Netphoria Message Board


Go Back   Netphoria Message Board > General Boards > General Chat Message Board
Register Netphoria's Amazon.com Link Members List Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-14-2021, 05:47 AM   #1
Squish Squash
Apocalyptic Poster
 
Squish Squash's Avatar
 
Location: I should kick you in the sides
Posts: 2,265
Default Should I commit suicide and why is the answer yes

I hate myself so much Jesus.

 
Squish Squash is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 03-14-2021, 05:57 AM   #2
run2pee
Minion of Satan
 
run2pee's Avatar
 
Location: An oasis of horror in a desert of boredom
Posts: 7,742
Default

What in the fuck dont ask us call a god damn counslor or something! Why would u ask such a question here of all places!

Please, i hope u find the comfort u need in a professional setting...

 
run2pee is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 03-14-2021, 06:09 AM   #3
Squish Squash
Apocalyptic Poster
 
Squish Squash's Avatar
 
Location: I should kick you in the sides
Posts: 2,265
Default

I’ve been planning it for two months and one of my friends cut me off because she thinks I’m unhealthy to talk to. I have OCD, depression and possibly borderline personality disorder. I’m 28 and have been alone my entire life despite desperately wanting a romantic partner since I was like 12. I’m in constant pain every day. Corona has prevented me from seeing the therapist I really liked.

Last edited by Squish Squash : 03-14-2021 at 06:45 AM.

 
Squish Squash is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 03-14-2021, 08:00 AM   #4
Disco King
Minion of Satan
 
Disco King's Avatar
 
Location: Banned
Posts: 8,849
Default


 
Disco King is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 03-14-2021, 08:08 AM   #5
Disco King
Minion of Satan
 
Disco King's Avatar
 
Location: Banned
Posts: 8,849
Default

Nah, don't kill yourself. Things look bad now, but it's more likely than not that you will get to a place where life feels worth living and your desire to see what it holds for you exceeds your desire to die. Don't deprive future-Squish of that because of what only appears like infinite sadness to present-Squish.

Why haven't you been able to access your therapist through online Zoom sessions?

I gotta leave for work right now, but will I'll probably post more later.

 
Disco King is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 03-14-2021, 08:22 AM   #6
TuralyonW3
Immortal
 
TuralyonW3's Avatar
 
Posts: 25,684
Default

1. That “friend” is not your friend
2. Why can’t you Telehealth with that therapist? Everyone is doing video these days
3. You likely need medication and need to telehealth with a psychiatrist as well
4. “Pain every day” is physical or just mental/emotional? And if physical how so?

 
TuralyonW3 is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 03-14-2021, 11:07 AM   #7
reprise85
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
 
reprise85's Avatar
 
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Squish Squash View Post
I’ve been planning it for two months and one of my friends cut me off because she thinks I’m unhealthy to talk to. I have OCD, depression and possibly borderline personality disorder. I’m 28 and have been alone my entire life despite desperately wanting a romantic partner since I was like 12. I’m in constant pain every day. Corona has prevented me from seeing the therapist I really liked.
I almost made this thread last night so I get you. Your therapist isn't doing telehealth at all? It's actually much more effective than I thought it would be. You are not thinking logically right now, try to remember that even though it seems like you are.
Also try here: https://www.crisistextline.org/text-us/ It might be easier to text than to talk to someone, and it can't hurt, right?

I have also been alone my entire life and while I don't have BPD, I have had severe trauma in my life and have a lot of the same issues with intimacy, trust, attachment, etc. Life can get better, mine is not great but it is certainly stable and way better than I ever thought it would be.

You can always PM me if you want to talk

 
reprise85 is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 03-14-2021, 01:55 PM   #8
Joey Goldberg
Minion of Satan
 
Joey Goldberg's Avatar
 
Location: andy dick NAKED
Posts: 8,168
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Squish Squash View Post
I’ve been planning it for two months and one of my friends cut me off because she thinks I’m unhealthy to talk to. I have OCD, depression and possibly borderline personality disorder. I’m 28 and have been alone my entire life despite desperately wanting a romantic partner since I was like 12. I’m in constant pain every day. Corona has prevented me from seeing the therapist I really liked.
i relate to this pretty hard right now, for what it's worth. except replace "friend" with girlfriend of 3 years. it's hard as fuck but you just have to indulge in the moments that actually do bring you any sort of happiness or relief through all that, and realize something could change at any minute despite how terrible it seems now

 
Joey Goldberg is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 03-14-2021, 01:59 PM   #9
Squish Squash
Apocalyptic Poster
 
Squish Squash's Avatar
 
Location: I should kick you in the sides
Posts: 2,265
Default

Hey guys,

Thanks for all the support. I was just in a really weird state of mind last night I normally wouldn’t make this thread. I absolutely am still dealing with this stuff just as badly unfortunately but I do really appreciate all the support and kindness you guys showed me. You’re good people.

