Friday/Saturday drunk or otherwise thread

[qwerty sp]

Originally Posted by ohnoitsbonnie

Just ban me already, andyslash. I'm not liked here and I've tried but I just feel sad

I like you

[LaBelle]

I like the bawnie.

[FlamingGlobes]

@rbg -- Wish I had advice. I do question what she sees in her boyfriend if he is as big a turd as he sounds. Does she feel trapped/guilty? Does she just want to stick with the comfort of familiarity? Is he especially well-hung? Apologies if you've gone over this (I haven't been paying close attention). The whole situation reads to me like she is getting from you what she's not getting from her boyfriend, without giving you the benefits he enjoys. I don't want to say you're being used, but be cautious.

@bonnie -- Are you cereal? I thought most everyone here liked you?

[ohnoitsbonnie]

I like most of y'all too and I'm not gonna be passive aggressive. I will tell you if I don't. Also I made a pasta dish and I'm drinking I decided to be an alcoholic after all.

[ohnoitsbonnie]

@flamingglobees I figged out last night and was even bad to my good friend joeri that I really do love a lot because I can't handle rejection and cattiness. I have a good relationship with my bf, teachers, at my job, when I do election days etc. but sometimes netphoria is too much like high school you know? Unfortunately you're all a part of me now

[ohnoitsbonnie]

Also fortunately because I love

[ohnoitsbonnie]

I mention election days because I get to deal with a lot of people those days. And I'm not one of those people that makes a big deal when I go shopping and am upset. I'm pretty quiet.

[Cool As Ice Cream]

Originally Posted by ohnoitsbonnie

I decided to be an alcoholic after all.

cool!

[ohnoitsbonnie]

Bad news though: I'm drinking Japanese beer and sake. Can't take me anywhere

[FlamingGlobes]

Ah, I love sake.

That's all I have to offer atm.

[FlamingGlobes]

Alright I'm gonna log off and eat dinner. Have fun everyone. bonnie, don't pee on any of Mike's consoles.

[MplsTaper]

Originally Posted by FoolofaTook

So what high did you get drugs off?

Mostly marijuana and alcohol.

Originally Posted by FlamingGlobes

Wait, Stabbing Westward are touring? This is a thing again?

I stopped following sometime in the late 90s but apparently they released a s/t album in 2002 then broke up. I thought the set sounded great.

[FlamingGlobes]

I knew they had released the self-titled (in 2001). It was pretty mediocre and they busted up soon after that. I knew they had reunited for a show last year; didn't realize it was a full-blown thing again.

Wither, Blister, Burn + Peel and Darkest Days were a big part of my soundtrack growing up.

[redbreegull]

Originally Posted by FlamingGlobes

@rbg -- Wish I had advice. I do question what she sees in her boyfriend if he is as big a turd as he sounds. Does she feel trapped/guilty? Does she just want to stick with the comfort of familiarity? Is he especially well-hung? Apologies if you've gone over this (I haven't been paying close attention). The whole situation reads to me like she is getting from you what she's not getting from her boyfriend, without giving you the benefits he enjoys. I don't want to say you're being used, but be cautious.

He makes her feel guilty all the time so he can get his way. When they first started dating she told him she had multiple boyfriends and that is what she likes and if he wanted to be with her he had to understand that. Of course he said it was ok, then proceeded to guilt her into not only ending our romantic relationship, but into pushing me away in general to the point where she said she would feel she was hurting him even by talking to me. I think she is afraid of how he will react if she expresses dissatisfaction with the relationship. I just don't fucking get it. Apparently recently he has been dragging her out to all these cocktail bars, getting really drunk, and then starting "brutal arguments" with her. He also has trouble sleeping so he regularly wakes her by punching the shit out of the bed in frustration. Sounds like a great dude, right?

She's lonely. It's hard for her to relate to most other people. She comes from a family where no one really gives a shit about each other and she is terrified of growing old with no one around to love her and support her.

