Netphoria Message Board


Go Back   Netphoria Message Board > General Boards > General Chat Message Board
Register Netphoria's Amazon.com Link Members List Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 06-10-2020, 01:59 PM   #1
Ram27
dumb
 
Ram27's Avatar
 
Location: $8.6 million embezzled funds
Posts: 11,358
Default lowkey starting college again. freaking myself the fuck out

i went to a tough school in a tough major right out of high school, had no idea what i was doing. longtime viewers may recall that eventually i got super lonely, super depressed, developed high octane alcoholism, and stopped caring about anything

took a year or so off. i still wanna finish my degree somehow, so i'm trying to ease into it and not completely fuck up any progress i've made [mentally i'm doing 100x better than 2018]. just started this criminal justice 101 course. It's freaking. me. out.

i'm getting tense and shit all over again. seeing assignments in canvas and all that. i hate being in an environment where i can be evaluated, given value, have that value compared to others', then have to predicate my self-worth on that.

just the FEAR of knowing it's my job to learn a concept by the end of the week, then next week hey guess what motherfucker there's more unfamiliarity you have to familiarize yourself with. ugh. not to mention it's all totally manufactured and artificial -- like if i'm stressed it's because some guy in a shirt put together the course requirements. it's not a 'real' issue like oh shit i don't have enough for rent this month

 
Ram27 is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 06-10-2020, 02:01 PM   #2
Ram27
dumb
 
Ram27's Avatar
 
Location: $8.6 million embezzled funds
Posts: 11,358
Default

also jesus fucking christ i just spent half an hour on my first assignment which was writing like 200 words about personal freedom but i wrote this bitch which is like the exact same length in 5 minutes

 
Ram27 is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 06-10-2020, 02:52 PM   #3
yo soy el mejor
Just Hook it to My Veins!
 
yo soy el mejor's Avatar
 
Location: all over the Internet
Posts: 44,548
Default

that's cool. i went back to school at 29 and am graduating this year and rolling straight into a graduate public policy program. i was a straight F student starting in 5th grade and barely passed high school cause i was too busy skipping and goofing off. i hated school and homework because i wasn't engaged or challenged so f school. i still hate educational institutions and their exclusivity and upholding of the status quo and educational requirements being a barrier to employment. but these days i can hate school and still bring myself to do the work because it's really just a means to an end. fuck school.

 
yo soy el mejor is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 06-10-2020, 02:57 PM   #4
yo soy el mejor
Just Hook it to My Veins!
 
yo soy el mejor's Avatar
 
Location: all over the Internet
Posts: 44,548
Default

also found out a bad ass professor is being fired because she makes white senior administration uncomfortable. turns out it a trend at our school and some of us are pissed so an email chain spread into creating a coalition. frikken last week of school and this is the first time i've talked to students outside of the classroom.

 
yo soy el mejor is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 06-10-2020, 03:05 PM   #5
Alice
Minion of Satan
 
Alice's Avatar
 
Location: i am volatile, a free spirit, a rogue agent
Posts: 6,254
Default

Congrats on all the progress and good luck. Do you know what you want to do when you graduate? Sorry if that’s an anxiety inducing question

 
Alice is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 06-10-2020, 03:09 PM   #6
Alice
Minion of Satan
 
Alice's Avatar
 
Location: i am volatile, a free spirit, a rogue agent
Posts: 6,254
Default

I often fantasize about doing graduate school but I don’t know. I’m not sure if there’s anything I’d want to study that would be worth the investment. Or maybe I’m just being too rigid about it. I’ve been thinking about this more and more often lately

 
Alice is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 06-10-2020, 04:29 PM   #7
pavementtune
**************
 
pavementtune's Avatar
 
Location: I'm a quitter. I come from a long line of quitters. It's amazing I'm here at all.
Posts: 8,661
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ram27 View Post
it's not a 'real' issue like oh shit i don't have enough for rent this month
That's the beauty of it, though. The "real issues" in a job and outside of work are stressful after a couple of years. Compared to worrying and being exhausted, academics is a nice journey where you can read stuff you'll never have the time for again.

I went back to uni for the third time, I'll be at least 40 by the time this run is finished. And I already know what courses I'd like to take after that. My mom took courses until she was 70, my brother is also studying again and he's over 50 (mind you, university costs next to nothing there.)

In short, don't freak out, I promise you that you'll look back at your college days in 20 years, wishing you could trade some "real issues" for some assignments.

 
pavementtune is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 06-10-2020, 05:23 PM   #8
smashingjj
real estate cowboy
 
smashingjj's Avatar
 
Location: if Monsanto and Purdue Pharma had a baby
Posts: 36,880
Default

it's all relative though, isn't it

if this is a big factor of stress for ram, those words aren't gonna help him, I'm afraid

instead he should address his inner stress with the words

ENOUGH!!

