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Old Yesterday, 07:17 PM   #1981
Disco King
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Is it from the drugs, do you reckon?
Tenants putting drugs in the laundry machine in lieu of detergent does tend to degrade performance over time, so possibly.

 
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Old Yesterday, 07:21 PM   #1982
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But seriously, I do hope you have a good prognosis. The world deserves much more than another ten years of Reprise.

 
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Old Yesterday, 07:51 PM   #1983
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Originally Posted by vixnix View Post
reprise I really hope it's not that. Is it from the drugs, do you reckon?

I've come off all of mine and I feel like shit, every day

But when I stopped taking the duloxetine I felt a bunch of knee and ankle pain from all the excess weight I'm carrying, which was really scary. The duloxetine had been doing a great job of blocking it, I think.

This is such a standard cycle for me now I quit meds, lose a bunch of weight, fall into a deep depression, go back on the meds, feel better, gain a shit ton of weight.

stupid malfunctioning traumatised brain that refuses to heal.
I'm sure all the metabolism it has to deal with from the meds doesn't help, but it's mostly due to weight and being unlucky most likely. I've already been considering bariatric surgery and this makes me want it even more. And liver fibrosis can be reversed but not cirrhosis so if it is that bad it might be too late.

I dunno if my doctor will recommend getting off the liver-taxing drugs. It would definitely be risky to get off what has been keeping me stable. But obviously if it's life and death I would do it.

That is scary about the knee and ankle pain, I don't want to feel that either. I've been having some knee pain lately and it sucks and I know it's just going to get worse. I don't have ankle issues (yet) but my right foot hurts a lot in the area of my old foot injury, tendonitis or something IDK.

I'm sorry you feel like shit Stupid malfunctioning traumatized brain here too, so I understand. I haven't tried to get off of them though pretty much ever. That shit scares me a lot, I never want to go back. Even when I have micro-episodes (a few days) of suicidal ideation now it sucks so much, I can't believe I dealt with that all the time for so long. I still have mild SI a lot but that's different... Honestly if I was dealing with it all day every day I don't know how long I'd let myself deal with it before just doing the big jump. It's not worth it, for me. But you have a family and good things in your life that I don't have that must make it worth it and I'm sure would make it worth it for me too

I read that report and hugged my cat for a while and thought about how ironic it is that I wanted for so long to die and now if I'm on a fatal course I don't want it. I want to die on my terms I guess :/ I also called my mom and I wanted so bad to tell her but I don't want to worry her if I'm somehow unnecessarily making a big deal out of this. So I just talked about the job interview and stuff

I mean I am excited for the job interview. it's a unit secretary at the behavioral unit at a huge hospital near me. so basically keeping everything supplied and organizing all of the paperwork from the nurses, docs, techs, etc. and prob other stuff i'm sure. i never expected to get called for it because they "require" hospital experience but I do at least know the psych lingo and shit which should help a lot

 
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Old Yesterday, 07:56 PM   #1984
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But seriously, I do hope you have a good prognosis. The world deserves much more than another ten years of Reprise.
thanks. i hope it is good, too. i'm sure i'll hear from the doc tomorrow. i'm assuming if nothing else he'll even more strongly recommend surgery and i probably need frequent cancer screenings as well

 
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Old Today, 10:39 AM   #1985
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i'm hoping for the best possible outcome. life is really just needlessly hard sometimes, stupid fucking meat bodies. -hugs-

 
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Old Today, 02:27 PM   #1986
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Old Today, 02:36 PM   #1987
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Hoping you get a good prognosis tomorrow reprise.

 
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Old Today, 02:47 PM   #1988
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thanks guys. still no doctor call. pretty surprising. maybe they are already doing some follow up testing but i don't see how, there's no specimen or anything

 
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Old Today, 04:08 PM   #1989
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Really wish I could come up with something you haven't heard already to offer my support or make you feel better. Regardless, I'm thinking of you and hoping for the best possible outcome.

 
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Old Today, 05:59 PM   #1990
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thanks.

i talked to my sister today and told her. i feel guilty about it but i guess telling someone in the family was good. but i don't want to worry her... worry does no good for anyone. i told her i'm not telling my mom until the doc tells me what the deal is. this is informed speculation but still speculation to a degree. but either way, my liver is not in good condition and something has to be done. hopefully it's just the kind of damage that can still be reversed

 
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