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06-09-2016, 01:02 PM | #31 |
Braindead
Location: Ignore List
Posts: 17,229
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So yeah anxiety. I get it
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06-09-2016, 04:54 PM | #32 |
Just Hook it to My Veins!
Location: František! How's the foot of your turtle?
Posts: 32,741
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Del to you too, ilp. Del to you too.
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06-09-2016, 04:59 PM | #33 |
Through Silver In Buds
Location: Centralia
Posts: 16,502
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Ive been on Valium for a week it's the shit
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06-09-2016, 05:05 PM | #34 |
Just Hook it to My Veins!
Location: all over the Internet
Posts: 44,548
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it must be the indian blood in me, but i hate medicine. i hate pills. i hate not knowing how it's affecting my body aside what it supposedly does. i've tried pills and weird birth control inserted in my body and f it all. i'm left with more problems and the notion that i haven't done anything besides get some crutches i will need to use forever.
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06-09-2016, 05:10 PM | #35 | |||
Minion of Satan
Location: Banned
Posts: 8,847
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Quote:
Thanks. I keep on wondering if she's being completely reasonable, and I just can't see it due to my bias or something. It's nice to have a couple people agree with me, but at the same time, you only have my version of events, so it's possible that I've unconsciously been skewing things to make myself look in the right. I dunno. Quote:
It's this weird paradox where it seems my life is so pointless that I'm embarrassed to exist, and yet, if I just decided to end it, it would just be the ultimate failure because I would have died without ever mattering, so I can't do that, either. It would be fine to die if I did something with my life, but if my life were fulfilling, I probably wouldn't feel like dying anyway. Quote:
But obviously that doesn't mean that I wanna be dead right now, because there's shit in life I care about. |
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06-09-2016, 06:55 PM | #36 |
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
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time goes by and i forget
just who i am how did i get here? time goes by and i'm alive sustaining lies to get me through the day time to get up again i'll play the game hell, i can't escape it time to go to sleep again another day, my mistake waste an hour or waste a day it's all the same when nothing matters living my life inside my brain i can't explain, and i can't escape |
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06-09-2016, 07:01 PM | #37 | |
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
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Quote:
Your sister is being shitty, I'm sorry. She does sound rather selfish but I think you may also be very selfless and could use some more selfishness. She's doing what she thinks is best for her... and that sucks for you, and her pretending the place she thought was gross isn't just to get you our of her hair isn't right. She should have given you a lot of time to find a place and not just sprung shit on you like this and that's not right. But ultimately she doesn't owe you and you also don't owe her. Sorry that's probably not helpful. |
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06-10-2016, 02:44 AM | #38 |
Just Hook it to My Veins!
Location: František! How's the foot of your turtle?
Posts: 32,741
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i think you're right, reprise.
some of it isn't very nice, but she can go and live on her own if she wants that. how long till you graduate, discoking? |
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06-10-2016, 04:43 AM | #39 | ||
Minion of Satan
Location: Banned
Posts: 8,847
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Quote:
I do feel like I never really live my own life because I'm always trying to placate other people, though. Just tonight, it was decided that I'll go live with my parents again. Last time I talked to my mom two nights ago, she told me she wanted me to move back in with them, and I told them I'd think about it. To see what my options were for alleviating the financial burden of finding my own place, my therapist recommended I book an appointment with case management, which might be able to offer rent supports. But then tonight, my mom visited again, and continued to plead for me to move back in with them. I told her that I was still thinking about it and would get back to them when I had decided what I want to do, but she wouldn't really let up and kept pleading, talking about how bad she feels about me not living with her because she feels like she's not helping me, how she's so sad with me gone, etc. When I mentioned my case management appointment, she said it made her really sad that I was "going to other people for help when I still had her." She would try to tell me my mental state for me, by saying she "knows" I'm "not ready to be on my own" yet. I know her feelings were genuine, but it kind of strikes me that she's asking me to consider this choice, but it doesn't even seem to occur to her that begging somebody until they change their mind just to make you happy isn't really a free choice, and that I was guilted into it. When I finally capitulated, she hugged me and said she was so happy I "made the right choice," how even my sister thinks it's a good idea for me to move back in with my parents, and will be relieved (of course she thinks that, she wants to get rid of Mother didn't even seem to notice that I wasn't smiling or very enthusiastic at the time, or ask me how I felt about the decision. It made her happy and made her feel better about her self, so that was enough. That's the pattern with everything with my family. Nothing is ever about what I want. It's about what everyone else wants. It's funny because when I was talking about my dilemma with my therapist, and she asked me how I would feel if I moved back in with my parents, I mentioned that I would sure feel guilty if I didn't, and she reminded me that I may feel resentful if I just move in with them to please them, and that rang true. And I do feel very resentful after essentially being pestered into making that decision. I don't think anybody will notice, though. Quote:
I was considering that before, but since my mother says she's fine with me deciding I want to move out after I finish school, I just want to get school over with now. |
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06-10-2016, 05:57 AM | #40 |
Minion of Satan
Posts: 6,781
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Unsolicited advice and all, but you could approach the move with a view to preparing for a timely exit. Assuming that you'll be saving a great deal of money, a bit of wise spending and you'll probably be ready to go again before long.
Steel yourself against the tantrum and accusations of ingratitude that'll likely occur when you've set yourself up to pull the trigger. |
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06-10-2016, 11:00 AM | #41 | |
Minion of Satan
Location: An oasis of horror in a desert of boredom
Posts: 7,742
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Quote:
It's really unhealthy and I'm starting to see part of it begins with this subconscious premise, almost as if something's whispering in my ear "you are selfish, dumb, and your judgment is shot." If I can't trust my own judgments/feelings, there's no reason not to let someone else bully me, and I'll get the false surge of self-righteousness that I'm being so unselfish---but then the relationship ends up killed in the end I can hear you saying this sometimes like I hear the voice saying to me: "you are insignificant, you are a child with no rights." Maybe confront this voice, don't let it run you into he ground |
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