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07-05-2017, 11:12 PM | #121 |
Socialphobic
Location: I’ve been trying to move to the Nordic countries for 5 years but the cost is astronomical to become an expatriate
Posts: 14,679
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07-06-2017, 12:00 AM | #122 |
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
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i mean you definitely feel nice. you dont even have to take much more than a regular dose. it's only when you get a habit that people start taking crazy doses. but anyway i wouldn't fuck with it my man. there's a reason people get addicted, and it can happen to you
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07-06-2017, 04:30 PM | #123 | |
Minion of Satan
Location: i am volatile, a free spirit, a rogue agent
Posts: 6,254
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Quote:
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07-06-2017, 04:30 PM | #124 |
Minion of Satan
Location: i am volatile, a free spirit, a rogue agent
Posts: 6,254
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I mean you might have a similar experience with opiates though
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07-06-2017, 06:20 PM | #125 | |
Just Hook it to My Veins!
Location: N3t4Euh Haus
Posts: 32,749
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Quote:
Yes, they are totally different. |
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07-06-2017, 07:41 PM | #126 | |
Braindead
Location: PROWLING THE BADLANDS
Posts: 17,399
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Quote:
they were potent benzos (like, 2mg pills, about four times my usual dosage when i'm fending off perpetual depression) and i also drank pretty heavily and smoked with it. very bad idea. |
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07-06-2017, 11:44 PM | #127 |
Immortal
Posts: 25,684
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all the sufferers in this thread should get together and get SUPER FUCKING FUCKED UP AND FUCK EACH OTHER TO DEATH
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07-06-2017, 11:47 PM | #128 |
Banned
Location: somerville, nj
Posts: 23,382
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07-07-2017, 02:52 AM | #129 |
Immortal
Posts: 25,684
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K
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07-07-2017, 02:54 AM | #130 |
Immortal
Posts: 25,684
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I was including myself to be clear. And death was only metaphorical death after insane fucking. Also the fucking is metaphorical, not like reproductive sex.
I should go to bed I have an addictive personality. Weed, food, booze, internet, buying books and comics |
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07-07-2017, 02:57 AM | #131 |
Banned
Location: somerville, nj
Posts: 23,382
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TuralyonW3
Banned http://forums.netphoria.org/images/stars/star12.gifhttp://forums.netphoria.org/images/stars/star12.gifhttp://forums.netphoria.org/images/stars/star12.gifhttp://forums.netphoria.org/images/stars/star12.gifhttp://forums.netphoria.org/images/stars/star12.gifhttp://forums.netphoria.org/images/stars/star12.gif http://forums.netphoria.org/customav...atar9503_1.gif Posts: 0 |
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07-07-2017, 03:02 AM | #132 |
Just Hook it to My Veins!
Location: N3t4Euh Haus
Posts: 32,749
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time for bed for all of us
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07-07-2017, 03:09 AM | #133 |
Dute of Seven Y's
Location: Mr. C's garage
Posts: 7,764
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Get high and keep partying, you pussies.
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07-07-2017, 03:10 AM | #134 |
Banned
Location: somerville, nj
Posts: 23,382
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07-07-2017, 03:49 PM | #135 |
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
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so I told my therapist. she was pretty disappointed. she thinks I need to take my substance abuse more seriously wants me to try to do SMART, which is a 12-step alternative (based on science). I REALLY don't want to do it but maybe it will help, and I want my therapist to know I'm really serious about not doing it anymore. so when I agreed to look into it I was planning on blowing it off, but I've actually been researching a little.
last time I did pills was sunday. I feel pretty good about not doing them again. Although I got gas right after therapy and the gas station I went to sells fucking kratom lol. but I need self control. I was really not doing drugs because they weren't convenient, not because I truly don't want to do them. sure I could have made them more convenient, so it wasn't like i had no desire to not do them. but it's not the same thing. |
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07-07-2017, 06:36 PM | #136 |
Socialphobic
Location: I’ve been trying to move to the Nordic countries for 5 years but the cost is astronomical to become an expatriate
Posts: 14,679
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Jeez man, way to use my new thread to let us know.
http://forums.netphoria.org/showthread.php?t=185239 |
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07-07-2017, 06:38 PM | #137 | |
Socialphobic
Location: I’ve been trying to move to the Nordic countries for 5 years but the cost is astronomical to become an expatriate
Posts: 14,679
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Quote:
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07-07-2017, 06:40 PM | #138 |
Minion of Satan
Location: i am volatile, a free spirit, a rogue agent
Posts: 6,254
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Do you guys ever hope that you'll know you're going to die like a month or two ahead of time so you can enjoy some rampant, unbridled, and worry-free drug use?
