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Old 04-04-2014, 01:32 PM   #31
kelsome
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Yeah I didnt know what I was doing and was referred to her by my regular doctor. I think she mainly works with kids and families. Maybe she didn't know what to do with me. at least it didn't last long.

 
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Old 04-04-2014, 08:30 PM   #32
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My original trauma therapist constantly implied that I was lazy and just didn't want to work. It may seem that way to outsiders who don't understand what it's like to not have the energy to change your clothes, but a therapist needs to know better than that. Sorry you had a shitty therapist.

Even when I got a job I had job-related problems for a long time because I was so isolated I hadn't had personal conversations with others and I didn't know how to respond to someone being mad at me or me being mad at someone else and how to not say no when I got called in to work but didn't want to do it, and all kinds of stuff like that. I was triggered by teenagers for PTSD reasons and suddenly I was working with them all the time. I lowered some meds too much and got depressed again but only ended up calling out once because of it, but I had a rough time for like a month. It's not that easy to just go from not working for years because of depression and PTSD to just working and communicating well and acting appropriately. And then you have to maintain it.

Two years ago I didn't even have legal control of my own money and I hadn't worked since 2007. From 2008-2010 I was hospitalized like 7-8 times.

Last edited by reprise85 : 04-04-2014 at 08:36 PM.

 
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Old 04-04-2014, 08:38 PM   #33
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kelsome View Post
Yeah I didnt know what I was doing and was referred to her by my regular doctor. I think she mainly works with kids and families. Maybe she didn't know what to do with me. at least it didn't last long.
There are some really shitty therapists who don't believe in working on how you feel and what makes you happy, who just care about you 'functioning' so they can say they raised your GAF score (global assessment of functioning) because of pressure from an insurance company to see improvement or just to stroke their own egos or because they are just in it for the money. and im sure there are other reasons.

 
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Old 04-04-2014, 08:38 PM   #34
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my therapist thinks i'm funny

 
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Old 04-04-2014, 08:43 PM   #35
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Old 04-04-2014, 08:44 PM   #36
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my therapist is similar to me but she's way more into stuff like permaculture and yoga, she's more of a hippie i guess you could say. but she's a really good person and we have pretty much the same values regarding everything. she's a good role model really, she's very active in the community and helps a lot of people with her work - a lot of really sick, traumatized and disabled people like i am/was. treating trauma patients is not the easiest thing to do and it's also a big legal minefield because of possible litigation hearings against other people or possibly themselves. and there's organizations like the false memory syndrome foundation made up of what I'm sure are people who were really falsely accused but a lot of people who were not and are using it to play victim etc etc etc who like to sue therapists or just write material about them to slander them.

point being, treating trauma is pretty risky emotionally and legally. there's also the thing about hearing terrible details about awful things that humans have done to each other all day every day.

Last edited by reprise85 : 04-04-2014 at 09:20 PM.

 
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Old 04-04-2014, 09:05 PM   #37
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My therapist is like a grandma that isn't clueless about modern things and says I'm a precious person. I know she says this to counter my inner dialogue of being a piece of crap and pathetic.

I've wondered about counseling as a career, but I think I couldn't deal with having to talk about really bad stuff all day. Probably would absorb too much of it. It's not easy to do if done well.

 
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Old 04-04-2014, 09:26 PM   #38
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I had a friend who told me her therapist told her something like: "My job is to hold your feelings out to you, in my hands, so that you can see them, examine them, and then, eventually, hold them yourself."

The idea being she just holds them up to the client and doesn't feel them herself.

I do want to do counseling I think, and I could handle talking about bad things. Honestly I've been thinking about corrections a lot lately. About helping people in there who made bad decisions and perhaps did terrible things but are moral people who hate themselves for what they've done and in some cases at least deserve to feel some redemption and forgiveness from themselves. This may just be a place where I am in my therapy right now. I'm not in jail and I never did anything to put myself there (besides sell drugs at one point), but I was in a situation where something terrible could have happened and I would have been at fault even though I wouldn't have actively done anything.

I asked my therapist, would she be saying the same things to me if this thing had happened and I had let it? And she said yes. What good does it do anything for you, a moral person who was in a terrible situation who may have had some culpability in something terrible (or potential culpability, since nothing happened), to suffer and hate yourself forever? And I feel like I don't deserve redemption... but I guess hopefully at some point I will. Yes I was a teenager, and yes I got played by a psychopath who was trying to convert me basically in a cult-like way to hurt other people, but you know - it's complicated - I do think I have some guilt that is not undeserved... and I feel like I should feel bad about it forever and hate myself and I do. But I also trust my therapist and somewhere in my mind I think she has a point.

I know that is terribly vague and it will have to stay that way, but man, if I was still depressed I'd never have gotten to this point where I am dealing with all of this. It's also almost 10 years that I got away from that situation. Ten years in August.

Last edited by reprise85 : 04-04-2014 at 09:32 PM.

 
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