BOARDER FKA TYLER DEMANDS YOUR ATTENTION ONCE MORE; OR, ALICE'S COMING OUT THREAD

[yo soy el mejor]

Originally Posted by Alice

Thanks! Yeah I’ve had Giordano’s and Lou’s but unfortunately didn’t branch out much from there. Pequod’s has been on my list forever and now that you say caramelized crust I think I’ve just figured out where I’ll have my first slice. I need to explore some of the tavern style options as well

dante's slices are as big as ur head! and it's byob

[Alice]

I don’t know what’s on top of that basil but that pizza looks incredible

[mxzombie]

looks like some kinda ricotta

[Alice]

Okay one last food post before we get back on topic for Took’s sake. I just got back from two local farms with a gallon of strawberries and four pounds of tomatoes for $17. Living in the middle of nowhere isn’t all bad

[FlamingGlobes]

Wait... are you going to be, like, putting strawberries on your pizza now?

[FlamingGlobes]

[FlamingGlobes]

Also, this is your thread, your time to shine. Don't worry about Took, we'll deal with him behind the scenes. You get to talk about whatever YOU want!

[Alice]

Heh. No the strawberries are for dessert. That comes after the pizza. The tomatoes tho...

[FoolofaTook]

Originally Posted by FlamingGlobes

Also, this is your thread, your time to shine. Don't worry about Took, we'll deal with him behind the scenes. You get to talk about whatever YOU want!

bullfuckingshit she does


THERE ARE RULES DAMMIT. GOD MADE THEM. I ENFORCE THEM.


blessings,

[Alice]

And I got two free heirlooms!

[FlamingGlobes]

[FoolofaTook]

btw alice means nobility

tyler means bricklayer lol major upgrade

[Alice]

Okay here comes a long one. Be forewarned. Read on at your own peril

[Alice]

I’m really anxious about posting this

[Alice]

Here’s a question that was asked privately but I’d like to share a slightly edited version of the answer here with you all as well. The question was: How did you know?

A: Some part of me was always aware of this aspect of myself but I was raised by expert gaslighters who instilled in me an extreme level of doubt about the validity of my feelings and experiences. It was only within the last few weeks that I got past that and accepted that what I’ve felt for so long is actually real.

I‘be fantasized about being a girl for as long as I can remember. As I‘ve mentioned before I have almost no memories of my childhood. But I do distinctly remember thinking about being a girl. There were some stereotypical things like always choosing female characters in video games or identifying mostly with female characters in books and movies. Many of the people I’ve most admired have been women, now more than ever. I wore a dress for the first time in high school and it felt incredible. I’ve always loved wearing makeup. Because I have long hair I sometimes get mistaken for a woman from behind, despite my height. People are usually very embarrassed and apologetic but it always feels great when it happens. When I would look at attractive women I felt jealous of them because I wanted to be them. I would imitate them in private. I never really had this same feeling toward attractive men. I could go on but I’m sure you get the point.

I did a pretty good job of ignoring all of this stuff and pretending it didn’t really mean anything for a long time. But when my relationship with my ex ended I decided to try to take the opportunity to think very hard about who I wanted to be and how I wanted to live my life, because I knew I had been very unhappy for a long time and at least part of this was due to the fact that I’d been living dishonestly. I‘ve done a lot of work trying to figure that stuff out over the last year or so. A lot of it happened in the form of journaling, sometimes free form and sometimes considering specific questions. Some of it happened in the form of posting cryptic nonsense on Netphoria and flirting with the idea of actually being a genuine version of myself. I had no idea it would lead to this though.

First I came out as bi. I had known about that for years but I didn’t expect anyone in my life to be accepting of it so I had kept it a secret. Then I came out as non-binary and I thought that’s where it would end. But after that the idea that I thought of myself as a woman kept popping up in my head. Each time I’d push it back down but it became stronger and stayed down for shorter periods each time.

There were several instances of this. Most recently, I remember driving home not long ago in a complete state of panic after watching a movie about a trans woman because it made me feel the urge to transition in what was, for the first time, an undeniable way. I got drunk and tried to forget about it but it didn’t work. This was probably my point of no return. Shortly after that the guitarist from Thou posted a link to a record by a trans woman and I ended up on her Instagram looking at all of her photos and realizing that it wasn’t just because she’s pretty and I like her music but because I was jealous and I wanted what she had.