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07-07-2017, 08:02 PM | #139 | |
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
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Quote:
It's so dumb, I didn't even enjoy it, I wasted so much fucking money, it was risky as fuck. And now I feel bad about it of course. I think the real issue, is I'm depressed again. Not as bad as I used to be... but worse than I have been in the past few years. I mean my therapist sees this too. And I'm afraid it'll never get better again. And I've been facing some things in therapy that are making it worse, but are necessary to talk about... and I just like, wanted to forget about it for a while. And having to cop drugs and then doing them is a great way to get your mind off anything else, lol. I really don't think I'm in danger of getting addicted again. I would fucking jump off a building before I ever get dopesick again. But the riskiness, the danger, the complete shutting off of everything that matters in those few hours... feels good. I can't do it any other way, except sleeping. But I need to learn better ways I guess |
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07-07-2017, 08:10 PM | #140 |
Socialphobic
Location: I’ve been trying to move to the Nordic countries for 5 years but the cost is astronomical to become an expatriate
Posts: 14,679
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Well, you're more self-aware than most, but to say you don't think you'll get addicted again is kind of foolish seeing as how you fell off the wagon like, what, a week ago? That's pretty fucking scary from my perspective, coming from someone who seems to have been keeping herself in check pretty well in the last year or so (since I "met" you).
I don't pretend to know you as well as others, but I do worry about you from time to time. You are -- as far as I can tell from our limited interactions here -- a good, intelligent, compassionate person. I wish nothing but the best for you. Just be careful, please. |
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07-07-2017, 08:25 PM | #141 |
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
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Thanks FlamingGlobes. Maybe I am foolish in this regard. What I mean is I don't think I'd get physically addicted again, not because it's impossible but because I would kill myself first. That's how adverse I am to it at this point. Relapsing here and there, while obviously not good, feels like a different animal than actually becoming a junkie again. Obviously it's a slippery slope though, and one could lead to the other. I guess what I'm trying to say is I would do what I'm doing now, telling on myself and getting support, and not die in darkness so to speak. I'm fairly confident in that I wouldn't hide it from my mental health team.
At the same time I obviously am an addict with limited self control around many substances. And if SMART can teach me to deal with impulsive decisions when confronted with easy routes of use, then I could use that, for sure. It just feels strange going into a program without being an "active addict" so to speak, you know what I mean? It always seemed like a last resort option of a currently addicted junkie. But it doesn't have to be, obviously. You are good, intelligent, and compassionate too, btw. Also much funnier than me. |
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07-07-2017, 08:39 PM | #142 |
Socialphobic
Location: I’ve been trying to move to the Nordic countries for 5 years but the cost is astronomical to become an expatriate
Posts: 14,679
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Thanks for the kind words, really.
I've never been in your position before, and I certainly hope I don't come across as being judgmental. You may not be an "active addict," but is anyone really ever free of an addiction? Gotta keep fighting that good fight, staying a step ahead of yourself. I really think at least entertaining SMART as an option would be a good idea. Better safe than sorry, nawmean? |
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07-07-2017, 08:48 PM | #143 |
Socialphobic
Location: I’ve been trying to move to the Nordic countries for 5 years but the cost is astronomical to become an expatriate
Posts: 14,679
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Like, you say you'd kill yourself before that ever happened again and all I can think is Jesus, that is fucking scary. I hope it never comes to that.
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07-07-2017, 08:58 PM | #144 | |
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
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Quote:
I don't think it will. For a lot of years I was convinced I was going to kill myself eventually, both during and after I was doing "active addict" stuff like stealing, copping every day multiple times, being dopesick every day. Now I'm pretty sure that danger is gone, assuming I have no other traumatic things happen that make my PTSD go crazy or get so depressed again that I am unable to work/leave the house. It is great that I was able to get out of that, but I wouldn't go through it again for any sustained length of time. Not worth it, too painful |
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07-08-2017, 07:40 AM | #145 |
Just Hook it to My Veins!
Location: all over the Internet
Posts: 44,548
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07-08-2017, 12:46 PM | #146 |
Socialphobic
Location: Away
Posts: 11,398
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i'll pass.
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07-08-2017, 03:40 PM | #147 |
Banned
Posts: 5,711
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i have a whiz quiz i have to take by monday. as a favor to my future self i am quitting weed for the weekend to help me dilute the thc metabolites in my piss.
and it's sooooooo fuuuuucking booooorrrrriiinnggggggg |
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07-08-2017, 03:48 PM | #148 |
Braindead
Location: TX
Posts: 16,289
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You better get a friend's piss yo
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07-08-2017, 03:53 PM | #149 |
Banned
Posts: 5,711
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i've had negative UA's when i smoked the day before.
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07-08-2017, 03:54 PM | #150 |
Banned
Posts: 5,711
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really all you need is to drink a lot of water and eat vitamin B tabs
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