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Old 07-11-2017, 12:25 AM   #2401
TuralyonW3
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Originally Posted by redbreegull View Post
The program I wanted to do was 1 year. I'm not sure what kind of money I could make as a student teacher in that year, but I would have to take out a 25k loan cause I killed my entire savings the year I went abroad and went crazy. It's not undoable but it's hard for me to commit to that after having an overall pretty negative experience actually working for the school system. I saw a lot of insane shit and I saw a whole bunch of 1st year teachers fail and leave teaching after spending all that money on a degree. So it does worry me.
In Texas alternative certification is like a few hundred dollars, and you can immediately start working as a fully paid 1st year teacher (under internship) like 4-5 months.

 
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Old 07-11-2017, 12:25 AM   #2402
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holy fuck dude the last 3 weeks she has been giving me 21 hours a week. my paycheck was 350 bucks, not even enough to cover rent or the work on my car (not enough for either I mean, both are more than that).

my anxiety has been in absolute overdrive so I sit and try to work on job shit for hours and hours and get nothing done. I'm going to see a psychiatrist next Monday but I feel like I'm just losing it.
Damn, that sucks man. As lame as the lack of hours are, you should use it for some quality "you-time" and take the free time and enjoy the summer. Give your self a bit of a mental break dude. Panic is never beneficial in any facets of life.

 
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Old 07-11-2017, 12:34 AM   #2403
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Originally Posted by TuralyonW3 View Post
In Texas alternative certification is like a few hundred dollars, and you can immediately start working as a fully paid 1st year teacher (under internship) like 4-5 months.
ah, see Maryland doesn't truck with that kind of thing. You need a real degree to work in a public school.

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you don't have to apologize, jobs are stressful. but you need to think really hard and honestly with yourself about what you want your career to be. doesn't sound like you know even what field you want to work in. You say you applied for some non-profits, that's cool, but is it something that could be long term? Also, I'd avoid marketing. Do a real job that interacts with people. Also avoid fundraising.
honestly this is the biggest problem other than my severe anxiety. I have no idea what field I would be happy in, and this is something I have been struggling with for years and years. Nothing really makes me happy except codependent relationships No job has ever made me feel fulfilled or good about myself, really. One of the jobs I am applying for now is to be a digital associate for a non-profit which works to sue the Trump admin via freedom of information laws, and that could be cool because I would be operating their social media and creating content for their website, and it's entry-level AND pays well.... but there is no way I am going to get it because of the competition for that kind of position.

 
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Old 07-11-2017, 12:36 AM   #2404
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another job I am working on rn is a research associate for a public policy and law institute that focuses on social justice issues. probably boring but also entry level and also pays well. my self-esteem has just been destroyed over the last few years and I have come to believe I am not capable of anything

 
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Old 07-11-2017, 01:06 AM   #2405
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ah, see Maryland doesn't truck with that kind of thing. You need a real degree to work in a public school.
You still have to have a bachelor's degree to enroll in the program, and you can't get certified to be, say, an english or math teacher, unless you took enough english or math classes as an undergrad (unless you pass a special pre-admission test, and it's not easy). basically the alternative certification just supplements the degrees of people who didn't specifically major in education in college. More people in TX actually become teachers this way now than straight out of undergrad, and in same cases schools prefer these kind of candidates, because they have actually worked previous jobs and lived life, instead of being a fresh-faced teacher out of college, ready to get eaten alive by students. For me, after working in a stressful corporate environment, a class full of 30 loud kids wasn't a big deal.

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Originally Posted by redbreegull View Post
honestly this is the biggest problem other than my severe anxiety. I have no idea what field I would be happy in, and this is something I have been struggling with for years and years. Nothing really makes me happy except codependent relationships No job has ever made me feel fulfilled or good about myself, really. One of the jobs I am applying for now is to be a digital associate for a non-profit which works to sue the Trump admin via freedom of information laws, and that could be cool because I would be operating their social media and creating content for their website, and it's entry-level AND pays well.... but there is no way I am going to get it because of the competition for that kind of position.
good luck

Last edited by TuralyonW3 : 07-11-2017 at 01:31 AM.

 
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Old 07-11-2017, 03:25 AM   #2406
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Don't trip chocolate chip

 
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Old 07-11-2017, 03:30 AM   #2407
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my self-esteem has just been destroyed over the last few years and I have come to believe I am not capable of anything
May it comfort you that nearly everybody is useless, no matter where you go or what you do there. You could be the new guy on an international space station and realize within a few days that the nuclear batrachologist in Quadrant 29L is dumb as shit.

 
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Old 07-11-2017, 03:43 PM   #2408
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that's not comforting at all!

 
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Old 07-11-2017, 07:11 PM   #2409
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Jobs are the worst. I've been hopping from job to job while attempting to make my way onto a career path. Hopefully I get there soon cause I don't know how much longer I'll make it

 
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Old 07-11-2017, 07:12 PM   #2410
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Have you considered organized crime?

 
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Old 07-11-2017, 07:25 PM   #2411
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Im getting real good at Super Smash Brothers I feel like i could win locals as an addition to my just above minimum wage job wouldn't that be rad

Placed top 24 in my first attempt

 
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Old 07-11-2017, 07:31 PM   #2412
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I guess the problem is only a tiny fraction of the population gets real freedom everyone else has to idolize these few and report to their careers

 
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Old 07-12-2017, 02:17 AM   #2413
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Have you considered organized crime?
organised? that's not very punk, dude.

 
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Old 07-12-2017, 04:12 AM   #2414
teh b0lly!!1
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we're all slaves selling our souls for paper with numbers on it

 
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Old 07-12-2017, 04:21 AM   #2415
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concert tickets? correct.