SHUT THE FUCK UP!

 
smashingjj is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 06-10-2020, 05:26 PM   #9
pavementtune
**************
 
pavementtune's Avatar
 
Location: I'm a quitter. I come from a long line of quitters. It's amazing I'm here at all.
Posts: 8,661
Default


STOP RUINING EVERY THREAD


like this? no problem, you fascist!

 
pavementtune is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 06-10-2020, 05:28 PM   #10
smashingjj
real estate cowboy
 
smashingjj's Avatar
 
Location: if Monsanto and Purdue Pharma had a baby
Posts: 36,880
Default

yes, definitely showing improvement!

 
smashingjj is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 06-10-2020, 05:32 PM   #11
Squish Squash
Apocalyptic Poster
 
Squish Squash's Avatar
 
Location: I should kick you in the sides
Posts: 2,265
Default

Mod fight!

 
Squish Squash is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 06-10-2020, 05:36 PM   #12
Squish Squash
Apocalyptic Poster
 
Squish Squash's Avatar
 
Location: I should kick you in the sides
Posts: 2,265
Default

Don't be too hard on yourself. If we weren't in the Covid age, I would encourage you to do stuff on campus, but alas. Practice self-care and do stuff that makes you happy, but allocate time for you to do your work as well. I never followed this advice myself (in spring 2017, my last semester of college at the moment, I spent an absurd amount of time high and eating junk food or asleep), but I definitely should have. Don't be like Squish Squash or you'll end up obsessively posting about how amazing the former bassist for a no longer relevant 90s alternative rock band is.

 
Squish Squash is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 06-10-2020, 05:47 PM   #13
Disco King
Minion of Satan
 
Disco King's Avatar
 
Location: Banned
Posts: 8,847
Default

I don't know what advice to give, because I used to be smart and university came so easy to me that I was like, "how is any of this supposed to be hard?" I felt more like a trained seal than somebody doing anything important because it was all to easy to be meaningful.

Then my depression caught up with me and I because dumb and couldn't complete shit. The difficulty of the material did not change. I understood everything. I just couldn't bring myself to do anything.

Then in my last semester, I pulled shit together and got good marks again.

I wish I could give you solid tips like, "make a schedule, follow a timetable, highlight notes in this specific way," but honestly, none of that shit worked for me because any strategy I'd try to employ to tackle my procrastination just became an extra step that I'd procrastinate on, pushing the problem back a step. In the end, either I did something or I didn't. There was no magic trick that helped me.

 
Disco King is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 06-10-2020, 05:51 PM   #14
Squish Squash
Apocalyptic Poster
 
Squish Squash's Avatar
 
Location: I should kick you in the sides
Posts: 2,265
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Disco King View Post
I don't know what advice to give, because I used to be smart and university came so easy to me that I was like, "how is any of this supposed to be hard?" I felt more like a trained seal than somebody doing anything important because it was all to easy to be meaningful.

Then my depression caught up with me and I because dumb and couldn't complete shit. The difficulty of the material did not change. I understood everything. I just couldn't bring myself to do anything.

Then in my last semester, I pulled shit together and got good marks again.

I wish I could give you solid tips like, "make a schedule, follow a timetable, highlight notes in this specific way," but honestly, none of that shit worked for me because any strategy I'd try to employ to tackle my procrastination just became an extra step that I'd procrastinate on, pushing the problem back a step. In the end, either I did something or I didn't. There was no magic trick that helped me.
Holy shit I empathize with this so much man. I feel like I've become significantly dumber than I was in high school (I'm 27) because of my mental illnesses. I'm sorry depression is something you have to deal with, but I'm glad you were able to persevere and finish college. I hope you're still getting help for it or helping yourself at the least.

 
Squish Squash is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 06-10-2020, 05:58 PM   #15
smashingjj
real estate cowboy
 
smashingjj's Avatar
 
Location: if Monsanto and Purdue Pharma had a baby
Posts: 36,880
Default

yes, same here. couldn't bring myself to do anything because of depression, had to quit it even because it was only getting worse.

 
smashingjj is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 06-10-2020, 06:26 PM   #16
Squish Squash
Apocalyptic Poster
 
Squish Squash's Avatar
 
Location: I should kick you in the sides
Posts: 2,265
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by smashingjj View Post
yes, same here. couldn't bring myself to do anything because of depression, had to quit it even because it was only getting worse.
Same. Sometimes you gotta quit to save yourself. BTW, I think there's probably a strong correlation between struggling with depression and being a fan of the Smashing Pumpkins.

 
Squish Squash is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 06-10-2020, 06:29 PM   #17
ovary
Ownz
 
Posts: 903
Default

am i the only one that assumed squish squash was like 15

 
ovary is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 06-10-2020, 06:33 PM   #18
Squish Squash
Apocalyptic Poster
 
Squish Squash's Avatar
 
Location: I should kick you in the sides
Posts: 2,265
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ovary View Post
am i the only one that assumed squish squash was like 15
I mean that's probably a pretty accurate age for me emotionally.

