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Old 04-03-2018, 09:04 AM   #1471
cork_soaker
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birth control? more like blurth control

 
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Old 04-03-2018, 09:08 AM   #1472
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Haha yes

 
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Old 04-03-2018, 09:09 AM   #1473
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'Anticoncepcional' is a better term than "birth control" for it.

The brazilians got it right for once.

 
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Old 04-03-2018, 09:31 AM   #1474
cork_soaker
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yes, i remember mum and dad whispering about my “Auntie Concepcional” a few nights every year

never met her though, guess she was pretty hard to come by

 
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Old 04-03-2018, 09:51 AM   #1475
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but i figured if one of my relations was too good to even show up to help celebrate my dad’s birthday, she could go eat a sock for all i cared

 
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Old 04-03-2018, 09:54 AM   #1476
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anyone here from phoenix?

 
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Old 04-03-2018, 10:06 AM   #1477
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so the other day my daughter tells me she’s going to quit school

says she’s sick of this capitalist society and the “so-called values” her mother and i have worked so tirelessly to exemplify

yesterday she came home with a tattoo. some fucked up thing i didn’t even recognize. she said it represents her disgust for humanity. i couldn’t fucking believe it.

honey, i said — you’re only 8 months old... when did you even learn how to talk?

 
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Old 04-03-2018, 10:08 AM   #1478
cork_soaker
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then my dog turns to me and he’s like, “i know how she feels”


WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THIS HOUSE?

 
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Old 04-03-2018, 10:09 AM   #1479
Cool As Ice Cream
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exactly!
fookin' bitch

 
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Old 04-03-2018, 10:16 AM   #1480
cork_soaker
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classic incongruity riffing

 
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Old 04-03-2018, 12:12 PM   #1481
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Quote:
Originally Posted by teh b0lly!!1 View Post
did you guys ever really notice how close the word "thickens" is to "chickens"?

now that i have, i can't shake off the rooster sounds every time i use "thickens".

What the cluck are you talking about?

 
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Old 04-03-2018, 01:48 PM   #1482
ilikeplanets
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well, i certainly feel like i'm on drugs after reading all this. thread delivers.

 
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Old 04-03-2018, 09:41 PM   #1483
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yo soy el mejor View Post
love is strange
That's a very deep and succinct observation. Very poetic and really makes one think.

 
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Old 04-04-2018, 05:45 AM   #1484
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Just realised it's been over 10 years since my last girlfriend.
Ok... Back to lurking I go..

 
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Old 04-04-2018, 07:12 AM   #1485
teh b0lly!!1
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out of circumstance or choice?

 
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Old 04-04-2018, 07:41 AM   #1486
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fuzzyroes View Post
That's a very deep and succinct observation. Very poetic and really makes one think.
I can't tell if this is sarcastic or not. If it's not,

 
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Old 04-04-2018, 08:06 AM   #1487
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it literally brings a tear of joy to my eye.

 
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Old 04-04-2018, 08:31 AM   #1488
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bright_doom View Post
Just realised it's been over 10 years since my last girlfriend.
Ok... Back to lurking I go..
Have you tried window-licking? Women really seem to respond to that, in my experience.

 
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Old 04-04-2018, 11:50 AM   #1489
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lurking on the board or women??

 
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Old 04-04-2018, 11:52 AM   #1490
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noun: A windowlicker is a derogatory, informal description of someone with severe learning disabilities and/or a physical incapacity which renders them helpless when faced with the prospect of seeing a stranger through a window without smearing their mucus covered tongues all over the glass, possibly as some kind of retard greeting.

Alternatives are 'spaz' or 'mongole'.
Small child: Tee hee, look at those windowlickers!!!!

Mother: You shouldn't be unkind, they are people too

Small child: Eugh! Look at that one windowlicker with the snotty nose!

Mother: Tee hee! They are funny aren't they!

 
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Old 04-04-2018, 04:41 PM   #1491
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Tee hee!