 
Squish Squash is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 03-14-2021, 02:01 PM   #10
Squish Squash
Apocalyptic Poster
 
Squish Squash's Avatar
 
Location: I should kick you in the sides
Posts: 2,265
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by reprise85 View Post
I almost made this thread last night so I get you. Your therapist isn't doing telehealth at all? It's actually much more effective than I thought it would be. You are not thinking logically right now, try to remember that even though it seems like you are.
Also try here: https://www.crisistextline.org/text-us/ It might be easier to text than to talk to someone, and it can't hurt, right?

I have also been alone my entire life and while I don't have BPD, I have had severe trauma in my life and have a lot of the same issues with intimacy, trust, attachment, etc. Life can get better, mine is not great but it is certainly stable and way better than I ever thought it would be.

You can always PM me if you want to talk
Thanks, reprise. I do think I could tolerate being alone better if I had a furry friend like the little guy in your avatar but I’m tight on money rn, my apartments pretty small and I’m afraid to go outside a lot because of rona. I really should get a cat though. I hope you’re feeling better too, I’m sorry you’re going through the same shit.

 
Squish Squash is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 03-14-2021, 02:04 PM   #11
Squish Squash
Apocalyptic Poster
 
Squish Squash's Avatar
 
Location: I should kick you in the sides
Posts: 2,265
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joey Goldberg View Post
i relate to this pretty hard right now, for what it's worth. except replace "friend" with girlfriend of 3 years. it's hard as fuck but you just have to indulge in the moments that actually do bring you any sort of happiness or relief through all that, and realize something could change at any minute despite how terrible it seems now
Sorry to hear that, Joey. How have you been able to avoid trying to rekindle things? I’m wanting to try and contact her (idk if I can she blocked me on IG which is where we talk, even blocked me on the page where she posts pics of her cat which I think is just cruel cuz damn I love cat pics)

 
Squish Squash is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 03-14-2021, 02:36 PM   #12
reprise85
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
 
reprise85's Avatar
 
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Squish Squash View Post
Thanks, reprise. I do think I could tolerate being alone better if I had a furry friend like the little guy in your avatar but I’m tight on money rn, my apartments pretty small and I’m afraid to go outside a lot because of rona. I really should get a cat though. I hope you’re feeling better too, I’m sorry you’re going through the same shit.
I had her in a small studio at first, maybe 220 sq ft. I think if you get an older or otherwise known mellow cat it could be OK. I'm going to PM you, it's not usually that expensive

I promised kitty one day we'd have a big (normal sized) apartment with a patio. No patio yet but yes on the normal apartment. I'm trying to save for a down payment on a condo next year and it WILL have a screened patio

Last edited by reprise85 : 03-14-2021 at 02:41 PM.

 
reprise85 is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 03-14-2021, 03:09 PM   #13
run2pee
Minion of Satan
 
run2pee's Avatar
 
Location: An oasis of horror in a desert of boredom
Posts: 7,742
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Squish Squash View Post
Hey guys,

Thanks for all the support. I was just in a really weird state of mind last night I normally wouldn’t make this thread. I absolutely am still dealing with this stuff just as badly unfortunately but I do really appreciate all the support and kindness you guys showed me. You’re good people.
Squash, sorry i was a dick my snap reaction to your posting was like omg it’s not probably a good idea for anyone to come here to ask for actual or sincere help if actively suicidal, in that it could open one up to some unhelpful battling/bloodsport here on the gen chat, where you’ve had some scrappin with various boarders in the past

But really, you’re right, they are good people aren’t they, and it’s probably a good idea to reach out for help in any way u can. So anyway, sorry. And im glad u found some support today

 
run2pee is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 03-14-2021, 03:17 PM   #14
paranoid
Minion of Satan
 
paranoid's Avatar
 
Location: up a tree
Posts: 7,510
Default

i'm diagnosed old and anxiety as well, and 10 years ago i was basically in this spot. i fought against taking meds for the longest time, and for what reason i do not know, but i've been on them for 5 years now and i feel like i have my life back. it gets better.. as cliche as that might sound it's true.

 
paranoid is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 03-14-2021, 04:17 PM   #15
smashingjj
real estate cowboy
 
smashingjj's Avatar
 
Location: if Monsanto and Purdue Pharma had a baby
Posts: 36,880
Default

If only YSEM were here to talk down on you, like she did so well in a situation like this. You'd feel better in no time.

 
smashingjj is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 03-14-2021, 06:42 PM   #16
Shallowed
Braindead
 
Posts: 18,608
Default


 
Shallowed is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 03-14-2021, 08:07 PM   #17
MyOneAndOnly
Shut the fuck up!
 
