and the lonesome and hopeful quality of this city, it seemed to resonate more deeply within me...somewhere along the way, because of that one connection, I hatched the idea to assemble a whole group of songs that would be linked by the spirit of Chicago, because I think that this town is truly indescribable...it is an odd mix of violence, pioneer recklessness, unbridled capitalism, undying hope, and if you have ever been here during the winter, death and endless rebirth...at the bottom of all of it though, is that I really love this place!!...at the end of last summer (2003) I started what I would call formal recording of these songs, both audio and video, with the hope of making a DVD, and possibly a companion CD as well...my engineer Bjorn and I worked for a total of about 6-8 weeks on around 25-30 songs... I wasn't happy with the total results, which is why I am now giving this whole thing one more chance because I still don't feel I have fully wrestled this material to the ground...starting on Monday (April 12th), we are going to work for 6 days in front of an invited audience (at a former neighborhood church) of friends and fans in the hopes that I can step up and make this work...the final act will then be a show at the Metro in Chicago on April 19th, which we are also filming for the DVD...there is only one problem duh-duh-du-dum....I haven't played most of these songs for a very long time because I have been working on my first solo rock album... so, in the next few days, I hope to share with you the challenge of getting reacquainted with the material, some of my hopes, fears, and desires, and oh yeah, my attempt to write one final "Chicago" song at the last second...thanks for reading (and playing along)...all the best bc


http://www.integralnaked.org/avantgarde/billy_blog.aspx

April 8, 2004

Day 1... I want to start by thanking ken for this unique opportunity to share with you some of the process that I go thru to try to bring a particular body of work together... the kind of flotsam that ken has asked me to bring here is the type of information that is often overlooked, and I appreciate having this forum to explore these intimate details publicly.... so, with that said, I will ramble on... i am going to assume that if you are reading this, you know a little bit about me, so I will skip my background bio and instead focus on the context of this group of songs which I loosely refer to as "Chicago" songs.... i am not sure yet whether that will be the title at the end of the day because it sounds sort of bland to me, but it still accurately describes the songs because they all were written with Chicago, my hometown, in mind....

the associations are loose, however, as I see the connections as being more spiritually related to the core essence of my city, then say a Broadway show where faces and places are name checked.... there is some of that, but for the most part those things only entered the lyrics if they seemed to truly capture the spirit that I was seeking.... the origin of coming to write these songs is somewhat haphazard, as I didn't begin this by saying to myself, "right, time to write a bunch of tunes about Chicago!" actually, it began one innocent evening in 2000 while I was waiting for my girlfriend to get ready to go out to dinner.... i had 15 minutes to kill, and I had this book of old folk songs laying around.... i flipped it open, and because I can't read music, I started making up my own version of a song from the 1800's.... this lead me to eventually create 28 of these types of "imagined" songs over a period of months, and I had a lot of fun writing them... songs about Jesse James and hearses rolling by with broken hearted lovers and the like....

out of these 28 there was one song that struck a deep nerve with me personally called "el-a-noy," a folk song from the 1860's about settlers coming into Chicago.... because of the personal nature of the lyrics and the lonesome and hopeful quality of this city, it seemed to resonate more deeply within me.... somewhere along the way, because of that one connection, I hatched the idea to assemble a whole group of songs that would be linked by the spirit of Chicago, because I think that this town is truly indescribable.... it is an odd mix of violence, pioneer recklessness, unbridled capitalism, undying hope, and if you have ever been here during the winter, death and endless rebirth.... at the bottom of all of it though, is that I really love this place!!

at the end of last summer (2003) I started what I would call formal recording of these songs, both audio and video, with the hope of making a DVD, and possibly a companion CD as well.... my engineer Bjorn and I worked for a total of about 6-8 weeks on around 25-30 songs... I wasn't happy with the total results, which is why I am now giving this whole thing one more chance because I still don't feel I have fully wrestled this material to the ground.... starting on Monday (April 12th), we are going to work for 6 days in front of an invited audience (at a former neighborhood church) of friends and fans in the hopes that I can step up and make this work.... the final act will then be a show at the Metro in Chicago on April 19th, which we are also filming for the DVD....

there is only one problem duh-duh-du-dum.... I haven't played most of these songs for a very long time because I have been working on my first solo rock album.... so, in the next few days, I hope to share with you the challenge of getting reacquainted with the material, some of my hopes, fears, and desires, and oh yeah, my attempt to write one final "Chicago" song at the last second.... thanks for reading (and playing along)...all the best bc



