i thought my hate for Amanda Palmer

[noyen]

Originally Posted by D.

I hear noyen is a biiiig fan

OH HELL NO YOU RUINED MY XMAS EVEAN MOAR

[MyOneAndOnly]

why does every Vix thread turn into her whining about the misery of her marriage?

Amanda Fucking Palmer is a great artist. me thinks Vix's real problem is that Palmer is an unappolagetic bisexual loud and outspoken feminist.

[MyOneAndOnly]

looks like a very happy couple and i bet you $100 they enjoy pegging

[vixnix]

Originally Posted by scottytheoneand

Amanda Fucking Palmer is a great artist.

I guess that's a value judgment, but objectively, she is about the shittiest musician and songwriter who has ever asked for public attention. And she has porn star eyebrows. I hate people who are good at nothing but somehow have confidence in themselves. So I hate her.

[MyOneAndOnly]

i could respect your opinion if you were simply arguing that you don't care for her work. But the notion that she's got no talent is absurd. that's just a shitty argument. and it's not true.

who else is a talentless hack? Kathleen Hanna?

[MyOneAndOnly]

please provide a list of no talent feminist musicians

[fuzzyroes]

I still feel cool and hipsterish that I've never heard a song from this artist.

Scott, could you recommend the best song?

[MyOneAndOnly]

shut the fuck up fuzzy

[fuzzyroes]

*tears stroll down my face*

[vixnix]

Well, how about, instead, I post someone who does have talent, and then post Ole Pornbrow next to them, for comparison.

[vixnix]

First results on google:

The diver is my love
And I am his, if I am not deceived
Who takes one breath above for every hour below the sea

Who gave to me a jewel
Worth twice this woman's life, though it cost her less
Than laying at low tide to see her true love phosphoresce

And in an infinite regress
Tell me why is the pain of birth
Lighter borne than the pain of death?
I can't claim that I loved you first
But I loved you best

I know we must abide
Each by the rules that bind us here:
The divers and the sailors and the women on the pier

And how do you choose your form?
How do you choose your name? How do you choose your life?
How do you choose the time you must exhale and kick and rise?

And in an infinite capsize
Like a boat tearing down the coast
Double hulls bearing double masts
I don’t know if you loved me most
But you loved me last

Recall the word you gave
To count your way across the depths of this arid world
Where you will yoke the waves that lay a bed of shining pearls

I dream it every night:
The ringing of the pail, the motes of sand dislodged, the shucking, quick and bright:
The twinned and cast off shells reveal a single heart of white

And in an infinite backslide
Ancient boulders sink past the west
Like a sword at the bearer's fall
I can't claim that I knew you best
But did you know me at all?

A woman is alive, a woman is alive
You do not take her for a sign
In nacre on a stone, alone, unfaceted and fine

And never will I wed
I'll hunt the pearl of death to the bottom of my life
And ever hold my breath 'til I may be the diver's wife

See how the infinite divides
And the divers are not to blame
For the rift spanning distant shores
You don’t know my name
But I know yours

"The Bed Song"

Exhibit A
We are friends in a sleeping bag splitting the heat
We have one filthy pillow to share and your lips are in my hair
Someone upstairs has a rat that we laughed at
And people are drinking
And singing Van Halen and Slayer on a ukulele tear

Exhibit B
Well, we found an apartment
It’s not much to look at
A futon on a floor
Torn-off desktop for a door
All the decor's made of milk crates and duct tape
And if we have sex
They can hear us through the floor
But we don’t do that anymore

And I lay there wondering, what is the matter?
Is this a matter of worse or of better?
You took the blanket, so I took the bedsheet
But I would have held you if you'd only

Let me

Exhibit C
Look how quaint
And how quiet and private
Our paychecks have bought us a condo in town
It's the nicest flat around
You picked a mattress and had it delivered
And I walked upstairs
And the sight of it made my heart pound
And I wrapped my arms around me

And I stood there wondering, what is the matter?
Is this a matter of worse or of better?
You walked right past me and straightened the covers
But I would still love you if you wanted a lover
And you said
All the money in the world
Won't buy a bed so big and wide
To guarantee that you won't accidentally touch me
In the night

Exhibit D
Now we're both mostly paralyzed
Don't know how long we've been lying here in fear
Too afraid to even feel
I find my glasses and you turn the light out
Roll off on your side
Like you've rolled away for years
Holding back those king-size tears

And I still don't ask you, what is the matter?
Is this a matter of worse or of better?
You take the heart failure
I'll take the cancer
I've long stopped wondering why you don't answer

Exhibit E
You can certainly see how fulfilling a life
From the cost and size of stone of our final resting home
We got some nice ones right under a cherry tree
You and me lying the only way we know
Side by side and still and cold

And I finally ask you, what was the matter?
Was it a matter of worse or of better?
You stretch your arms out and finally face me
You say I would have told you

If you'd only asked me
If you'd only asked me
If you'd only asked me

God I hate Amanda Palmer. We all wrote shit like that at 16 but if you can't ever produce anything better, just for God's sake shut up and go away like the rest of us.