I would say that I feel used, except that what happened this weekend was a huge 180 from the last 2 months where she was being so stand-offish that hearing from her every few weeks was a big deal. I do think you are right, that she was looking for me to show her a kind of affection her boyfriend is incapable of. And yeah, I get no benefits. At this moment I guess I'm just hoping that I can keep showing her how good this could be.

[redbreegull]

as soon as she got back to New York last night she texted me. I said how are you?

"tired and sad"

"why sad?"

"I miss you so much already."

seriously fuck my goddamn life this is bullshit

[freshfacedyouth]

sending posi-vibes your way rbg

[ohnoitsbonnie]

Ok he doesn't sound great but he is a person that with feelings and issues that he'll hopefully work on in the future. I've been that other person. There's a lot of ways we justify what we (selfishly) do by stating that the other person brings this out in us or won't let us do that etc. She needs to choose.

[ohnoitsbonnie]

Originally Posted by freshfacedyouth

sending posi-vibes your way rbg

Same. I'm sorry if I ever come across as judgemental. You know my history so I'm not the most rational.

[ohnoitsbonnie]

Nothing she does justifys his actions but at the same time nothing he does is justifying hers. If she can't live without you, regardless of how you feel, then she really has to leave and cope with that.

[ohnoitsbonnie]

It's ordinary for someone used to monogamy to be uneasy when their partner is still talking to past sex partners. Honestly rbg she is emotionally cheating on the both of you.

[redbreegull]

Originally Posted by ohnoitsbonnie

It's ordinary for someone used to monogamy to be uneasy when their partner is still talking to past sex partners. Honestly rbg she is emotionally cheating on the both of you.

I get this but it doesn't make it reasonable to me. If you come into a situation, are told how it has to be, say you are ok with it, and then over time guilt your partner into changing for you... I don't respect that at all.

[buzzard]

Originally Posted by redbreegull

He also has trouble sleeping so he regularly wakes her by punching the shit out of the bed in frustration.

Do you happen to know if this helps?

Melatonin isn't over-the-counter here.

[ohnoitsbonnie]

Originally Posted by redbreegull

I get this but it doesn't make it reasonable to me. If you come into a situation, are told how it has to be, say you are ok with it, and then over time guilt your partner into changing for you... I don't respect that at all.

Yes this is manipulation and it' abuse.

[fuzzyroes]

Originally Posted by redbreegull

She told me that she feels she has to give up part of who she is to be with him

dude, do all you can to get her back if that's what you truly desire. She's giving you a window, an opportunity, almost an invitation for you to get back with her... If you like her and play it like a gentlemen then you're stupid!

[redbreegull]

well I wasn't that gentlemanly, I got in bed and snuggled the shit out of her all night. Her boyfriend would probably literally kill me if he knew.

She said, "we can't do anything," and I respected that... To try to kiss her or something after explicitly being told no would be rapey



I guess I perceive only three choices, 1 being do nothing and let her go, 2 being give her an ultimatum, and 3 being continue to reach out and show her my love and support while she is here and hope she makes the right choice

[fuzzyroes]

Number 3' probably is the best option if you truly love her and care for her. It sounds like she already realizes that she's not happy with the new guy and knows he's not gonna fulfill her needs in the long run...

Then again... You can't rely on her to come to her senses, too often people are miserable and just accept the complacent situation that they're in and then learn to embrace it.

[ohnoitsbonnie]

Wow fuzzy you're being somewhat helpful tonight. Please take this as incouraging.

[fuzzyroes]

***hugs for Bonnie***

[redbreegull]

yeah that actually was pretty grounded advice fuzzy, thanks.

I did put everything out in the open. I told her straight to her face, "I want us to be together." So she knows how I feel. There is no more trying to show her I am devoted without having the balls to just be explicit. If what she is doing now is reaching out and testing the waters or something, I want to show her I am here and I want her to remember how good this could be.

[ohnoitsbonnie]

Encouraging I meant. I'm drunk and thinking of fossils. Rbg I would give her an ultimatum. But then I think that it sounds too harsh and in your shoes I wouldn't be able to go they with it. But something has to give because this languishing sux