April 9, 2004

Day 2......whoa! how is that for a scientific term? whoa! I am completely stressed out as I am in way over my head.... there is a lot of material to learn and re-learn, and today was the first day I dove in serious.... that now leaves just 3 days before I have to start recording these songs again, the pressure, the people, the words, $$, all the wonderful things that go into making something happen like, right NOW! with that said to give a happy picture of duress, I would like to put some energy into the "what' as in what the heck I am trying to accomplish....

as I said yesterday in my post, I felt that my last go round with this material didn't meet the heights that I had hoped for the songs for a variety of reasons... one was technical, as I didn't feel we nailed the sound, and therefore the emotion of the sound that I was looking for.... that is not to say that those sessions were bad... we learned a lot about how we wanted to record the intimacy of just me playing fingerpicking style guitar and a vocal live.... so, I feel going into these sessions on Monday we know a little more of what we don't want.... it's a hard thing to explain verbally, because recording is something that involves a lot in the way of taste.... i personally love the country blues recordings of the 1920's and 30's, which to a modern ear sounds very poor and tinny, as the only source recordings left are the 78's themselves... because they are a physical product (needle on quickly spinning vinyl), I feel the recordings have an inherent violence to them, a distortion which adds to the force of playing and the scope of the subjects, which are your classic blues type subjects (murder, love lost, drinkin, love found, etc)...

earlier in my recording career, my approach was more imitative i.e. If I got "that" sound I would get that emotion.... i have since moved away from the imitative style, believing that you take what you have and you find your own way.... there is a way to get that so called violence within a modern context, it has to be sought with a vision and purpose in mind.... it can be found in many ways beyond the recording, particularly in the area of performance, which is where the idea of having a live crowd come in for the actual sessions to try to get my blood going enough to find the darkness and consequent light in the songs.... i say this with my fingers crossed, because if it doesn't work, the music will be ugly for all the wrong reasons, and those are emotions you can't erase....

in order to properly focus for these 2 weeks, I have narrowed the scope of songs I am going to work on to around 15-17 songs, give or take a song if I decide to work on a couple of songs by other people.... the chicago songs at this point are 12 songs, with one new one that I am working on... the others are with an eye towards a couple of additional songs I hope to play at my concert on the 19th.... today (so far) has been spent practicing the fingerpicking style, which is very physically demanding, and getting my voice back in shape by spending some time at the piano... unfortunately, as I write very quickly these days, the old lyric pages are everywhere, and getting the right lyrics in shape so I can sing the songs has been difficult... because these songs lend themselves to interpretation, there are different arrangements and different lyrics depending on which version you would listen to....

the hope is to get familiar in a way that allows for the spontaneity of the songs to still come thru, rather than just picking up where I left off as if a particular version was sacrosanct... my logic goes something like, "if it was so great before, why are you re-recording it".... so all is up for the revision of a critical eye.... hopefully the time spent away from the songs will allow me to see some of the flaws they might possess, and I can address them as I go.... for example, I attempted to re-write some of the lyrics today for a song called "columbus".... the song clocks in at around 9 minutes, and the lyrics themselves were written in one stream of consciousness burst... i am not sure that I could even tell you what the song is about... i spent an hour or so today re-learning the song, and questioning some phrases that didn't seem to make sense.... i changed a bunch of the words, but found that when I sang the song from the top, I ended up singing most of the original words.... ironically, the original words seemed to make more sense in the flow of the story of the song, but taken on their own, line by line, some lines seemed weak to me.... my confidence in the song was reassured by the strength of the entire song in context, and the picky part of me felt better about that than micromanaging any one particular line....

i have played guitar for 2-3 hours so far today to get my hand strength back, and I am hoping that when I return home tonight after dinner I can put in another 1-2 hours.... my voice is something I can fake, but the playing, which requires great dexterity and precision, isn't.... my biggest concern right now is being mentally strong enough to deal with the pressure of performing the entire chicago body of work in one straight go in front of about 1,100 people without having had any warm up gigs.... but, I am ahead of myself as usual, so one day at a time....

one small bit about the 13th and final chicago song, as yet unwritten.... the song is called "the ballad of frank and david," and something in my heart wants to speak about my grandfather that I never knew (Herb Corgan), and the relationship, or at least imaginary relationship, between 2 great architects of chicago fame, David adler and Frank Lloyd Wright.... i just put that out there so someone can beam me the right energy to dial that one in...thanks again bc



April 10, 2004

Day 3 (cue ominous music)... actually, today was a good day as I didn't really feel like working hard and started the day wanting to play hooky with the whole thing and just go outside in the sunshine.... i made a compromise with myself and decided to play the entire 12 songs straight thru just to see how it felt.... i wrote out a set list, and followed it faithfully and was pleased with the result.... even though I still have time to prepare for the concert (which went on sale today), I am treating everyday like I have to be ready for the show tomorrow... FEAR as motivator.... yes, I know it's base, but it seems to work....