MyOneAndOnly's Avatar
 
Location: "Okay, white power feminist" - yo soy el mejor
Posts: 23,879
Default

i was planning to suicide about 3 and a half years ago. I planned it and did a bunch of weird shit. Flew to the west coast to "visit" some friends, but really it was to say good bye to them (they didn't know that).

But i didn't do it. Came very close.

Try to find a therapist you can talk to online. I've been meeting with mine online using a video app. It's fairly effective, and actually easier than going to her office.

 
MyOneAndOnly is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 03-14-2021, 09:03 PM   #18
buzzard
Minion of Satan
 
buzzard's Avatar
 
Posts: 6,781
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Squish Squash View Post
How have you been able to avoid trying to rekindle things? I’m wanting to try and contact her (idk if I can she blocked me on IG which is where we talk, even blocked me on the page where she posts pics of her cat which I think is just cruel cuz damn I love cat pics)
Admittedly without knowing the ins and outs of this particular situation, I'd be tempted to suggest in any case that anchoring your sense of self-worth or whatever it is to the whims of another person is inherently fraught with risk and that it might be important to focus on motivators that come more from yourself.

I do gather from the wording of your question that you're aware of this, of course, but figure it might be worth reiterating on the off-chance you're on the fence about it.

 
buzzard is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 03-15-2021, 01:52 PM   #19
Squish Squash
Apocalyptic Poster
 
Squish Squash's Avatar
 
Location: I should kick you in the sides
Posts: 2,265
Default

I’m not gonna respond to every post because it’s overwhelming (I apologize guys I know I’m the one who made the thread although in my defense I was extremely high and emotionally unstable when I made it), so just will say these things:

•Re: therapist. I have one. He’s a terrific guy and I like him but I don’t always have an easy time opening up to him. It’s much easier for me to talk about my problems with women, because I feel safer with them. Which brings me to my next point...
•My female friend was tired of me relying on her for emotional support. She had complained about this before and said I needed to use a therapist, and I have apologized and tried but it’s been hard for me since the pandemic started and I stopped seeing my female therapist who I saw for biofeedback (she specializes in that so my dad at least said I couldn’t just do zooms with her for various reasons idk). I definitely have relied more on my friend since I lost that therapist. But to just cut me of and block me on social media (she even blocked me from viewing her cat’s Instagram which I feel is just cruel) is excessive, I would have given her space if that’s what she wanted. Also it strikes me as intensively hypocritical for someone who’s always saying I can’t rely on a partner to solve my problems and do stuff for me to cut off one of her best friends because her partner suggested it.
•Stuff really hasn’t gotten better for me, it keeps getting worse and part of me thinks life will never return to pre-Corona times. And because I wasted my entire life before the coronavirus hit I feel like I’ll never get to do a lot of the things I wanted to now.

 
Squish Squash is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 03-16-2021, 03:49 AM   #20
Ram27
dumb
 
Ram27's Avatar
 
Location: $8.6 million embezzled funds
Posts: 11,358
Default

Quote:
she even blocked me from viewing her cat’s Instagram which I feel is just cruel
don't take that personally or anything. from her POV, she's just trying to be thorough in sending the message that she wants to be left alone. guys [not necessarily you] do crazy dumb shit when women are involved in an emotional situation.

re:COVID things are legit getting better. vaccines are rolling out and there are tons of good headlines. when temperatures start to get really nice, lockdown will be de facto over

 
Ram27 is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 03-21-2021, 10:20 PM   #21
Shallowed
Braindead
 
Posts: 18,608
Default

Squish Squash, are you there? Your profile says you were last online just after you made your last post.

 
Shallowed is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 03-21-2021, 10:27 PM   #22
Shallowed
Braindead
 
Posts: 18,608
Default

I was gonna address your post, because I think you need some perspective, but I didn't know how to put it in a way that was gentle enough if you're feeling suicidal.

 
Shallowed is offline
Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Google


Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 05:34 PM.




Smashing Pumpkins, Alternative Music
& General Discussion Message Board and Forums
www.netphoria.org - Copyright © 1998-2022