[Aeris]

Originally Posted by scottytheoneand

Palmer is a feminist.

not really

[Rairun]

I think Joanna is one of the best songwriters of our generation, so of course Amanda Palmer is going to fall short. I won't disagree with you there. That doesn't mean she isn't sincere in what she does, nor that people can't feel a personal connection to her music.

It just sounds like her looks and demeanor offend your sensibilities, so you resent her for daring to exist. Really, what do you expect her to do? Hide away in shame? "Fix" her eyebrows, shave her armpits, and stop making music?

[vixnix]

I don't often wax my underarms either, so I don't care about that. I just want her to stop wasting time and money writing terrible, terrible songs.

[ninsp]

Originally Posted by scottytheoneand

please provide a list of no talent feminist musicians

G.l.o.s.s

[Aeris]

damn
ninsp totally triggered and owned me again without even really trying

[Aeris]

so sick

[Elphenor]

Those lyrics are actually pretty cool for lyrics there's an attempt at poetry at least

[vixnix]

Where exactly is the attempt at poetry, Elph. Use as much description as possible, because I will settle in for a good chortle before I start reading.

[reprise85]

I like it, except where the climax is she totally oversells it. Not my favorite but I would call it talent.

[vixnix]

So then, what do you call Joanna Newsom? In my opinion she has talent, and Amanda Palmer just has an audience. Anybody with time on their hands and a willingness to spend it writing a song, could write lyrics and music like Amanda Palmer. She's a total nothing in terms of songwriting.

[Elphenor]

They read like that poetry assignment you had to do in high school but you got an "A-" so it was pretty solid

[vixnix]

If they didn't make the yearbook, that's a negative on the 'you've got talent' front, though. And that crap would not have made my yearbook (we call it a magazine in NZ but whatever).

That puerile drivel would not have even been given an A-. Not at a good school.

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by vixnix

So then, what do you call Joanna Newsom? In my opinion she has talent, and Amanda Palmer just has an audience. Anybody with time on their hands and a willingness to spend it writing a song, could write lyrics and music like Amanda Palmer. She's a total nothing in terms of songwriting.

I disagree that anyone could write a song of that caliber, mediocre as it is. Put it this way - I was thinking I'd totally hate it but I didn't. No draw to listen to it again, but it was mostly decent except for the part I mentioned. It's trying to be deeper than it is, yes. Some of the songs I've written are probably much better.

Newsom is a great artist obviously Palmer is not nearly as good but there's *something* there.

[MyOneAndOnly]

Palmer has a foot firmly in the "art" scene in a way that more mainstream singer songwriters do not. Her work is stylistically more polarizing than mainstream musicians. If I were to compare her to other artists I'd ******* people like Lori Anderson and Peaches.

That being the case nothing vix has said in this thread supports the argument that palmer is a talentless hack.

[Elphenor]

Yeah she's okay in my book though I'd never heard of her until this thread

[FoolofaTook]

Originally Posted by Run To Me

Dan Savage says every straight male ought to be pegged at least once, if only to learn what it feels to be penetrated, fucked, etc. For understanding between the sexes

Can't say I disagree with that

I used to disagree. Then an awesome rim job and a couple of curious fingers changed my mind forever!!

Praises Him!

[reprise85]

First. Sorry for the way I wrote this. Writing it this way I'm really embarrassed by all this and it was the only way I could convince myself that I could post it, even anonymously. Just bear with me, okay?

This starts in a stupid, embarrassing way. I’m 23, but my doc decides he wants to do a prostate exam during my physical. (Quick question - isn’t that like twenty years early?)

Okay. So he pushes in and it is the first time anyone’s ever been in there. Like ever. And two things happen within three seconds: I get idiotically, you-could-bend-a-steel-bar-around-my-dick, stupid hard. And I groan. Involuntarily and explosively and horrifically.

My doctor laughed his ass off. I mean laughed, and told me it was okay. “Really,” he says. “It’s pretty common” he says.

But his face tells me it’s not that common.