i thought I did ok slogging thru the set on my own, noting where my voice was weak and my breath was short and where my playing (guitar wise) wasn't up to snuff.... i figured that tomorrow I would focus on little things like re-typing all the lyrics to every song so there are no question marks going into the recording process, and I can focus come Monday on whatever hits me (inspiration wise) to take a swing at.... so as of 1pm, I figured I was done for the day.... around 4, one of my friends came over and asked me how it was all going, and I said 'fine blah blah" and (bait and switch) "do you wanna hear a few?" to which I proceeded to play the whole set all over again with an audience of one.... playing in front of someone is always a different experience no matter how many times you try it, and this was helpful because things felt a bit more strained and self conscious....

overall I was very pleased, and am now starting to get really excited for the concert, as I believe it will be a singular experience, and I can't say there are too many of those in this world... because of the nature of the work, you cross your fingers on all the variables: will the mood in the room be right, will people listen, will I be too quiet, etc. etc.... as for the upcoming recording in the former church, the video crew (led by lester) has already started loading into the space, with the audio equipment to follow shortly (led by bjorn).... as for me, all I need is a guitar, a lyric stand, and a chair and I'm good to go.... my wrists ache from so much practice, but it's a good feeling because at least I'm not being my normally lazy self....

the first 2 days of recording are going to be held in the afternoon, but the final 4 days I think will be held at night because ultimately this is night music, and I'm hoping that with the moon just right I can faithfully dial in whatever needs to be said.... as I mentioned before, there are a bunch of other songs not related to the "chicago" songs that are in the same idiom.... if things go well I am hoping to slide a few of those in as well and get those recorded.... those songs we refer to as 'billy' songs because they are more personal in nature....

as soon as I finish this here post, I am gonna take a swing at re-writing some lyrics from one of those songs called "all saints".... for some reason that seems to be the song that is calling out to me most for attention.... in some ways I have neglected it because it reminds me of the past, as in "past" ambitions that seem to have completely left my body.... maybe now, without the desire to write a catchy tune, the song can breathe and I can let it be whatever it is meant to be.... every song has a little soul, for better or worse, and it ultimately comes down to whether or not I can find a harmony with that.... many songs are like people, lovable but frustrating, and in that way I am not kind or patient... so I end with the intention of giving that one a little look.... be well bc



April 12, 2004

Hi... i figured posting on easter was a bit obsessive, so I skipped it, but to keep the stream of consciousness flowing, I did take the opportunity on easter to play the entire 12 chicago songs in to-tal for my family, and it was good practice, making me realize (yet again) that I'm out of shape So that makes 3 full run thru's in 2 days, which has been helpful and has really helped to build my confidence for the show.... one sidenote: I was lazy and didn't want to take 3 guitars over to my family's house, so I just took one, which (because of alternate tuning issues) forced me to change the basic set I had written up.... i was surprised that the feeling was consistent even with a different flow of songs, and that was something I didn't expect....

ok, on to today, the first day of recording.... i got there at about 1:30 with the 20 fans supposed to come at 3. on Saturday past, we gave out 120 tickets (20 a day) for some fans to come (sorry if I am being repetitive, I'm just tired).... right away when I got there it was obvious that certain things still weren't set up, as ladders were being moved and microphones set up, etc. so, at 2:30 p.m., we started letting some people in even though we were not showbiz ready.... everyone that came was very nice and friendly, which made having to sit there and test levels more tolerable.... after a while, we were ready to go, and we had to let everyone know to keep absolutely still because the microphones are cranked up so much you can hear people breathing! the first song we did takes on is called "cease to be," which is probably not going to be the title at the end of it all, but works for now.... i picked it because it's a fun song to play and isn't a "chicago" song.... we did a few takes of that, and I got bored and we switched to a more
important song, the 9-minute song "columbus"....

the first take was going great when I spaced it out and messed up after about 7 minutes, which is frustrating but goes with the territory of being in the moment. after I messed up, we tried one more of that one, which I got all the way thru with, and it was decent but not heart stopping.... in between takes I chatted with the people there, about things that were on their mind, like my past, and my past, and oh yeah, my future! I'm just kidding, we talked about all sorts of stuff, and everyone was very sweet and was kind about the whole process, which at the base of it I find boring.... the show biz part of me wants to keep anyone watching entertained but it is just not that forum.... i did a really beautiful take of a song called "friends and lovers" in a lower key that normal, which seems to make it more peaceful and pretty.... some fans were crying after I finished, and it felt good to finally hit the right moment....

