Netphoria Message Board


Go Back   Netphoria Message Board > General Boards > General Chat Message Board
Register Netphoria's Amazon.com Link Members List Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 08-22-2021, 12:04 PM   #181
Disco King
Minion of Satan
 
Disco King's Avatar
 
Location: Banned
Posts: 8,849
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by reprise85 View Post
I'm coping pretty well I think. Definitely expecting the worst but I don't have much of a relationship with my dad. I haven't seen him in three years even though he lives an hour away.

But yeah I don't feel overwhelmed or anything. I feel a little guilty for not being more upset tbh
Yeah, I think a lack of strong emotion here is a reasonable response, given my understanding of your history and relationship with your father.

 
Disco King is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 08-22-2021, 12:04 PM   #182
run2pee
Minion of Satan
 
run2pee's Avatar
 
Location: An oasis of horror in a desert of boredom
Posts: 7,742
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by reprise85 View Post
He's dying. About to see him for a few minutes. Then they will put him in a private room. They are keeping him on a bipap for comfort. I'm going to be the last person he ever sees besides medical staff

 
run2pee is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 08-22-2021, 12:13 PM   #183
ilikeplanets
Braindead
 
ilikeplanets's Avatar
 
Location: Ignore List
Posts: 17,229
Default

That's pretty intense, Erica. I'm sure constantly hearing people say they're sorry seems hollow, but I am.

 
ilikeplanets is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 08-22-2021, 03:43 PM   #184
reprise85
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
 
reprise85's Avatar
 
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
Default

Thanks guys. I saw him, it's probably like you imagine. Lots of beeping and loud af air pressure being pumped into him. His oxygen is in the 70s. I hope they are going to turn the BiPAP down because that has to be painful and what is the point. So much oxygen is being pumped in that it is hyperinflating his chest. The BiPAP I use for sleep apnea is near the max it can go and it certainly doesn't do that.

The doctor said if he survives he (the doctor) will start going to church because that would mean God must exist. Meaning, he's not going to get better.

I am close to 100% sure he was able to hear me because he responded very strongly to one thing I said and it would be a big coincidence if it was random. I wouldn't be as sure if not for that (although it did seem like he was responding on some level even without that). I was able to video chat with my sister so she could see him.

 
reprise85 is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 08-22-2021, 05:57 PM   #185
teh b0lly!!1
Braindead
 
teh b0lly!!1's Avatar
 
Location: PROWLING THE BADLANDS
Posts: 17,399
Default

i'm having trouble putting into words what reading all this makes me feel.

surreal and completely disorienting times.

hope you are doing ok, reprise. fwiw, even though it's obv a very difficult and frayed relationship, it's commendable that you can be there for him.

 
teh b0lly!!1 is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 08-22-2021, 06:11 PM   #186
reprise85
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
 
reprise85's Avatar
 
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
Default

thanks. I am doing ok. he is on hospice now. just nasal cannula for oxygen for comfort and pain/anxiety meds. if he makes it long enough for there to be a hospice bed open they will move him, otherwise he is staying in the hospital room.

my sister is coming into town tomorrow night. I'm going to wear a mask everywhere (even inside with all vaxxed people) until I know I'm not infected... bought an OTC Covid test kit, supposed to take @3 days and 5 days out. I was wearing a ton of PPE when I went in. That is the CDC suggestion, don't need to isolate unless positive or symptoms after possible exposure if you are vaccinated.

Last edited by reprise85 : 08-22-2021 at 06:18 PM.

 
reprise85 is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 08-22-2021, 06:21 PM   #187
smashingjj
real estate cowboy
 
smashingjj's Avatar
 
Location: if Monsanto and Purdue Pharma had a baby
Posts: 36,880
Default

that's fucked. so sorry Erica.

 
smashingjj is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 08-23-2021, 10:47 AM   #188
topleybird
Janis Jopleybird
 
topleybird's Avatar
 
Location: Let me see you do the booty hop. And now make the booty stop. Now drop, and do the booty wop.
Posts: 6,564
Unhappy

Quote:
Originally Posted by reprise85 View Post
The doctor said if he survives he (the doctor) will start going to church because that would mean God must exist. Meaning, he's not going to get better.
You already know you have my condolences and concern, so I just want to use this post to say: I imagine that was like the eighth time the doctor had to give that prognosis to some poor patient's family member that day and it stopped being difficult for him in like May 2020 and he's just tired, just tired all the time, but come on, that is a really callous, needlessly clever way to deliver that information. I hope that didn't make a difficult moment even more painful.