 
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Old 07-12-2017, 09:42 AM   #2416
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My sister's bf got this tiny nintendo that comes with a whole bunch of games.

I think I want one of those now

 
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Old 07-12-2017, 11:49 AM   #2417
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we're all slaves selling our souls for paper with numbers on it
I GO PAPERLESS W/ DIRECT DEPOSIT

 
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Old 07-13-2017, 01:19 PM   #2418
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good afternoon netphoria

I'm home from therapy, eating a PB&J, and drinking a celery soda


https://taldepot.com/media/catalog/p...ds-1224-cy.jpg

 
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Old 07-13-2017, 01:31 PM   #2419
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good afternoon netphoria

I'm home from therapy, eating a PB&J, and drinking a celery soda
to the extent that you wish to share, what advice does your therapist give about your current situation?

 
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Old 07-13-2017, 01:51 PM   #2420
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to the extent that you wish to share, what advice does your therapist give about your current situation?
He says in his judgement the corporate world could be pretty tough for me, knowing my personality. He agrees I need a new job ASAP and is encouraging me to spend as much time as possible searching out positions that might actually be interesting to me. In his view, my feeling of being impossibly stuck and having no opportunities is the result of my anxiety making it very very difficult for me to be persistent and positive about jobs, life, etc., and not a realistic picture of my actual ability to do better for myself. And I think he is right, it's just really hard to overcome. Today he gave me a big metaphorical pat on the back for working to undermine a lot of my usual habits, like going to sleep really late and then sleeping late, drinking and smoking too much, etc etc. he said changing little habits like this helps a lot of people break out of bigger negative patterns.

He is also supportive of me trying medication to see if it can balance my mood and help me escape crippling anxiety. Based on what I have told him he thinks there is an outside chance I could be diagnosed with bipolar 2, but most likely just anxiety and major depression since my manic episodes aren't extreme enough to regularly cause serious problems.

In terms of my obsession with my former friend with benefits/sex and relationships/codependency in general I think he has less idea of what to tell me. I asked him directly about codependency problems a few sessions ago and he said that basically codependency is a very poorly defined and varying set of ideas and it is not recognized by the DSM, so it's hard to say exactly what the problem is. We've talked a lot about how lots of people have individual sets of mental issues that don't fit neatly into the frameworks psychology employs

 
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Old 07-13-2017, 01:54 PM   #2421
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oh he also suggested I try the Shorter Typology

 
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Old 07-13-2017, 02:33 PM   #2422
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I was an extreme night owl forever, but having a kid forced me to go to bed on time. It actually is amazing how much more time you have in the morning (in the daylight!). Just get in bed with a good book, or some articles/books/comics on an ipad, pop some melotonin if needed, and you'll be out. don't drink any caffeine after 5pm.

also don't smoke cigarettes if you do. detox that shit.

 
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Old 07-13-2017, 02:53 PM   #2423
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no cigs for me thank god but since March when my friend moved back to the states and I have been obsessing over her, I have been drinking almost every night, usually 2-3 beers and it has definitely just made my ability to function worse. I feel better after just three days of not drinking. I bottomed out last weekend when I went to Baltimore I think. Woke up at my friend's house with vomit in my beard

 
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Old 07-13-2017, 02:54 PM   #2424
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I also have been going to the gym 2-3 times a week which seems to help a bit. Really just trying to change whatever I can right now.

and yes to melatonin, it has been helping me get sleepy without weed or alcohol. My usual bedtime is like 3-4 but the last few nights I have been trying really hard to lie down by 1 or 2, pop a melatonin, read some Anna Karenina and listen to ASMR videos as I fall asleep

 
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Old 07-13-2017, 03:43 PM   #2425
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oh yeah audiobooks will do the trick too

 
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Old 07-13-2017, 03:54 PM   #2426
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oh yeah audiobooks will do the trick too
hot take: I hate audiobooks. I really do not like being read to, tbh. To fully immerse myself in a book I need to read it myself, at my own pace, and let my imagination fill in everything it possibly can. I like to stop and think about sentences, reread stuff, skip back to connect things mentally... having a book read to you is a two-dimensional experience in comparison, and sometimes really annoying to me like when people play audiobooks in the car

 
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Old 07-13-2017, 10:20 PM   #2427
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yeah i also stop, re-read, go a few pages back, inspect a sentence, etc etc

my first job fresh outta sound engineering school was recording audiobooks with TEH CELEBZ in Israel, aimed to be this interest-peaking project. it was the most bullshit fucking job and i hated it, and the boss was basically an aggro lunatic who was later really shitty to me, but i did get to work with one or two people i really appreciate so that was awesome (one of them being a dubbing artist who voiced all my favorite Disney movies and cartoons as a kid - major 'whoa' moment, haha).

AAAANYWAY so as somebody who had to listen to books being read way more that i would have liked to, my theory is that it's so fucking grating just because it's so incredibly 'incorrectly' different than the way your inner voice sounds when you read a book. there's such a jarring difference between the pacing and the tone and the nuances that make up 'correct' reading to you, that it makes listening to somebody else doing it for you an incredibly fruitful exercise in frustration.

 
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Old 07-13-2017, 10:30 PM   #2428
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What disney movies? What voices did he do?

I am intrigued.

 
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Old 07-13-2017, 10:31 PM   #2429
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Oh and yeah fuck audiobooks. I can read thank you very much. Maybe if I was blind. BUT I'M NOT OK

 
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Old 07-13-2017, 10:35 PM   #2430
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why don't you guys think of the blind more?

 
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