the last song of the day was my vague swing, as a chicago cubs fan, at the other team in town, the white sox.... it's a good-hearted diss (cause I watch the sox too) called "black sox," which goes out of its way to glorify our beloved cubs.... anyway, after doing it once or twice, I hit on the idea of having everyone sing along, so we did a few takes like that also....

the day was shot with 7 cameras, and as I was going out the door lester was giving each person a chance to ask a question that we may use as part of an interview segment on the DVD.... that's all for now.... thanks to everyone who came today, you were great.... bc



April 13, 2004

Hmm, how to start this one.... how about this: I always find day 2 of anything difficult. day 1 always seems a bit brighter, the newness of anything has a little more zip and nervousness and sensuality, where day 2 tends to be a dance between "should I repeat, or look for something new" etc.... the pitfalls become more apparent, the adrenalin wears off, and the real work begins..

I got there a little early, listened back to the audio part of the equation, and felt satisfied that we had made progress. as you can see by the photos [see notes], we are definitely over-mic-ing this, to make sure we don't end up as we have in the past with limited options. I was pleased with what I heard, which gave me more confidence. I warmed up for a while, which may have not been a good idea because when everybody came in and I started playing what has become the official song that is the sacrificial lamb for warming up me with said crowd (poorly titled 'cease to be'), I could not play (!) the song correctly because my right hand felt tired and unable to play the complex repetitive picking patterns.... this of course is humiliating because I am supposed to be able to do what I do.... after a few attempts at that, we were off to a bad start.... the energy in the room felt different today as well.... maybe everyone there had been on the internet and came with their own set of expectations and or disappointments (I don't know) but somehow, even though they were sitting 4 feet from me, the crowd felt more distant. no one's fault, for sure, just one of those days.

I took a break, and decided to play "prairie song," which is a lot easier to play technically. I got myself into the right space, started, and was on a roll emotionally when one of the camera operators shifted in his seat, making a huge squeak that filled the room. I had to stop because it ruined the take. I started over, upset, and started messing up again and again.... I would make it about 45 seconds in and then ! mess up.... I started having a meltdown....

i.e., "this is a bad idea and I want to leave and go read a book under a tree" meltdown.... we took another break. finally, I came out and nailed a really beautiful take of the song, and things got a lot better. I did a really long song called "the world's fair," which went well, but after had to make one poor kid leave because he was trying to suppress his cough and I could see him doing it and was sure it was going to ruin the take.

lots of insecurity to battle thru, with the constant feeling that something is going to go wrong. a fan asked me out loud whether having people there was contributing, and I said honestly I wasn't sure, that when it was working it was definitely helping, but it seems to be hurting in equal measure.... to finish, I did versions of "black irish," "white city," and "columbus," which was marred by a dump truck rumbling by and somebody's boot squeaking and some indiscriminate honking... ugh!!!! all in all, an ok day....

the bottom line: if I am going to make this experiment work, I am going to have to show up in the small windows of silence and energy as it presents itself.... this is definitely the energetic of complete and total awareness RIGHT NOW, not 5 minutes now, RIGHT F?+#&*= NOW!!!! Thanks again for readin' this.... bc

(p.s. I would like to, at the proper 'moment,' talk some about lyrics.... maybe after the concert has been performed [see mini-concert] I can put them all up and spend some time there...?)


April 14, 2004

Day 3 performance/blog blog blog.... I went into day 3 determined to not be overcome by the situation. I am very grateful that so many fans are willing to participate in what by most accounts is an unusual experiment.... that being said, having people I don't know well watch me in the most intimate setting of recording (when most of my friends aren't even invited in to watch me work , where I'm making mistakes (forgetting words and chords and whatever else one can forget!), has been hard on my psyche.... there were some moments yesterday that were incredibly beautiful, and it had everything to do with the support of those that were there. would I do this again? I don't know....

it is always nice to talk to fans up close and hear what is on their mind, not just regarding my work, but the culture, politics, music in general, the internet, downloading.... at the end of the day I would to say I don't know if it is a good idea to let anyone except those that are closest to you peer behind the "wizards" curtain...(ignore the man behind the curtain!!!!)

Yesterday, I started with a lower key version of "cease to be" on 12 string, which was pretty and peaceful.... after that, I did a single take of another non-chicago song called "you were mine".... it was incredible, and everyone was so moved that the whole place (which seems to get more full every day) broke into spontaneous applause.... other songs played yesterday: "white lights," "white city," "Columbus," and "say goodbye"....

I decided not to eat during the 3+ hours we are there because it so negatively affects my voice. the downside is after the adrenalin wore off I started to crash and wasn't as on top of the energy as I would have liked.... so, for day 4, we are going to go for more takes in a shorter amount of time. hopefully, that will be the proper balance of intensity, starvation, love, music, and boredom potentiate.... rock on! bc

 
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