 
topleybird is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 08-23-2021, 10:59 AM   #189
reprise85
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
 
reprise85's Avatar
 
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
Default

It honestly didn't bother me at all, although he probably has offended some religious people. But yeah you could definitely tell he is over everything. He went through all his comorbidities and then basically said the big problem is he wasn't vaccinated. I think he was ready to try to convince us to get vaccinated (my and my sister) but she told him everyone in the family is vaccinated except him.

 
reprise85 is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 08-23-2021, 11:00 AM   #190
reprise85
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
 
reprise85's Avatar
 
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
Default

I found out they just took him off the BiPAP a few minutes ago which is fucking ridiculous. That shit was definitely painful, no reason to keep him on it so long.
My sister is coming in tonight. They are going to move him to a hospice facility if he is stable for a few hours.

 
reprise85 is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 08-23-2021, 01:05 PM   #191
reprise85
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
 
reprise85's Avatar
 
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
Default

He passed away

 
reprise85 is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 08-23-2021, 02:41 PM   #192
ilikeplanets
Braindead
 
ilikeplanets's Avatar
 
Location: Ignore List
Posts: 17,229
Default

I never know the right thing to say here, but I have been thinking of you every day during this. I'm so sorry.

 
ilikeplanets is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 08-23-2021, 03:13 PM   #193
reprise85
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
 
reprise85's Avatar
 
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
Default

Thanks. I'm OK. My sister will be here soon. She is much more upset than me...

 
reprise85 is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 08-23-2021, 03:32 PM   #194
Fonzie
Dute of Seven Y's
 
Fonzie's Avatar
 
Location: Mr. C's garage
Posts: 7,764
Default

I’m basically a nobody, and a complete stranger from the other side of the world, but I’m really sorry for your loss.

 
Fonzie is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 08-23-2021, 07:24 PM   #195
smashingjj
real estate cowboy
 
smashingjj's Avatar
 
Location: if Monsanto and Purdue Pharma had a baby
Posts: 36,880
Default

I spoke to a doctor who was a guest today in the restaurant that I work in, she told me that she regularly sees anti-vaxxers or corona-deniers in some other way, and they're sorry when they're finally taken into the hospital, screaming in pain. it gave me a sort of weird satisfaction actually to hear that, although I knew that was mean.

it's just wry. I'm so sorry, Erica.

 
smashingjj is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 08-23-2021, 09:20 PM   #196
reprise85
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
 
reprise85's Avatar
 
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
Default

thanks. it is his own fault and it is fine to get some schadenfreude from it, really. but he also really suffered and i feel like they kept him on that bipap for way longer than necessary... and then he basically suffocated to death with a nurse in the room. he barely saw anyone his last week of life because it required special ppe to even go in his room and there was no special ward or anything. i am sure he knew he was dying. his lungs were violently pushed open every few seconds for two days even though they knew it would do him no good.

i really really don't know why they let that go on so long.

 
reprise85 is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 08-23-2021, 11:07 PM   #197
Shallowed
Braindead
 
Posts: 18,608
Default

did he get put on any pain relief medication?

 
Shallowed is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 08-23-2021, 11:27 PM   #198
coldestrose
Demi-God
 
coldestrose's Avatar
 
Location: weet woo
Posts: 322
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by reprise85 View Post
thanks. it is his own fault and it is fine to get some schadenfreude from it, really. but he also really suffered and i feel like they kept him on that bipap for way longer than necessary... and then he basically suffocated to death with a nurse in the room. he barely saw anyone his last week of life because it required special ppe to even go in his room and there was no special ward or anything. i am sure he knew he was dying. his lungs were violently pushed open every few seconds for two days even though they knew it would do him no good.

i really really don't know why they let that go on so long.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I know you mentioned not being close with him, but covid is just a terrible way to go out, especially when getting to the point of such severe progression is preventable for the majority of people.

 
coldestrose is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 08-24-2021, 12:15 AM   #199
reprise85
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
 
reprise85's Avatar
 
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shallowed View Post
did he get put on any pain relief medication?
For sure, but I hope a hell lot more than he was on when I saw him. Anxiety meds, too.