 
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Old 04-04-2018, 06:47 PM   #1492
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Pine pee!

 
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Old 04-06-2018, 07:18 PM   #1493
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After about a week of using Tinder, I've found that 99% of the women on there are not my type, and I'm definitely not their type.

 
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Old 04-06-2018, 07:38 PM   #1494
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shallowed View Post
After about a week of using Tinder, I've found that 99% of the women on there are not my type, and I'm definitely not their type.
don't get discouraged yet my dude, tinder was super depressing and alienating and weird for me at first as well. But I've met a few cool people on dating apps.

 
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Old 04-08-2018, 02:27 PM   #1495
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i'd say it's too early to use tinder...

 
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Old 04-08-2018, 03:59 PM   #1496
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...start with fetlife!

 
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Old 04-08-2018, 03:59 PM   #1497
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I'm in no position to give advice on this, but just from what I hear from other people, some of the people who think themselves unready to pursue dating directly after a breakup end up finding that it is actually therapeutic and helps them get out of the grief stage quicker. Maybe it's meeting that right person, or just realizing that there are so many people out there that even the one who has been a fixture for your life for years isn't really the only person in the world for you.

But, if we're just talking about Tinder and not dating in general, I have no insights into that. But it seems soul-crushing and demoralizing, which is why I will probably never try it.

I'd recommend prioritizing talking to people in real life. I think it automatically gives you an advantage over all the other folks who are just pixels on a screen.

 
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Old 04-08-2018, 04:00 PM   #1498
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You know there's always:


 
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Old 04-08-2018, 04:01 PM   #1499
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S-E-X is test when I'm pressed
So back up off with less of that zest
Impress this brother with a life of virtue
The innocence that's spent is gonna hurt you
Safe is the way they say to play
Then again safe ain't safe at all today
So just wait for the mate that's straight from God
Don't have sex 'til you tie the knot

(chorus)
I don't want it, I don't want it, want it
I don't want it, want your sex for now
I don't want it, I don't want it, want it
I don't want it, 'til we take the vows

Girl, it's gonna take a little time
For us to see [the truth]
That love is simply more
Than fulfilling the need [for S-E-X]
Respect is what we need to find the cure
For this disease [of lust]
And trust in God above
To shape our lives in harmony
[Do you copy?]
That's why I'm saying

(repeat chorus)

[Ah yeah, Red Leader, I don't think I copy that
Uh, did you say you don't want sex for now?
I'm confused, could you clarify? Over.]

Girl, they say that it takes two
To make a thing go right (for love)
But girl, we gotta remember
There's another in our lives (in God we trust)
We must add up the cost
Before indulging in the heat (for now)
And trust that God will give us
Something better if we wait
That's why we got to say...

(repeat chorus)

1-900-LOVE, S-E-X is on the TV
Too much skin is in your vision
You gotta make the right decision
God has set His standard higher
Purity is His desire, I'm gonna choose to wait

I don't want it, I don't want it
I don't want your sex for now

Yo, s-e-x is a test when I'm pressed
So back off with less of that zest
Impress this brother with a life of virtue
The innocence that's spent is gonna hurt you
Safe is the way they say to play
But then again safe ain't safe at all today
So just wait for the mate that's straight from God
Don't give it up 'til you tie the knot

I don't want it, I don't want it, want it
I don't want it, your sex for now
I don't want it, I don't want it, want it
I don't want it, I don't want your sex

I don't want your sex for now
Until we take the vows
Even if they dog me out
I don't want your sex (4x)

[Red Leader, Red Leader, I don't think I copy]
[Your sex for now!]

 
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Old 04-08-2018, 07:39 PM   #1500
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Tinder seems super soul crushing

I just see how many matches I can get so I feel better about myself, never bother to message. which is probably what everyone else does, and why it's so soul crushing

a girl actually messaged me a killer opener, asking about cymbal choices. i'm too shy for this

 
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