Billy's new Instagram channel

[myosis]

"ugly pig"

[WeilandFan]

I like those new posts from Billy about his mental health and weight, very emotionally honest and not the usual 'hide what I really mean' speak he uses in a lot of posts.

It's important to remember for all fans, especially the ones who can get personal about Billy and D'arcy (this goes out to other forums too) that they are human beings.

[BurtSampson]

Originally Posted by WeilandFan

I like those new posts from Billy about his mental health and weight, very emotionally honest and not the usual 'hide what I really mean' speak he uses in a lot of posts.

It's important to remember for all fans, especially the ones who can get personal about Billy and D'arcy (this goes out to other forums too) that they are human beings.

Ok

[artvase]

Originally Posted by WeilandFan

It's important to remember for all fans, especially the ones who can get personal about Billy and D'arcy (this goes out to other forums too) that they are human beings.

"Kurt Cobain's daughter reacts to his suicide note for the first time"

[WeilandFan]

Originally Posted by artvase

"Kurt Cobain's daughter reacts to his suicide note for the first time"

But she did!!!

[amoergosum]

As a follow-up on yesterday's post about self-acceptance (especially as it pertains to looks and appearances), I'd like to add a few thoughts. But I'm only doing so due to the number of people who reached privately to say that my honesty was taken as some comfort and inspiration to them. For as much as I have said through the years, there's much more I don't say; the reasons being obvious. In therapy at some point in my life (early 2000's, most likely), the doctor suggested a mental exercise where I had to picture myself as a child and in doing so, actually verbalize what I would say to 'him' now As act of outward compassion, I found this extremely difficult and embarrassing. For feeling empathy for such an innocent child was the easy part. What was hard was understanding, and acutely so, why I was not willing to offer the same grace to myself in the present. As if the adult had somehow sinned where the child had not, and was worthy of scorn. This of course is the critical voice of a destructive parent, taken on by that child, and extended into infinity. Which to my ear also sounds remarkably like those naysayers that say nothing I have ever done in public life or music has any value. Or my favorite, how yeah sure, I made one good album, but that was because I got lucky/stole all my ideas/or didn't really do-write-create the things I did and the band breaking up (7 years later, BTW), was evidence of my fraud. Again, like my previous post, I share these thing to illuminate the point. For I am no victim, and feel completely blessed and grateful to still be playing on these grand stages after 30 years with my brothers Jimmy and James and Jeff (and of course Jack and Katie too). So back to what I'm after: that inner critic, which manifested in the natural chaos of the world as monsters which hounded me, almost drove me to suicide many a time. Because I could find nothing to stop it's drumbeat. And no success, gold record, accolade, sold out show, triumph, magazine cover, or even the finishing of an album I'd worked a year on felt complete. To that I celebrated nothing, and dreaded all, because deep down I knew it would never be enough. (End of part 1)

Ein Beitrag geteilt von WilliamPatrickCorgan (@williampcorgan) am Jul 21, 2018 um 8:24 PDT

(Part 2) To be clear, I hate using my career (there's that word again LOL) as the illustrative thing, but it's what I know, and between the ages of 18 and 45 pretty much all I focused on to judge whether I was moving in the right or wrong direction to find the proverbial pot of shamrocks at the end of the rainbow. But the real damage done was too my body with so many years of neglect and self loathing, with my weight ballooning up to somewhere near 270-280 pounds. Food being something I'd use to comfort myself. So that too became a thing, like when my Father called to tell me (I guess with concern?) that I was now being referred to as 'Belly Corgan' on FB. So where does this all go, all these random threads of disharmony and in the true sense of the word, disease (or dis-ease). Pain, inner crippling pain, takes many outer forms: bad relationships, the loss of family ties, divorce, cutting (I did that too as a teen), drug abuse (check), and so on. I'm sure to those still reading I don't need to list every possible weapon used against ourselves. They are multitudinous and easily available. And there is no quick fix! It's easy to say trust yourself, or God, but if you don't love yourself these notions are somewhat quaint. But here's the thing: Love is there, God is there always, and WE need you. Love and God and Truth being indestructible in my mind. So ask yourself this question, and it will absolutely defeat that critic if you have the courage to give an honest answer: Which is, what is loveable in you? Now I didn't say what is worthy, cause that's a trick question, but Loveable (even the word sounds funny to me) For if you accept the premise that there is only one of you, and can only ever be one, your value is in your distinction, your individuality, and yes, your voice. Which is why those that know you and care for you see you with such awe and wonder. And tenderness...The root, the very tendril that goes into the ground to draw up sustenance, is what connects you to this mad place. From dust you came and dust you'll return. But until then you have this magnificent opportunity to love and be loved, and to laugh. As you are: nothing more, and nothing less.

