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06-11-2018, 08:40 PM | #1891 | |
Minion of Satan
Location: An oasis of horror in a desert of boredom
Posts: 7,746
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Quote:
For me, the marijuana is about tripping drugs, for fun, in limited quantities, under highly controlled and selective circumstances (mostly in the dark of night when there is no looming responsibility in the next day or two that will require my sharpest of faculties). I love what it does for music. I like experiencing the weirdness of a strange, more contemplative reality for a few hours. There are a lot of things I hate about it, though. The lack of focus, the inability to make new memories, the nagging sense that if I smoke once during the day i need to do it again once the hi leaves or i'll feel "incomplete" or let down until i go to sleep and wake up and start over. I do not buy that marijuana is a "safe" drug or that everyone should be vaping it 24/7. I have many weed friends who are totally addicted and can't fathom functioning without it. I think it's very powerful and should be handled carefully. I wish you the best of luck. You'll make the right decision |
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06-12-2018, 03:41 PM | #1892 | |
Braindead
Location: PROWLING THE BADLANDS
Posts: 17,399
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Quote:
to be completely honest, me personally, i don't feel like there's anything "wrong" or "bad" about drinking to the extent that you're describing. but, i really respect your honest self examination and willingness to change just because deep down you're not feeling comfortable with that slight dependency, as trivial as it may seem to others around you or even yourself. are you planning on dropping it altogether, or tone it down? do you have any activities or pastimes you plan on engaging in once you're sober and it's beer-o-clock? either way, whatever feels like the correct path to you at this point, that's the way to go and based on everything i know about you, i'm sure you're going to stay strong doing so. not that you need my encouragement. i dunno, for me, finding that elusive sweet spot for the frequency you truly feel comfortable and at peace with is fickle, challenging and hard, and several weeks after making that weed post i still can't say i have reached any better resolution about how i can keep using and feel comfortable and "safe" doing so. but i don't know if i'm ready, or even really want to just stop smoking altogether. i haven't smoked nor drank since making that last post, and don't plan to until i feel like i have a solid set of soberly predetermined standards to stand by. it may sound stupid but i'm scared of falling into its allure again, and enjoy the good things about it again (of which there really are plenty), and find myself out in nowhere mentally again. sigh. just like run2pee described, it's just hard loving and hating something so much at the same time. |
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06-12-2018, 03:44 PM | #1893 |
Braindead
Location: PROWLING THE BADLANDS
Posts: 17,399
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i can feel this narcolepsy
sliiiide... |
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06-12-2018, 03:46 PM | #1894 | |
Braindead
Location: PROWLING THE BADLANDS
Posts: 17,399
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06-12-2018, 04:59 PM | #1895 | |
Socialphobic
Location: I’ve been trying to move to the Nordic countries for 5 years but the cost is astronomical to become an expatriate
Posts: 14,679
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Quote:
I think, ultimately, my goal is to not fall into drinking just to stave off boredom. I plan on working on my writing and maybe even try to leave the apartment a little more often. So often, I fall into the trap of "eh, it's the weekend, I'm tired. I'll just have a few drinks and do nothing." Problem is, all those "nothing" days add up. I'm almost 34 and childless. I'd like to have a personality and some interesting things to talk about and not just count the clock down as pain-free and numb as possible. Ultimately, I'd like to be able to drink when the occasion calls for it and not just have it be a part of the routine. But first, I need to break the routine. Also, I totally get what you mean about falling into that trap again. You seem like your eyes are wide open and you've already made steady progress. Keep going, man. You can do it. |
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06-12-2018, 05:28 PM | #1896 | |
Braindead
Location: Ignore List
Posts: 17,229
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06-12-2018, 06:11 PM | #1897 |
Minion of Satan
Location: Banned
Posts: 8,874
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I dunno, seems like a fair trade, though.
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06-12-2018, 08:17 PM | #1898 |
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
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yeah. i did the whole drugs thing of course but i'm able to turn off everything with good ole dissociation. and it's definitely true that you get neither when you try to just numb the bad stuff. unfortunately i figured out how to stop the drugs but idk how to start feeling like things exist/are real/matter/etc and stop being emotionally detached
today i had a 3 hour intake session for a group therapy thing i'm going to go to for people with dissociative disorders. the clinic is also a training center for master's level clinicians going for PhD so you don't have to but they encourage being part of their research, and doing that involves an extended intake plus taking all sorts of tests. which i'll be doing next week. considering i'm paying a whole $3 a week for group therapy, and if for some reason the questions make me freak out i can opt-out of that part, i figured i'll do it. i also get like $40 or something at the end of the whole thing which is i think 6 or 8 months spending 3 hours explaining my whole life history was pretty draining. i haven't had to do it in like 6 years and not all at once like that since the way beginning. guy was nice though. |
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06-12-2018, 10:32 PM | #1899 |
Socialphobic
Location: we are champions, bathed in the heat of a thousand flame wars in the grim future of the internet there is only netphoria
Posts: 12,467
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Ugh that sucks reprise. These days, after an experience like that, I eat a massive bag of potato chips and wash it down with a pot of tea, and then eat cake, followed by more tea.
