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Old 02-17-2019, 10:35 AM   #241
ovary
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some of my best friends are white women

 
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Old 02-17-2019, 10:43 AM   #242
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i had a dream last night that my wife divorced me and married don jr in a posh downtown chicago street wedding, to which i showed up, got drunk, and shot my mother in the head.

 
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Old 02-17-2019, 11:04 AM   #243
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Inspiring

 
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Old 02-17-2019, 12:12 PM   #244
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my mom is my white woman boss

 
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Old 02-17-2019, 12:13 PM   #245
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last night i dreamed i got 68 percent on my midterm. also my hair was short.

i woke up shuddering with horror.

 
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Old 02-17-2019, 01:39 PM   #246
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ovary View Post
some of my best friends are white women
you seem like the type who would rank Mercury as the best planet

 
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Old 02-17-2019, 03:08 PM   #247
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It's really the best judge of character we have

 
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Old 02-17-2019, 03:17 PM   #248
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You really made me look at Neptune, because I was like Neptune wtf, it’s a nothing planet but actually, it’s pretty good.

 
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Old 02-17-2019, 03:28 PM   #249
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It's my ruler

 
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Old 02-18-2019, 12:49 PM   #250
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I got the shower doors that caved in on me fixed and I can use my shower again tomorrow. Yay.

 
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Old 02-18-2019, 02:02 PM   #251
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Lined up behind Bush in airport security.

Hopefully not a bad omen.

 
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Old 02-18-2019, 02:09 PM   #252
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quick, shark them!

 
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Old 02-18-2019, 02:11 PM   #253
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Turns out that Stone Temple Pilots are with them.

Coldest move ever came when the security guy mentions Weiland to them. No lie.

 
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Old 02-18-2019, 02:39 PM   #254
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Old 02-18-2019, 02:54 PM   #255
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Just prepped a turkey meatloaf, roasted potatoes, and cabbage in under 15 minutes, already cooking. Getting fast with that knife!

 
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Old 02-18-2019, 05:08 PM   #256
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last week took a plane from Lisbon and Mari Ferrari was sitting just behind me in the plane, alone.
then she waited for the same train I was.
didn't know who she was actually, just noticed she looked trendy and russian and possibly an artist.
then i found out this weekend she was DJing at the Carnaval de Québec, when I saw her picture on a news feed and finally the mystery was solved.

 
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Old 02-18-2019, 05:37 PM   #257
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last week you did what with a plane??

 
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Old 02-18-2019, 05:39 PM   #258
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Old 02-18-2019, 05:50 PM   #259
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who, me, the tookling?

 
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Old 02-18-2019, 05:52 PM   #260
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so, anyway, i have a major crush on my human resources director. she's like 50 but very well preserved.

i want to eat her asshole. i think she knows this and does not approve.

 
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Old 02-18-2019, 06:07 PM   #261
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you're going to be a creep towards and harass a woman you work with again and spin the story on netphoria for sympathy.

 
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Old 02-18-2019, 06:09 PM   #262
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Quote:
Originally Posted by buzzard View Post
Turns out that Stone Temple Pilots are with them.

Coldest move ever came when the security guy mentions Weiland to them. No lie.
that's f'ed up.

were you ballin' in the 1st class line or were they (bush and who's left of stp) in coach with the working class?

 
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Old 02-18-2019, 06:11 PM   #263
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ilikeplanets View Post
Just prepped a turkey meatloaf, roasted potatoes, and cabbage in under 15 minutes, already cooking. Getting fast with that knife!
what the heck u put in a turkey meatloaf besides turkey?

i only ask cause i can't stand meatloaf and none of the standard ingredients seem like they would complement turkey. i wish i liked meatloaf, though. :[

 
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Old 02-18-2019, 06:14 PM   #264
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FoolofaTook View Post
so, anyway, i have a major crush on my human resources director. she's like 50 but very well preserved.

i want to eat her asshole. i think she knows this and does not approve.
maybe don't say those exact words to her in your first talk.

 
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Old 02-18-2019, 06:21 PM   #265
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i was told the security mentioned Weiland Fan to them

so which was it really? Scotty boy (rest his soul) or Big Dawg Buttcannon?

 
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Old 02-18-2019, 06:30 PM   #266
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who told you those lies?

 
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Old 02-18-2019, 06:40 PM   #267
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hmmm... Fucked by a Father i believe his name was

 
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Old 02-18-2019, 06:40 PM   #268
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no no no... Fell for a Teacher

shit!

Hard-on of a Halfling? i'm drawing a blank

 
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Old 02-18-2019, 06:42 PM   #269
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yo soy el mejor View Post
were you ballin' in the 1st class line or were they (bush and who's left of stp) in coach with the working class?
I hope for their sake they had better seats on the plane, but they were slumming it in the foreigners line with the rest of us.

When Rossdale was done being processed, the Customs guy explained to his colleague, "Es el esposo de No Doubt."

 
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Old 02-18-2019, 06:47 PM   #270
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mals Marola View Post
no no no... Fell for a Teacher

shit!

Hard-on of a Halfling? i'm drawing a blank

 
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