Ein Beitrag geteilt von WilliamPatrickCorgan (@williampcorgan) am Jul 21, 2018 um 8:45 PDT

[FoolofaTook]

omg

[FoolofaTook]

TENDRILS DON'T GO INTO THE GROUND

FUCKING IDIOT

[brothahi4L]

Thanks billy. Nice words

[Funbags]

I’m in therapy for the same issues as Billy and I recognize everything he’s saying down to the empathy for the inner child exercise. I’m convinced that Smashing Pumpkins are a honeypot for victims of narcissistic abuse, because there’s a very specific attitude towards self, love, and the world that springs from it that’s reflected in the Pumpkins’ music.

[reprise85]

I was abused early in life, but I wouldn't call it narcissistic abuse. All the variations of abuse plus a lot of emotional neglect and threats of abandonment. Later on though, yeah, as a teenager, I got a nice 5 year nonstop dose of that shit. But I started listening to SP at 10 or 11... I mean just liking this band at that age is probably should have been a big-ass warning sign. No 10 year old should be able to relate to MCIS as much as I did.

Anyway I agree with you, people drawn to SP tend to have childhood issues, and so you get the nice melting pot of mental illness at netphoria. I also have done inner child exercises as Billy explains. I haven't been able to have much empathy for that child yet, let alone myself as I am now. But there's hope I suppose. It's shitty, and if I imagine some other kid I can have empathy, but when I think of myself I feel like nothing bad enough happened for me to be that traumatized that early. But I was, so obviously it was bad enough.

[T&T]

my therapist this week gave me readings on narcissism... like it's a problem that I'm always talking about myself or something. dude, at my therapy sessions, of course I'm going to talk about me, it's MY therapy sessions. LOL. The optics screams narcissism. he's not totally wrong though, but i'm not an unhealthy narcissist. Who else is gonna love me if I won't.

[Funbags]

Originally Posted by reprise85

I was abused early in life, but I wouldn't call it narcissistic abuse. All the variations of abuse plus a lot of emotional neglect and threats of abandonment. Later on though, yeah, as a teenager, I got a nice 5 year nonstop dose of that shit. But I started listening to SP at 10 or 11... I mean just liking this band at that age is probably should have been a big-ass warning sign. No 10 year old should be able to relate to MCIS as much as I did.

Anyway I agree with you, people drawn to SP tend to have childhood issues, and so you get the nice melting pot of mental illness at netphoria. I also have done inner child exercises as Billy explains. I haven't been able to have much empathy for that child yet, let alone myself as I am now. But there's hope I suppose. It's shitty, and if I imagine some other kid I can have empathy, but when I think of myself I feel like nothing bad enough happened for me to be that traumatized that early. But I was, so obviously it was bad enough.

It’s common for victims of this kind of abuse to feel like it “wasn’t that bad” because it’s a more subtle form of unconscious behaviors rather than getting beaten or yelled at every day. At the heart of it, its a form of abuse where parents use their child to mediate their own emotional states rather than raise a healthy autonomous individual who values themselves.

It manifests in that whole “child who just wants to be free” thing in so many of Billy’s lyrics.

[houseofglass11]

Oh ok so now he’s playing the victim on instagram? Doesn’t excuse how shitty he’s treated people over the years. People called you Belly because you wore a shirt three sizes too small on the Oceania tour btw.

[T&T]

Spin 1994

“I hate how in magazine pictures, they always stick me somewhere in the back.”

Thayil explodes: “What do you mean? You write all the songs, and you do all the interviews. You play the instruments on the album. You control the band to the extent that most people think of Smashing Pumpkins as the Billy Corgan Experience, and all you care about is some photography?”

“But I hate it,” Corgan says, “it means they don’t think I’m the cute one.”