 
Squish Squash is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 06-10-2020, 06:35 PM   #19
smashingjj
real estate cowboy
 
smashingjj's Avatar
 
Location: if Monsanto and Purdue Pharma had a baby
Posts: 36,880
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Squish Squash View Post
Same. Sometimes you gotta quit to save yourself. BTW, I think there's probably a strong correlation between struggling with depression and being a fan of the Smashing Pumpkins.
after having been on this forum for over 20 years (LOL! Shoot me in the face asap!) I can pretty much say that's a fact.

 
smashingjj is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 06-10-2020, 06:38 PM   #20
smashingjj
real estate cowboy
 
smashingjj's Avatar
 
Location: if Monsanto and Purdue Pharma had a baby
Posts: 36,880
Default

I just reread what I wrote and I'm gonna squish squash my face with a steamroller. Brb

 
smashingjj is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 06-10-2020, 06:41 PM   #21
Disco King
Minion of Satan
 
Disco King's Avatar
 
Location: Banned
Posts: 8,847
Default

It's even stronger than the correlation between struggling with depression and singing in the Smashing Pumpkins.

 
Disco King is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 06-10-2020, 08:47 PM   #22
Ram27
dumb
 
Ram27's Avatar
 
Location: $8.6 million embezzled funds
Posts: 11,358
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alice View Post
Congrats on all the progress and good luck. Do you know what you want to do when you graduate? Sorry if that’s an anxiety inducing question
Thanks! Yeah that’s kinda tricky. first time at school the stuff I enjoyed a lot was sports broadcasting, but that’s a whole emotional/actual mess because i’m a dumbass. i lowkey wanna do some sort of something with this criminal justice thing — be like someone who helps people that have gotten fucked by the system

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alice View Post
I often fantasize about doing graduate school but I don’t know. I’m not sure if there’s anything I’d want to study that would be worth the investment. Or maybe I’m just being too rigid about it. I’ve been thinking about this more and more often lately
yeah i totally feel that. i’m interested in lots of things but once they get a certain level of complicated i stop caring. unless i can major in SP live bootlegs.

actually shit even that would suck. finals week i have 3 papers like ‘what’s the best live drum sound from 1996 and why’ and i have like 50 tabs open to remo and archive.org and shit

Quote:
Originally Posted by pavementtune View Post
That's the beauty of it, though. The "real issues" in a job and outside of work are stressful after a couple of years. Compared to worrying and being exhausted, academics is a nice journey where you can read stuff you'll never have the time for again.

I went back to uni for the third time, I'll be at least 40 by the time this run is finished. And I already know what courses I'd like to take after that. My mom took courses until she was 70, my brother is also studying again and he's over 50 (mind you, university costs next to nothing there.)

In short, don't freak out, I promise you that you'll look back at your college days in 20 years, wishing you could trade some "real issues" for some assignments.
ha, thank you, i hope.

my brain is built weird like that - totally able to romanticize what it can’t have — yesterday i went to my normal job and it felt fucking trivial compared to normal, just because i knew i had to go home after and start academic stuff

Quote:
Originally Posted by Squish Squash View Post
Don't be too hard on yourself. If we weren't in the Covid age, I would encourage you to do stuff on campus, but alas. Practice self-care and do stuff that makes you happy, but allocate time for you to do your work as well. I never followed this advice myself (in spring 2017, my last semester of college at the moment, I spent an absurd amount of time high and eating junk food or asleep), but I definitely should have. Don't be like Squish Squash or you'll end up obsessively posting about how amazing the former bassist for a no longer relevant 90s alternative rock band is.
hey now i spen[t/d] years doing that with jimmy!

thru therapy and stuff i think i’ve somehow learned to compartmentalize my feelings and worries about a topic to a particular work session. at least for the last few days. then i just play guitar or some shit to transition my mind away

 
Ram27 is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 06-10-2020, 09:04 PM   #23
reprise85
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
 
reprise85's Avatar
 
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
Default

i started school again at i think 28 or something like that.

i really enjoyed it, but i'm also a perfectionist and got a 4.0 and did honors, etc.

if i ever go back i can't do that shit again to myself. and i don't know if i can do school any other way.

in conclusion: you got dis

 
reprise85 is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 06-10-2020, 11:45 PM   #24
yo soy el mejor
Just Hook it to My Veins!
 
yo soy el mejor's Avatar
 
Location: all over the Internet
Posts: 44,548
Default

3.7 in the house! probs gonna get bumped up after my final grades tho

haha grades are dumb, but it's just like doing well in a game with yourself or some junk

 
yo soy el mejor is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 06-11-2020, 12:11 AM   #25
reprise85
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
 
reprise85's Avatar
 
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
Default

yes, completely pointless, especially since i didn't go to graduate school

 
reprise85 is offline
Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Google


Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
So when is Jimmy coming back? Elphenor Smashing Pumpkins/Billy Corgan Discussion 42 08-06-2021 01:57 PM
Thinking of having a band play at your college? Here are the prices. KingJeremy Music Board Archive 17 01-12-2003 03:35 AM
post here and I will assign you an animal spa ced General Chat Archive 85 12-13-2002 03:21 AM
If Netphoria Were A Soundtrack, Would You Buy It Or Download It For Free, You Bastard sppunk General Chat Archive 4 12-13-2002 03:01 AM
If America Had Never Been Established, Would You Still Be Democratic? sppunk General Chat Archive 3 12-13-2002 02:56 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:09 AM.




Smashing Pumpkins, Alternative Music
& General Discussion Message Board and Forums
www.netphoria.org - Copyright © 1998-2022