Dutifully, I went to Reddit and looked this shit up. Reddit fucking loves it some straight guys getting off on their prostate. “So okay,” I say to myself, “let’s buy a fucking drumstick and do this thing.”

So I go to a music store and buy a pair of drumsticks, talking incessantly about what a goddamn professional drummer I am, and how fucking necessary it is for me to own some drumsticks right then, as if the guy behind the counter could see into my soul, perfectly aware that I was going to shove one of those sticks right up my ass when I got home.

I knew. He knew. The guy driving the bus knew. The drumsticks sat in that bag like the fucking One Ring, bending space around it. I had guilty secrets, stolen form the Gods, and I was going to fuck myself with them.

So I get home and I do all the stuff. Lube, stick, push, feel, POW.

Shit like cum, but not cum, some kind of watery fluid slips out of me in a big knot and feels fucking magnificent. Right out of the tip of my purple-tipped cock.

(Another question. Purple tip. Normal when super-hard? Or am I going to give myself a blood clot or something? This is new for me.)

It keeps coming, and the feeling gets better and better. I stop jerking off. (Oh, another note: I was jerking off.) My face gets hot. I realize I’m blushing. My chest blushes, too. That’s new. All my muscles tense up under my skin. They’re probably fucking blushing by now, too. I’m a big, red, purple dicked, autoerotic machine, pounding this drumstick into my ass while my GF is at work, feeling like a fucking idiot.

My balls get this frozen cold sensation, and grip up into me, terrified of what’s about to happen (I would assume).

At which point I actually, literally, honest-to-god it’s apparently not just a stupid phrase, see goddamn stars. Little colored lights. My head rushes. I cum so hard I actually scream. Not like a girl, I scream like an extra in 300. I scream like someone lifting a Buick over their head.

Long story short it was the best orgasm of my life. And later that night, I had sex with my GF and the comparison was... I mean she’s sexy and wonderful and we have(had?) great sex, best so far, she’s awesome, but it didn’t compare.

Next day, more drumstick. This time with porn. Porn gets shut off ten minutes in. I don’t need anything else. I’m a fucking prostate monk, austere in my faith.

More sex with GF. She knows something’s up. Maybe not “I FOUND OUT MY BF IS FUCKING HIMSELF WITH SURPLUS MUSICAL EQUIPMENT REDDIT WHAT DO I DO?” up, but she knows.

I keep the drumsticks on the nightstand like the fucking purloined letter. I say they’re for her. But I can kind of tell she’s not buying it. She knows I’m not as enthusiastic about sex.

Fast forward three months. By now I’ve graduated to a full-on cock-shaped dildo stuck to the bedroom wall. Ass up, head down, biting a pillow. Believe me, I don’t get this either. Why cock shaped? Because I wanted something thicker and I figured if I was going to be fucking myself on a daily basis, I might as well get over any lingering homophobia that might be clinging to my soul.

Okay, serious time. I’m not gay. I’m not Bi, either. I also don’t think there’s anything wrong with being either. In fact, it would be super convenient if I were Gay, because then I could tell my GF that I’m gay, and get fucked on a regular basis. I don’t know what to do about this. GF tries to seduce me a few times a week and I go along with it. She cums... and so do I, but it’s not fun for me. I lost interest in her. It takes me forever to cum.

No, using a plug doesn’t do it. It has to be an “in out” motion, not just a brick in my rectum. No, my GF wouldn’t peg me if I asked her about it. I brought it up, hypothetically, in terms of “something I found on Reddit.” Her reaction was not promising. I’m not going to say she’s homophobic or anything, but she has very traditional views of what men and women are supposed to be like, and writhing like a demon while a huge cock slides up into your hole is not what the man is supposed to do - so she says, anyway.

And the problem is also that I just don’t want to fuck her anymore. I want to be fucked. And even though I’m not attracted to men, I’ve considered breaking up with her (first, obviously, no cheat-o) and hooking up with guys. But even that isn’t something I want to do, because I love her (we’ve been together for almost a year) and I love being with her. Just not “BEING WITH” her.

So, Reddit. What do I do? I want to be a normal boyfriend. But I also can't deny that I am sexually oriented to being fucked, and not fucking. I cum without touching myself. I don't even WANT to touch myself. Doesn't that mean something obvious?

Suddenly occurred to me: if being gay is genetic, could I be physiologically gay but psychologically straight?

TLDR; DISREGARD THAT, I FUCK (artificial) COCKS.

[MyOneAndOnly]

LOL

[MyOneAndOnly]

why do straight guys think that ass play makes them gay?