Foods with a carefully crafted combination of FAT + CARBS, are my new drug of choice. Thanks, olanzapine. Hopefully now that's out of the way, the rest of the study won't be so draining... |
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06-13-2018, 11:19 AM | #1900 |
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
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i think the rest will mostly be testing and maybe an exit interview
my therapist is also on vacation but i did text her to let her know how it went (we had discussed this before). i actually told the dude some stuff i've never told my therapist. it was easier because he doesn't really know me, i guess. also because, coincidentally, my therapist was my sister's therapist for a brief time in the late 90s, and she has met my parents. i had this problem with an inpatient therapist, too. she had met my mom and so i felt like it would seem like i was lying if i said anything bad. i had told her "but you met my mom..." and she was like "yep, i met her, only makes sense to me more" lol |
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06-13-2018, 12:00 PM | #1901 |
Braindead
Location: Ignore List
Posts: 17,229
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good luck, reprise! i seriously hope it's beneficial to you
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06-13-2018, 03:01 PM | #1902 | |
Just Hook it to My Veins!
Location: N3t4Euh Haus
Posts: 32,752
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Quote:
IME it is dependency that results in feelings of emotional flatness, when your tolerance is so high that you only experience the physical and mental fatigue of never being totally sober without the fun or stimulating parts of being high. So I guess like Run2Me said, you have to recognize that it is a drug and can have serious effects on you. |
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06-13-2018, 03:27 PM | #1903 |
Braindead
Location: TX
Posts: 16,289
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It might be just me but an underrated effect is that when it's 90 degrees outside you can barely be bothered by the heat even when outside while properly baked
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06-13-2018, 04:32 PM | #1904 |
Socialphobic
Location: I’ve been trying to move to the Nordic countries for 5 years but the cost is astronomical to become an expatriate
Posts: 14,679
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Yeah, besides, a little sun stroke never hurt anyone.
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06-13-2018, 04:32 PM | #1905 |
Socialphobic
Location: I’ve been trying to move to the Nordic countries for 5 years but the cost is astronomical to become an expatriate
Posts: 14,679
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06-13-2018, 04:42 PM | #1906 | |
Braindead
Location: Ignore List
Posts: 17,229
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06-14-2018, 01:59 AM | #1907 |
Socialphobic
Location: Away
Posts: 11,398
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This year I noticed my urge to drink just diminished a lot, and when I do feel I wanna drink I just don't want to drink past the light buzz stage, it's weird and I have no idea why that is.
Not that i'm complaining, weekend mornings suddenly seem less horrible. |
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06-14-2018, 03:53 AM | #1908 |
Just Hook it to My Veins!
Location: Donald Trump of Netphoria
Posts: 37,218
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i've been drinking tons, for me at least. every night, a fortnight straight. smoking cigs too. stopped "exercising". ;(
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06-14-2018, 03:54 AM | #1909 | |
Just Hook it to My Veins!
Location: Donald Trump of Netphoria
Posts: 37,218
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06-14-2018, 12:13 PM | #1910 | |
Socialphobic
Location: I’ve been trying to move to the Nordic countries for 5 years but the cost is astronomical to become an expatriate
Posts: 14,679
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Quote:
Now, I'd just like it to not be in the routine, to not be dependent on it in any way and find more things to fill out my free-time. Basically, I was using it -- however sparingly -- to stave off boredom. No more. I guess this is growing up. |
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06-14-2018, 04:51 PM | #1911 |
Braindead
Location: Ignore List
Posts: 17,229
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I say that phrase so much recently, I'm not sure how to feel about myself nowadays
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06-14-2018, 05:29 PM | #1912 |
Braindead
Location: PROWLING THE BADLANDS
Posts: 17,399
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the drunk drugs thread sure isn't the same anymore now that the average netphorian is a boring 35 year old determined to "live better" or whatever
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06-14-2018, 05:45 PM | #1913 |
Socialphobic
Location: I’ve been trying to move to the Nordic countries for 5 years but the cost is astronomical to become an expatriate
Posts: 14,679
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Netsnoria
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06-14-2018, 05:49 PM | #1914 |
Braindead
Location: Ignore List
Posts: 17,229
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drinkin' in the calm
however, my life is still just as trippy as before. just new trippy. |
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06-14-2018, 06:04 PM | #1915 |
Braindead
Location: PROWLING THE BADLANDS
Posts: 17,399
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did anybody listen to the new smashing pumpkins single "Areolas"?
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06-14-2018, 07:00 PM | #1916 |
Banned
Posts: 21,169
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I saw Billie Joe Armstrongs new band "The Longshot" at a little club last night. The band fucking rocks! Their album is really solid too. Way better than the last handful of Green Day releases. Guy still has a ton of passion and rocks out at a club as hard as he does at an arena.
They covered Rockaway Beach too! So awesome. I love Billie Joe |
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06-14-2018, 07:50 PM | #1917 |
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
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sounds like green day
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06-14-2018, 07:51 PM | #1918 |
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
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i got two beers in my fridge. some customer my friend has (comp repair/sales business) signed him up for beer of the month club but he barely drinks so i stole two.
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06-14-2018, 10:14 PM | #1919 |
Socialphobic
Location: Away
Posts: 11,398
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I had many beers and walked home at night in the freezing cold.
Very extreme y'all. |
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06-15-2018, 03:53 AM | #1920 |
real estate cowboy
Location: if Monsanto and Purdue Pharma had a baby
Posts: 36,902
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