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Old 03-21-2017, 10:46 AM   #1
Run To Me
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Default ITT: your most awfulest band audition stories

I auditioned to do bass for a russian lady who wrote post-punk, metal, and pop-punk stuff. We hit it off first as neighbors/weedians and I was enamored/inspired by the jittery ska-inspired strum she'd translated into crusty, melodic visions of stonerpop

For the audition she found a practice space on the outskirts of town, where a lonely woman named Buder kept an empty double-wide; for a fifth of jack daniels and a ride into town, it was ours for the night. When we arrived after dark we found the trailer to be damp and especially smelly, even for a Budertrailer. This particular stench involved heavy notes of cigarettes/booze, but there was something else, too: something fecund like soil or mushrooms. It was so thick I could taste it.

Also, there was no power. At this point I considered fleeing, but I wanted in on the project so bad that I stayed and helped string together just enough extension cords from Buder's to the trailer to run a power strip, into which we plugged all amps and a lamp so we could finally see the place

That's when we discovered the condoms: numerous, not just used but fused, encrusted to the orange, shaggy, foul carpets beneath our feet. Kicking away the empty 40s and the erupting ashtrays, we discovered a little old place where people had clearly, many many times, gotten together: a love shack bayyyyyyy-beeeeeeeee

 
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Old 03-21-2017, 02:51 PM   #2
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seems pretty cool for the most aweful band audition story

about 18 years ago i tried forming a band with a coworker. we rehearsed i think twice when he basically went full psycho and said he couldn't stand me and i had no respect for him as a guitarist and more of that wonderful stuff.

needless to say that was a little intense for someone i had only seen a couple of times outside of work and we never saw each other again. he also never showed up at that job again lol

 
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Old 03-21-2017, 08:30 PM   #3
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A band i was in was auditioning bassists (aren't they all?). Anyway, one guy was playing with us and then he just fell out on the floor completely unconscious. He was out for like 10 seconds then he got up and was just like "woah man what the fuck" so we said "let's take a break for a minute" then we did and we never went back to playing music and of course we never called him again.

 
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Old 03-22-2017, 03:36 PM   #4
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My most awful one was my doing. I play guitar but have a bass to mess around with. Back in the day I saw an ad for a noisy postpunky JAMC type band looking for a bassist. So I went over with my Best Buy bass, First Act thrift store amp and no tuners, etc. I felt like a total turd from the get-go, which is appropriate as my "tone" was a barely audible wet fart. The guys were super cool but I still look back and cringe. I was out of my element

 
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Old 03-22-2017, 05:55 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Run To Me View Post
I auditioned to do bass for a russian lady who wrote post-punk, metal, and pop-punk stuff. We hit it off first as neighbors/weedians and I was enamored/inspired by the jittery ska-inspired strum she'd translated into crusty, melodic visions of stonerpop

For the audition she found a practice space on the outskirts of town, where a lonely woman named Buder kept an empty double-wide; for a fifth of jack daniels and a ride into town, it was ours for the night. When we arrived after dark we found the trailer to be damp and especially smelly, even for a Budertrailer. This particular stench involved heavy notes of cigarettes/booze, but there was something else, too: something fecund like soil or mushrooms. It was so thick I could taste it.

Also, there was no power. At this point I considered fleeing, but I wanted in on the project so bad that I stayed and helped string together just enough extension cords from Buder's to the trailer to run a power strip, into which we plugged all amps and a lamp so we could finally see the place

That's when we discovered the condoms: numerous, not just used but fused, encrusted to the orange, shaggy, foul carpets beneath our feet. Kicking away the empty 40s and the erupting ashtrays, we discovered a little old place where people had clearly, many many times, gotten together: a love shack bayyyyyyy-beeeeeeeee

nah hah...good times, man. good times.

 
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Old 03-22-2017, 05:58 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by smashingjj View Post
seems pretty cool for the most aweful band audition story

about 18 years ago i tried forming a band with a coworker. we rehearsed i think twice when he basically went full psycho and said he couldn't stand me and i had no respect for him as a guitarist and more of that wonderful stuff.

needless to say that was a little intense for someone i had only seen a couple of times outside of work and we never saw each other again. he also never showed up at that job again lol


huh, yah. that kind of shit happens. Then its: Nnnnnnext!?!

 
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Old 03-22-2017, 06:01 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by ButtHash View Post
My most awful one was my doing. I play guitar but have a bass to mess around with. Back in the day I saw an ad for a noisy postpunky JAMC type band looking for a bassist. So I went over with my Best Buy bass, First Act thrift store amp and no tuners, etc. I felt like a total turd from the get-go, which is appropriate as my "tone" was a barely audible wet fart. The guys were super cool but I still look back and cringe. I was out of my element


yahhhh...been there, done that. I auditioned vocally for some band that just got off the Ozzfest tour. It's just as well I didn't know how to really scream at the time, but the bluesy full tone I was doing wasn't exactly mixing well with their music. Once I saw the guitarist sit down (as he was playing) and give that look to the drummer, I knew I was in the wrong place.

 
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Old 03-22-2017, 06:17 PM   #8
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A funny story on the other side of it:


Cancel was a 3-piece for a time with Paul, myself and former Analogue drummer Chris Dean. 2 guitars and a drummer. We were comfortable that way and it was unique, but every time we did a gig or even sometimes at rehearsals, we'd get bassist approaching us about auditioning.

One time this guy comes in and he's a little older, but not too much from us at the time. He was some Prof at Berkeley and was a pretty good bass player. This was about our 5th audition for a bassist.

However, after just TWO songs into the audition, he had to sit down because he was tired. lol. We had 7 more songs to go through at least. I think he was just overwhelmed with the volume, we routinely pushed it to 110dbs and more. At those volumes I kind a took it for granted the body has to adjust to the physical nature and influence such vibrations can have.

We literally rocked this guy into submission. It was funneh when we all glanced at each other with raised eyebrows. We politely shut it down when he was too tired and, after he left, committed to being a 3-piece and cover the low-end in unique ways we still do to this day.

 
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Old 03-24-2017, 09:23 PM   #9
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lol

 
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Old 03-25-2017, 03:14 PM   #10
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Old 03-25-2017, 04:08 PM   #11
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Then there was this one time Paul and I went to the city (S.F.) and jammed with this drummer.

He was like 28-30, still living with his folks. There was a decent studio space and all, but he played a V-kit -- electronic drums. ugh.

We branded him the "World's Best Worst drummer"...he was so technically proficient on that rubber kit of his, it was nauseating. It didn't matter what tempo you played at, he would do that exact same uber fill to everything. It was just a long drawn out hyper-efficient fill at roughly 4x the bpm's than necessary. He'd do the same thing for each song were threw out there, never once looking at us let alone maybe trying to listen to what we were doing.

ratatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatpddddpdpdpdpdpd pdpdpadpapdapdapdpapatatatattatatatatatatat Cymbal crash...repeat.

It was bizarrely impressive and yet so utterly non-musical. hence, World's Best Worst drummer.

 
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