Quote:
Originally Posted by coldestrose View Post
I'm so sorry for your loss. I know you mentioned not being close with him, but covid is just a terrible way to go out, especially when getting to the point of such severe progression is preventable for the majority of people.
Totally

 
reprise85 is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 08-24-2021, 03:09 AM   #200
teh b0lly!!1
Braindead
 
teh b0lly!!1's Avatar
 
Location: PROWLING THE BADLANDS
Posts: 17,399
Default

Risking redundancy, sorry for your loss, Erica.

 
teh b0lly!!1 is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 08-24-2021, 07:00 PM   #201
duovamp
Brazilian Blouselord
 
duovamp's Avatar
 
Location: heavy metal pool party
Posts: 35,781
Default

I'm so sorry it all happened like this. This was so hard to read... I can't imagine living it. I hope you're doing okay, reprise.

 
duovamp is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 08-24-2021, 07:12 PM   #202
Disco King
Minion of Satan
 
Disco King's Avatar
 
Location: Banned
Posts: 8,849
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by reprise85 View Post
He passed away
I'm sorry to hear that.

How are you feeling?

 
Disco King is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 08-25-2021, 12:03 AM   #203
reprise85
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
 
reprise85's Avatar
 
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
Default

I'm doing pretty OK. Not wildly upset or anything.

The funeral is tomorrow morning. I just did a self-test for COVID and am negative, but it is sooner than they recommend from the time of exposure... but I wanted to be able to tell my mom if I could go and take her tomorrow. Obviously, no symptoms or anything or I wouldn't go. The funeral is all outside and masks are required.

I am sure I'll be emotional tomorrow and the more I think about how I saw him before he died the more upset I am that he was kept that way.

But I'm mostly doing fine, thanks.

 
reprise85 is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 08-25-2021, 09:54 AM   #204
vixnix
Socialphobic
 
vixnix's Avatar
 
Location: we are champions, bathed in the heat of a thousand flame wars in the grim future of the internet there is only netphoria
Posts: 12,467
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by reprise85 View Post
thanks. it is his own fault and it is fine to get some schadenfreude from it, really. but he also really suffered and i feel like they kept him on that bipap for way longer than necessary... and then he basically suffocated to death with a nurse in the room. he barely saw anyone his last week of life because it required special ppe to even go in his room and there was no special ward or anything. i am sure he knew he was dying. his lungs were violently pushed open every few seconds for two days even though they knew it would do him no good.

i really really don't know why they let that go on so long.
No matter what stubbornness and stupidity got him into that situation, he deserved more comfort in his final days…everyone does. I’m sorry…

I’m sure seeing you in his last days was a ray of light to him. You are a good daughter for going…hope the funeral and family gathering allowed you all to remember better times…

 
vixnix is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 08-25-2021, 11:23 PM   #205
reprise85
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
 
reprise85's Avatar
 
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
Default

Thanks guys... really was a very simple ceremony, no one said anything except the rabbi. I was pretty unmoved tbh. It's been nice seeing my sister and everything and I'm sad that he's gone, but I'm really doing pretty much fine. There were only about 15 people there; I didn't know anyone besides the people I went with and my dad's widow except for one person (my dad's former boss).

 
reprise85 is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 08-26-2021, 01:40 PM   #206
ilikeplanets
Braindead
 
ilikeplanets's Avatar
 
Location: Ignore List
Posts: 17,229
Default

How are you feeling in terms of health? When do you know for sure that you didn't catch it? I'm sure you didn't considering all the precautions plus your vaccine. But I've been holding my breath for ya until you tell us you're all clear.

 
ilikeplanets is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 08-26-2021, 09:17 PM   #207
MyOneAndOnly
Shut the fuck up!
 
MyOneAndOnly's Avatar
 
Location: "Okay, white power feminist" - yo soy el mejor
Posts: 23,879
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by reprise85 View Post
thanks. it is his own fault and it is fine to get some schadenfreude from it, really. but he also really suffered and i feel like they kept him on that bipap for way longer than necessary... and then he basically suffocated to death with a nurse in the room. he barely saw anyone his last week of life because it required special ppe to even go in his room and there was no special ward or anything. i am sure he knew he was dying. his lungs were violently pushed open every few seconds for two days even though they knew it would do him no good.

i really really don't know why they let that go on so long.
when my bio dad died of cancer he had been in remission for a few years, but ignored all the signs that his remission had ended. He checked into the ER and never left the hospital. He spent his last 3 weeks in the ICU on a machine.