“Ooh,” Thayil says a little too loudly as Corgan walks away, “I’ll bet he’s going to call his therapist in Chicago, wake her up at four in the morning, and tell her about that big, mean bear who made fun of him.”

The next day at the Big Day Out festival, Thayil is talking to Kim and Kelley Deal in the Breeders’ dressing room when Corgan walks past wearing a long-sleeved Superman T-shirt like the one your four-year-old nephew probably owns.

“You hurt me deeply,” Corgan says, touching the giant S on his chest and pouting. “You hurt me deeply in my heart.”

[Funbags]

Originally Posted by T&T

my therapist this week gave me readings on narcissism... like it's a problem that I'm always talking about myself or something. dude, at my therapy sessions, of course I'm going to talk about me, it's MY therapy sessions. LOL. The optics screams narcissism. he's not totally wrong though, but i'm not an unhealthy narcissist. Who else is gonna love me if I won't.

Having narcissistic traits doesn't make you a full-blown disordered narcissist.

I think feeling self-centered for sharing your deepest problems with a therapist is more an indication that maybe you've never really been listened to or had your problems treated as meaningful.

I dunno. I'm not an expert.

[FoolofaTook]

lol billy is screwed in the head

[ninsp]

Originally Posted by FoolofaTook

lol billy is screwed in the head

so funny

[FoolofaTook]

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by Funbags

Having narcissistic traits doesn't make you a full-blown disordered narcissist.

I think feeling self-centered for sharing your deepest problems with a therapist is more an indication that maybe you've never really been listened to or had your problems treated as meaningful.

I dunno. I'm not an expert.

yeah i've had the feeling like i was being too self-centered or just complaining and she was like... "it's not like you're talking about that guy who cut you off on the way here for 30 minutes. i'm your therapist."

[Corgan's Bluff]

Originally Posted by amoergosum

As a follow-up on yesterday's post about self-acceptance (especially as it pertains to looks and appearances), I'd like to add a few thoughts. But I'm only doing so due to the number of people who reached privately to say that my honesty was taken as some comfort and inspiration to them. For as much as I have said through the years, there's much more I don't say; the reasons being obvious. In therapy at some point in my life (early 2000's, most likely), the doctor suggested a mental exercise where I had to picture myself as a child and in doing so, actually verbalize what I would say to 'him' now As act of outward compassion, I found this extremely difficult and embarrassing. For feeling empathy for such an innocent child was the easy part. What was hard was understanding, and acutely so, why I was not willing to offer the same grace to myself in the present. As if the adult had somehow sinned where the child had not, and was worthy of scorn. This of course is the critical voice of a destructive parent, taken on by that child, and extended into infinity. Which to my ear also sounds remarkably like those naysayers that say nothing I have ever done in public life or music has any value. Or my favorite, how yeah sure, I made one good album, but that was because I got lucky/stole all my ideas/or didn't really do-write-create the things I did and the band breaking up (7 years later, BTW), was evidence of my fraud. Again, like my previous post, I share these thing to illuminate the point. For I am no victim, and feel completely blessed and grateful to still be playing on these grand stages after 30 years with my brothers Jimmy and James and Jeff (and of course Jack and Katie too). So back to what I'm after: that inner critic, which manifested in the natural chaos of the world as monsters which hounded me, almost drove me to suicide many a time. Because I could find nothing to stop it's drumbeat. And no success, gold record, accolade, sold out show, triumph, magazine cover, or even the finishing of an album I'd worked a year on felt complete. To that I celebrated nothing, and dreaded all, because deep down I knew it would never be enough. (End of part 1)

Ein Beitrag geteilt von WilliamPatrickCorgan (@williampcorgan) am Jul 21, 2018 um 8:24 PDT

