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Old 01-13-2017, 06:56 PM   #3811
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Don't take this the wrong way but do you think time has also helped in the transition/healing process? I mean what % of it could you attribute the change to time?

 
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Old 01-13-2017, 06:58 PM   #3812
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Like I want to be clear that I don't want to offend or undermine anyone. Therapy needs to exist. It just seems to be a catch all and what I hear like re: trust

"Try therapy"
"You are obligated to trust others"

 
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Old 01-13-2017, 07:02 PM   #3813
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Because reprise my thing with trust is kinda like yours but not nearly as bad. When your therapist called you a coward I thought how it was insensitive and how you could have a meaningful life without relationships as such. Unless you wanted them and it bothered you not to have them. In my case it goes like this: I was not taught to trust (or distrust. It was just not a concept in our household) but then later you're taught to trust someone right? And you get burned and burned. I mean even as a kid I learned not to trust in a tacit way via experience. So like I don't like being told that it's MY PROBLEM and I need to TRUST SOMEONE 100% to be perfectly happy. I am happy trustinf myself!!

 
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Old 01-13-2017, 07:03 PM   #3814
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I don't have a therapist ftr

 
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Old 01-13-2017, 07:05 PM   #3815
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It's important to quantify "issues" and "disorders" but how much do we really have to make ourselves be "ideal" in order to cope? Like I've said I have taken solace in the fact that I don't have to ever trust my mom 100%. Or Mike. Or a surgeon. I can be just fine without it

 
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Old 01-13-2017, 07:06 PM   #3816
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And re: echo chamber. I would like someone to just say how it is but not force me into being the ideal, perfectly healthy and well adjusted human. I can't just erase memories

 
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Old 01-13-2017, 07:06 PM   #3817
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I can't justbreak my fear of saturn and jupiter ;_;. I can only cope with them by keeping the light on at night

 
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Old 01-13-2017, 07:19 PM   #3818
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I'm going to go to the grocery store now. Thankfully the grocery stores in Somerset county don't carry alcohol. Well, wegmans does.

 
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Old 01-13-2017, 07:30 PM   #3819
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Originally Posted by ohnoitsbonnie View Post
Don't take this the wrong way but do you think time has also helped in the transition/healing process? I mean what % of it could you attribute the change to time?
Yes time has helped, but if I never got any treatment I don't think I would have made it long enough for time to help whatsoever. Time was actually making it worse until I actually confronted what happened. But if we count only the years since, say, I started working - I'd say perhaps 20% was just time working things out. Most things I had to bring to therapy once or twice (or more) and they are not as big a deal. For example, teenage girls used to trigger me. Just seeing them, but especially working with them (as coworkers) freaked me out. If I ever was in a waiting room or some situation like that (which I was directly proceeding therapy a few times), I'd have panic attacks. I don't think that ever would have worked out without directly addressing it. But other stuff, like dealing with asshole customers by just not caring as much or investing in those people, probably would have just come with time.

 
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Old 01-13-2017, 07:39 PM   #3820
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Originally Posted by ohnoitsbonnie View Post
Like I want to be clear that I don't want to offend or undermine anyone. Therapy needs to exist. It just seems to be a catch all and what I hear like re: trust

"Try therapy"
"You are obligated to trust others"
No, what you're saying is perfectly valid and I don't think I'll ever trust anyone 100% either. The way you're putting it, I don't know if that's even healthy.

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Because reprise my thing with trust is kinda like yours but not nearly as bad. When your therapist called you a coward I thought how it was insensitive and how you could have a meaningful life without relationships as such. Unless you wanted them and it bothered you not to have them. In my case it goes like this: I was not taught to trust (or distrust. It was just not a concept in our household) but then later you're taught to trust someone right? And you get burned and burned. I mean even as a kid I learned not to trust in a tacit way via experience. So like I don't like being told that it's MY PROBLEM and I need to TRUST SOMEONE 100% to be perfectly happy. I am happy trustinf myself!!
I think for me the issue is not trusting people to always care about me and do what's good for me (or keep their promises, etc), it's trusting that people don't have some alternate agenda or in the end only care about themselves and not me whatsoever. When I say I want to trust people, that's what I mean. Trust that they mean what they say, not that they will necessarily act that way, but that when they don't it is not malevolent. Does that make sense?

My therapist and I have talked intensively about how I could have a good life without having trusting relationships, and how if that's what I want she would be on board and still offer me therapy. She does think that I would be happier if I could have trusting relationships, the type I've described. She has always been adamant that she believes that, so in that way she is biased and does wish for me to try. I do with her, as much as I am capable. And my mother, I guess. I know my mom is attempting to do what is best for me, even though she sometimes does really shitty things.

I also do not trust myself, that I am a good person or whatever. But that's just from being told I was a piece of shit, manipulative, pathetic, a coward (lol), etc. So that's a problem for me, too. But yeah, when I say trusting I don't mean blind faith in someone

 
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Old 01-13-2017, 08:05 PM   #3821
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My mental problems are very different from either of your issues obviously, but a big part of my "journey" has been learning to STOP relying on others 100% for everything. I still today have almost zero ability to feel validated whatsoever by myself. I don't know how to feel proud of myself or like I did a good job or am doing the right thing (there are exceptions but yeah). Without outside validation, I basically feel like a worthless loser. Probably a big part of why I have such a complex around romantic relationships and a lot of other negative patterns I have.