He did the same thing with his first cancer. He did the same thing with both of his heart attacks and surgeries. He did the same thing when a small cut on his foot became infected... and a year later they amputated his leg...

I don't know where that self destructive part of masculinity comes from. But it's awful.

 
MyOneAndOnly is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 08-26-2021, 11:07 PM   #208
Disco King
Minion of Satan
 
Disco King's Avatar
 
Location: Banned
Posts: 8,849
Default

It's less about us wanting to destroy ourselves and more about us being lazy as fuck.

Making doctors' appointments means picking up the phone, thinking about my schedule, leaving my house and going to a place.

Sometimes, I literally hold in my piss because I'm too lazy to get up and go to the bathroom. I'd rather die than be arsed to follow up on health concerns, trivial or serious.

I mean, I want to destroy myself, too, but it's the laziness doing most of the work here.

 
Disco King is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 08-26-2021, 11:20 PM   #209
Disco King
Minion of Satan
 
Disco King's Avatar
 
Location: Banned
Posts: 8,849
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by reprise85 View Post
I'm doing pretty OK. Not wildly upset or anything.

The funeral is tomorrow morning. I just did a self-test for COVID and am negative, but it is sooner than they recommend from the time of exposure... but I wanted to be able to tell my mom if I could go and take her tomorrow. Obviously, no symptoms or anything or I wouldn't go. The funeral is all outside and masks are required.

I am sure I'll be emotional tomorrow and the more I think about how I saw him before he died the more upset I am that he was kept that way.

But I'm mostly doing fine, thanks.
I've always imagined that people not close to their parents would vacilate between not feeling as sad as they think they should feel when their parent dies, and feeling more emotional than they think they should feel after remembering one of the positive memories they do have of their parent. Having it all kinda hit them at once.

Has anything like that occurred for you? Or is it mostly just, "I feel sympathy because nobody should go out that way and it's sad when anyone dies, but I'm also pretty calm about it"?

Partly asking because I'm wondering what to expect when my old man passes one day, I guess.

 
Disco King is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 08-27-2021, 12:03 AM   #210
reprise85
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
 
reprise85's Avatar
 
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Disco King View Post
I've always imagined that people not close to their parents would vacilate between not feeling as sad as they think they should feel when their parent dies, and feeling more emotional than they think they should feel after remembering one of the positive memories they do have of their parent. Having it all kinda hit them at once.

Has anything like that occurred for you? Or is it mostly just, "I feel sympathy because nobody should go out that way and it's sad when anyone dies, but I'm also pretty calm about it"?

Partly asking because I'm wondering what to expect when my old man passes one day, I guess.
It's not that I don't have any positive memories of my dad. He did try to be a good father in a lot of ways, like he would take me to SP shows and go to softball games and whatever. He was way more involved in that stuff than my mom. But we never ever had any emotional connection (and I don't know if he really did with anyone, certainly he didn't with my mom). I don't have any moments of sentimentality that I can even think of, let alone be overly emotional about.

I am sad that I know we'll never talk about some things, but it's more the finality. I didn't think it would ever happen, and now I know it won't.

My dad lived an hour away and I hadn't seen him in three years. We talk on my birthday, his birthday, and father's day. So IDK if you are that distant from your father or not. I did cry a bit when he was dying and the day he died and I do feel sad about it but honestly I don't feel that bad. I feel a little guilty about not feeling that bad and for not being more traumatized by the state I saw him in (which was terrible). But I think maybe I will feel worse about that later. I was really focused on letting my sister say goodbye to him.

 
reprise85 is offline
Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Google


Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Age Of Innocence Big Truck05 Smashing Pumpkins/Billy Corgan Discussion 59 07-10-2021 08:43 AM
I just received my first dose of the Pfizer-BioNTech Covid-19 vaccine Ask me anything butthurt General Chat Message Board 35 12-28-2020 01:27 AM
Quiet or Mouthz of Babez vaccine Pumpkins Archive 11 10-31-2008 03:04 PM
Monthly dean_r_koontz appreciation / positive comments thread Warsaw General Chat Archive 10 12-06-2007 07:32 AM
Netphorian Secret Santa- What I Got! thread Andy / General Chat Archive 140 02-07-2007 05:52 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:21 PM.




Smashing Pumpkins, Alternative Music
& General Discussion Message Board and Forums
www.netphoria.org - Copyright © 1998-2022