(Part 2) To be clear, I hate using my career (there's that word again LOL) as the illustrative thing, but it's what I know, and between the ages of 18 and 45 pretty much all I focused on to judge whether I was moving in the right or wrong direction to find the proverbial pot of shamrocks at the end of the rainbow. But the real damage done was too my body with so many years of neglect and self loathing, with my weight ballooning up to somewhere near 270-280 pounds. Food being something I'd use to comfort myself. So that too became a thing, like when my Father called to tell me (I guess with concern?) that I was now being referred to as 'Belly Corgan' on FB. So where does this all go, all these random threads of disharmony and in the true sense of the word, disease (or dis-ease). Pain, inner crippling pain, takes many outer forms: bad relationships, the loss of family ties, divorce, cutting (I did that too as a teen), drug abuse (check), and so on. I'm sure to those still reading I don't need to list every possible weapon used against ourselves. They are multitudinous and easily available. And there is no quick fix! It's easy to say trust yourself, or God, but if you don't love yourself these notions are somewhat quaint. But here's the thing: Love is there, God is there always, and WE need you. Love and God and Truth being indestructible in my mind. So ask yourself this question, and it will absolutely defeat that critic if you have the courage to give an honest answer: Which is, what is loveable in you? Now I didn't say what is worthy, cause that's a trick question, but Loveable (even the word sounds funny to me) For if you accept the premise that there is only one of you, and can only ever be one, your value is in your distinction, your individuality, and yes, your voice. Which is why those that know you and care for you see you with such awe and wonder. And tenderness...The root, the very tendril that goes into the ground to draw up sustenance, is what connects you to this mad place. From dust you came and dust you'll return. But until then you have this magnificent opportunity to love and be loved, and to laugh. As you are: nothing more, and nothing less.

Ein Beitrag geteilt von WilliamPatrickCorgan (@williampcorgan) am Jul 21, 2018 um 8:45 PDT

A nondisclosure agreement for Billy next time too, LiveNation!

Honestly I feel pissed off, how he is yearning for sympathy, but is behaving himself still like a douchebag...

[Oklahoma Sexual]

it's a cycle...if you want to believe he's changed, you can, but he hasn't. because he is so damaged inside that he is never himself - there is not a self to love. so thanks for the false epiphany, but the cycle will go on and we'll hear about some behavior that does not align with this enlightenment soon enough

[Oklahoma Sexual]

he's just high on narcissistic supply right now (tour, fans and friends).

[Grox]

Originally Posted by Funbags

I’m in therapy for the same issues as Billy and I recognize everything he’s saying down to the empathy for the inner child exercise. I’m convinced that Smashing Pumpkins are a honeypot for victims of narcissistic abuse, because there’s a very specific attitude towards self, love, and the world that springs from it that’s reflected in the Pumpkins’ music.

Can you expand on narcissistic abuse and what it is / what it consists of? Genuinely curious & serious question.

[NovaFritz]

sort of sad to see that the Belly Corgan thing bothers his innermost being; maybe its back to lettuce in bed?

[Cool As Ice Cream]

So that too became a thing, like when my Father called to tell me (I guess with concern?) that I was now being referred to as 'Belly Corgan' on FB.

[Funbags]

Originally Posted by Grox

Can you expand on narcissistic abuse and what it is / what it consists of? Genuinely curious & serious question.

It's basically when parents raise their children to meet their own emotional needs and use emotional abuse to maintain the dynamic. Here's a bit of a list.

Because children from these types of homes lack the sense of connection to their authentic selves that healthy parenting provides, they become adults who seek out idealized romantic partners who reflect it. Someone who mirrors the inner child that had never been mirrored by a healthy adult parent. Siamese twins at the wrist.

People who have these issues may have some narcissistic coping mechanisms, but true narcissists don't have a sense of wanting to express their inner authentic self. Because they have none.

[Funbags]

Originally Posted by Cool As Ice Cream

So that too became a thing, like when my Father called to tell me (I guess with concern?) that I was now being referred to as 'Belly Corgan' on FB.

Billy's dad pisses me off so much. How passive aggressive is it to be a successful rock star and have your dad (who you somehow think is a better rock star) tell you your fans are calling you fat. How about you just keep your fucking trap shut?

I can't believe Billy was recently dealing with his dad not showing an interest in his grandson. You share a stage with Bowie and your dad is still a prick.

[amoergosum]

Originally Posted by Funbags

Billy's dad pisses me off so much. How passive aggressive is it to be a successful rock star and have your dad (who you somehow think is a better rock star) tell you your fans are calling you fat. How about you just keep your fucking trap shut?

A message from Bill Sr. #smashingpumpkins @smashingpumpkins

Ein Beitrag geteilt von WilliamPatrickCorgan (@williampcorgan) am Feb 15, 2018 um 2:26 PST

[Funbags]

Why am I such a turd lately.