A big part of my downward spiral was that I felt let down by everyone in my life at once. My girlfriend who I thought I was gonna marry told me she didn't love me anymore, my parents separated and even though I was totally supportive they made it absolutely awful for me, my best friend (the hook up friend) moved to Asia with a dude, the girl I was seeing after that turned my head inside out and then left me to die (yes melodramatic but this is honestly how I feel about it). and I was just spiraling downward and downward and I was telling people I am going crazy, I want to kill myself, I hate my life.... and no one did anything. I had not one friend or family member who came to my rescue and was like omg let's get your shit together I will help you and hold your hand, let you cry on my shoulder, etc. nothing. I felt like I had basically done nothing but sacrifice myself to work to show all these people I love them, and when I was in trouble they were all just too busy with their own lives to help me.

So I dunno. Trust is hard. My instinct is to trust very quickly because I want to be close to people and I have a lot of love to give. But trusting others 100%, even family and close friends maybe isn't smart. You have to rely on yourself I guess because you never know when people will actually come through for you or let you down. I'm not angry at the people who didn't help me even though I feel like I would have done anything to help them had the situation been reversed. I'm not bitter. I am a bit hurt, but I think I've also just become kind of cold and jaded about it. People are not reliable, and I am the same. People will always let you down, and maybe part of truly loving someone is accepting that they will let you down and you are going to care about them anyway.

I'm not sure I will ever be able to trust someone romantically like that again though, not after getting fucked over so hard by 2 different people in the span of a year. I just feel like it doesn't matter how much you pour into something and how selflessly you give and how hard you love... the other person can just wake up one day and change their mind about you. So. gah. fuck.

Sorry for the essay again I don't know how much any of this relates to what you are saying bonnie. But I guess the takeaway is that I like my own therapist so much because he doesn't act like he knows what is best for me or what I need to change to be happy. I feel like he is more a life coach almost. He helps me get in touch with myself and figure out on my own what I need to change to be happy.

 
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Old 01-13-2017, 08:51 PM   #3822
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therapy's for crazy people

 
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Old 01-13-2017, 09:54 PM   #3823
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how sympathetic

 
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Old 01-13-2017, 10:11 PM   #3824
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therapy's for crazy people
what would you say fuzzy's mental age is? like 14? 12?

 
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Old 01-13-2017, 11:04 PM   #3825
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He's just a jerk

 
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Old 01-13-2017, 11:07 PM   #3826
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no poots is a jerk fuzzyroes is that stupid

 
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Old 01-14-2017, 04:15 AM   #3827
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Originally Posted by fuzzyroes View Post
therapy's for crazy people
you need some level of health for therapy because if you're too crazy you can't benefit from self examination

but whatever better to get drunk and piss on electronics and be a gambling addict #yolo

 
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Old 01-14-2017, 04:23 AM   #3828
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no poots is a jerk fuzzyroes is that stupid
Yeah, Fuzzy's intent is usually to be nice to people, but his lack of self-awareness or ability to understand the wider world beyond his narrow field of vision kind of impede his ability to empathize with people with different experiences from his.

 
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Old 01-14-2017, 04:57 AM   #3829
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Old 01-14-2017, 10:13 PM   #3830
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Yeah, Fuzzy's intent is usually to be nice to people, but his lack of self-awareness or ability to understand the wider world beyond his narrow field of vision kind of impede his ability to empathize with people with different experiences from his.
lol, you guys just fail to realize that about 35% of my time on here: I'm just trying to have a little fun

 
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Old 01-14-2017, 10:15 PM   #3831
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You can't have some good laughs on a message board without a little good-natured trolling every now and again.

 
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Old 01-14-2017, 10:16 PM   #3832
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think about it: the genesis of Netphoria is us trolling Billy Corgan and it's hilarious!

 
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Old 01-15-2017, 01:09 AM   #3833
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Yeah let's laugh at the expense of people with mental issues. What's the harm in that, right?

 
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Old 01-15-2017, 09:28 AM   #3834
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There's a little cash only donut place by work when I work morning shifts it's nice I'm there right now

I can't say I kept my resolution to eat healthier but I will at least not be giving my money McD and such anymore

 
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Old 01-15-2017, 09:31 AM   #3835
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It's ran by a cute old Asian couple

They don't speak English beyond numbers

Last edited by Elphenor : 01-15-2017 at 09:40 AM. Reason: Ironic English mistake ofc

 
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Old 01-15-2017, 07:41 PM   #3836
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Right on man. It's a good way to help out the common man

 
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Old 01-15-2017, 08:08 PM   #3837
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lol, you guys just fail to realize that about 35% of my time on here: I'm just trying to have a little fun
For some people, board is life.

 
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Old 01-15-2017, 08:16 PM   #3838
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An infallible band of degenerates and losers we are!

Last edited by fuzzyroes : 01-15-2017 at 08:26 PM.

 
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Old 01-15-2017, 08:20 PM   #3839
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Infallible?

Geez, I don't know.

 
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Old 01-15-2017, 08:34 PM   #3840
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The possibilities for what Fuzzy thinks that word means are endless.

 
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