Then I started practicing a new type of meditation. This part may seem a bit strange but it was really the final piece. The point of it is to try to sense your body from the inside. And while you do so you’re supposed to just watch and listen to what’s going on in your mind. It worked pretty easily for me and it felt great and what I saw was myself as a woman. I felt myself in the body of a woman and I heard myself finally admitting that this was really what I wanted.

This made me very anxious. I wrote about it for days in my journal in an indirect way, not yet able to express it explicitly. But as days passed it felt less and less distressing. I finally worked up the courage to come out for the first time and that felt incredible. Even though at this point I knew how I identified, I now had to decide whether or not I wanted to transition. I expected it to take a while to figure this part out. But I shaved my hands and when I saw them for the first time I couldn’t stop staring and I immediately knew that the answer was yes.

Even though I still have moments of anxiety and doubt, every new bit of exploration since then has brought a new level of confirmation. It’s too soon to know whether or not these changes will be permanent but for now at least my whole attitude toward myself has changed. For the first time I want to take care of myself and I want to survive. Old anxieties and insecurities suddenly don’t matter anymore. And even though some new ones have shown up as part of this process as well I can actually manage them and I don’t feel the need to beat myself up anymore. I’m finally learning to be nice to myself and it’s kind of the best thing

[Alice]

OKAY I DID IT

[duovamp]

Thanks for sharing your story.

[topleybird]

Originally Posted by Alice

I’m finally learning to be nice to myself and it’s kind of the best thing

I second the thanks, but I also wanted to pull out this specific thing and say that seems like such a huge breakthrough (not that I know you well enough to say you were rough with yourself, but I know how hard it can be)

Since you're being accepting and generous and you're meditating at all, I feel like maybe you wouldn't say this for yourself, so let me: fuck everyone who has ever hurt you

[FoolofaTook]

Originally Posted by topleybird

I also wanted to pull out this specific thing

[houseofglass11]

Someone I knew from Chicago told me that people in Chicago don’t actually like deep dish pizza and that’s it just a tourist thing. Any truth to this?

[FlamingGlobes]

Yeah, I think deep dish is a lot like Billy Corgan. No one from Chicago actually likes it/him.

[ilikeplanets]

Alice, your soul-searching is inspiring and invigorating. I'm grateful that you've shared with us.

[ilikeplanets]

And now I can judge everyone by their pizza preferences and everything is really falling into place.

[Squish Squash]

Thanks for your bravery, Alice. I'm glad that you are able to be your true self and feel free.

[redbreegull]

Originally Posted by houseofglass11

Someone I knew from Chicago told me that people in Chicago don’t actually like deep dish pizza and that’s it just a tourist thing. Any truth to this?

I have no idea cause I'm not from Chicago, but I do know that Chicago style is delicious and people in general like to hate on it. There are very few thick-crusters out there

[Squish Squash]

We're having New York style pizza tonight. What do you guys think of that type of Pizza? My dad swears Connecticut style is the best, although he's biased because that's his home state.

[redbreegull]

what the fuck is connecticut style

[mxzombie]

Originally Posted by houseofglass11

Someone I knew from Chicago told me that people in Chicago don’t actually like deep dish pizza and that’s it just a tourist thing. Any truth to this?

i'm not from chicago but have lived here now for about 9 years. everyone eats deep dish and also a variety of other styles of pizza (lesser-known chicago thin crust is delicious as well). plus every city thinks they have a unique style to offer so you find plenty of detroit, st. louis, etc. style pizza.

people make a big deal about it because one's identity as a chicagoan rarely has much else to hang on besides "grit," "no ketchup," and "deep dish pizza"

[mxzombie]

the midwest is a terrible place. anecdotally it seems like midwesterners really like to pat themselves on the back for surviving growing up in such a mundane hellhole.

[mxzombie]

i went to visit a high school auditorium for work a few years ago in romeoville (~1 hr from chicago) and it was "drive your tractor to school day" and, by the look of the parking lot, student participation was very robust


weirdos