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09-28-2021, 01:26 AM | #31 |
Minion of Satan
Location: An oasis of horror in a desert of boredom
Posts: 7,742
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What does sectioned mean? Guess i wasn’t in long enough to find out
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09-28-2021, 04:08 AM | #32 |
Braindead
Location: PROWLING THE BADLANDS
Posts: 17,399
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This reads like ego death. Were there any other drugs involved?
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09-28-2021, 04:37 AM | #33 |
Braindead
Location: PROWLING THE BADLANDS
Posts: 17,399
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I don't really have anything useful to say, but sorry for your pain R2P.
It's been a monumental challenge trying to hold it together, for sure. I know it is for me. I just had to quarantine for 14 days and I feel barely able to talk to people and be a real person atm. With all this reality crumbling away thing, our fav vices, and time to reflect about all the horrible shit you've done and was done to you... It's like depersonalization/derealization on a global scale. And ofc personal as well. You are not alone in dealing with this. |
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09-28-2021, 05:05 AM | #34 |
Braindead
Posts: 18,608
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09-28-2021, 10:41 AM | #35 |
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
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09-28-2021, 02:13 PM | #36 |
Just Hook it to My Veins!
Location: Donald Trump of Netphoria
Posts: 37,215
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can we do the bathtub thing again only i'm in the bathtub and you're puking on my hobbit?
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09-28-2021, 02:14 PM | #37 |
Minion of Satan
Location: An oasis of horror in a desert of boredom
Posts: 7,742
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09-28-2021, 02:14 PM | #38 |
Minion of Satan
Location: An oasis of horror in a desert of boredom
Posts: 7,742
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It was the kind of barf where u barf
Then u have to barf some more b/c of how disgusting the barf was |
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09-28-2021, 02:19 PM | #39 |
Minion of Satan
Location: An oasis of horror in a desert of boredom
Posts: 7,742
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Nope just the lingering benzo/Librium/Valium combo, about let’s just say 10-12 beers, bout 25 microhits, and a lip fulla Copenhagen. Felt like i was floating out of control so thought the hot bath would ground me to my body, like self care. Like lizzo
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09-28-2021, 02:20 PM | #40 |
Minion of Satan
Location: An oasis of horror in a desert of boredom
Posts: 7,742
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Word of warning: microhits will not always save u from nausea if u add too many things like that
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09-28-2021, 02:28 PM | #41 | |
Minion of Satan
Location: An oasis of horror in a desert of boredom
Posts: 7,742
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Quote:
Thanks for the support. You’ve always been right there when ive shared struggles. Wish i could be near to provide u the support u need. If it’s hard talking to those other folks, just think some of them probably broke out a mental hospital like me so like with the cockroaches in my super 8, or Bigfoot hisself, they may even be more afraid than u are of them |
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09-30-2021, 01:50 PM | #42 |
Minion of Satan
Location: An oasis of horror in a desert of boredom
Posts: 7,742
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Wheel-chair bound perennially suicidal class clown veteran silver haired alpha named Nate (favorite joke was telling our less literary sister/brethren what does coitus mean, really knee slappin style delivery) and i thought ok this man will be insufferable god please let him not latch onto me
Then made the mistake he caught me reading Passport to Magonia during lunch time, and by gosh did he have something to tell me about the spooky world. So i thought oh shit but at least maybe he will tell me some wacky spirit tales Instead he told me a pretty good Bigfoot story later on during art therapy where we were making slime out of like shaving cream and some other stuff, dunno i was head on desk from tranqs Valium etc So Bigfoot story was ok, best part is he said it was as loud as an approaching train when it got pissed. Also they have no necks. And they’re black, and the natives won’t go near there but Nate was on special secret soldier times But then i noticed the instant i stopped making eye contact while he talked, he elbowed me in the arm. Like pretty good elbow like, “hey wtf man this is a good story you’re gonna miss it” Then he wanted to tell me the same story the next day during Tech Hour where we discovered there is anger in the world, before everything devolved because Tim was having a real bad day But before class broke up, Nate kept elbowing even tho i made sorta point of like taking notes and nodding to the Tech. And got more forceful, and got more pissed the more i looked away. Saw some other ppl like “oh shit Nate found a new one.” And this was like insistent. Quick as your eyes leave yours, nudge. Tap. Jab. Had to be at least a dozen or so more aggressive jabs in the space of 10 minutes But elbowing wasn’t even near on the Techs radar, they were at capacity with a mixed bunch and they mostly wanted our little number 2 pencils back so we wouldn’t stab each other and ourselves in the neck. So i had like no recourse, just got elbowed and told the same Bigfoot story for 5 days So fuck Bigfoot Last edited by run2pee : 09-30-2021 at 02:01 PM. Reason: Jabs |
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09-30-2021, 02:38 PM | #43 |
Just Hook it to My Veins!
Location: Donald Trump of Netphoria
Posts: 37,215
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I thought you escaped?
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09-30-2021, 06:35 PM | #44 |
Minion of Satan
Location: An oasis of horror in a desert of boredom
Posts: 7,742
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When u escape they let u keep the stories
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09-30-2021, 06:44 PM | #45 |
Just Hook it to My Veins!
Location: Donald Trump of Netphoria
Posts: 37,215
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you should go back to your family, man. hotels are no place to get sober. i should know ...
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09-30-2021, 11:24 PM | #46 | |
Minion of Satan
Location: An oasis of horror in a desert of boredom
Posts: 7,742
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Quote:
Astonishingly enough my dad has really come thru and offered to let me stay in his room he keeps at my grandmas house. So gonna head there Saturday start doing smart recovery and listen to my dad talk to me about doomsday and Joey Smith Jr you’re abuout to see a side of running 2 pee like u never even |
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10-01-2021, 03:35 AM | #47 |
Braindead
Location: Ignore List
Posts: 17,229
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Just doubling back to send some encouragement. I'm not much of an expert on many things, but I am a professional at doing drugs then quitting drugs. I know firsthand that detox is brutal yet survivable. I've been thinking about what you're going through, and I can't lie about the anxiety spike it's given me because I remember clearly the misery of quitting heroin, quitting benzos, quitting cigarettes, and even the discomfort of quitting pot. (There was no misery in quitting meth, only joy.) This is kind of a crappy message of support but you're definitely not alone, if my sideways ass could stay clean and stable for more than 4 years now then you're more than capable, if that's what you want for yourself. If you want someone to joke around with or talk to as you go over these hurdles, I'm here. We're all here.
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10-01-2021, 03:42 AM | #48 |
Braindead
Location: Ignore List
Posts: 17,229
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I'm highly uncomfortable with having written that, so I hope you understand my intention
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10-01-2021, 01:57 PM | #49 | ||
Minion of Satan
Location: An oasis of horror in a desert of boredom
Posts: 7,742
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Quote:
Quote:
For me this time it will be no alcohol marijuana or dirty movies. Gonna leave the nicotine gum and caffeine problem for a little later on |
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10-01-2021, 05:25 PM | #50 |
Braindead
Location: Ignore List
Posts: 17,229
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Yeah, tackling one at a time is what I did, too. I quit hard drugs about a year before quitting pot, then quit cigs a few months later. I think nicotine is the absolute hardest thing to kick. The fact that I only have a close approximation of the exact time I quit everything else and know the precise day of my last cigarette (Nov 15 2017) speaks to that. I think most people save it for last. Even the biggest smack head doesn't shoot up 15+ times a day.
Thanks for understanding me. I don't talk about this stuff with anybody, I moved across the country to get away from all of it as I was getting clean, and therefore no one knows about my past. Which is the way I want it, especially having a kid who doesn't need to know about any of my past struggles during her childhood. I've immersed myself completely in motherhood and work, so when I stop and remember things from my 20s I am sometimes shocked at how highly I've compartmentalized my own life. I read some old posts I made here, and it put me in a headspace that is now usually dead and deeply buried, so it's very strange. Sorry to talk about myself, it's just highly relatable to me to and I care, so. |
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10-01-2021, 05:50 PM | #51 |
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
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I quit cigs cold turkey after setting my car on fire (accidentally). I think that was 12/30/2011. I still smoked weed a little after that, but not much. I quit opiates first, a few years before, though I have had little lapses here and there since then (about 2010).
I still drink occasionally but I've never had an issue with it. Lots of people have to completely stop everything though. I'm actually on Naltrexone in the hopes it will help me stop some compulsive (non-drug) behaviors, which definitely kills any opiate high and is supposed to do the same for alcohol, but anecdotally I feel like I still get a little buzz. But it might just be in my head. I never drink more than 1-2 anyway, so it's a very small effect. R2M I am glad you're trying SMART Recovery, it's way better than AA/NA etc |
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10-01-2021, 06:11 PM | #52 |
THIS IS AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!
Location: || MY NAME IS KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIID ROCK!!
Posts: 47,245
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in the event it is helpful, i wanted to share the following:
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